What women love about men.

[humanperson832]

Yes, let's now move into the portion of this conversation we will call "what women will not deal with from men."

 

1. Every single thing Jo just said.

2. I can tell a lot about a person from the type of things they laugh at. If their humor involves putting other people down (and I can tell when it's purely facetious and when it has an air of truth to it), that says something. If it involves "make me a sandwich" type jokes about women, it says something. If you laugh when others use racial slurs (or, worse yet, use them yourself), it says that you know nothing of privilege and the effect language has on other people. (It also probably says that you have no idea I'm not white, and thus super unobservant.)

3. If you use words like slut, whore, etc. to describe other women, even ones you don't know and may never speak to, it says that you have a Madonna-whore complex and that I, falling somewhere in the middle, will never make you happy. (Not that I would want to.)

4. Smoking. I cannot, and will not, date a smoker.

4a. Heavy drinkers. I'm talking blackout-drunk, plain-as-day-sloppy drunk, on an every-weekend basis.

5. Guys who don't like animals. Sorry, my dog and I are a package deal. I'm not saying you have to love her as much as I love her (as if that's possible), but I need you to be okay with having an animal around. Guys who prefer dogs highly preferred.

6. Dudes who have a short temper/fighting streak in them. I don't have time to be apologizing on your behalf when you make a scene in public. And I definitely don't have time to be bailing you out of jail.

6a. Dudes with friends like that. I've experienced this and it is mortifying. And if that's the kind of behavior you condone in your friends, I'm pretty sure it's going to come out of you eventually.

7. Guys who don't respect boundaries. I don't feel like going into any more detail on this one because I feel like it's pretty self-explanatory.

8. Extreme jealousy. Any jealousy is really unattractive, but the kind that causes you to hack into my online accounts, google-stalk me and harass me about what you find, tell me to block any man I may be friends with online, etc. is the kind that's going to get you dumped immediately. (All of these things have happened to me.)

9. Guys who don't have any passions or interests that involve getting out of the house every once in a while. If you get a day/night off and all you want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV/play video games ALL THE TIME, then I'm out.

9a. Above usually has to do with a guy who doesn't love his life. Which doesn't exactly bode well for my desire to date you.

10. Guys who suffocate me. Despite what you'd like to have happen, I have a life that doesn't involve you when you're not around. I expect you to do the same.

11. Guys who ask questions about things that are not even a little bit their business, especially not on the first date. This ties back to respecting boundaries, but it bears repeating. (I once had a guy ask me, over our first dinner together, how far I'd been with a guy physically. I had been taking a sip of lemonade and it almost shot out of my nose from the shock.)

 

That's all I can think of... for now.

[maeggieakamegan]

This happened to me a couple weeks ago, went to have drinks with a friend to catch up since we hadn't seen each other in a few weeks. Three guys sat right next to us, and one of the guys interrupts our conversation to introduce himself and his buddies. We go back to our conversation and he again interrupts to ask us what our plans were for the night.

Not like he was ugly (actually quite attractive), but interrupting twice? Come on now, that's how guys seem like creepers. Ended up having to move to a table to finish talking.

Then again, I'm the type that sees a quiet guy at the bar and walks up to start a conversation. Always the quiet ones that have the most interesting things to say

[Bekah]

And now for something completely different: Ladies, all personal preferences aside, what are complete deal breakers in men? What would make sure he didn't have a chance anymore? (apart from being a jerk, but even then: what would you tolerate, and what not?)

Dealbreakers:

1. Abuse of any kind, to any person, thing or being (verbal and emotional abuse included)

2. lying and/or manipulation

3. cheating

4. being stagnant in your life, happy with where you are is one thing, making excuses to avoid growing and changing is another thing entirely

5. Inability to accept being wrong or accept others opinions as equally valid, without losing your shit (arrogance, maybe is a shorter way of saying this?)

6. being financially irresponsible (if you cant handle your finances when I'm not dating you, I don't expect that to change when I am dating you, which means there will never be any serious future for us beyond casual dates, which means I wont date you to begin with)

7. Being a single dad or having a 50/50 custody arrangement. (I love kids, which is why I dont want to deal with any other than the occasional weekends, outside of my own teenagers, its better for us all, trust me.)

8. Being intolerant, racist or bigoted in any way

9. Being of lesser intelligence (personal preference)

10. Not having a backbone or being people pleasing/martyr/codependent ( like Jo said, I would walk all over you, or have to force myself not to, and that sucks for us both, not to mention the sheer extent of emotional outbursts typical of men like that, drives me crazy)

11. Not at least in the process of physically improving your body if it needs it. Everyone struggles, some people struggle with their weight, but ignoring it and not dealing with it, or actively trying to improve, show vastly different character traits in a person

12. Being less stable in dealing with your daily life than me, in a sense of being unable to handle it on your own emotionally and/or mentally--ie. working a 40hr job drains you to the point of life tasks being difficult after a workday (Nothing inherently wrong with this, but I am not in a position to be able to help someone else in this way, I can do a lot of other things to help them, but I need much more than I can give in that area because I struggle too much there myself.)

13. drinking to cope with life

14. use of illegal drugs (one exclusion, my only problem with that is its legality in most states and chronic use to cope with life, which is a separate issue entirely)

15. smoking, yuck! 

[SimplyTsundere]

...dealbreakers...I can add to this list when I have a better keyboard...

[SimplyTsundere]

Ah yes. Better keyboard.

 

Sooooooooo...

 

- Heavy drinker. Social settings and a couple of drinks on the weekend are cool. But yeah. Family had alcoholism so I can't deal with you if you're that determined to drink.

- Heavy recreational drug user. I almost wouldn't care if you smoked weed except my job cares a lot. Not to mention, if you make even weed your entire life, you have a problem.

- Feeling entitled to shit. I don't give a fuck. I don't owe you a gotdamn thing.

- Massive arrogance. It's so unattractive. A little bit here and there is hot. When you're just a dick about it, no thank you.

- No drive to learn/excel/do something with your life. If you wanna be the best underwater basketweaver there is? Go for it! I'll support you 100% but have some passion about it.

- Ignoring me. Can't deal with it.

- I can't be with you if you can't deal with my problems or recognize I'm a clusterfuck. I have issues. I'm not saying just deal with them but work with me!

- Inability to want more out of life.

- Childish. You're a grown ass man. Act like it.

 

...there's more...I just can't think of it...

[maeggieakamegan]

- Childish. You're a grown ass man. Act like it.

 

 

 

"I have no patience for a man that can't act like a man. I already have a pussy, I don't need another" - somewhere on Instagram

[I-Jo]

"I have no patience for a man that can't act like a man. I already have a pussy, I don't need another" - somewhere on Instagram

amazing.

 

love it.

[Guest Dirty Deads]

Sure, you can all say "act like a man", but when someone says "act like a woman" people get up in arms. So, what does "acting like a man" look like?

[I-Jo]

we don't want to baby sit you.  We don't want to be your mother- your caregiver or anything else.

[maeggieakamegan]

^^Exactly!!

[I-Jo]

This is how I look at it.

 

I wear the pants in my life.  I don't want to wear the pants in my relationship.

 

Unfortunately I have a strong personality that scares off quiet a few people- they think I want to rule the roost- I don't. I want things to be fair- and I want my opinion to be valid and I want to be respected as a human- but I don't want to steer shit. 

[SimplyTsundere]

I don't like anyone that acts childish, man or woman. When I say act like a man (and this applies to women too) I mean carry your own weight. Stand tall. Do what you have to do. Sure. I will kiss your boo boo (seriously, ask my boyfriend) but if you're always going to whine and bitch and complain and think the world is out to get you, I want no parts of that. I reserve a set amount of time for that and it's around when my period starts. It's cool if you're on your man period but please, not on a daily basis.

 

Also, don't pout. Don't go storming off places. Always trying to get your way. Don't be petty. Throwing temper tantrums. All childish. I've seen men and women do it. Doesn't matter your gender but if you're going to do that around me, I'd rather you not be around.

[Guest Dirty Deads]

This is how I look at it.

 

I wear the pants in my life.  I don't want to wear the pants in my relationship.

 

Unfortunately I have a strong personality that scares off quiet a few people- they think I want to rule the roost- I don't. I want things to be fair- and I want my opinion to be valid and I want to be respected as a human- but I don't want to steer shit. 

 

AAAAAGH! I thought relationships were about not wearing pants at all!! I'm so confused! jk jk

 

I get what you're saying, I'm just fucking with you.

A man has to have control over his life so that he need not take control of someone else's 

A man should be self assured and not be always questioning "do you like me?" essentially acting like a 13 year old girl.

A man should have a penis (so sayeth Wikipedia...I checked)

[I-Jo]

lol

 

glad we are on the same page... and yeah- all about no pants.    giggity giggity

[Acryllica]

I have to say I get turned on watching my husband do his ninja (I can't remember how to spell the right work, boujinkon or something) stuff. A little sweaty, throwing people around and shit... He has nice bone structure to boot lol

 

But what really gets me weak at the knees: I often dress nice when we go out but he usually just wears whatever he already had on and maybe adds his fedora. It's nice when he matches me once in a while: puts on his nice light grey Calvin Klein sport coat over a vest and button down shirt, actually fixes his hair, dabs on a little cologne and leather shoes instead of sneakers... makes him look super put together and reflects the success of his job (though at work he wears his team's polo shirts most of the time, they're oil rig techs). Its that he looks so put together and confident it gets super sexy rather than when he's doing the tee and old jeans look that dates back to high school. I don't expect him to dress up just because I take the time (I'm the girl here) but its so nice when he does (of his own accord!).

 

Clean boy = sexy

 

Dirty Boy = also kinda sexy ...

 

 

It's also sexy when he does the laundry and puts it away. #oldmarriedcouple

[Bekah]

lol

I love how most men, think entirely differently than most women.

example:

I leave the house in jean capris, a teal and white shirt and kelly green flip flops, and make a comment about how I'm glad I'm not going anywhere other than the conveinience store, because I so obviously mismatched my shoes. The man proceeds to say "those don't match? why do you even care? you look hot regardless" and I realized at that second just how much we women, judge ourselves through the lense of a woman's perception and put entirely too much effort into things we purport to do to "be attractive to men" that they couldn't give two shits about, if they even notice! I'll admit, for me it's more about having OCD about being perfectly color coordinated much more than what anyone else thinks, but I never realized just how unimportant that stuff is to men in particular.

[Waldo]

...but I never realized just how unimportant that stuff is to men in particular.

My wife has tried to drill thou shalt not wear black with blue into my head, a decade long effort in futility. I still can't grasp why this is a rule, and lacking a why, any sort of understanding, I will never see this sort of fashion sin, in others or myself. I'm almost surely just a typical man who known not of fashion rules, do's and don'ts. Looking attractive has very little to do with fashion; most women look their most attractive when trying the least, more than how it looks is the vibe it gives off.

[I-Jo]

You're wife is wrong. Black and blue go fine together. I definitely wouldn't wear navy blue and black but that's way more acceptable to me than some of the other combinations people wear!

It's black and brown that aren't supposed to be worn together and even then people are challenging that in this day and age. That's a rule I tree be to follow but I don't wear brown so that's easy for me. Also silver and gold. Never

Hysterically I'm wearing blue and black this exact moment now

[humanperson832]

Ha! I mix silver and gold jewelry all the time. Whoops. The thing is, there really are no rules anymore. You can mix prints, colors, even wear white after Labor Day. It's the fashion wild west, y'all. (I also don't own very much brown. I guess because I already have brown hair, eyes, and skin when I bother to tan.)

 

I've actually been helping my brother build a wardrobe that isn't made up of clothes my mom bought him 10 years and 3 sizes up ago, and I'm having trouble coming up with rules of thumb to pass onto him. It's even more difficult because he lives two states away and we're using FaceTime and pictures sent through text from stores so I can advise him in real time. This is a guy who was wearing shirts with holes in them in his late 20s, so believe me when I say I've got my work cut out for me.

 

Guys, if I may derail for a second, what helped you figure out your own personal style/how to look halfway decent? Because besides offering a good first impression to the world, it goes a long way with the ladies.

[I-Jo]

Because besides offering a good first impression to the world, it goes a long way with the ladies.

 

 

^^ TROOTH

 

Ha! I mix silver and gold jewelry all the time. Whoops. The thing is, there really are no rules anymore. You can mix prints, colors, even wear white after Labor Day. It's the fashion wild west, y'all. (I also don't own very much brown. I guess because I already have brown hair, eyes, and skin when I bother to tan.)

 

 

yeah- it's a thing. I don't care for it- except- I have a HUGE gold class ring- and everything else i own is silver- I HATE gold- occasionally it's done well but mostly I hate it b/c it seems like people got confused LOL

 

And you are right- the rules kind of went by the wayside- for better or worse.

 

Lace and Floral is HUGE this year- like I'm talking grandma's curtains and comfortor floral- with regular colored lace- it looks SO FUCKING WEIRD.  I hate.

 

And peplums- god why. 

 

sigh- fashion trends drive me nuts. 

[humanperson832]

LOLLLLL

 

I love lace, but only in certain contexts. And peplums. It appears we are fashion opposites. 

[maeggieakamegan]

sigh- fashion trends drive me nuts. 

 

That's why it's better to stick with black, black anything never goes out of style

[humanperson832]

That's why it's better to stick with black, black anything never goes out of style

 

It's true. I wore head-to-toe black to an interview the other day, because I know that's the uniform for employees there, and I get why a lot of fashion-types do it. It's classic, timeless, always chic and elegant. I felt like a total boss. Couldn't do it every day, but a few days would be fine.

[I-Jo]

LOLLLLL

 

I love lace, but only in certain contexts. And peplums. It appears we are fashion opposites. 

I do like lace- I even own a lace back shirt (haven't figured out how to wear it w/o the vest on top- too many bra lines in the back- it's weird) but lace + floral?? it's just weird.  And peplums?  no.

 

Yeah I"m much more a leather- strappy kind of person. I'm either a rock star or a femme fatal.  That's typically one of my chosen styles.   Or sexy sloucy cool kind of thing- love that look too

 

But that's good- we could hang out- because we couldn't be copy cats!!

 

That's why it's better to stick with black, black anything never goes out of style

yeah- I own a LOT of black- started working in more color pieces- trying to get some red in there- I love red- but I have like statement pieces- 2 pairs of red pants- like how often can you really wear them!!! LOL

 

black is win. love black. I own lots of black and white. it's just easy.

[Raikas]

I love how most men, think entirely differently than most women.

example:

I leave the house in jean capris, a teal and white shirt and kelly green flip flops, and make a comment about how I'm glad I'm not going anywhere other than the conveinience store, because I so obviously mismatched my shoes. The man proceeds to say "those don't match? why do you even care? you look hot regardless" and I realized at that second just how much we women, judge ourselves through the lense of a woman's perception and put entirely too much effort into things we purport to do to "be attractive to men" that they couldn't give two shits about, if they even notice! I'll admit, for me it's more about having OCD about being perfectly color coordinated much more than what anyone else thinks, but I never realized just how unimportant that stuff is to men in particular.

 

You know, I think a lot of that is pretty heavily cultural more than gendered (or at least the interaction of the two) - I know loads of guys who follow fashion rules (and loads of women who don't) and easily 9 times out of 10 they fall into specific class/national/subculture groups on both ends.