LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Latsu Swagneel]

Depends on where you want to spend this day, it is legal in Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Mexico, Cambodia, Thailand, Japan, Russia, Finland, Hungary and Romania. And I am sure you can find a group near you.

And for the US nerds in Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Maine, Missouri you get at max 1 year, six months in California and in Nebraska only a Maximum of 3 months in prison and $500 fine.

You seem to have looked into this extensively...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[SjardisDead]

You seem to have looked into this extensively...

20 seconds google

  5 seconds clicking the first two links

40 seconds reading

60 seconds typing

 

125 seconds in total

[Jett]

But seriously. How can I celebrate Celebrate Bisexuality Day?

[SjardisDead]

But seriously. How can I celebrate Celebrate Bisexuality Day?

 

With having bisexual sex or hosting a party for Bisexuals.

[Latsu Swagneel]

http://us3.campaign-archive2.com/?u=0dffb27fba81aa6909bfdee0a&id=6d3c480034

There should be a list of events if you Google it. Or, check the BiNet USA Facebook group...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Jett]

With having bisexual sex or hosting a party for Bisexuals.

I guess bisexual sex would be sex in which a bisexual person is involved? So yeah, okay, I can have sex with my husband...

 

I'm not sure if I know any other bisexual (or pansexual) people. It might be kinda weird to have a party with my straight and gay friends, where I'm the only pan person there...

[Latsu Swagneel]

I guess bisexual sex would be sex in which a bisexual person is involved? So yeah, okay, I can have sex with my husband...

I'm not sure if I know any other bisexual (or pansexual) people. It might be kinda weird to have a party with my straight and gay friends, where I'm the only pan person there... [emoji14]

At my job this summer, we had (including myself, obviously) 5 bisexual identifying canvassers, and one openly Bi identifying Canvass Director.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Hey guys, sorry if I'm derailing the topic but I need a little insight. (TW: Suicide)

 

I recently attempted suicide and have been in the hospital for the last 15 days. Now that I am out I've let everyone know and asked people to be gentle with me, to which they have obliged. Here's where I could use a few different viewpoints for some advice.

 

Dysphoria from being seen in the hospital and treated as a woman (had that stupid F on my wrist all 15 days) has really lead to me feeling like I can spend no more time in this dreadful closet. I really want to come out. My question is, do you think now might or might not be the best time?

 

On the one hand, everyone is being gentle with me so there is ideally less chance of an angry outburst (ultra conservative Christian family) but on the other hand, they already have a lot to deal with and I could see how maybe now is not the best time for it and with tensions running high could possibly lead to the outburst I'd prefer to avoid.

 

Thoughts?

[Hit]

Im so sorry you went through that Orchid That sounds like a really rough time but im glad you're alive! I hope things start getting better for you.

 

 

Thoughts?

 

This seems like the best time to come out. When dysphoria is literally leading you to attempting suicide, it's very easy to show your family and friends how serious it is for you. When you can say "living like this is literally killing me and i need to change", most people will agree with you. 

 

There may be some who are like "first you attempt suicide, and now you do put this on us too?" but those people were probably going to be against you no matter what the circumstance. 

 

You have to do this for yourself - at the end of the day its your life and your body. If you need to do this now, do it now. Other people will deal. 

[Reluctant Amazon]

Glad you're still here, Orchid.

I don't comment on when is a good time to come out, mostly because I'm still mostly in. But Hit had some excellent points.

Which reminds me. I have to get serious on my weight loss. It's the only thing I can do to prepare for transition without solving some big logistics problems.

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[Jett]

I tend to agree with Hit on this. Hiding who you are was a (the?) contributing factor to your attempt, so you can basically say, "Would you rather have me as a boy, or not at all?" Maybe not those exact words, but those are the sentiments. I think (I hope!) that they will realize that the girl-you is gone, and embrace the you that they can still have.

 

I'm glad you're alive, Orchid.

[Bullroarer Took]

Sometimes there is no good time to come out, but putting it off rarely seems to help.If your family members can't be accepting now it seems unlikely mere time will help.  But you have to ask yourself if they are not accepting can you handle that acute stress now?  Can you recover from the chronic stress of pretending to be someone you are not?  Folks are put together different and I can't tell you which way is going to be less problematic for you.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Thanks everyone for the support and input. Those are some really good points to think about. I think I might give it a week or so just to give everyone a chance to calm down and make sure a few logistics are taken care of so that certain family members cannot destroy or get rid of our possessions that have been in their care. Once everything is set though it's no holds. I really can't live a lie anymore. I need to be me and if they can't accept that then maybe it's time to cut a few ties. I'm just hoping that if there are angry outbursts that it won't lead to a bad relapse. Keep me in your thoughts and if you are religious keep me in your prayers too. Any gods you want to pray to for me is fine by me. I'm sure at least one of them will statistically have to be listening.

[fleaball]

I'm glad you're still with us! Make sure your SO and anyone else you're out to will be around to support you if things go bad.

 

This may be a stupid/ignorant question, but is there a therapist or doctor you can ask for resources/advice on preventing that kind of situation? Like ways to phrase or frame it that may be easier for some people to swallow? 

 

eta because I feel like I wasn't clear: Obviously this is about your comfort, not theirs, and "this is killing me" should be a good enough reason, but being able to diffuse an issue before it escalates would help with not stressing you out. I'd hope.

[Ojuntapu]

Hi Orchid, hang in there! It sounds to me like part of what is causing your distress is not being able to be you! If so, coming out can be a huge relief.

 

I would come up with a transition plan before doing anything. Write out what steps you want to take and when you want to take them; from telling friends and family, to medical or legal transition if you go that route. Do research on what resources are available to you and get very specific; what are the laws in your state? does your insurance cover hormones, surgery or any other steps you may want to take (birth control to stop periods...) therapists, doctors, Trans* health providers, friends, accepting family members, spouse or SO, even list books or websites that can help you or which can be given to friends and family to help them educate themselves so they can be better allies (PFLAG, GLBT friendly religious lit.) If you want binders or packers or a men's suit and will have to save money to get those, put it all down on the list, too. This will give you a big picture view of what you want to happen, what transition looks like for you, and who can help you get there. Just having a plan written out can help a lot. It's like a promise to yourself that you are moving forward and helping yourself, even if you are doing it one step at a time. Transition is a really, really slow process, but I have a great sense of accomplishment whenever I cross off another item.

 

I recently came out as trans* to my spouse's (very Catholic) family and I came out to their oldest sister first, because I knew she'd support me and be able to manage the behind my back talk as the family got the news. I was still afraid to come out, and I was prepared to lose her and my partner's parents and other family members. As expected, big sis pulled through for me and was very understanding but the parents haven't replied back, lol. But things are simplified by us not being reliant on them for material or financial support and they live five states away. Pick a potential ally to come out to first, so you'll have someone in your corner to fight for you. And put your safety first! If anyone might become violent, or psychologically abusive make sure you have control of the situation - have your own ride, make sure you're able to leave the scene, have friends or SO with you or at least nearby and on speed dial, maybe make it at a neutral meeting spot, have your own home or a friends home where you can stay afterwards.

 

My SO helped me write the coming out letter. I was trying to give a lot of facts and science about being transgender. They suggested that I just state that I was transgender, and connect on a more personal level to the people I was coming out to. As in 'this is who I am and I'm still me and I still love you Sis, Mom, Dad.'

 

Good luck! Stay strong! And you are not alone.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Thanks again everyone for the support. It means a lot.

 

 

 

This may be a stupid/ignorant question, but is there a therapist or doctor you can ask for resources/advice on preventing that kind of situation? Like ways to phrase or frame it that may be easier for some people to swallow? 

 

 

My therapist actually recommended I never come out because my dad is very aggressive. If my therapist had his way I think he would just have me never see him. But that's not very realistic. He has recommended I do so either n a very public place with lots of people around or through distance like phone calling or the like. I'm thinking I'm just going to do a public facebook post. That seems easiest and safest.

[ColoQ]

Thanks again everyone for the support. It means a lot.

 

 

 

My therapist actually recommended I never come out because my dad is very aggressive. If my therapist had his way I think he would just have me never see him. But that's not very realistic. He has recommended I do so either n a very public place with lots of people around or through distance like phone calling or the like. I'm thinking I'm just going to do a public facebook post. That seems easiest and safest.

Hey.. Glad you are still around. The world is enhanced by your presence.

 

So... Do you like your therapist? .. Like really like them? Like they are good in 90% of the ways you need?   Because If not, you may want to think about getting a new therapist.  I'm not saying they are bad, but this sounds like advice that doesn't work for you. 

 

My wife and I had a therapist that didn't work for us. He reinforced Behaviors  that were very destructive for me, didn't call her out on some of her behaviors which were contributing to our issues, and dismissed my issues as unimportant because my wife was very "set in her ways," and generally gave advice that didn't work for us. It culminated in some pretty terrible times. Like... four years later we're still dealing with the emotional fallout level terrible.  At the lowest points, I used to get  so frustrated and full of cognitive dissonance I would hit my head against the wall. Woke up once in a puddle of my own sick, slightly concussed, not knowing how long I'd been out, not knowing where my wife had gone: not really remembering what happened prior to blacking out.  I'm not saying yours is bad, but I am saying that a therapist that doesn't work well *for you* is dangerous.  It got better when we started seeing a different therapist. Like dramatically better.

 

Maybe you need a therapist more supportive of you coming out.

[SolitaryOrchid]

So... Do you like your therapist? .. Like really like them? Like they are good in 90% of the ways you need? 

 

My therapist is great. Best one I've had. I've had experience with a lot of bad therapists. One of them even told me that life was meaningless and empty and that I was supposed to figure out why that was a good thing myself. Never did. Didn't stay with that one long at all. Definitely trust me when I say I have enough experience with bad therapists to know this is a good one.

 

His apprehension to me coming out is more a testament against my father's rage than anything else. It's not that the therapist is unsupportive, he actually found me a list of doctors to work with that he recommends and that is invaluable because in this area there is not a lot of resources. He just knows my father tends to get violent when angry and was worried for my safety, hence the telling me I should definitely do it somewhere either very public or very far away. He's not only concerned about my physical safety but also my mental wellbeing. Because my dad will likely harass me non stop.

[SolitaryOrchid]

http://stlouis.cbslocal.com/2015/09/02/protest-transgender-teen-bathroom/

 

This makes me sad.

I read an article today by Matt Walsh (note to self, stop reading his shit) that one of my conservative Christian friends posted and it just pissed me off even more.

We're making progress but it's slow. Things like this are still going to happen. It's unfortunate but we've got a long ways to go before we've hit true acceptance.

[ColoQ]

My therapist is great. Best one I've had. I've had experience with a lot of bad therapists. One of them even told me that life was meaningless and empty and that I was supposed to figure out why that was a good thing myself. Never did. Didn't stay with that one long at all. Definitely trust me when I say I have enough experience with bad therapists to know this is a good one.

 

His apprehension to me coming out is more a testament against my father's rage than anything else. It's not that the therapist is unsupportive, he actually found me a list of doctors to work with that he recommends and that is invaluable because in this area there is not a lot of resources. He just knows my father tends to get violent when angry and was worried for my safety, hence the telling me I should definitely do it somewhere either very public or very far away. He's not only concerned about my physical safety but also my mental wellbeing. Because my dad will likely harass me non stop.

Great. Didn't mean to make assumptions.  Glad to hear you have support.

[Eilistraee]

Hey Orchid - I'm glad you have support, too, and I'm so glad you survived. That takes a lot of courage.

 

Just chiming in to say, definitely make sure you have the support and distance you need if you're concerned your parent(s) might become violent after you come out to them. Facebook sounds like the way to go, for sure. Do you have somewhere you can go in a pinch, if you need to be safe? Do whatever, whatever it is that you need to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Hopefully your therapist and your SO can help you out with this. And sometimes it helps me to take a break from reading rage-inducing articles, or even a break from facebook. (I'm cis, bi, and a lot of shit pisses me off.)

 

I'm really glad you posted here. You are not alone, and this internet stranger is 100% on your side. You deserve kindness and love.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Hey Orchid - I'm glad you have support, too, and I'm so glad you survived. That takes a lot of courage.

 

Just chiming in to say, definitely make sure you have the support and distance you need if you're concerned your parent(s) might become violent after you come out to them. Facebook sounds like the way to go, for sure. Do you have somewhere you can go in a pinch, if you need to be safe? Do whatever, whatever it is that you need to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. Hopefully your therapist and your SO can help you out with this. And sometimes it helps me to take a break from reading rage-inducing articles, or even a break from facebook. (I'm cis, bi, and a lot of shit pisses me off.)

 

I'm really glad you posted here. You are not alone, and this internet stranger is 100% on your side. You deserve kindness and love.

 

Thank you for the support. Currently they do not know where I am living so home is a safe retreat if they start to try violently harassing us.

And I hear ya about the rage inducing articles. If I see Matt Walsh anywhere on an article again it's getting passed over. Ugh.

[SolitaryOrchid]

Just an update for everyone, coming out has officially been put on hold again indefinitely. Too many transphobic posts on a trans infographic I posted to facebook. I can't handle the level of stress it would cause to come out right now. I can barely handle the level of stress I'm getting from just this.

[Frost of the Gloaming]

Well you are out to us and we love you just the same......

[Reluctant Amazon]

I came to a realization yesterday. I often say I'm not in transition yet, but I've really been in active work on transition for a year and a half. It's just my transition began with taking steps to heal the damage I've decided be to myself mentally for more than 30 yea s

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