What women love about men.

[Irish Oisin]

Actually I have a question for the ladies...

 

How do you feel about a man who never wants kids?

 

I don't want them and never have, and never will. What I often hear to that is "You'll eventually want them!" and I know deep down in the pit of my heart, I don't want them. They annoy me, they're expensive, they end your life and they're just too much work. I want to still be able to head off on an impromptu holiday when I'm in my 30's and 40's without having to worry about children. I hope to find a woman with the same ambition for her life. Not everyone has to sacrifice their lives to become parents! I was once told "Well, then your life is pointless" by a girl I went on a few dates with. I'm going to be a cool uncle, but I just don't want them myself!

 

I'm not a fan of marriage either, I believe in being happy with someone without having to enter into a legal agreement with them.

[The Mouse]

I think that's something that will vary by woman.

 

For me, I know I want a family and I want a marriage. Not a religious thing, but more the legal agreement - namely because when I do have kids, I want them to be protected and spared from any kind of bad blood that could come out of a non-legal situation. So in short, I don't think I could be in a long-term relationship with a guy who didn't want kids. It's a bit of an injustice to continue masquerading that I'd live with him forever if neither of us would be happy in the long-long term.

 

But if I didn't want kids, I'd be fine with that. I know right now, I won't have kids until I feel I've lived life without them as much as I could. But if I didn't want 'em at all, then no worries. It's best to line up with who your romantic partner will be. Compatibility is vital, just like communication and compromise.

 

 

Now, if you're talking friend-level rather than romantic-level, I'm fine with guys who don't want kids. I totally get and respect that - hell, I might get jealous once I have kids. But if you're the "cool uncle", you're fine babysitting, riiiiight? ;D

[FyreFlies]

How do you feel about a man who never wants kids?

 

I want kids, so if he doesn't, that'd be a problem. My ex didn't want them - it wasn't until a couple years that he made it apparent that he didn't want them. If everything else was great about the guy - I'd have dealt with it, and would have given up my need to have kids - if he was truly the one. Unfortunately, he wasn't a very nice man - so it was what it was.

 

My bf currently wants kids, in fact he's a kid magnet. lol. He puts them to sleep like nobody else. I'm sure he's going to be a great father one day. I hope I get to be the lucky girl who'd be the one to have kids with him.

[Irish Oisin]

Now, if you're talking friend-level rather than romantic-level, I'm fine with guys who don't want kids. I totally get and respect that - hell, I might get jealous once I have kids. But if you're the "cool uncle", you're fine babysitting, riiiiight? ;D

 

I don't change nappies so....if they're house trained then I can play playstation or xbox with them

[SimplyTsundere]

I'm pretty pissed cause I wrote a very long nice answer to this and NF took a shit. Soooooooo...

 

- You're totally entitled to that. It's your semen and if you don't want to use it to make kids, you have that right.

 

- Settle for a furry child (dog, cat, fish, hamster, whatever).

 

- Still can't settle? Split the fuck out. This is a fundamental problem that if not solved, will doom your relationship.

[Irish Oisin]

I have a dog, and I view him as a friend rather than my "son". A lot of friends have dogs and call them their children, but honestly, my relationship with my dog is that of friendship. Even with animals I have zero paternal instincts, hahaha

[SimplyTsundere]

Yeah I know people that do that too. But hey, at least a dog could keep her quiet.

[The Mouse]

Oisin:

Damn, I'm saddled with a poop monster for a few years... XD

[goodbyeharrison]

Oisin, hard to have a generalized answer for women on that question. Quite frankly it varies from woman to woman. Most important  thing i would say is find a woman who wants what you want. If you are with a girl that does want children/marriage, and you dont, that can cause plenty of issues in the long run.

i personally dont have a desire for children. COULD that change? possibly. will it? i dont know. in the end its your decision on what you want to do as far as marriage and children, so do what makes you happy.

[Elder]

And communication is fantastic. 

I love it when guys can talk about things like religion, sex, the prospect of children, pets and death without being scared or intimidated or assume that it equals "omg marry me right nao". While I understand it may be uncomfortable for some, at least for me, if I'm gonna commit to a long-term relationship (which, in my mind, should be the true goal behind courting) I need to know what the guy's long-term view is. 

 

Agreed!  It's definitely not a 1st date conversation but I usually bring these things up before the 3 month mark.  I need to know so I am not wasting my time on some who doesn't want the same things as I do.  

 

 

 

There are actually guys out there that DON'T want to have kids or get married?? 

 

Oisin, how you said it up there is pretty much how I feel.  I don't mind kids when they are like 3 or 4, before that they just cry and after that they get attitudes!  They are entertaining for a little while but when I don't want to pay attention to them any more I can't just tell them to go lay down.  My dog will at least go lay on his bed when I have had enough entertaining.  And apparently it's frowned upon to leave a child at home unattended all day while you are at work.  

 

Once in a while my friends/people with kids will get me thinking that "Hey that seems like something I might want to try".  But then I wake up and think no I don't want kids because they are forever, you can't just try them out and send them back when things get tough.  I will choose freedom and spontaneity over poopy diapers and puberty any day.

 

I get told all the time that I am selfish and "you are going to be so lonely when you are old!"  Well yes I am selfish in the way that I don't want kids, but I can be pretty selfless sometimes.  And I won't be lonely when I am old, I will be too busy enjoying retirement with my man while traveling the world and doing crazy things that all the young kids are doing...except maybe with less teeth!

 

As for marriage it doesn't matter to me.  If my man wants a wedding then I will get married, that's what prenuptial agreements are for, and if he doesn't want to get married we can take all that money we've "saved" by not having a weeding and go on a spectacular adventure or three.  I do want to find a "forever fella" because it'll be nice to have someone to share my life with.

[Elder]

I think that finding a good mate depends greatly on where you live and what the population is like.  It would definitely be easier in a big city with many different people rather than in a small rural community.

[Irish Oisin]

I completely agree with you! I want to find an equal, someone as incredibly awesome as I am, ahahaha

 

I don't understand the "selfish" argument though. I was called selfish before for not wanting to have kids and I don't understand it. It's like calling someone selfish because they don't want a dog, or an apple. Some people are bad parents and resent having kids because their lives are over and they're just parents now. I don't want that!

 

I was just looking for the general opinion of the women on this forum. I've had mixed reactions

[I-Jo]

I'm quiet selfish.... and that's precisely the reason I do not want children.  I want to go workout from 7 PM to 11 PM.  I want to go to dance class 2 days a week. I want to spontaneously leave for a day and just drive.  

When you have kids- you're entire world changes- you give up life as you know it.  (my BF's older sister just had kids- she's continuing to try to live as she was- in that she dumps her premie twins on their mom- she had them a week and needed a "break"  to go watch the Hobbit in the movies... then a week/month later did it AGAIN"

 

GTFO.

 

Anyway- I hate kids. I hate everything about them.  They are vile filthy creatures.  I hate that people say "that will change"  no you fucking ignorate asshole- it won't.  And no- I don't think your kids are amazing- they are vile filthy creatures as well.  Even if you are my friend- your kids still suck. 

 

I actually- personally feel that at this time and place- esp with our economy- 90% of people want children for purely selfish reasons- because they want them- and nothing else.  And that right there is the epitome of selfish- especially since most people can barely provide for themselves   If you want to bring a child into the world- and you can't take care of yourself- you are being selfish- raising a child for no reason other than you want a fucking kid.  

 

It makes me SO angry.  My childhood best friend was like that and I called her ass out on it.   Our world is vastly over populated as it is- and the its proven that the unwashed uneducated masses are typically the ones who reproduce more and most often and that more educated and successful wait longer to marry/settle and to have kids- if they have any at all. 

 

NO.THANK.YOU.  pass.  If a guy I was dating wanted kids- we'd be done. I'm not popping a ten pound turkey out my whoha.

[Irish Oisin]

My exact sentiments!!!

 

I was on a first date and half way through dinner children came up somehow and she asked me if I wanted them at some stage in life, and I just played it casual and said "Ah no, they're not really for me" and she replied "Oh, well this is going nowhere then". We quickly finished dinner, I paid and walked her to a taxi. Date over. Fucking awkward.

[I-Jo]

least you didn't waste time- it's always good to get that out of the way and be done with it.  You don't have to have an awkward rest of the date- I'd laugh and say well that's that- pay my half be done.

[Irish Oisin]

It was still funny to happen on a  first date, she was thinking about kids from the first moment, what happened to having fun?

[AnnleaArtsy]

Actually I have a question for the ladies...

 

How do you feel about a man who never wants kids?

 

I don't want them and never have, and never will. What I often hear to that is "You'll eventually want them!" and I know deep down in the pit of my heart, I don't want them. They annoy me, they're expensive, they end your life and they're just too much work. I want to still be able to head off on an impromptu holiday when I'm in my 30's and 40's without having to worry about children. I hope to find a woman with the same ambition for her life. Not everyone has to sacrifice their lives to become parents! I was once told "Well, then your life is pointless" by a girl I went on a few dates with. I'm going to be a cool uncle, but I just don't want them myself!

 

I'm not a fan of marriage either, I believe in being happy with someone without having to enter into a legal agreement with them.

 Anyone who doesn't want kids isn't selfish. If anything they are smart because they are not putting a child that they don't want into the world. My opinion is you will truly never want them and you need to find someone who does not want them. Anyone who tries to tell you that you don't know what you want to something so life changing is a dumbass. And someone who tries to say going ahead and have them will change your mind is also a dumbass. I am already married so this game is pointless for me BUT if I was single then a guy who didn't want kids would be fun to hang around with but wouldn't become anything serious. Anyone who tries to tell you that you can't have a fulfilling life without kids is kind of an asshole. And to be blunt vice versa considering different people have different meanings of a fulfilling life and it isn't cool to judge each other on that. Live and let live is kind of my motto.

[AnnleaArtsy]

Typo after typo in that one. Oh well.

[Irish Oisin]

Well, that's refreshing! It's obvious anyway that I'm better off without those women who think I'm weird for not wanting kids. 

 

One of my aunts never had kids and has led an amazing life, she got married and all. She was always the coolest aunt and someone I still spend quality time with when I visit home. I look at her and she's proof that not having kids is a real option, you don't have to have them because most people want them

[I-Jo]

yeah- no- don't sweat it.

I can't stand people who lead first dates with crap like that anyway.

 

Disclosing that you HAVE a rugrat- that's first date disclosure.  shouldnt' wait to long to let that one go. 

 

But wanting kids- that's a serious conversation- unless there is a super sync right away (which I'm incredibly leery of really) that shouldn't need to come up right away.  People give out way to many details on first dates- leads to a false sense of intimacy and comfortableness. 

[Irish Oisin]

I should get a t-shirt printed

 

"I hate kids"

 

I think it's subtle enough, and wear it on dates, women love t-shirts on dates right? I think the next time I have a date, I'll come here for advice...my own advice is...awful.

[Elder]

 Anyone who tries to tell you that you can't have a fulfilling life without kids is kind of an asshole. And to be blunt vice versa considering different people have different meanings of a fulfilling life and it isn't cool to judge each other on that. Live and let live is kind of my motto.

 

True.  Everyone is different and just because one person doesn't want kids it doesn't mean everyone shouldn't have kids.  And just because someone has kids it doesn't mean that everyone they know should have kids.  Everyone is different and everyone wants different things, I won't try and change you so please don't try to change me.  

 

 

I should get a t-shirt printed

 

"I hate kids"

 

I think it's subtle enough, and wear it on dates, women love t-shirts on dates right? I think the next time I have a date, I'll come here for advice...my own advice is...awful.

 

Haha you could just start every conversation with "Hello, I don't want to get married and have kids ever, how are you today?"

 

 

I think that on a date if the marriage/kids/etc topic comes up and a person finds that both people have different ideas it shouldn't be the end of the date.  Why not spend the rest of the date having a civil discussion about it or changing the subject and they might just come away with a really great friendship!  It's terrible when people just get all bent out of shape and leave or make things awkward.  "Oh damn too bad we disagree on that, but you said you were in to hiking.  I know we aren't romantically compatible but you should come hiking with a few of us on Saturdays it's great fun!"  <<That sounds a little silly but I hope you all get where I was going with that...

[SimplyTsundere]

I personally, at least at this point in my life, don't want kids. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. Maybe that'll change, maybe it won't. I get random baby hankerings and then call my sister and hear my nephews in the background. Screaming. They're cute but...I don't think I could deal. I just find babies and kids, up to a certain age, cute. Some may call me selfish but fuck it. It's my vagina and I'll do what I want.

[Anamal]

I should get a t-shirt printed

 

"I hate kids"

 

I think it's subtle enough, and wear it on dates, women love t-shirts on dates right? I think the next time I have a date, I'll come here for advice...my own advice is...awful.

Ummm, If you wore this to a first date I would actually be pretty stoked. Just saying.

[goodbyeharrison]

im gonna get a shirt that says on the front "already have kids" and on the back "just kidding" and wear that on a date