LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Hit]

 

 

I had a discussion in the Queer Student Union

 

 

 

their usage of those types of comments/words would dramatically decrease, also allowing those words and comments to be able to be reclaimed for positive purposes.

 

 

My stance on the matter wasn't agreed with by anyone. Everybody was of the opinion that, because of the history of those derogatory words, phrases, or comments, they would never be able to lose their negative associations.

 

 

Why is it that some people are of the opinion that we can't sanitize a word, even making a full 180°?

 

 

I had a discussion in the Queer Student Union

[Brawlrus]

Bleaching my hair is a pain in the ass, I want pink but it doesn't last long to begin with, and the last time I left blonde streaks to grow out it looked fucking terrible. Plus I need to get a job/internship in DC in the very near future and I'm pretty sure it would be difficult with a non traditional hair color.

eta: to clarify, I want to dye my hair ridiculous colors. I already dye it thanks to more grey hair than any 27-year-old should have to deal with, but that's not fun.

 

One of the last times I dyed mine, I went with the cheap, fire engine red, from Hot Topic. It turned bright pink within two washes. That's what I get for bleaching my head so white, I guess.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

One of the last times I dyed mine, I went with the cheap, fire engine red, from Hot Topic. It turned bright pink within two washes. That's what I get for bleaching my head so white, I guess.

 

Yeah, the hot topic stuff is so frustrating. I did electric blue in high school after bleaching my hair Billy Idol white. I had lilac hair within a week.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Yea I did the same thing with purple and it turned into a cool Magenta Hot pink mix

 

 

which funny enough is exactly what Latsu wants haha

[Jett]

Yeah, the hot topic stuff is so frustrating. I did electric blue in high school after bleaching my hair Billy Idol white. I had lilac hair within a week.

That doesn't sound like a problem to me! :B Lilac hair sounds great!

 

(But, I guess if you wanted blue, lilac is a little frustrating...)

 

I'm trying to find a work-from-home job so I can dye my hair fun colors and wear sweatpants all the time. Office dress codes are so boring.

[SjardisDead]

I'm trying to find a work-from-home job so I can dye my hair fun colors and wear sweatpants all the time. Office dress codes are so boring.

 

I don't know deppending on your office you can wear pretty cool dresses and suits/ shirts but hey I am a fan of this "high" class style and will never wear sweatpants.

[ColoQ]

**Wall of Text Alert**

...

I had a discussion in the Queer Student Union in my school about this philosophy and its potential use for our community. I opined that if we, as a group, didn't give people the satisfaction of a reaction to their hateful/derogatory comments, they would lose the power we, unintentionally, give them over us. I continued by saying that, if we take away the power from those people, their usage of those types of comments/words would dramatically decrease, also allowing those words and comments to be able to be reclaimed for positive purposes.

 

My stance on the matter wasn't agreed with by anyone. Everybody was of the opinion that, because of the history of those derogatory words, phrases, or comments, they would never be able to lose their negative associations.

 

TL;DR

He's rambling.

 

I agree with you on this point. .. purely from a rational level I even advocated it and attempted to implement it in my life until multiple friends told me I was being an insensitive asshole and I stopped. The problem is not that it is an incorrect from a conceptual standpoint: the problem is in the practical application of this concept. Getting  hundreds of thousands of people who have had those words used to oppress them, had it hurled at them while they were beaten or terrorized to look at the history and change their visceral emotional reaction to it is, in a nut shell, *Highly Improbable.

 

 

*not going to say impossible, but the odds of success are so low as to be effectively 0.

[ColoQ]

One of the last times I dyed mine, I went with the cheap, fire engine red, from Hot Topic. It turned bright pink within two washes. That's what I get for bleaching my head so white, I guess.

Last year I went to Electric Daisy Carnival I colored my Mohawk Bright Red.  with the temporary colors.   They washed out very easily... the dye job they did in my scalp underneath my mohawk did not. I looked like I got sunburnt only underneath my hair for 4 days afterwards. 

[Latsu Swagneel]

I agree with you on this point. .. purely from a rational level I even advocated it and attempted to implement it in my life until multiple friends told me I was being an insensitive asshole and I stopped. The problem is not that it is an incorrect from a conceptual standpoint: the problem is in the practical application of this concept. Getting hundreds of thousands of people who have had those words used to oppress them, had it hurled at them while they were beaten or terrorized to look at the history and change their visceral emotional reaction to it is, in a nut shell, *Highly Improbable.

*not going to say impossible, but the odds of success are so low as to be effectively 0.

First off, I just read through what I wrote, and, just saying, I'm surprised at my ability to form coherent sentences while being totally f***ed up.

Second point, what about that makes a person, as your friends put it, an "insensitive asshole"?

I do see your point when you say that it is highly improbable that getting millions of people, as a whole, to change their reaction to words that have been used to opress them. I'm not saying that we shouldn't react at all. Instead, what I'm trying to say is that, rather than give the satisfaction of an outward showing of negative emotions, we should, using words, explain to people why it is important that they stop. I guess my point of view, aside from the reason I already stated in the original comment, comes from my belief in the power of words over action, as well as my belief that violence is never an option because, as the saying goes, an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[SevenofSeven]

Isn't it these types of things where Ally's can help?

A little while ago and probably still today the kids and I mean all kids were using the term " That's so gay" as a derogatory term for anything, meaning the subject of their attention was shit, useless, ugly, etc, etc.

I jumped on it really hard here at home, by turning it into a personal connection, " So you are using a term that your Uncle uses to express himself as shit, ugly, useless? Is he?" We as a family had a discussion about how words can hurt more than a fist, and how about thinking about what these words might mean to someone very close to them.

When it was being thrown about at Scouts I did the exact same thing just omitting the personal aspect of it. Now I don't know if they use it when I am not around but I can only hope they will stop and think before they use it again.

[fleaball]

Well, I currently have purple hair, my previous color was bright blue with some purple in there, and the next color I'm doing will, as I mentioned a few posts back, be the Bi flag. After that, I'm planning on going as white as I can with pink streaks throughout. Not really quite sure what I'll do after that just yet.

How long is your hair that bleaching is enough of a hassle to not want to dye?

Are there any specific colors do you want to do?

A friend of mine puts the bleach in her dye and does it as one step together.

I will be the first to admit my lack of skill in bleaching my own hair (the one time i tried to do it, I burned my scalp. A lot.). So, instead of potentially injuring myself (again), I pay to have it done for me.

It's shoulder-length, and I'm impatient. Like I can't justify sitting there and doing it and then having the color fade/wash out in a few days. I did blue and purple streaks in college; the purple was gone within a week and the blue turned a really nasty green after a few days and naturally that stayed for like two months. Oops. 

 

Meh, I should probably stop whining. It's not that I can't dye it, it's that I won't do it because I can't justify time/cost/effort/etc. I'll just live vicariously through everyone here because y'all have mentioned some very interesting colors.

[Brawlrus]

Yeah, the hot topic stuff is so frustrating. I did electric blue in high school after bleaching my hair Billy Idol white. I had lilac hair within a week.

Yeah, no kidding. Lilac doesn't sound horrible, though. I tried it one other time, did ebony on only half of my head, for a black/white. After a week, it was a greenish oil slick, look. You could see all sorts of colors, when the sun hit it.

 

The worst part is, one of my best friends, at the time, was a beautician and could have done way better, for cost of materials.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Isn't it these types of things where Ally's can help?

A little while ago and probably still today the kids and I mean all kids were using the term " That's so gay" as a derogatory term for anything, meaning the subject of their attention was shit, useless, ugly, etc, etc.

I jumped on it really hard here at home, by turning it into a personal connection, " So you are using a term that your Uncle uses to express himself as shit, ugly, useless? Is he?" We as a family had a discussion about how words can hurt more than a fist, and how about thinking about what these words might mean to someone very close to them.

When it was being thrown about at Scouts I did the exact same thing just omitting the personal aspect of it. Now I don't know if they use it when I am not around but I can only hope they will stop and think before they use it again.

 

Agree, it's about people being concious of what they're doing using phrases like that. I know what I realized what I was doing slinging "that's gay" or "fag" around in high school, I stopped. In my friend group now we jump all over people for using it, so all the gay terms being used as generic derogatory terms have vanished completely from most of our repertoires. It's just making people aware.

 

It's shoulder-length, and I'm impatient. Like I can't justify sitting there and doing it and then having the color fade/wash out in a few days. I did blue and purple streaks in college; the purple was gone within a week and the blue turned a really nasty green after a few days and naturally that stayed for like two months. Oops. 

 

Meh, I should probably stop whining. It's not that I can't dye it, it's that I won't do it because I can't justify time/cost/effort/etc. I'll just live vicariously through everyone here because y'all have mentioned some very interesting colors.

 

Yeah, after the lilac incident, I stopped doing anything other than just straight bleaching it because it wsan't worth the effort of redoing so often.

[Hit]

 

 

Second point, what about that makes a person, as your friends put it, an "insensitive asshole"?

 

 

I know what I realized what I was doing slinging "that's gay" or "fag" around in high school, I stopped.

 

I think the original point was more on the reclamation of derogatory terms, and less on their use. Stopping people from using gay and fag interchangeably with lame and person-i-dont-like is good, and is definitely something allies can help with. Reclaiming words is kind of a group-only thing, and thats where you see the "thats our word" debate coming from. 

 

Warning - slurs incoming.

 

There's actually a pretty weird example of this difference in the use of the word tranny. Among (some) trans groups it's actually super common to hear trans people using it. And then among (some) drag groups its also pretty common to hear people who do drag use it to describe each other. And each group feels the other is being discriminatory for using it, while ALSO feeling that they're reclaiming it for themselves. See the ru pauls drag race "shemail" and "hot tranny mess" debacles. 

 

Personally I only use anti-queer slurs in all queer groups where people are very aware of the inherent satire (and when im discussing the use of hate speech i guess). That being said, queer used to be a slur and it was successfully reclaimed, so who even knows. 

[Jett]

Yeah, I think the reclaimation of "queer" shows that it can be done. Really, "gay" has managed to maintain a mostly neutral, descriptive connotation, even despite the trend in the 80s and 90s to use it in a non-sexual way to mean "lame" or whatever. I haven't heard any kids using it in that way for a while, although I haven't really hung out with teenagers in a while...

 

Can it be done for other slurs? Probably, although I'd also be perfectly happy to just see some of them disappear entirely.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

lets have a fun topic

 

Spit does not equal lube; no matter what Hollywood or Porn says.

[Latsu Swagneel]

I can safely say that I have never had someone spit...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

That's good. I was reading an article earlier (boiled down) that Hollywood shows unrealistic sex and that it really gets gay sex wrong with the fact that they show (implied) penetration with just a little bit of spit; and there is a fear that younger gay guys with the lack of proper sex education will think that's exactly how you do it.

 

So what's everyone favorite lube to get freaky with?

[insanity]

That's good. I was reading an article earlier (boiled down) that Hollywood shows unrealistic sex and that it really gets gay sex wrong with the fact that they show (implied) penetration with just a little bit of spit; and there is a fear that younger gay guys with the lack of proper sex education will think that's exactly how you do it.

 

So what's everyone favorite lube to get freaky with?

Motor oil... :-D

[Latsu Swagneel]

I don't really have a favorite...I usually use whatever the other person has already...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[fleaball]

[Latsu Swagneel]

YES. A THOUSAND TIMES, YES!

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

If that really smells/tastes like bacon I think I would thrown a little off

[fleaball]

According to BuzzFeed, it doesn't taste like bacon at all. Which is great on one hand, because yeah it would be weird. But on the other hand, how disappointing. Because bacon.

[insanity]

According to BuzzFeed, it doesn't taste like bacon at all. Which is great on one hand, because yeah it would be weird. But on the other hand, how disappointing. Because bacon.

Just use actual bacon grease... :-D

 

Edit: Bonus... It's Paleo...