[Laghail]

Monday September 16

The Carmine Beast by 00Aquila00

 

• Liam's first day today!! I met him while he was mid-PhD and I was there for the fairly doomed tenure-track job search with the impossible additional constraints of finding a spot within 12 months (tragically not wealthy enough to support the 3-5 years of applications that it normally takes), north of the Mason-Dixon line (for weather & chronic illness reasons), and in a city with a pop of 300k or more (gay in a small town is only cute in rom-coms). Him switching to muggle-type jobs was more or less the plan the whole time, but it's happening! Now the trick will be supporting him as he gets used to muggle work, and then gently forcing supporting him in continuing to publish regularly, because the lad's heart is only really happy when he's stressing over a submission deadline.
• So I sprained a floating rib while doing Turkish get-ups on Saturday.  Is what I told the chiro this morning, because while queers and non-monogamous people should have a doctor with whom we're comfortable speaking candidly about our recreational activities, I'm very comfortable lying my face off to my Assemblies of God chiropractor. Turkish get-ups is apparently what we call doing n-dimensional gymnastics in a hot tub grotto and then waking up with a sprained/strained intercostal muscle the next morning.
• Friday the 13th Chicago trip was wonderful,  for me anyway ?. Had a lovely workout, then a meditation session and a little cannabis, then engaged the crowd primed/focused on the sorta of inclusion and exploration I wanted to practice that night. Meanwhile, a fellow who had attended a similar event and met Liam briefly in 2021 was also there and apparently had been carrying a torch for the last 3 years. Given that Liam has a reeeally hard time with asymmetrical emotional investments, and that he can get tunnel vision in socially complex situations, Liam sorta spent the evening reenacting a John Updike novel.
  • 
• Added a journaling column to the tracker below. Fingers crossed.

 

[Laghail]

On 9/15/2024 at 1:57 PM, sarakingdom said:

A Woman Speaks

By Audre Lorde

 

Gorgeous!

[AerynLee]

31 minutes ago, Laghail said:

So I sprained a floating rib while doing Turkish get-ups on Saturday.  Is what I told the chiro this morning, because while queers and non-monogamous people should have a doctor with whom we're comfortable speaking candidly about our recreational activities, I'm very comfortable lying my face off to my Assemblies of God chiropractor. Turkish get-ups is apparently what we call doing n-dimensional gymnastics in a hot tub grotto and then waking up with a sprained/strained intercostal muscle the next morning.

And this is why I, as someone who is close enough to cis-het that everyone assumes I am, will loudly support those who are not because you should also be very comfortable not lying to medical providers. 

 

Similar reason as to why if one of the four houses on my street ever does go up for sale I will be flying all the flags in my yard the moment that for sale sign is posted; because the lesbian couple and the Mexican family should have neighbors who don't make them uncomfortable being who they are. 

[sylph]

Gently tread

Upon the Earth

And, all its little wonders

Show themselves to you

-Athey Thompson

 

Spoiler

A lot in a few words, again.

And yes Athey Thompson, again.

 

Take this one literally (be quiet in the forest and you'll see more 'nature') or as a figure of speech (don't stomp on everyone else around you and the little/delicate/fragile moments in life will reveal themselves), as you will, but the  advice contained in these short lines is good either way.

 

[Laghail]

20 minutes ago, sylph said:

 

-Athey Thompson

 

  Hide contents

A lot in a few words, again.

And yes Athey Thompson, again.

 

Take this one literally (be quiet in the forest and you'll see more 'nature') or as a figure of speech (don't stomp on everyone else around you and the little/delicate/fragile moments in life will reveal themselves), as you will, but the  advice contained in these short lines is good either way.

 

 

Thanks again for sharing Athey!

[Sea-to-sky]

14 hours ago, Laghail said:

I met him while he was mid-PhD and I was there for the fairly doomed tenure-track job search with the impossible additional constraints of finding a spot within 12 months (tragically not wealthy enough to support the 3-5 years of applications that it normally takes), north of the Mason-Dixon line (for weather & chronic illness reasons), and in a city with a pop of 300k or more (gay in a small town is only cute in rom-coms). Him switching to muggle-type jobs was more or less the plan the whole time, but it's happening! Now the trick will be supporting him as he gets used to muggle work, and then gently forcing supporting him in continuing to publish regularly, because the lad's heart is only really happy when he's stressing over a submission deadline.

Sounds like a big adjustment for him. Hope liams first day of muggle work goes well. He is awesome and of course has this ?

 

 

[sylph]

How's your week been?

[Laghail]

Friday September 20

King Nothing by 00Aquila00

• Mayo trip 2 of 3 completed! Easily the worst Mayo trip so far, apparently the psychiatry department is having a turf war over treatment methodologies, and yesterdays appointment was purely an exercise in department politics. Laura is escalating while she reviews local non-Mayo options - psychiatric care is such an intense discipline with patients often unable to have a perspective on their own care, and Laura is weirdly in the psychiatric department for Fibromyalgia (FMS) treatment instead of mental health care; apparently some psych meds are effective on FMS that normally are used for anti-seizure or antidepressants. The realpolitik part of my brain thinks that these psychiatrists aren't used to women needing care while also having a voice, sorta preferring The Yellow Wallpaper as their treatment paradigm. 
  • 
• Copying @Harriet and launching a secret project. So far I've ordered a hymnal and I'm scouting local practice opportunities. Stay tuned for loud shit.
• Anniversary date night tonight!! Seeing the Twin Cities' darling Dessa play on a small stage here in Milwaukee and I'm pumped. She'll likely be rocking material from her 2023 album and some poetry from her "Tits on the Moon" collection. Liam and I both struggle with live performances generally (anxiety/boredom/cost), and when we first saw her in 2022, we were still masking/distancing while Laura's health was extra-shitty. Still worth it. 
  • 
• Nora Brown was put on this earth to torment me with unquenchable jealousy, What is this actual child doing, shaming all mankind like this?? Opens with a modern clawhammer take on "East Virginia", then at 5:00 there's a gut-wrenching version of "John Brown's Dream" on pre-1880's gut-strung Banjo. This hurts to watch, in the best way.

 

[Laghail]

The Body

by Dessa

 

Most of your body is water.

 

Also, most of your body is oxygen.

 

Most of your body lives in darkness because it is 
the part of your body inside your body.

 

Some of the water that is your body will leak out 
through your skin at the gym.

 

If you removed all of your DNA and piled it on the coffee table, 
it would weigh about half a pound.

 

Your body is yours for as long as you’re around. 
But it will last a little longer than you do.

 

Your body comes with thumbs that don’t seem particularly special 
until someone explains them to you.

 

Your body is a space suit. You are not viable outside of it. 

 

Your skeleton is a puppet wrapped up in its own strings. 

 

Your life is a brief parole from non-existence.

 

Most of the cells in your body aren’t human.
They’re microbes, technically not yours at all.

 

Your body is the holster for your name. You will have to share 
your name with many other people. You will probably share 
your body with some people too.

 

There are only two alternatives to death.
But we haven’t discovered either of them yet.

 

 

[Harriet]

10 minutes ago, Laghail said:

apparently some psych meds are effective on FMS that normally are used for anti-seizure or antidepressants. 

 

That's interesting. Anti seizure meds are used off label for severe mental illness. I learned this from Chris Palmer, who is using keto (an anti seizure intervention) for mental illness. Interesting work he's doing--he's trying to tie all the chronic modern diseases back to metabolism and mitochondrial dysfunction. Doesn't work for CFS, though, AFAIK. There's a metabolic component, but it's not straightforward. Alas.

 

10 minutes ago, Laghail said:

• Copying @Harriet and launching a secret project. So far I've ordered a hymnal and I'm scouting local practice opportunities. Stay tuned for loud shit.

Are you going to learn to play hymns on organs? If so, I would say the secrecy aspect needs work. I hope you enjoy it thoroughly, in any case.

[Laghail]

4 minutes ago, Harriet said:

That's interesting. Anti seizure meds are used off label for severe mental illness. I learned this from Chris Palmer, who is using keto (an anti seizure intervention) for mental illness. Interesting work he's doing--he's trying to tie all the chronic modern diseases back to metabolism and mitochondrial dysfunction. Doesn't work for CFS, though, AFAIK. There's a metabolic component, but it's not straightforward. Alas.

 

The stakes are so different when you're reading research on your own or a family member's condition, nu?

 

4 minutes ago, Harriet said:

Are you going to learn to play hymns on organs? If so, I would say the secrecy aspect needs work. I hope you enjoy it thoroughly, in any case.

 

Christ no, but I appreciate the secrecy note!

[Sea-to-sky]

27 minutes ago, Laghail said:

apparently some psych meds are effective on FMS that normally are used for anti-seizure or antidepressants

Yeah, seizure meds are weird crud. Many many of them have a ton of off label uses.

 

Personal advice, if she gets prescribed them, google the side effects because some of them will not be on the info slip. For example,  Many of the ones used offlabel for depression can have sexual side effects that are not mentioned on the label for some reason. In a similar way to SSRI’s (they may or may not be similarish). Forewarned is fore armed. Crossing all my digits that they are a positive experience for her (some of the side effects can be pretty horrible if you are unlucky). 
 

 

great poem. Bodies are really really weird things. The whole intestines = surface area of a tennis court is one of my fave random facts. 

[Harriet]

4 minutes ago, Laghail said:

The stakes are so different when you're reading research on your own or a family member's condition, nu?

 

Maybe there are no stakes. Maybe there's no improvement to be had. I don't know. 

 

4 minutes ago, Laghail said:

Christ no, but I appreciate the secrecy note!

 

Well but if you are not learning to play hymns on organs, then I don't know what you're up to and your secret is safe so the note on secrecy is not needed. Carry on!

[Laghail]

Tuesday September 24

 

Quote

Verona: I have cat-like reflexes.

Lucy: Prove it.

Verona: (points to a cat)

Verona: I like that cat.

• Dessa was great. Dessa was fucking great. Dessa has been performing for the last 23 years and this small stage context she's been in since she left(?) Doomtree is her virtuoso playground. Every fucking gesture and angle of her body is is polished to accent her music and poetry, and her accompanists Aviva Jaye on harp and Joshua Holmgreen on saxophone & keyboard broaden her solo numbers into this beautiful hybrid. The lady even has the audacity to manufacture a viral moment at each stop on this tour where she came off stage, had everyone light her with their camera phones and then performed the piece "How to Stage Dive" in the middle of everyone. 10/10
  • 
• Happy bi visibility day, belated. Not my holiday but it was my first event to produce in this volunteer role and it was 3.5/5 stars, all said and done. I ran a "Battle of the Bicons", a humorous ladder tournament ranking of bi icons as an excuse to celebrate queer heroes. The slide deck came together, the audience participation was decent, and the pacing of the event was smooth - I just had 10 mins of dead air after I axed the actual ladder tournament last second when I realized of the bi heroes nominated, the clear winners of every match up would be the white actors and singers. Zero shade to anyone involved, just Audre Lorde and Billie Holiday can't win a popularity contest vs Lady Gaga and Aubrey Plaza! ? I stole the ending dialogue from SIX and announced the ladder tournament was a fake-out and queers don't need to compete, and the audience filled the last 10 mins with spontaneous commentary on their own heroes, on Malcom X as an example of a bisexual who never claimed the title or came out, Megan Fox as a locus of "queer baiting" discourse, and Sir Alec Guinness as our token self-hating queer. 
  •   
• Having money/finance discussions with Liam around changing roles with him no longer a student. I know this is a revelation of ancient deep wisdom, but it turns out money conversations are exhausting?? Even when there's no crisis to solve but just two well meaning people having routine pre-marriage sorta chats about income and expenses and expectations and financial history, fuck it's exhausting. 

[Sea-to-sky]

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

Happy bi visibility day, belated

Happy Bi visibility day (also belatedly ?) i had it on the calendar and forgot to do anything for it. Oh well, the thought was there

[Laghail]

How to Stage Dive

by Dessa 

 

Pay attention to your posture while singing and practicing guitar. High school is a great time to start.

 

At your first open mic, speak and sing more slowly than feels natural. Time moves differently up there, and it always will.

 

Accept every performance that you are offered. When you get a plain envelope with some cash in it, pay a little tax anyway.

 

The humblest shows in coffee shops and rec centers will be the most important of your career because the shy kid in the back grows up to work for Warner.

 

Arrive on time. Even if the headliner is late. Don't eat or drink anything expensive backstage unless you are invited.

 

Stand by the merch booth after a show. If you played well and you have a sharpie in your hand, it will occur to somebody to ask for an autograph. And then a line will form.

 

Carry reserves of aspirin, allergy medicine and hot sauce. This habit will double your value to the touring party.

 

Nobody is named "Hey sound Man."

 

Do not trash the green room. Little clubs are owned by the same people who own big clubs. And you will have to come back to Omaha someday.

 

Hire people that you trust. Keyboard can be learned. Character cannot.

 

Yes, a grilled cheese sandwich can be made with the hotel iron. Do it once and then get over it. The grease is messing up everybody's clothes.

 

Help load in the heavy gear. The band will notice and talk about it when you are not around.

 

Your van will be robbed. Bring the merch cash and your laptop inside every single night.

 

When your name is on the marquee, take a picture. You're allowed.

 

Perform at least one song very well during soundcheck because the bartenders are listening and they are the viceroys here with the ear of the booker whose pen signs your check.

 

White shirts will show sweat rings. Tight stripes confuse the TV cameras. We all wear black on stage for a reason.

 

Invite your openers to help themselves to the cheap beers. Save the good stuff for your people.

 

Pick a city where you have a strong draw, preferably a sellout, and towards the end of the set, play your second biggest song. Ask the band to loop the outro.

 

Walk to the edge of the stage. Take a small step that puts your toes over the edge. Lift your arms. The front two rows are close enough to see what you are thinking already.

 

Rock back twice in time with the music to prime them and then jump.

 

Land on your back. Land on your back, on their bed of palms.

 

You will not feel weightless. You will feel the full heft of your grown body muscled up to the light by drunk people of varying heights.

 

And you will want to lift your head to look back at your band, your friends on stage, to say this is madness, or Come and join me. But you don't have time for that because now you have to focus.

 

Look up at the ceiling, the light trusses, the calcified smoke below the fingers curl around your ankles. Listen to the voices below coordinating your safe passage. Make yourself into a battery to store some of this feeling because it is the currency of your life and it is only ever dispensed this way. Sandblasted. And there will be many months and some years where you will receive no payments at all. And you will need to draw on this reserve of elation and arrogance and selfishness and selflessness and communion while your friends buy dogs and houses.

 

You can't steer really. The crowd just sets you back on stage when it is time. 

[Sea-to-sky]

The fire is burning warm in the hearth and i thought of this. Its autumnal as this time of year is inextricably coloured with evening fires and the smell of wood smoke for me

 

[sylph]

It's a poetry kind of day, it seems.

 

 

more ee cummings:

 

 

anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.

 

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn’t they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

 

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

 

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone’s any was all to her

 

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

 

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

 

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

 

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

 

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

 

 

Spoiler

I have a LOT of capital F Feelings about this one at different times and on different days, so I won't get into all of it here. I will just say that "one day anyone died i guess" absolutely KILLS me every time I read it. The off-handed casualness of it...gah!

 

[Snarkyfishguts]

Your spreadsheet reminds me of Murdle. Which is a fun logic game. 

 

I agree with you that everyone needs a medical professional they can talk to without judgment. I personally feel that should be ALL medical professionals. I'm a cis-het  white woman and I have to advocate so hard for basic care, so I can imagine that it's at least three times as hard for anyone else who doesn't share one or all of the those first three identifiers. 

 

[Laghail]

34 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

Your spreadsheet reminds me of Murdle. Which is a fun logic game. 

This one? What's it about? 

 

The spreadsheets are this months attempt to passively observe some tasks, and enforce rigor/daily compliance for other tasks. WIP for sure!

 

34 minutes ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

I agree with you that everyone needs a medical professional they can talk to without judgment. I personally feel that should be ALL medical professionals. I'm a cis-het  white woman and I have to advocate so hard for basic care, so I can imagine that it's at least three times as hard for anyone else who doesn't share one or all of the those first three identifiers. 

 

Dude, what the fuck is up with the medical industry and your people?? These doctors and nurses, who mean the best and train extensively in client care, they put on a white coat and they suddenly aren't capable of hearing when a woman talks??

 

53 minutes ago, sylph said:

It's a poetry kind of day, it seems.

more ee cummings:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I have a LOT of capital F Feelings about this one at different times and on different days, so I won't get into all of it here. I will just say that "one day anyone died i guess" absolutely KILLS me every time I read it. The off-handed casualness of it...gah!

 

 

Sylph, that's lovely and sad! 

 

1 hour ago, Sea-to-sky said:

The fire is burning warm in the hearth and i thought of this. Its autumnal as this time of year is inextricably coloured with evening fires and the smell of wood smoke for me

The Woodfire Poem - Lady Celia Congreve

 

Just lovely. Feels almost like it could be sung in a round, if it had a decent refrain.

[Snarkyfishguts]

9 minutes ago, Laghail said:

This one? What's it about? 

It's a puzzle game using a logic grid to detemine whodunnit. It's like Clue!  I really enjoy it. You can play it online too MURDLE: Daily mystery puzzles by G. T. Karber

9 minutes ago, Laghail said:

The spreadsheets are this months attempt to passively observe some tasks, and enforce rigor/daily compliance for other tasks. WIP for sure!

I like them a lot! 

 

9 minutes ago, Laghail said:

 

Dude, what the fuck is up with the medical industry and your people?? These doctors and nurses, who mean the best and train extensively in client care, they put on a white coat and they suddenly aren't capable of hearing when a woman talks??

 

It's weird for sure. My current general practioner is amazing but it took me years to find her. I feel like we really work well together.  I've had some bad experiences.  My goal in life now is to just stay out of the doctors office as much as possible  My mom was friends with a woman who lived to be 97 and was a nurse and my mom said "What advice do you have for a long life?" and she said "Stay the hell away from doctors."   So it's not a new situation fer sure. But there are some good ones who aren't completely burned out after Covid. 

 

[Sea-to-sky]

12 hours ago, Laghail said:

Just lovely. Feels almost like it could be sung in a round, if it had a decent refrain

Its not just beautiful but i like that its intended as a useful poem. One with a practical purpose. So people can remember what woods to use and which to avoid. Its one people often try to memorise if they're into outdoors bushcrafty type stuff here. Less useful in the u.s. possibly. But it is handy if you have a wood fire in your house in the uk

[Mad Hatter]

Umm, how does one read poetry? I feel I'm too stupid to get 99% of it. Or too impatient. I like the one with fun facts about the body though! Simple mind. ?

[Sea-to-sky]

23 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Umm, how does one read poetry? I feel I'm too stupid to get 99% of it. Or too impatient. I like the one with fun facts about the body though! Simple mind

Poetry is a bit like enjoying paintings in that everyone gets something different from the same piece. No two people will read the poem in quite the same way. 
so theres no wrong way of doing it. Everyone has different taste and opinions and they're all equally valid. Everyone comes at a piece from their own perspective and life experiences, so will experience it differently. 
personally short stories are not my cup of tea. They are just the wrong length for me to enjoy.

[Laghail]

5 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Umm, how does one read poetry? I feel I'm too stupid to get 99% of it. Or too impatient. I like the one with fun facts about the body though! Simple mind. ?

 

I contend that people are playing an emperor has no clothes kinda game with art, where we're told real grown-ups understand and seek out pieces like Jackson Pollock's "Convergence", or Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress"; only failed adults, only nerds, only uneducated degenerates enjoy shit like Briana Raucci's "Moo Deng", Lucas Werneck panel from House of M #7, or Cardi B's "WAP".

It's all the same, us hairless apes screaming and fucking onto a canvas. All of it. His Coy Mistress was written in 1650 with "And tear our pleasures with rough strife / Through the iron gates of life", while Cardi B waited until 2020 to pen "I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage / Make it cream, make me scream", both of them celebrating the joys of a rough fuck. Enjoy whichever artist turns you on more.

 

4 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Poetry is a bit like enjoying paintings in that everyone gets something different from the same piece. No two people will read the poem in quite the same way. 
so theres no wrong way of doing it. Everyone has different taste and opinions and they're all equally valid. Everyone comes at a piece from their own perspective and life experiences, so will experience it differently. 
personally short stories are not my cup of tea. They are just the wrong length for me to enjoy.

 

Love the agency here. "I don't like this work of art, and that's not a problem with me, and not something I have to fix. I just don't like it."

 

8 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Its not just beautiful but i like that its intended as a useful poem. One with a practical purpose. So people can remember what woods to use and which to avoid. Its one people often try to memorise if they're into outdoors bushcrafty type stuff here. Less useful in the u.s. possibly. But it is handy if you have a wood fire in your house in the uk

 

Nah, the piece is still handy here, yew and other British flora are thriving in the states, thanks to a long history of Americans suffering from Anglophilia. ?

 

20 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

It's a puzzle game using a logic grid to detemine whodunnit. It's like Clue!  I really enjoy it. You can play it online too MURDLE: Daily mystery puzzles by G. T. Karber

I like them a lot! 

 

Sounds like the rare game that's fun for two people, I'll give it a shot this winter. 

 

20 hours ago, Snarkyfishguts said:

It's weird for sure. My current general practioner is amazing but it took me years to find her. I feel like we really work well together.  I've had some bad experiences.  My goal in life now is to just stay out of the doctors office as much as possible  My mom was friends with a woman who lived to be 97 and was a nurse and my mom said "What advice do you have for a long life?" and she said "Stay the hell away from doctors."   So it's not a new situation fer sure. But there are some good ones who aren't completely burned out after Covid. 

 

Yeah, heard. I hate when my Laura's physical safety or legal competency is a function of her by chance encountering a mythical good cop good doctor. Good doctors are certainly out there, but what a fucking hellscape.