Seabright's 2024 Battle Log of Awesomeness

[Seabright]

GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALS!

 

Coming up on the Year of the Dragon! Woo hoo! The mood for 2024 will be one of growth and adventure, with the Dragon urging us on in the pursuit of our dreams with creativity, passion, courage, and confidence. That sounds pretty good to me!

 

For goals this year, I'm tweaking a couple from last year and adding in something new.  I feel  that the life changes I've made in the last year are here to stay, but I want to keep one foot in the Rabbit camp to help keep some of that flow going through this next year. I'll also keep it cool and groovy with my check-ins, aiming for a weekly rhythm but not beating myself up if it's not perfect. I want to update enough to stay accountable, but it shouldn't feel burdensome. I may add interim goals throughout the year, and I'll track those here in my battle log. 

 

I'm also keeping my Big Why and Internal Motivations here with my goals, just to have those front and center. That really helped keep me grounded last year, so let's stick with a winner. 

 

Soooo, here we go!

 

 

My Big Why

• Human adventurer, I want to be fit and healthy so I can explore and enjoy all the beauty the outdoor world has to offer, in all kinds of weather, all the days of my life. 

 

 

My Internal Motivations

• I feel better when I stay on track with my eating and skip the sugar and alcohol.
• I feel more relaxed and able to go with the flow when I do something introspective first thing in the morning. 
• I feel healthy, happy, and proud when I finish a good hike.

 

 

My 2024 Goals

 

1. Have an adventure in physical health: eat right and exercise

• Time to get back down to my fighting weight. It's cheaper than buying all new clothes.
• Paleo eating with a bit of Sommersizing thrown in to jump-start the year.
• Walking 3 x per week. If it's raining, walk the floors of my office building.
• Tai Chi daily, meditation and at least one form. I'd like to get my blue fringe by year-end. That's 3 weapons forms away, but I like a good stretch goal. 
• This goal above all others. If I get squeezed for time or feel other pressures, I can drop anything else, but this one stays.
• If I get squeezed for time inside this goal, eating right takes priority, then walking.

 

2. Pursue music with renewed passion: regain proficiency

• It was a hella long pandemic, and I haven't played any music since the beginning of 2020. 
• I want to recover my abilities, with courage and confidence.  I'd like to not only get back to where I was before I stopped playing, but also learn new things on my instruments.
• Upright bass, guitar, mandolin. 
• I'll come up with a plan of attack later, but I've been ambivalent about taking this up again, so stating this as a goal is a big step for me. 
• If I get squeezed for time, mandolin first, then bass, then guitar. 

 

3. Wear my creativity on my sleeve: dress colorfully

• I'm so tired of dark and muted colors. They don't reflect how I feel inside.
• After 3 years of dressing in olive green sweats, a ratty dark green turtle neck, and an enormous  knee-length dark green cardigan, it's time to bust out.
• I've NEVER worn the bright colors I really love, so this is going to take a bit of courage. Squish-bug green, here I come!
• I will wear at least one item of colorful clothing each day, until this feels natural. 

 

 

Power word for 2024: Present

• Calm, strong, and steady, it's time to come into my own. 
• After a 2023 of planning planning and more planning, I want to stop and focus on what is presently fabulous, instead of planning and waiting for the next thing.
• This will take practice, as I’m far too eager to check things off my list. Planning is important, but I can become invested in the planning, to the point where the planning itself becomes my all. I found I can feel lost when the plan comes to fruition, thinking, 'Now what? What's next? Another plan!' I want to intentionally enjoy what is right in front of me, right now.
• I'll approach my goals this year with this in mind, and with a sense of calm and powerful flow. There may be some planning, but on a smaller scale and more consciously as a means to an end. 
• I've written my word at the top of my daily to-do list, on my weekly financial check-in sheet, and on a sticky at the top of my screen.

 

 

All righty, Rebels! Stay chill, stay groovy, walk the straight and narrow and stay strong and true!

 

Let's go get 'em!

[Seabright]

Thurs Jan 4

 

Well well well well well. Well. 

 

Just got an invite to play the bass at an invitational thing in early Feb. I have until Saturday to respond. Hoo boy.

 

Am I ready to put my money where my mouth is? It's a 2-hour gig at a taco place, sort of an invitational jam, so on the casual side. If I say yes, then I need to start playing RIGHT NOW, today, this very day, and I would have about one month to remember how to play, build up strength, and get my finger callouses back. This is what in the tech world we call a 'forcing function.' If I don't have a forcing function, then the odds of me returning to the bass with enough regularity and focus to be able to play a full gig ever again are slim to none. It can take weeks to build up those callouses, let me tell ya. 

 

Am I saying that I don't want to do this? That I don't want to play the bass again? Because that's what not-practicing and not working at it will mean.  When I started playing the mandolin, I actually had people tell me to stop and to just stick to the bass. Okay, yeah, I'm pretty good on the bass, but jeez. I remember feeling like many pickers who I thought were friends only really liked me for my bass playing. I had someone be openly be mean to me when I wouldn't put down the mando and go get my bass. Once I went from kicking ass on the bass to be a rank beginner on the mandolin, it was like we couldn't be friends any more. 

 

So that was eye-opening. 

 

Bluegrass bass is no fun to play just all on your lonesome. 1-5-1-5. Rinse, repeat. The mandolin, on the other hand, is hella fun on your own, even when you're just learning. 

 

But. I did say I wanted to recover proficiency on those instruments, and the bass is one of them. It's right there. I wrote it down, right there in my 2024 goals. 

 

Okay. I'm going to say Yes, and reserve the right to back out in 2 weeks if it looks like I just won't get there in time physically. 

 

I wrote it down and it shall be so.

 

This has been helpful. 

 

Thanks, Rebels. 

 

 

[Seabright]

Fri Jan 5

 

Annnnnnd....I changed my mind. 

 

Sheesh.

 

Woke up with my neck in a bit of pain after cleaning my little office (never clean, kids, it's not safe), and I thought to my self, "Self, what am I doing? ' I just don't want to have my hand injury recur because I rushed getting back into bass-playing shape. 

 

I declined the gig this morning. I'll post my getting-back-into-music-playing-shape plan here soon.

 

Other updates:

• Colors
  I wore a bright heliotrope sweater on Tuesday, a hot pink turtleneck on Wednesday, a bright turquoise turtle on Thurs, and a cornflower blue wool sweater today.  This is freakin' fun, although now I have a LOT of laundry to do. So different from wearing the same baggy dark grey long sleeve 3 days in a row. 
   
• Physical Health
  I ate really well all week, even when I had to rush out the door without dinner. Stuck to apples for snacks--just discovered the kiku and mind blown--lots of water and tea, non-caffeinated, sugar-free soda. I did have a 1/2-can of diet coke yesterday and today and I deeply regret both. I have all kinds of excuses for those lapses (I didn't want to nod off on my way home from class, I needed a spark to get some stuff done, etc), but we all know that excuses are totally lame.  I also did standing meditation every day except today because I overslept this morning. I'm looking at you, Diet Coke I had yesterday to keep from nodding off on my drive home. See? See how bad that is for me?
   
• Overall
  Anyhoo, I feel pretty happy and great, overall. Ended the week strong. 

 

More to come!

 

[Sovalis]

Seabright! Happy New Year! 

 

Super excited to see your colourful clothing goal! I am also experiencing a branching out of my normal palette and it is a pretty fun experience. I hope it is similarly awesome for you. 

 

Here to cheer!

[Seabright]

Fri Jan 5

 

Sovalis! You wild thing! I thought I felt someone's gaze upon me. Let's make 2024 a madhouse of riotous color together!

 

Other updates:

• Colors
  Freezing cold here, and ended up turning to my old huge green wool cardigan thing. Added a bright scarf to offset the dreariness. Found that a bright turquoise turtle underneath dark blue shirt cheers things up, too. Now wearing a bright peach-colored turtleneck. Did you hear me? I said PEACH!! Who IS this person??
   
• Physical Health
  No sugar, no alcohol, tiny bit of caffeine in the form small sips of the spousal unit's coffee, 1/2 can of diet coke, and an Exedrine yesterday. It's been chilly and wet here, so haven't been able to do a form (the back patio is the only place with enough room), but I have been able to fling my fan around and learn out to open and close that sucker like a madman. Have been oversleeping and skipping morning standing and exercises in favor of making an good solid breakfast of eggs, onions, spinach, and sausage. If it's good food vs exercise, I decided to prioritize the eating right. 
   
• Other news
  Soooo, the spousal unit just tested positive for covid. He went to a jam at someone's house and sat next to someone who tested positive later that evening. Boo. I don't have symptoms and have been testing negative, but will play it safe and stay away from Tai Chi class for a bit until I'm thoroughly out of the woods. Also, I won't be going into the office to meet the minimum days-in-the-office leadership request. I'm doing it for the good of the company.
  
  For being present, I found myself creating a plan to rebuild our back porch and turn it into a laundry room. What's wrong with me?? I deleted the plan, and as a balm added a calendar reminder to create an actual plan some time in the spring. 

 

Stay groovy, little Rebels!

 

 

 

[Seabright]

Wed, Jan 24

 

Welp, it got me. I was walking around the house feeling great, taking care of the spousal unit, doing all the things and thinking, "I'm awesome! I have a constitution of cast-iron and an immune system of titanium! Nothing can touch me!" Then I got sick. Argh.

 

So, I've been on the rails for almost 2 weeks, staggering around the house and being disgusting and not eating well and binge-watching the X-Files. Did you know that a show featuring a fat-sucking urban vampire doesn't actually make you feel better?

 

No updates other than today is the first day I've felt well enough to climb back in the saddle. Definitely on the mend. Will coast for another day or two and then do an amazing reset, where I basically start the year all over again! 

 

Woo hoooo!

 

Stay safe and well, little Rebels!

 

[Seabright]

Oooh! Look what I found on my dresser. I remember grabbing this for myself when I was Christmas shopping. I'm going to put it on my monitor stand.

 

 

[Seabright]

Thur Feb 15

 

Well, guess I spoke too soon. I've been staggering around, no balance, brain fog, tired-to-the-bone fatigue, and just barely hanging in there. Feeling better now, though I fear I must credit that with the many many Diet Cokes that are now in my refrigerator and my blood stream. 

 

Bad stuff at work today. My project area of accessibility was basically voted off the island by leadership. Oof. Tough to take, since I wasn't even invited to the discussion.  I admit to spending an hour or so raging against the machine. Maybe a little longer than an hour. REALLY having to force myself not to care here. 

 

When I think about it, though, sometimes it's not about the wins but about how we handle the losses and disappointments. No one wants to work with a petulant whiner who can't get on board. There's still plenty to do in my area. Puh-lenty. I have a project plan for the full year--why don't I just execute that without being on the island? It will be tougher, but not impossible. Plus, I'll look like a team player, and someone who knows how to disagree and commit. All the things that look so nice on one's performance evaluation at the end of the year. "Undaunted, Seabright continued to pursue the dream of products that meet WCAG 2.1 AA guidelines. Yay for Seabright! All hail!"

 

Yay for me.

 

Other updates:

• Colors
  Found that when I'm a little down it is SUPER hard for me to put on a bright color. Why is that? I decided that a bright turquoise belt counts. 
   
• Physical Health
  In the toilet. Coughing all the time. Brain is a disorganized bowl full of quivering curds. Haven't walked in forever. Starting all over. Boo.
   
• Being Present
  This is a lot harder when I start to care about work. I basically stopped doing Tai Chi standing, brocades, forms, fan, the whole bit. First it was because I was really sick, then it was because I was recovering from being really sick, now it's because I'm stressed out about work. 

 

Basically I'm feeling a teeny bit down today. 

 

 

 

[Sovalis]

That sounds like a really rough patch. I'm sorry, Seabright. 

 

[Seabright]

Thur Feb 22

 

All better now. 

 

I reflected on last week's update and realized there was a lot that was in my control. Baby steps forward on all fronts. 

 

Plus, I am a trained professional and this does not phase me.

 

The updates:

• Colors
  Last Friday I found myself reaching for that big ol' heavy long dark sweater again. That seemed to be my go-to for hiding from the world. Did you catch that verb tense, Rebels? I said 'seemed.' Because last weekend I spent 3 days going through every drawer and hanger and shelf in my closet and Maria Kondo'd the hell out that puppy. Did it fit? Was it a nice color? Did it make me feel awesome? In short, did it spark joy? When I put it on, that spendy sweater reminded me of taking care of my little daddy and how hard that was, and all the grief and sadness and fear of the dark pandemic years. That sweater is gone now, along with 8 bags of things I'd been hanging on to from days gone by. Someone at the Goodwill is going to score with all those size S cashmere sweaters. 
  
  What's left? Why, pretty colors, things that fit--and a few gaps. Now I have a shopping list of those core items every Rebel should have in their closet, and I'll get those things over time as finances allow. And when I do they will fit, and they will be in flattering shapes and pretty colors. Dress the body you have right now, babe. 
  
  When I wrote 'Dress Colorfully' for a 2024 goal, part of me thought that goal wasn't 'big enough.' Who knew that it would be so life-changing?
  
  Yay for me! And this time I really mean it! Yay for me!
   
• Physical Health
  I dosed myself with my 'when I'm being pushed hard' homeopathic quack remedy, and by golly it worked. What's in that stuff? The cough is still there, but it has eased quite a bit, I have more energy, and I'm starting to feel my brainwaves fall back into an organized patterns. Synaptic junctions are re-firing. Picked up my fan and did a couple of forms between rainstorms.
   
• Being Present
  Woke up at 4am thinking about work stuff. Rather than lie there ruminating and stressing out because I couldn't sleep because of all the stuff I had to do, I decided to just get up and come out to my little backyard office (ahem, yeah, well, it's a tool shed, but it's all mine), and get things done. I can't worry about the future of that project right now, and there's not much I can do about it. I've got another biggie that needs my attention at the moment, so that's where my energy is going. 

 

@Sovalis, thank you so much for the blob hug. That really helped me last week. 

 

Back on track, Rebels! Walk the straight and narrow, and stay strong and true.

 

 

 

[Seabright]

Mon Apr 1

 

Hoo boy. I can't believe it's been over a month since my last update. Boo. That ol' huge-ass work project really took all I had. It's pretty much done, now, so let's get back in the saddle and get 'er done!

 

Time for a Spring check-in and a tiny bit of planning for the next 90 days.

 

Update / Plan #1 - Physical Health

• Eating right got derailed with the huge-ass work project. The dreary rain didn't help much, neither.  Now it's all done and time to get back to it!
• Walking also derailed due to inclement weather. I'm definitely behind here, if I want to do some big hikes when the weather clears up.
• Steadily moving forward with Tai Chi, and starting to feel pretty good about my first weapons form. Who knew a fan could be so lethal? I credit the forward momentum with the 3 private lessons I had to make up some classes I missed. I'm going to ask about doing setting these up as a regular thing.
• I've add nightly stretching to accompany the X-Files binge watching. 
• I really love this. I love being part of a school, and even though it's a hella drive, I learn something new every time. 
• Spring check-in: 50/50. Not bad. I'll take it.
• Plan:
  • Cook a real meal at least 3 times per week.
  • Walk 3 x week, even if it's just around the block.
  • One hike on the weekends. It can be short and easy.
  • Ask about private lessons and see if I can swing it.

 

Update / Plan #2 - Music

• I've played bass at one very small jam (3 people) that also had a lot of talking between songs. 
• I've revisited my inspiration playlist.
• I've been invited to invitational jams (bass) and I've declined because I can't get through 2+ hours of music.
• I've done little else. I just can't seem to find my mojo. I don't want to go to the Sunday afternoon jam because it's the one time I'm alone in the house, and the one time I can do a little restorative yoga session without interruptions. 
• I've thought about dropping this goal, but the idea of that makes me sorta sad. But the idea of trying to find time for this just makes me feel tired--my spare energy seems to be going to the Physical Health goal.
• Spring check-in: Blocked.
• Plan:
  • Stop beating myself up.
  • Put this goal on hold until June.
  • In the meantime, take my mandolin off the wall 5 days per week. That's it. All I have to do it touch it and take it off the wall. 

 

Update / Plan #3- Dress Colorfully

• This effort has really been something. When things get tough or I feel a little down, I find myself actually craving dark, dreary colors and oversized everything. My brain cringes away from anything colorful. It's just clothes, WTF. So weird.
• I've kept going, though, even if I'm wearing that slightly grungy blue turtleneck. Bright scarf, belt, or earrings count. 
• Recently showed up to work wearing a tangerine sweater and got many compliments. Win!
• Spring check-in: On track.
• Plan: Any new purchases of anything must be a non-dark, non-dreary color.

 

I'm going to try for daily updates, just to help myself get back on track in the short term. 

 

Okie dokie! Onward!

[Sovalis]

Hi Seabright! Glad to see you! 

[Seabright]

Mon June 10

 

So, that big ol Power Word, 'Present'? Well, I'm taking it to heart, by golly. Turns out, that one word is guiding a lot of what I've been doing lately--being present, present, present present. Maybe I've taken it too far? I've eschewed planning of almost any kind, and I haven't been doing a ton of reporting, neither. 

 

But, really, I just sorta feel better. Maybe it's letting go of the need to be perfect? I dunno.

 

One example: Friday night I told myself that I had to fertilize ALL of the roses this weekend. That usually  involves a lot of up-and-down, and digging, and troweling and snipping and schlepping the water bucket, and what not. But on Saturday, I did a ton of errands and took a walk and then took a nap and then, voila, time for dinner. And on Sunday I got up early, made a good breakfast, and then went for a pretty challenging hike before it got too hot, and then came back and took a nap and then, voila, time for dinner. And I was juuuuuust about to really really beat myself up for not fertilizing the roses when I thought, 'Hey, they're all fine and watered. Maybe they just don't bloom as much this summer. Who am I trying to impress here, really?' 

 

And then I felt a LOT better. This was a first for me. Normally I would have FLOGGED myself trying to stick to the plan. I think maybe a bi-product of my power word is that I'm learning to let go of the need to be perfect. You know, like, all the freakin' time. 

 

So, yay for me!

 

The shadow side of that is that nothing's getting done this year. Har har chuckle chortle snort! I crack myself up.

 

In other news, 'Godzilla Minus One'!! Am I right?

 

While I'm here, let's do a mid-year check-in.

 

My Mid-year Check-in

 

My Big Why and Internal Motivations

• I've set these to email to myself each month. 
• Some months I think, yeah, yeah, whatever.
• But others I think, hey! Thanks for the reminder!
• These still feel relevant and true.
• And I love the reminder. ?

 

2024 Goals

 

1. Have an adventure in physical health: eat right and exercise

• After several hiccups, I feel like I'm finally back on track with the eating. This one has been hard-won, as I've consistently turned to crappy eating and alcohol for solace amid the pressures of work and what-not. My oldest brother going into the hospital for pancreatitis was really a wake-up call.
• I've also recently returned to walking and hiking. Maybe I just needed some good weather to get me going. 
• I've stayed on track with Tai Chi for the most part. Perhaps not daily, but definitely consistently. ('Daily' feels a little like 'perfection' now, don't it?) I'm close to testing for my green fringe (in the next week or two). I'm letting go of the stretch goal of getting to blue, but in the second half of 2024 I can get a good start on those weapons. 

 

2. Pursue music with renewed passion: regain proficiency

• I made the cut for an invitation jam on the bass, and so had to practice a bunch. My intonation is officially crap.
• But I did it, and I played it, and I had a ton of fun, and I didn't hurt myself. 
• It's funny, after the gig, I had a renewed  sense of excitement around playing...for about, like, 20 minutes.
• This is a goal I've had on my list repeatedly over the years. 
• Maybe I just don't really care that much?

 

3. Wear my creativity on my sleeve: dress colorfully

• This has become easier and easier over the past few months. Really, this took a LOT of effort earlier.
• Maybe it's the summer sunshine? I dunno, but grabbing that tangerine sweater or the bright aqua little cotton jacket feels more and more natural to me. 
• One thing that happened was that I went to an all-team offsite in another city. Packing was easy--for the first time ever! 

 

It feels like it might be time to reset a bit. At that offsite, we were given a bunch of sketching supplies and told to go on an Inspiration Hunt. We fanned out all over the property, and looked for anything that we found inspiring--it could be a piece of architecture, furniture, something in the garden--and then sketch about it or write about it or create something about it in any form that spoke to us. I've told myself over and over through the years that I can't draw (childhood art trauma, don't ask), so I thought I'd try to sketch a hot-pink rock rose blooming near a patio. And then I wrote a little something to go with it. And I was CRAZY proud of that. I want to frame it! So maybe there's something there. Some sort of 'there' there. 

 

Anyhoo, I'll give these goals a think and restructure to make more relevant and achievable. Stay tuned.

 

Onward, Rebels!

 

[Seabright]

Mon, Aug 26

 

Hmm...what? Oh, hello there. Yeah, like, how ya doin'? Where have you been all this time?

 

So, I got laid off. I've had the dark angel of lay-offs pass over my head a couple of times in the past, but this is the first time I myself have been struck down. After my most productive work year ever, where I had a significant impact on the operations of the company as a whole, and received an Exceeds rating and a very nice bonus...my entire org was eliminated. Boo.

 

It's taken me a minute, I'll admit. The first two days after I was told I was all, like, get that resume updated! Freshen that portfolio! Let's get out there! On day 3 I was crying and curled up in a ball in bed for the entire day. On day 4 I decided to give myself that break to reflect that everyone was saying I should do but I was secretly mocking as being a totally lame idea. 

 

And then I realized I was booked for a week-long yoga Nidra workshop  at Esalen that was prepaid, so I thought, maybe I should go? When I booked it, I knew absolutely nothing about yoga Nidra. I just wanted a vacation and I've always wanted to visit Esalen. So instead of backing out because I felt terrible, I went, and it was wonderful, like a week-long nap on the edge of a cliff in Big Sur where someone else did all the cooking. I came back and felt sooooo much better. 

 

So now. Ready to move on. Not charge ahead, though. Just move on.

 

Moving on means I'm dropping the goals tracking for a bit to focus on the one-step-at-a-time-ness that finding another job requires. And that starts with revisiting my life priorities.

 

My Life Priorities 

 

1. My health

2. My family

3. My job

 

In that order. Gotta put the air mask on first before I can help anyone else.  ?

 

Let's look at that in the context of what I want from my next job, given the life stage I'm at right now.

 

1. My health

• Minimize the driving
• PT-centric work hours (or close to it)
• Hybrid or semi-hybrid
• Comprehensive healthcare benefits
• Work I care about on some level, interesting and maybe a bit challenging
• Enough energy for gardening and hiking and living my real life at the end of the day

2. My family

• Compensation matters
• Vacation/PTO policy matters
• Manageable stress levels 

3. The job

• Non-evil company
• Would like to move out of fintech
• Would like to stay in tech on some level
• Would like to stay in ppl management
• The person I initially report to should be simpatico--no walking straight in to a toxic situation

 

So, there are some parameters there. Ppl management is possibly the most stringent, because there just aren't tons and tons of ppl mgmt jobs out there for my particular function. But that's where I want to start and where I want to focus. I also left off 'growth opportunities' because I genuinely care less about that than I did, say, 5 years ago. Lateral move at the outset works for me.

 

This feels good.

 

Next up: update my resume!

 

Stay tuned for more awesomeness!