Fear of learning

[Jean de Muret]

Knowledge is the greatest gift, goal, or accomplishment someone could have, and if you aren't constantly learning something new what is the point of having a brain or even living. This has been the way I've thought my entire life, I am a true blue and bronze Ravenclaw at heart, but I've come across a problem that I can't seem to shake. Somewhere along the way I became afraid to learn. What if I'm not smart enough to understand it? What if I think I understand it, go to apply it and screw up? What if I'm just wasting my time because I'm never going to get this? 

 

It started with algebra years ago, but I never realized it because I jumped almost straight from fear to anger. I began hating all things mathematics. Recently though it's been seeping into my self taught programming. I've come to the end of an iPad app that teaches c# and I've hit a road block similar to writers block where I can't even open the app without feeling like I just can't do it. I love programming and plan to make a future of it, so this fear is crippling me. How do I overcome this? I've thought about using a different medium for teaching myself the last bits, but even thinking of those things grips my lungs and throat with anxiety. I don't know what happened, but I need help to get past this. This right now is one of the biggest level up challenges I've ever faced.

[JupiterStar]

I think I know how you feel. I have a similar problem where whenever I tackle something new, I'm so worried about messing it up or failing to absorb the knowledge that I have to fight myself not to just throw in the towel. For me, though, it's less a fear of learning and more a fear of failing, and it sounds like that's what happening to you, too, at least from what I'm reading here.

 

It's hard to get past, for sure. That perfectionist, "But what if I don't do it exactly right?" fear and worry that if you aren't doing everything 100% right from the very first try, it means you're a failure, is a really insidious form of self-sabotage. For me, one thing that helps is breaking everything down into baby steps. For example, I'm going to be taking the JLPT N1 for the first time this year. I planned on doing it in July but realized that 7 months just wasn't enough time, and it led to me not even opening the books for almost a month because why bother if I was so stupid as to not pass this test? And then I had to remind myself that most people study for a year or ore before passing the N1 and usually they have to take it 2-3 times; the idea of passing after 7 months on my first try was unlikely and I was just setting myself up for self-sabotage. So now, I'm studying a little bit every day and cheering myself on for every little milestone on the way to passing the test. Pass my first practice review without looking back? Celebration time! Only miss 5 questions on the section review? Celebration time! Get 2 out of 3 reading questions correct? Celebration time! Because the test is just the final goal. The time before is when I get to make a lot of mistakes. And I probably won't pass first time even though I'm now waiting til December's test, but that won't affect anyone but me, and then I'll just do better on the next one!

 

So with your programming stuff, maybe take a bit of time to put what you already learned to use, to remind yourself that you CAN do something already? Make a simple program or app or something (sorry, I'm pretty computer illiterate in this area) that might be simple but is done all by you. If it doesn't quite work, keep working on it til it does. Make it something ridiculously easy to start with, just to remember what you can do 100% for sure, then try something trickier. Then maybe you'll be able to open up your app and take a look at the new stuff again, and reward yourself for all of your achievements there even if you didn't do it perfectly. Congratulate yourself on getting back into the course in the first place, for completing a section with mistakes that you understand how to fix, for completing something the first time even if it's not perfect, for redoing something that took you multiple tries but you still did it in the end, things like that. 

 

Obviously, this might not work. But that's just my 2(000) cents, anyway. Best of luck! We're rooting for you!

[Jean de Muret]

I appreciate it and I think you're right, I just don't really feel like I know enough to break it down in the appropriate chunks. I wasn't able to get to my programming classes in school because I couldn't pass the prerequisite algebra classes so I'm not sure in what order I should learn things or what things I need to know before other things. There is also so much to learn that professionals keep having to go back and reference stuff, so I'm not sure what I need to know and what I can just reference back to. It's very frustrating and anxiety-inducing knowing that there's more to know than I'll ever be able to.

[Plitog]

Where are your C# skills at and what are you currently stuck on?

 

The "must know" areas of programming are based on the job you are trying to accomplish. I work on back-end services so I regularly deal with threading, message queues and database access.  On the other hand I do almost no user interface work, so my skillset is limited to simple WinForms apps.  On the rare occasion that I need to work on a WPF app or a web site, I rely on StackOverflow or blogs to fill in the missing knowledge.

[Jean de Muret]

I am learning the basics I think. Ask more specific questions and I can answer. I've never been good at answering generalized questions.

[WhiteGhost]

On 4/17/2017 at 3:23 AM, Jean de Muret said:

I'm not sure in what order I should learn things or what things I need to know before other things. There is also so much to learn that professionals keep having to go back and reference stuff, so I'm not sure what I need to know and what I can just reference back to. It's very frustrating and anxiety-inducing knowing that there's more to know than I'll ever be able to.

Nobody knows everything so even the best expert will still need to go back and reference something. The more you know, the closer you will be to expertise, but it isn't like there is a clear amount of knowledge that differentiates the initiate from the expert. It is a very gradual curve.

 

When I have been in similar situations, I first focus on the immediate steps I need for the part of the project I am working on. Sure, I may forget it again after I have finished, but like you said you can always go back and reference it. Once you have figured out how to do the current step, the focus will shift tothe tasks, requirements of the next step. After enough iterations you will become more comfortable and progress along the gradual curve towards proficiency.

[WhiteGhost]

On 4/15/2017 at 5:06 PM, JupiterStar said:

For example, I'm going to be taking the JLPT N1 for the first time this year.

Wow, you are awesome! I never actually took the JLPT, but on the practice tests I was always in the N4/N3 territory.

[Nomad Jay]

JupiterStar had a pretty good reply but I'm going to take a crack at it.

 

On 4/15/2017 at 10:32 AM, Jean de Muret said:

Somewhere along the way I became afraid to learn. What if I'm not smart enough to understand it? What if I think I understand it, go to apply it and screw up? What if I'm just wasting my time because I'm never going to get this? 

 

If I may, it sounds like you don't fear learning so much as you fear failure. Speaking as a man who has had more failures than he'd care to recall, I reply to your questions "so what?" Unless it involves life, limb, or eyesight, the consequences will be relatively minimal. The greatest damage will probably be to your ego and that is something the human (or at least Western) psyche will avoid at all costs. Making peace with the fact that you are not perfect goes a long way to minimizing that damage.