Does anyone feel they lose weight easier when they DON'T talk about it?

[Bro]

I went through my phase when I felt like I was doing everything I could to lose weight. I religiously logged everything I ate and every time I exercised, I posted on several weight loss forums, and even tried making new friends that I could talk to about food. It worked for a while, but eventually I failed and ended up gaining a lot of weight as I went into denial about my binge eating. I think part of the reason I eventually flopped was because I spent so much of my time worrying and thinking about food that it made it harder to just eat when I was hungry and move on. My next meal and the next calorie calculations were always in the back of my mind. Back in January (or February, can't remember), I wanted to do the challenge on NerdFitness, but failed days after I wanted to start because I woke up thinking about how much time I was going to have to put into posting on here.

Three weeks ago, one of my friends said something that caused me to literally drop the fast food that was in my hand right onto the floor. The very next day, I began limiting my calorie intake again, but I didn't tell anyone online or offline about it. I told myself that I could eat whatever I wanted*, as long as I waited at least two hours in-between meals and that I didn't go above 2000. Instead of logging the calories into a website, I would do the math before each meal to see what an appropriate amount to eat was. No more discussing, no more obsessing, no more tracking, just eat and let go, one day at a time. After each meal, I'd go off and find something that I actually wanted to do to occupy my attention to avoid thinking about food.

I lost about a few pounds so far (majority being water weight, I was eating a lot of foods high in sodium). Weight loss recently slowed down to a reasonable pace, which is a good thing. I still have days when I just want to forget about it all and just eat what I want, but then I think about how three weeks have already passed and that giving up now even for a day would just be pointless.

How about you guys? Do you succeed better in private, or do you need that extra motivation and support?

[HorrorGeek]

I don't know for sure, but I'm testing out the same theory myself. When I calorie count, I become exactly what you described - obsessive about the numbers, always worrying if I had enough left over to eat dinner, what could I eat for lunch that would let me eat dinner....it was a constant swarm in my head. Not to mention I had to weight every day. Being numbers driven works, no doubt about it. But it can drive you crazy.

This time around I'm going to try to let it go - I'm going to eat mostly Paleo without counting a thing, and doing my running and strength training to work on my fitness. I'm not going to get on the scale either. Either my clothes get looser, or they don't. If they don't, I know I'll need to change what I'm doing. But I'm going to try this for a while and see if it helps.

Good luck to you! Sounds like you're off to a great start!

[Silentplanet]

I've never paid much attention to calories at all. I know the right portion sizes.. I know what food is shit and what isn't... I simply avoid shit food and don't eat too much. Steadily loosing weight for months now.. Have slow periods and fast periods but If I were to do it any other way I'd get worn out and sick of it.

[NotBadForAHuman]

Funny you should post this - I posted something a little similar in the weight loss forum recently ("Leaps of faith and the fear of food") when I was feeling overwhelmed. I definitely obsess over numbers but I'm trying to let go. It must be working because I just realized I didn't track dinner and it's been a few hours.

Although I spilled my guts in that thread I don't really use a support system - no friends (other than my boyfriend) on Lose It, my tracking app, or anything and I don't post specifically about my progress unless it's relevant to a discussion. Mostly because it feels weirdly personal and I don't really want to let the world in on it, and maybe there's some fear of failure in there too?

Can I ask what your friend said that shocked you so?

Congrats on your weight loss so far! Keep it up!

[sumdawgtwigg]

I personally was the opposite. The more i talked about it the more i felt obligated to get results. I can see what you mean however.

[Bro]

Can I ask what your friend said that shocked you so?

I was listening to my friend describe some really hot guy that she had seen somewhere, and listening to all of that reminded me of what my goals used to be before I slipped into my binge and where I'd be in five years if I didn't try to stop it.

But aside from that, I think what makes sites like this successful for everyone else is what makes it impossible for me. I never like to be held accountable for my actions, and putting my routines / meals / weight loss out there for everyone to see makes me feel judged in a way, like I should be doing this for everyone else, rather than myself. Make any sense?

[Grosby]

I heard somewhere (totally legit) that the reason why most weight loss new years resolutions fail is because people talk about it - they say it - and by saying it they've mentally done most of the work, and then... they don't physically do it. Or something like that.

Anyway, with that, my most recent weight loss efforts started 6 months ago. I told no one, not even my husband, I'd drop the kids at day care and then go for a run (I was on work holidays) - lost some kilos, went back to work had to tell hubby because it involved me disappearing from the house at 5am.. but I didn't tell anyone else. People started noticing, i'd blush and say "yeah, back into running" I still maintain now to people that I have no number goal I want to be, no "weight goal" which is a half truth - I'd LOVE to be in the 60s, but really I want to be fit, healthy and when my weight stalls, well, that's my body's doing and I'll keep doing what I'm doing, my body will work itself to where it should be. (right?!) I maintain to workmates and friends that I can eat what I want, and to a point I do, I just limit it. I stopped logging my cals about 2 or so months ago (when I started seriously heavy weight training) and kept losing... in the last two weeks (on work holidays) logged my cals to see how I was going - well I've gone into a weight stall.. so I really don't know what that's about (and I have some sort of philosophy about that, see above)

So yeah, when I'm not talking about it I do more.. and I last longer. Previous efforts of "I'M TOTALLY LOSING WEIGHT" have seen me give up after 1-3 months and pack it back on, I've been motivated for 6 months now and still going.. although now my talk is about how much weight I put on the barbell than has left the hips

[starmadepath]

Edited for privacy.

[Centurion]

I think I'm the same. I tried giving up chocolate (by far my worst eating habit) in January and lasted about four days, didn't help that I had a lot of other work on at the time but I was just a huge ball of stress. Then about a month or so I realised I hadn't had any chocolate one day and just decided I'd see how long I could go, just for kicks rather than absolutely needing to do it, and lasted 5 days without any problems (and then someone had to go and offer me free chocolate cake). I think I'm just lucky that I'm naturally thin and don't really put on weight, for me being strict with exercising is easy, being strict with diet is a real challenge

[Wil]

I heard somewhere (totally legit) that the reason why most weight loss new years resolutions fail is because people talk about it - they say it - and by saying it they've mentally done most of the work, and then... they don't physically do it. Or something like that.

I heard that from this TED talk. http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html

['Roos]

Me. And as soon as someone is like, "'Roos, you've lost weight" I topple off the wagon. I'm going to go hide and eat some healthy food now.

[AKLulu]

But aside from that, I think what makes sites like this successful for everyone else is what makes it impossible for me. I never like to be held accountable for my actions, and putting my routines / meals / weight loss out there for everyone to see makes me feel judged in a way, like I should be doing this for everyone else, rather than myself. Make any sense?

I think that makes sense. I don't like to feel "obligated" to do things. Even if it's some activity I like - helping with youth groups or singing in a choir. As soon as I'm "signed up" I'm more likely to balk. I don't like to be expected to do things. And I think that's part of the reason that not being number-obsessed is working for me. I fail at counting calories and the like. I have trouble setting particular goals. So for me, right now, I've gone mostly paleo/primal and am doing a little intermittent fasting and for the time being, I don't have any number goals. No particular size, no particular weight, no set bf%. I guess I don't know what I can expect from myself because I've never been "healthy" before, so it seems unreasonable to set those goals, but mostly, I don't want to stress myself out with it to much. Stress is not usually a very good companion with trying to be healthy. So I'm just trying to be healthier and I'll see where it goes.

[WizardTrip]

I was listening to my friend describe some really hot guy that she had seen somewhere, and listening to all of that reminded me of what my goals used to be before I slipped into my binge and where I'd be in five years if I didn't try to stop it.

Sounds like you and I had a similar eye opening moment.

Awhile back I made a thread about not wanting to talk about my exercising, diet changes, etc with friends; and many people felt the same. Pulling partially from what I said in that post, in the past I've had friends try to get me in the gym with them, go running with them, and other types of "healthy" suggestions. I would normally ignore them because I wasn't ready to make a change, and the more they tried, the more it made me avoid the change. Also, when I did make a decision to hit the gym, and let people know, they would instantly feel the need to take on the accountability role without me asking. "So, did you make it to the gym this week?", "You should try this or that next time, etc." I know they meant well, but I always felt I needed to do this for me, on my schedule, how I want. This forced accountability had the opposite effect on me, and ultimately, I would stop doing all of it.

This time around, I have done much better losing weight in private (about 10 months in and an estimated 30lbs lost with much more strength than I've ever had before). The only time I ever have talked about it (besides with strangers on the internet), has been when people have noticed and said something. And when that happens, I never go into great detail, just a simple "Oh, thanks! Yeah, cleaned up my diet, exercise some."

My method this time around, aside from not talking about it with friends and family, was to get a baseline on what I was eating and how many calories I consumed. So, I counted calories for a little over a month. At that point, I stopped because I had a general idea of how much I needed to consume to lose weight. The second thing I did was to make sure not to step on a scale. I wanted to see the weight come up with different measurements (belts, clothes, etc), and that has been my greatest motivation. The compliments from friends are great too, but again, I never truly talk about what I am doing.

[Thrillho]

Yes.

<.<

>.>

I've said too much.

[Maggie May]

I actually read an article a couple months ago (I can't find it now!!) that stated exactly this. It was about a woman whose doctor told her not to tell ANYONE she was dieting. Reason: the doctor claimed that the second you tell someone you're on a diet, you're constantly open to criticism. People will observe your every move, and criticize when you do something they think isn't "dieting." And that can cause you to obsess & eat well in public, but binge in private. So by just making changes on your own and keeping it a secret, you are free to eat how you want without a watchful eye except your own. It was a really interesting article!! And totally made sense.

[aj_rock]

Talking with your IRL friends about losing weight = recipe for disaster

Talking with pseudo strangers on teh internetz =

[Grosby]

I heard that from this TED talk. http://www.ted.com/talks/derek_sivers_keep_your_goals_to_yourself.html

Yay! See, really legit I must've heard it in 09 when those new papers were published

Thanks for the link. It cements my don't tell thing when it comes to my "goals"

[Strawberry Squatcake]

Talking with your IRL friends about losing weight = recipe for disaster

Talking with pseudo strangers on teh internetz =

Haha! I'll admit I laughed at this but realized it's true for me. I don't mind talking about my journey here. I need people who are supportive and encouraging. If I ask a question here about form or diet, I get supportive, productive answers not, "You're lifting too much. Lift way less." Or, "Your body needs bread/grains."

For me, personally, I share my successes and struggles with those who will be supportive of me, which builds my momentum to keep going. That said, there are still plenty of things I keep to myself.

[Max Power]

I do not know what it is to which you are referring, I didn't see nuthin' *shifty eyes*

Yeah, I like not telling anyone what I'm attempting to do. Cause it seems to work both ways for me, I don't get people being critical of my plans, and I don't get all of the Monday morning quarterbacks saying "you know if you quit eating this, or eat more of this you'll lose weight faster" But I'm with Kelly, having a site like this is good for motivation, advice, anything you need really.

[Corbab]

When I logged my calories, I made terrible food choices (or at least not the best ones) because I could justify it by still coming in under my limit. I also stopped enjoying meals as I tried to measure and estimate the amounts of different ingredients. I picked paleo because the food selection system made sense and was simple. Now I eat as much as I want, whenever, and I've seen great results. I do occasionally go off the rails, and I find that ignoring myself as much as possible until I'm back to where I was is the best solution. If I look at myself in my sorry post-binge state, I get discouraged, but if I just keep eating right and working out, I'll get back to where I want to be just about pain-free.