I don't see a future.

[Werewulph]

I know it's a bit of a negative title, but it's true.

I have schizophrenia. When I was a kid I wanted to be in the Army, but that's a disqualifier, last year I looked into being a pilot, but it's a disqualifier. I joined Nerd Fitness nearly three weeks ago and my life seems to have turned around. With a lot of effort my mental health is better, and I'm looking after myself physically. I'm near the end of week 3 of Basic Training as part of the Rebel Strength Guide and I intend to move on to the Body Weight Brigade when I've completed it. I've lost 8kg/18lbs since I started. I'm more positive, and in the last week I started getting everything together to start the 4 year journey to being a nurse and helping and healing people.

But, a combination of my mental health and, though it doesn't affect medical ability, visible tattoos on my arms... well that's another idea for a future that's unattainable. There's a "nothing below the elbows" policy in the NHS so I couldn't even cover them up. The Nursing and Midwifery board/commission has standards to only allow people with good physical and mental health.

I just feel like no matter what I come upon that feels like my life calling, my mental condition bars me from it.

I know I don't really post here, but sticking to my diet and training comes from feeling like I'm part of the Rebellion, like I'm doing it for a bigger reason than myself. If it wasn't for you guys and Steve I would have never turned my life around and improved so much over the last few weeks.

But, I feel like, no matter what I do, I'm going to be living on disability for the rest of my days. It's not a bad fate, but it does lack purpose and focus. A lack of purpose and focus isn't good for someone with a mental condition.

So basically what I came here for help with, is finding a future. What I mean by that is, something I could focus on and could be the main kind of driving force day to day. A reason to get up in the morning and train/study/learn. I'm considering making archery/LARP or shooting/airsoft a primary hobby when I'm more physically fit and more confident mentally, but I was wondering if you fellow Rebels might have some suggestions along those lines. Or if any of you are into LARPing I'd like some advice. I've been to a weekend LARP day once but at the time my anxiety was bad and I ended up leaving after a short time.

I just need a reason to keep fit and not just go back to eating pizza and staying up 40 hours browsing imageboards.

Thank you for your time.

[NukeTheUnicorns]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I can't offer you much advice, but I'll give you what I have.

I know it can be difficult to believe, but things will get better. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week, maybe not even this month, but in the long run, things will get better. Try to make every day just a little bit better than the last. Baby steps are what's important in the long run.

I know you feel unhappy, but you can change that, absolutely. Happiness is a choice. You can tell yourself you're happy over and over, and sooner or later, you'll start to believe it. I have depression, and every day I tell myself I'm happy, awesome, and overall, life is good. It doesn't mean I bottle up my emotions. I just try to be the best version of me possible.

Ultimately, happiness and motivation are intrinsically driven. You need to find your own reasons to keep fit. Don't do it for anybody but you.

One of my favorite quotes of all time goes like this: "The indispensable first step in getting what you want is this: decide what you want." You gotta decide what you truly want out of life, and do whatever it takes to get there. Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must, but someday you will get there.

I'm sorry if this is all sort of vague, but I hope it's at least one step in the right direction, and I really hope that things start to look up for you.

Best of luck, my friend.

[oystergirl]

Sending you a big hug. Above all else in this life the most important thing is taking care of yourself. You have made a huge leap in getting with a training program and an eating program. If you have investigated some ideas and come up against blank walls then that only means you are a few blank walls closer to finding the way through the maze. I absolutely disbelieve that someone who has overcome a mental disability to the point where they are taking good care of themselves does not have the gift of experience to share with those who are also suffering. I assume you live in the UK, but I know here in the US there are many opportunities for people to help others who are going through similar things that they did, so if you are interested in nursing them quite possibly you could be interested in therapy options or occupational therapy etc?

Even in the best of times people go through difficult things and may not see a way out. My family has been dealing with a number of tragedies in our immediate friend group and also unemployment for about the past 5 years and if we try and look at the big picture when we are feeling down we get overwhelmed because we feel we have no control. The only thing we can do is take a few baby steps every day towards loving ourselves, eating right, taking care of our home and family, exercising, etc. This gives us basic control over our bodies and this gives us a sense of peace and accomplishment. It also brings us one day closer to the next thing that will bring us income and make us financially secure.

I suggest that you continue to take those steps every day to build yourself up, love yourself, manage your emotional situation and continue to read and research things you may like. Eventually you will find your dream.

[Rivanariko]

There are unfortunately a lot of career fields that become unavailable to people when they have a diagnosed disability or disorder. What are you passionate about? I work in psychiatric residential treatment with teenage girls (not as a therapist) and a lot of my girls aren't going to go the usual college - career route. Some of them could be really successful in their own business or a job that they could work from home or on their own schedule. There are a lot of jobs like that out there, you just have to look. And if your ambition is to help people, there are plenty of places that will take you tattoos and all. There are several people that I work with who have fore-arm tattoos, and that's only one area. If you're not worried only about a paid career, look into volunteering. A lot of people find incredible meaning in life by donating their time to a worthy cause.

Schizophrenia is a manageable condition. I'm assuming that you are working with your doctor to manage medication and such. Once you can get it stabilized, there is no reason that you can't live a relatively normal life with dreams and aspirations like everyone else. Definitely no reason to resign yourself to living on disability with nothing to look forward to and strive for.

[Werewulph]

Wow, you guys made me smile so much. And here I was dreading the responses I'd get, ha ha.

NukeTheUnicorns, you make a good point. Hope is a powerful driving force, and I'm going to keep being positive : )

Oystergirl, I'm sending you a big hug back, I think I'm going to look into volunteering with the NHS (our medical services in the UK) so I can still help.

Rivanariko, I'm on medication and it helps a lot but people can still tell I'm "different" unfortunately. But I have some good friends that don't mind : D

I've given some thought, and I think for now I'm just going to keep up with my fitness and join the archery club here and see where things go. I've thought about learning archery for years.

Thank you again, all of you : D You've made my gloomy day much brighter : )

[oystergirl]

LOL we are ALL different here! We are all nerds! Teasing but you know what I mean. Seriously, if you knew how many people out there in this world are walking around with "issues" that I like to call hidden disabilities and they are making their lives work, you would be amazed. Rivan had a GREAT idea and I am glad to see you take that up. You can draw disability and still volunteer and feel like you are doing something worth while and still look for your wonderful thing you want to do. If you haven't read steve's latest blog post about living vicariously through yourself, you should.

You also inspired me. I loved archery as a teen and was seriously GREAT at it but I stopped as my vision shifted and my arms got weaker. I am gonna look into finding a good club around here and if I could take lessons to get back into it! Thanks so much for the reminder of something I loved to do!!! More hugs

[GoGo]

..

[js290]

Look into a ketogenic diet.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201104/your-brain-ketones

http://evolutionarypsychiatry.blogspot.com/search?q=schizophrenia

[Naturally]

Look into a ketogenic diet.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201104/your-brain-ketones

http://evolutionarypsychiatry.blogspot.com/search?q=schizophrenia

Another person who wants to give you a hug here

It strikes me that you really want to help other people. To do think you first need to help yourself (which it looks like you're doing). Then, how about thinking about some of the complementary therapies that are out there... sports massage, reiki, acupuncture, fitness instructor, dietician, ..... perhaps something along those lines would appeal to you?

[Namednoname]

Whatever you do, don't give up. No matter how many times you get knocked back down career wise, get back up and keep going.

You should keep doing this for no other reason then, You deserve happiness. You deserve a career. You deserve a healthy body.

But you have to understand that the only person who can give you all these things is yourself. Dedication my friend! You can do it!

And you've already found something positive in your life, Fitness! You said you feel more positive and mentally your a lot healthier as well. And btw your making pretty sick progress by losing that much in 3 weeks.

So there's no way you should allow anything else to stop you from carrying this on. Doesn't matter whats happening career wise. You'll always have this positive aspect of your life.

Adversity is always going to be there and more so for you. But you can do this! Anythings possible dude. Just keep at it. And conquering adversity is a pretty sweet feeling

And lastly. Getting in shape is definitely a mental journey as much as it's a physical one. But one thing that's undeniable is that being in shape, has mental benefits. I'm not saying this would help cure your schizophrenia, but it'll certainly help you be in a happier and more positive place mentally.

As long as there's hope there's a future!

[Morrigainz]

I understand what you mean when you say you don't see a future. I don't suffer from the same problems you do (hey, I have my own set, okay??) but I am absolutely terrified that I will never be able to hold down a career. I'm not good at doing what "normal" people do - getting up every day, every week, every year, and going to work. What does this mean? I simply have to find an alternative path. I believe it will work much the same for you.

You are stronger than you think. I don't know you, but I'm sure of this We all have bad days, but remember: this too shall pass. You are doing great and you are so brave to post on here! Take it one step at a time and stay positive, and not only will you be able to SEE your future, you will be able so shape it.

And always feel free to lean on us

[LRB]

Just chiming in with another hug -- and also to say that you've seen tremendous results in the THREE WEEKS you've been doing this. 18 lbs in three weeks? Seriously? On the one hand: CONGRATULATIONS. On the other: be careful; take it easy; this is a long haul - don't burn out too soon. And as for getting turned down for everything, I am reminded of a quotation (though I don't remember who said it): "I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

Hang in there, keep trying, keep going. You'll get there.

[Namednoname]

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

Ha I like that quote, pretty awesome attitude to have.

[leadchipmunk]

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

I believe that was Edison talking about the lightbulb, but I'm not sure, just what I've been told.

Anywho... Werewulph, I don't have much advice to say that could help. I would just like to let you know that you have my utmost respect. You have been placed in a position with adversity, and you are fighting it. By getting healthier, both physically and mentally, and by reaching out for the advice of others, you have become an inspiration for people going through similar things. Thank you.

And I am confident that through the hard work that you have done already, you will find your place in life that makes you truly happy. It might (will) take some time, but just keep up with it and it will present itself.

[BadWolf]

Another hug coming in! Do not give up. There are so many opportunities in the world. Maybe you can work with a career counselor or someone to help narrow down ones that would be open to you, that way you're not wading through so much and getting disappointed.

Also, congratulations on your progress! Remember that it can/may slow down, but just keep plugging away! This is a continual process of learning and doing.

[unicornassassin]

I have mental health problems, too. I'm not working either.

One thing that really helps me is that I've changed my value set. Most people think your worth and identity as a human being comes from where you work, what kind of home/car/whatever else you own, and all that whole thing. I define my worth and identity based on what I do to help myself and others.

[ETFnerd]

[sumdawgtwigg]

I also was turned down by the army, about five years ago. It was my dream. It destroyed me and i only started coming out of it two years ago. I got very depressed and started drinking a lot.I am better now and stronger than ever. So, i know exactly what you are talking about. You have to realize that there is something out there for you. Life throws a lot of stuff at you but you are strong enough to take it. You are a rebel after all. Exercise and achieve some fitness goals and you will feel so much more confident. You can turn anything into a positive, just because one door closes, doesnt mean they all have.

s for the tattoo thing and nursing, a friend of mine has a tat on her hand is a nurse. But i guess if you have a sleeve it could be different.

[Ryan Sannar]

We'er here for you man. Your not alone.

Glad you can be honest with us. Don't worry, everything works out.

[oystergirl]

I am just giggling for two reasons. One LRB, I was gonna use the SAME quote but I couldnt remember if it WAS Thomas Edison who said it and since these are nerds I wanted to be right--I should have posted it because it doesn't matter WHO said it, its a great quote...and second, cause we both thought of it--you know what they say about great minds....

Loving all the love in here!

[Maj. Bloodnok]

You may not be in the Army, but you're a warrior. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. You have a lot to offer, just from your life experiences; volunteering with NHS has already been suggested, and you could also look into advocacy for other schizophrenics, especially kids. Don't believe for a second that being on disability makes you worthless. Your country is investing in you so you can give something back to the larger community.

[Georges]

Along with all the other things that have been said here...

I just wanted to point out that the person who created NerdFitness didn't go through NHS, and has managed to help quite a few people.

There may be other routes to fulfilling work, whether it's nursing somewhere other than the UK, or if it's some other job that has the same sort of rewards for you. It may even end up being some sort of unpaid work that you can do while on disability, such as the volunteering that everyone suggested.

I also want to point out that unicornassassin is right. For most people, their job title is only a tiny fraction of who they are. When you think about the people you admire, do you think about their careers, or their actions? Their personalities, or their possessions? I'm all for striving to be successful, but I don't think I define my success the way we see success portrayed in adverts or TeeVee shows.

[AuroraNorth]

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

Thomas Edison. /librarian search mode off.

I was thinking of the same quote!

One thing to consider is alternative medicine/complementary medicine. It might not be what you first considered, but it's an option. Just FYI, the reiki master I studied under has facial tatts and piercings. Hasn't stopped him from having a job- or two!

Also, (((hugs.))) You've come so far in such a short time- be proud of yourself!

[Oklibrarian]

Ditto to the alternative health idea! Or heck, once you get in shape, maybe some kind of personal training or coaching? It'll take some creativity, but you probably won't ever find yourself stuck in some cubicle job that you hate, either. Keep at it!

[Leimanu]

I hear your story, Werewulph! Everyone everyone everyone is walking around with issues, you're just strong enough to admit it. It's really tough to have a dream that has inspired you for years and be turned down for something you can't change. I had my career dream, it sank, and now I'm working on another. I don't think that it failed, just that it changed shape. Our worldview is very small as kids. As one comedian said, if we all grew up to be what we wanted, the world would be filled with nurses and firemen and policemen and doctors. If you like helping people through medical ways, nursing isn't just one way. Mom wanted me to be a nurse or doctor and I always thought the health field wasn't forme, and now I'm a massage therapist. How do mothers know these things? So there's lots of different stuff that you maybe haven't even been exposed too.

What's going on now sounds perfect. Taking time to take care of yourself. You have to do that first before you can take care of others. And actually, on disability, you have the time and money to explore that, which a lot of people don't have. Unicornassassin's right. In our culture, we define ourselves by our work, but other things in life have value.

I suggest finding something you like (archery sounds like it) and getting a daily schedule for yourself. it's hard to wake up everyday not knowing what to do. Makes it hard to get out of bed. (i just went thru this patch, too)

Good luck, man. Take care of yourself. i'm sure your tats are cool.