[Sea-to-sky]

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Leggings with pockets. That's what I want.

Leggings with pockets are amazing. Best invention
 

[Laghail]

11 hours ago, Harriet said:

 

I injured my neck and back in the gym (trapezius, I think). They're still recovering--feels like a normal small muscle tear. But the chest pain started the day after. I may have also pushed or pulled on the ribs too hard???? Unsure. And my brother passed on a bit of a cough while I was away so maybe my whole body is ANGRY? I DONT KNOWWWW. It seems to have cleared up now, though.

 

This sounds like you need to not have a corporeal form for a little bit. Be a vapor or a goo or a plasma entity for a few days, then play with corporeality once solid state matter has apologized

.

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

I also need to rethink my workouts. If I keep taking time off, maybe it's too ambitious. Maybe tiny exercises I can do at home--like the single set of lunges I just did--is the way to go. I keep thinking I'm the same as I was 7 years ago when I started lifting and went to the gym pretty consistently for a couple of years. But apparently, I'm not. Difficult to accept that my baseline has gone done even from that low level. Or maybe just my emotional ability and willingness to push through fatigue. Either way, I have to devise a plan that works right now.

 

Hrm, I wish I could setup a chance for you and Laura to chat. She has a lot of the same struggles and non-linear progress with physical health as complicated by chronic fatigue and the de-conditioning that sets in while her body recovers. 

 

1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Oh and I spent another few hours on the candidates. Mr Harriet and I are largely aligned on who is the most interesting, but his co-director has other ideas. But she was too busy to read their publications, so she is judging by the research proposals. Mr Harriet insists on paying for my editing and other work. So now I can buy LEGGINGS! Which is what an exhausted villain needs. Leggings with pockets. That's what I want.

 

Lovely sounding collaboration between you and the mister. Please send legging pattern options for vicarious shopping thrills.

[Everstorm]

I definitely find microworkouts to be more palatable in the face of mental/physical fatigue.  I am currently doing 2-3 dailies at 5-10 minutes each.

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Leggings with pockets are amazing. Best invention

 

Now that I know they exist, I feel nothing but contempt for leggings without pockets. I'm currently trying to research to see if the more expensive established athletic brands are actually better quality or just marketing. 

 

52 minutes ago, Laghail said:

This sounds like you need to not have a corporeal form for a little bit. Be a vapor or a goo or a plasma entity for a few days, then play with corporeality once solid state matter has apologized

 

Being vapour for a few days sounds AMAZING this is the best idea.

 

52 minutes ago, Laghail said:

Hrm, I wish I could setup a chance for you and Laura to chat. She has a lot of the same struggles and non-linear progress with physical health as complicated by chronic fatigue and the de-conditioning that sets in while her body recovers. 

 

What does Laura do for strength/muscle?

 

52 minutes ago, Laghail said:

Lovely sounding collaboration between you and the mister.

 

Yes, I love being useful. And it was nice to hear him say in the therapy how involved and supportive I am with his work. And today he emphasised repeatedly how valuable my help is to him. And of course money for leggings. Years ago I said I would edit for him for free, but he insisted, for my self respect, that I must charge a standard rate. Also he has more leggings money than me, so a little redistribution is all to the good. 

 

52 minutes ago, Laghail said:

Please send legging pattern options for vicarious shopping thrills.

 

Hmmm. I just want high waisted plain leggings with side pockets. Some in black, some in colours. I will wear with oversized sweaters. And maybe white button down shirts, if I buy some? I dunno I'm pretty bad at fashion. And the reason for the leggings is partly that I want to try them for the POTS and partly they are comfy and easier to fit well than stupid standard pants with their stupid waist hip ratio. 

Oh. While I was searching for sweater leggings outfits combos I found this. Impractical, but intriguing. 

 

 

12 minutes ago, Everstorm said:

I definitely find microworkouts to be more palatable in the face of mental/physical fatigue.  I am currently doing 2-3 dailies at 5-10 minutes each.

Oooh. Three workouts a day is something I never considered but WHY NOT? Left leg in the morning, Right leg at noon! 

[Sea-to-sky]

13 hours ago, Harriet said:

Oooh. Three workouts a day is something I never considered but WHY NOT? Left leg in the morning, Right leg at noon! 

Doing the darebee 5 times a week is definitely helping me. Finding it especially good for lower leg strength and balance.
very manageable even on bad weeks for me and does make a difference. Would recommend 

[Sea-to-sky]

13 hours ago, Harriet said:

Oh. While I was searching for sweater leggings outfits combos I found this. Impractical, but intriguing. 

Ooh, those are cool. My brain is going “oh my god that would be such a complex knit. Look at all the cables and beehive!” 
 

awkward hip dimensions are a pain. Have been trying to find a new pair of shorts all summer that dont look utterly horrible. So far no luck

[Harriet]

3 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Doing the darebee 5 times a week is definitely helping me. Finding it especially good for lower leg strength and balance.
very manageable even on bad weeks for me and does make a difference. Would recommend 

 

That's good to hear.

 

3 hours ago, Sea-to-sky said:

Ooh, those are cool. My brain is going “oh my god that would be such a complex knit. Look at all the cables and beehive!” 

 

I don't mind cables. Beehives are just cables. But my main problem is that hand knits stretch out considerably, so I don't suppose these would look good except for that initial photograph.

[Harriet]

Gym Garnet: 3
Sauna Star Sapphire: 3

Paint Pearl: 3
Mindfulness Moonbar: 10

***** Diamond: 6

 

I'm adding a tiny gym garnet from my tiny workout. Yes, tiny workouts count. One set of lunges. 

Nothing else much today. Very tired and demotivated. 

[Everstorm]

 

Yay tiny workouts!

[AverageFish]

On 9/6/2024 at 8:28 AM, Harriet said:

Instead of counting streaks, which can be broken, I want to count actions cumulatively

So much wisdom in this!

I just perused your thread - so sorry to hear that health challenges have been such a struggle. I'm impressed with your realistically positive approach - doing what your body allows and still seeking the joy in life.

[Mad Hatter]

On 9/20/2024 at 8:58 PM, Harriet said:

I'm currently trying to research to see if the more expensive established athletic brands are actually better quality or just marketing.

I'd say yes, cheap leggings are all too made from flimsy transparent fabric and/or feel gross and plasticky. Expensive doesn't automatically make them any better mind. I still always have to do the bend over to awkwardly check out my butt in the mirror test. ?

 

On 9/20/2024 at 8:58 PM, Harriet said:

Years ago I said I would edit for him for free, but he insisted, for my self respect, that I must charge a standard rate.

Mr Harriet is quite right!

 

19 hours ago, Harriet said:

I don't mind cables. Beehives are just cables. But my main problem is that hand knits stretch out considerably, so I don't suppose these would look good except for that initial photograph.

Shame, they look super comfy!

[Harriet]

17 hours ago, Everstorm said:

 

Yay tiny workouts!

 

Yay! Who are those tiny people? They're too tiny to see.

 

8 hours ago, AverageFish said:

So much wisdom in this!

I just perused your thread - so sorry to hear that health challenges have been such a struggle. I'm impressed with your realistically positive approach - doing what your body allows and still seeking the joy in life.

 

Thank you kindly! I don't know why I keep making hopeful plans, but the alternative is not pleasant to consider. 

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

I'd say yes, cheap leggings are all too made from flimsy transparent fabric and/or feel gross and plasticky. Expensive doesn't automatically make them any better mind. I still always have to do the bend over to awkwardly check out my butt in the mirror test. ?

 

Alas! So, I've seen leggings from 10 all the way up to 100 euros. I find 100 euros to be really a lot for what is pretty obviously an inexpensive item to make. I assume there's some price point at which quality is already maximised and the rest is advertising, but where? 20? 40? 60? 

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Mr Harriet is quite right!

 

Well thank you. 

 

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Shame, they look super comfy!

 

The ones in the picture might be machine knit at a very fine, tight gauge, which could make them more durable. So if you find where to buy them, don't let me dissuade you! 

[Harriet]

Gym Garnet: 3
Sauna Star Sapphire: 3

Paint Pearl: 3
Mindfulness Moonbar: 11

***** Diamond: 7

 

I managed a top secret plan action and a small meditation. Chest/rib pain is still present but surrounding tension is reducing.

Dad arrived today. My brother kept him for a week and sent him back to Berlin to spend ten days here. I find having dad as a visitor tiring and I was hoping Brometheus would have him for half the time.  I'm angry because I am not recovered from the week we spent in Seehausen and I can scarcely believe a week has passed since I got back. Just a dead week lost to illness. I'm angry because my brother was booking the tickets and asked me "Is that okay?" while all three of us were in the room and I could scarcely say "No I don't want dad here for that long, keep him for nine days," because I don't want dad to feel like a burden. So I just said grumpily that it's fine but I don't have the energy to do anything with him, and Dad said "that's no good. If you're already stressed about me being there then we'll make a different arrangement," picking up on my grumpiness, but my brother went ahead and booked his ticket back anyway. I'm angry at my brother because I think part of his reason is he wanted to spend time with his new boyfriend.

Anyway, I told dad my limits are much lower than we thought and that includes talking. I said we can chat at breakfast and dinner, and watch tv together after dinner, and that's about it unless I feel well enough to do an outing. I suggested he go for walks in the park and asked him if he could imagine planning meals and getting groceries for us. He agreed. He said I don't have to entertain him and was very sympathetic to my explanation. But he also kept talking to me after I said I need a break until dinner and put my headphones on. He agreed but then started telling me about something else--he always does this on our video calls after I say goodbye--he agrees it's time to go and then just starts another line of discussion. So I just told him "You can tell me about that at dinner." I don't enjoy having to be the enforcer. I hate being so hard with my dad, who is the most loving and self sacrificing person ever. But he makes it necessary because he can't stop talking and he always wants to spend more time with everyone. Anyway, he keeps telling me he's fine and doesn't need anything so maybe I should believe him and just chill. 

 

I'm thinking about how to proceed, as I always do when my plans fails, as they always do. I know I need to focus on recovery, not workouts. Because my workouts keep failing from under-recovery. The most important facets of recovery are food, sleep, rest and stress reduction. After spying on the conversations of other people with CFS and long covid online, it seems pretty clear that looking at screen is NOT rest. This is one area I'm really failing at. My "rest" is just crappy addictive scrolling of reddit. My eyes are so tired that all the text is double. I need the discipline to mix up my rest activities during the day--some of it can be reading, but some has to be listening or watching. I actually seriously need to schedule video games and podcasts and YouTube lol. But I also need periods of lying down with eyes closed, and actual meditation. Rest, mindfulness and stress reduction during the day are my absolute weakest point. 

I think I might have to actually quit the gym for now. Even the walk is tiring. I'll do micro workouts at home, and short walks only to the park, with no gym bag, on flat ground. 

Sleep is okay. 

And food... I'm wondering if a small surplus would be helpful. I'm thinking about setting my goal in macrofactor to bulk as slowly as possible. That way it will go just over my maintenance. And since maintenance is dynamic, my TDEE itself should go up in response, which will keep the actual weight gain even slower. I could probably do this for a few months and only gain a couple of kg, which is not a disaster. If my lifting guru is right about calories being one of the most important aspects of fatigue reduction, this could help. He also says carbs are really important for recovery. I did about a week or two of keto before giving up this time. I'm just burned out on all kinds of dieting, and I forgot how hard it is without eggs and cow's milk and if one is trying hard to reduce omega 6 fats (excluding nuts and high fat pork/chicken). It sucks. 

So... the recovery plan is: small surplus, no carb restriction, no gym, micro home workouts, scheduling different types of leisure activity and trying hard to stick at meditation and regular proper do-nothing rest breaks? 

[Everstorm]

15 hours ago, Harriet said:

Yay! Who are those tiny people? They're too tiny to see.

 

 

It's a scene from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids [1989].  It's a sci-fi comedy/adventure where 4 kids get shrunk to 1/4 inch (0.6 cm) tall, have epic battles with ants and spiders and whatnot trying to get back to the lab to be restored to full size.  The game Grounded [2020] was largely inspired by the film.

[Laghail]

22 hours ago, Harriet said:

I managed a top secret plan action and a small meditation. Chest/rib pain is still present but surrounding tension is reducing.

 

Your hubris has revealed everything!! Your top secret plan is to play the pipe organ! J'accuse! 

 

22 hours ago, Harriet said:

Dad arrived today. My brother kept him for a week and sent him back to Berlin to spend ten days here. I find having dad as a visitor tiring and I was hoping Brometheus would have him for half the time.  I'm angry because I am not recovered from the week we spent in Seehausen and I can scarcely believe a week has passed since I got back. Just a dead week lost to illness. I'm angry because my brother was booking the tickets and asked me "Is that okay?" while all three of us were in the room and I could scarcely say "No I don't want dad here for that long, keep him for nine days," because I don't want dad to feel like a burden. So I just said grumpily that it's fine but I don't have the energy to do anything with him, and Dad said "that's no good. If you're already stressed about me being there then we'll make a different arrangement," picking up on my grumpiness, but my brother went ahead and booked his ticket back anyway. I'm angry at my brother because I think part of his reason is he wanted to spend time with his new boyfriend.

Anyway, I told dad my limits are much lower than we thought and that includes talking. I said we can chat at breakfast and dinner, and watch tv together after dinner, and that's about it unless I feel well enough to do an outing. I suggested he go for walks in the park and asked him if he could imagine planning meals and getting groceries for us. He agreed. He said I don't have to entertain him and was very sympathetic to my explanation. But he also kept talking to me after I said I need a break until dinner and put my headphones on. He agreed but then started telling me about something else--he always does this on our video calls after I say goodbye--he agrees it's time to go and then just starts another line of discussion. So I just told him "You can tell me about that at dinner." I don't enjoy having to be the enforcer. I hate being so hard with my dad, who is the most loving and self sacrificing person ever. But he makes it necessary because he can't stop talking and he always wants to spend more time with everyone. Anyway, he keeps telling me he's fine and doesn't need anything so maybe I should believe him and just chill. 

 

a. Not a joke - if someone can't understand/respect your needs/boundaries, they're not skillfully showing you love or care. Not talking about intentions, but just, your needs are what they are. Your version of together time needs your dad to quietly read a book or watch a show with you while not talking.  He can't track that this is the capacity you have for him.

b. Sorta a joke - the prolonged goodbye phenomenon is called "The midwest goodbye" and it's v v real. 

 

 

22 hours ago, Harriet said:

I think I might have to actually quit the gym for now. Even the walk is tiring. I'll do micro workouts at home, and short walks only to the park, with no gym bag, on flat ground. 

 

Heck yes, good on you for exploring your needs.

 

22 hours ago, Harriet said:

So... the recovery plan is: small surplus, no carb restriction, no gym, micro home workouts, scheduling different types of leisure activity and trying hard to stick at meditation and regular proper do-nothing rest breaks? 

 

Can I trick you into acquiring some analogue do nothing rest options? Like a coloring book or weed or a jigsaw puzzle or anything to give your brain something restful to do instead of staring at the yellow wallpaper and begging for the sweet release of death?  If complete neutral time to do nothing is engaging and restful, you got this and I'm in full support. I'm projecting on you my tendency to remove something I see as unhelpful in my life, without replacing it with anything, or with replacing it with the activity equivalent of melba toast.  No shit I tend to fail at my virtuous attempts to give up something I'm very engaged with, so I can instead stare at the ceiling. 

[Harriet]

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

Your hubris has revealed everything!! Your top secret plan is to play the pipe organ! J'accuse! 

 

No, nope, that's not it. ?

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

a. Not a joke - if someone can't understand/respect your needs/boundaries, they're not skillfully showing you love or care. Not talking about intentions, but just, your needs are what they are. Your version of together time needs your dad to quietly read a book or watch a show with you while not talking.  He can't track that this is the capacity you have for him.

 

Yeah he's not skilled. Caring, but not skilled. I figured we could watch tv after dinner. He's never seen the mandolorian so that's the plan. 

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

b. Sorta a joke - the prolonged goodbye phenomenon is called "The midwest goodbye" and it's v v real. 

 

Oh goddess that's horrific. 

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

Heck yes, good on you for exploring your needs.

 

Cheers. I keep trying. ?

 

1 hour ago, Laghail said:

Can I trick you into acquiring some analogue do nothing rest options? Like a coloring book or weed or a jigsaw puzzle or anything to give your brain something restful to do instead of staring at the yellow wallpaper and begging for the sweet release of death?  If complete neutral time to do nothing is engaging and restful, you got this and I'm in full support. I'm projecting on you my tendency to remove something I see as unhelpful in my life, without replacing it with anything, or with replacing it with the activity equivalent of melba toast.  No shit I tend to fail at my virtuous attempts to give up something I'm very engaged with, so I can instead stare at the ceiling. 

 

Weed? As in Marijuana? I don't think I need to introduce that variable just now. Family history of psychosis. But colouring in sounds very soothing. I also love jigsaw puzzles but they get done in a couple of days and then it's over and my neck hurts and I have to buy another one.

[Harriet]

Oh for fuck's sake. Orange has another bladder inflammation. Number five. I'm struggling to manage my own stress and depression at this. Firstly, when she's in pain and meows it just reaches straight into my heart and murders me. Secondly, I am despairing at the prospect of having to take her to the vet every couple of months, which is stressful for us both. Thirdly, how are we going to travel if she gets sick all the time? Mr Harriet wants to go away over winter but I don't feel good about leaving her. According to the internet it could be feline idiopathic cystitis, which is exacerbated by stress, and a cat can be stressed by anything, including change of carer or feeding times. What do? 

[Everstorm]

It's so hard to see pets suffering ? 

[Sea-to-sky]

On 9/22/2024 at 4:49 PM, Harriet said:

So... the recovery plan is: small surplus, no carb restriction, no gym, micro home workouts, scheduling different types of leisure activity and trying hard to stick at meditation and regular proper do-nothing rest breaks?

This sounds really positive. I hope it goes well for you and you find a good rest/activity schedule balance to recharge to. 

 

i know it sucks, but learning to spot, diagnose and then get yourself out of energy holes (instead of digging them deeper) is such an important skill. Everything in your plan sounds really constructive, and i hope it works well for you. 
 

Having some eyes closed time with a film on quietly in the background can work well (pick something youve watched before) if you struggle with the meditation. 
(personally found the M.E./CFS killed my ability to meditate as it just took too much energy to concentrate like that.)

 

i find i need more sleep than i think i do. When i was worse 10-11 hours was an optimum sleep length for me. 

Unrefreshing sleep can also be a big thing to watch out for with M.E/CFS. 
 

the plan sounds great though, so i hope its positive to the recharging. 
 

i find i just have to be blunt and to the point about my energy levels with people. Its pretty normal for me to say i need space or am too tired for people in the same room as me. Need to stop taking becuase im tired, or need to leave the room becuase a conversation is too heavy for me.
Even family member who live in the same house as me and have seen me go through CFS for many years at this point, cant reliably tell when I'm very tired. Best plan is just to be upfront about stuff. Do not feel guilty about this. If you had a broken leg, you would say if you couldnt manage a set of stairs. Just becuse CFS is invisible doesnt make any needs you have any less important

@Laghail the extended goodbye is a british thing too sadly. I am very guilty of it at times. 

[Sea-to-sky]

16 hours ago, Harriet said:

No, nope, that's not it. ?

Shane, i was looking forward to the phantom of the opera impression

 

[Sea-to-sky]

16 hours ago, Harriet said:

feline idiopathic cystitis, which is exacerbated by stress, and a cat can be stressed by anything, including change of carer or feeding times. What do? 

Oh no. poor orange.
Our cat had this and for many years got flare ups near xmas (she was abandoned in the woods then). If it is this and you can work out whats triggering it, you can mitigate it by removing the trigger. 
hopefully it is just the regular sort though and is just reoccurring. Hope she gets better quickly. 

[Laghail]

21 hours ago, Harriet said:

Oh for fuck's sake. Orange has another bladder inflammation. Number five. I'm struggling to manage my own stress and depression at this. Firstly, when she's in pain and meows it just reaches straight into my heart and murders me. Secondly, I am despairing at the prospect of having to take her to the vet every couple of months, which is stressful for us both. Thirdly, how are we going to travel if she gets sick all the time? Mr Harriet wants to go away over winter but I don't feel good about leaving her. According to the internet it could be feline idiopathic cystitis, which is exacerbated by stress, and a cat can be stressed by anything, including change of carer or feeding times. What do? 

 

Big hugs. Is travel stressful for you too tho? Not just the cat?

[Harriet]

On 9/24/2024 at 10:36 AM, Sea-to-sky said:

Hope she gets better quickly. 

 

Thanks ❤️ 

 

20 hours ago, Laghail said:

Big hugs. Is travel stressful for you too tho? Not just the cat?

 

Yes, travel is stressful for me. But it's something I'm willing to prioritise for Mr Harriet. It's also probably mentally healthy to not just be in the same room in the same house every day of my life.

[Mad Hatter]

On 9/22/2024 at 11:58 AM, Harriet said:

Alas! So, I've seen leggings from 10 all the way up to 100 euros. I find 100 euros to be really a lot for what is pretty obviously an inexpensive item to make. I assume there's some price point at which quality is already maximised and the rest is advertising, but where? 20? 40? 60?

Yeah 100 euros is absurd. But I wouldn't worry so much about how much is markup because it's kind of irrelevant. There are plenty expensive brand name leggings that feel horrid and cheaper ones that feel fine. And if you find more expensive ones wait until they're on sale.

 

On 9/22/2024 at 11:58 AM, Harriet said:

The ones in the picture might be machine knit at a very fine, tight gauge, which could make them more durable. So if you find where to buy them, don't let me dissuade you! 

No I think you're quite right, with my chonky thighs and inability to sit like a normal person they'd stretch out instantly. ? I've had this happen even with regular leggings of the cotton blend variety.

 

On 9/22/2024 at 5:49 PM, Harriet said:

If my lifting guru is right about calories being one of the most important aspects of fatigue reduction, this could help.

Now I'm curious, who's your lifting guru? ? It seems a very reasonable take and applicable for both athletes and recovering from sickness.

 

On 9/22/2024 at 5:49 PM, Harriet said:

If my lifting guru is right about calories being one of the most important aspects of fatigue reduction, this could help.
So... the recovery plan is: small surplus, no carb restriction, no gym, micro home workouts, scheduling different types of leisure activity and trying hard to stick at meditation and regular proper do-nothing rest breaks? 

Sounds like a decent plan.

 

On 9/23/2024 at 6:14 PM, Harriet said:

Oh for fuck's sake. Orange has another bladder inflammation. Number five. I'm struggling to manage my own stress and depression at this. Firstly, when she's in pain and meows it just reaches straight into my heart and murders me. Secondly, I am despairing at the prospect of having to take her to the vet every couple of months, which is stressful for us both. Thirdly, how are we going to travel if she gets sick all the time? Mr Harriet wants to go away over winter but I don't feel good about leaving her. According to the internet it could be feline idiopathic cystitis, which is exacerbated by stress, and a cat can be stressed by anything, including change of carer or feeding times. What do? 

Poor kitty. ?

[Harriet]

Gym Garnet: 4
Sauna Star Sapphire: 3

Paint Pearl: 3
Mindfulness Moonbar: 12

***** Diamond: 7

 

Added a mini workout and a meditation yesterday. 

 

The vet confirmed my understanding of the situation--it is likely feline idiopathic cystitis (but we need a urine sample when Orange is healthy to rule out kidney insufficiency) and this is a chronic condition that is primarily managed by stress reduction. Important points are: I can give her the painkiller at home next time she gets it, and I don't necessarily need to bring her in for an appointment if nothing new is happening. But the painkiller itself impairs kidney function, so prevention is preferable and it shouldn't be given more for days than necessary. The rule she gave me is give it until symptoms are gone, then +1 day. I got an info sheet and website recommendation for reducing stress. Orange is lazy and doesn't like playing, but I shouldn't have given up so early--I will find other ways to enrich the environment.  They also gave me a bladder health supplement to put on her food, and a pheromone diffuser to reduce stress, and they even recommended I hire a cat behaviourist to look at the apartment. Lastly, they agreed that wet food helps, if the cat doesn't drink a lot of water.

 

ETA Orange is fine at the moment. She's quite comfy with the painkiller. My main job is arranging the apartment and routine to lower her stress.