LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Cupcake_Kim]

I need this cold to go away. I am jonesing for a workout! I've watched so freaking much TV in the past couple days. I'm on overload. [emoji342][emoji379]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[kaelvan]

I need this cold to go away. I am jonesing for a workout! I've watched so freaking much TV in the past couple days. I'm on overload. [emoji342][emoji379]

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Could be worst, you could watched too much Youtube (meaning ending up on that weird side of YT where you seen Vaporware like stuff). It's some dangerous stuff.

 

 

80s and the 90s was a weird time.

[Cupcake_Kim]

lol wut is vaporware? Haha! I have spent some dark hours on YouTube. It started innocently enough watching makeup and fitness, tutorials and then it got a little negative hate watching bad makeup and fitness tutorials, and then all of a sudden I was like hate-watching that Freelie Banana Chick and her disciples for over an hour. What is her deal?!? How is she not dead??? She eats like 30 bananas a day!!! I think eating her way sounds terribly unsafe but I almost want to do it as a science experiment now. At one point I contemplated buying a whole case of bananas to eat to prove her wrong... I'm going mad.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[kaelvan]

lol wut is vaporware? Haha! I have spent some dark hours on YouTube. It started innocently enough watching makeup and fitness, tutorials and then it got a little negative hate watching bad makeup and fitness tutorials, and then all of a sudden I was like hate-watching that Freelie Banana Chick and her disciples for over an hour. What is her deal?!? How is she not dead??? She eats like 30 bananas a day!!! I think eating her way sounds terribly unsafe but I almost want to do it as a science experiment now. At one point I contemplated buying a whole case of bananas to eat to prove her wrong... I'm going mad.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaporwave

 

Is she one of those fruitarians? Those guys scare me.

[Cupcake_Kim]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaporwave

Is she one of those fruitarians? Those guys scare me.

Yes, she subsists on mainly bananas or dates (never bananas and dates together), blended with coconut sugar into enormous smoothies. And then she adds flavoured stevia drops. I would pass out from the sweetness.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Candace Koller]

I ate frutarian for one day (for the cabbage soup diet) and I felt miserable. My body is not used to anywhere near that much sugar. I couldn't live eating like that every day.

[shaeon]

Beware the Dark Side of YouTube. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. 

I spent more time than I should have looking up Sia music videos and live performances last night (allow me to explain - I am not up to date on modern music). I like all the weird interpretive dance videos. 

[Jett]

lol wut is vaporware? Haha! I have spent some dark hours on YouTube. It started innocently enough watching makeup and fitness, tutorials and then it got a little negative hate watching bad makeup and fitness tutorials, and then all of a sudden I was like hate-watching that Freelie Banana Chick and her disciples for over an hour. What is her deal?!? How is she not dead??? She eats like 30 bananas a day!!! I think eating her way sounds terribly unsafe but I almost want to do it as a science experiment now. At one point I contemplated buying a whole case of bananas to eat to prove her wrong... I'm going mad.

Ahh, noo! The radiation!

(Okay, a whole case of bananas isn't a that much radiation. But if you tried to take them over a boarder, you'd probably get searched to see if you were smuggling nuclear material.)

 

Hiltonsoul, thank you so much for that post! I'll have to save it for later, when we'll need it. Hopefully, my spouse's doctor will also be able to give us some advice.

 

Actually, I do have a question for transwomen who were overweight before starting estrogen. Should my spouse wait until they've dropped most of their excess weight (she's around 80-100 lbs overweight right now ) before starting estrogen? I've heard that it can be extremely hard to lose weight while on estradiol.

[Hit]

 

 

Actually, I do have a question for transwomen who were overweight before starting estrogen. Should my spouse wait until they've dropped most of their excess weight (she's around 80-100 lbs overweight right now  ) before starting estrogen? I've heard that it can be extremely hard to lose weight while on estradiol.

 

Wasn't overweight when I started, and yes mones make it harder to lose weight. BUT! Transition is one of those things that takes a while to get going, whereas you can start running right now. So dont put off transition, just start exercising/dieting/whatever today too. 

 

As a general rule the "should i wait till i lose weight to begin x" question is always answered with "no". Get fit doing, not waiting, know what i mean? Plus if you're 100lbs overweight she may have some boobage going on already, which is something being on estrogen may help her keep. 

[WillToPower]

I apologize if I end up derailing conversation, but I was just looking for some advice:

 

I've been out to my family for almost two years now, and have been out socially since the summer. The problem is that I'm currently trying to find a happy medium between 1) the excitedness of being able to talk about it that occasionally happens when one is newly out, which means that I bring it up occasionally-to-often, and 2) my personal desire to not be overly obvious about being an LGBTQA individual, which is more of a personal preference than anything.

 

I'm a little worried about this, if only because I don't want to end up attaching the label to myself to the point that the first thing that pops to mind when people think about me is "gay". I'm perfectly content with my friends knowing; I've been lucky enough to have encountered nothing but acceptance.

 

Any advice or recommendations on the subject?

[Twilight]

WillToPower are there any LGBT groups/clubs/organisations in your area you could join? I think having other LGBT people to talk to is helpful for any queer person, and they'll also provide you with a great outlet to talk all you want about this stuff, which is a pretty important thing.

[Hit]

those are some wordy quotes, but your argument conflates "marriage" with "breeding". Hell, even "sex" and "breeding" aren't interchangeable, so why even put that shit forward? if you're trying to breed thoroughbreads you wont have much luck with two stallions either. 

[shaeon]

I apologize if I end up derailing conversation, but I was just looking for some advice:

 

I've been out to my family for almost two years now, and have been out socially since the summer. The problem is that I'm currently trying to find a happy medium between 1) the excitedness of being able to talk about it that occasionally happens when one is newly out, which means that I bring it up occasionally-to-often, and 2) my personal desire to not be overly obvious about being an LGBTQA individual, which is more of a personal preference than anything.

 

I'm a little worried about this, if only because I don't want to end up attaching the label to myself to the point that the first thing that pops to mind when people think about me is "gay". I'm perfectly content with my friends knowing; I've been lucky enough to have encountered nothing but acceptance.

 

Any advice or recommendations on the subject?

This is a really interesting question. On the one hand, I get you SO MUCH. On the other... well, hang on I'm getting to it. 

So where I relate - in many ways I'm not a typical lesbian. And by "typical", I basically mean the stereotypes that are applied to us and that we sometimes comply with, none of which necessarily have anything in the world to do with enjoying sex, love, relationships, and smooches with women. So, I don't have a "lesbian" haircut, I don't like the show The L Word, I don't wear khakis and polo shirts or look boyish, I don't listen exclusively to... uh, whatever lesbians are listening to now. I have no idea. Used to be the Indigo Girls and Ani DiFranco (both of which I did listen to) but that was a long time ago. Basically, the things I like, I like because I just do. I don't participate in a set look or way of dressing or consume certain entertainment on account of being gay. The way I look and the way I dress and the stuff I like is all because of what I enjoy. So even if I do participate in something that is stereotypically associated with lesbians (Orange is the New Black, or wearing plaid flannel shirts), it's because I like those things. Because seriously, flannel is really comfy. It leaves me feeling a bit like an outsider at times. But I'm fine with that. I don't have a great need to be Ms Super Gay all the time. 

However, if you have friends and family members who think of you and immediately are like "this is my gay cousin! My best gay friend! My next door gaybor!" Then that's not you. That's them. That's a really unpleasant tendency some people have to make a big deal out of the thing that they perceive as different. You mentioned coming out a couple of years ago - this type of behavior from people tends to be most common when it's still new to people, and it's also kind of common when you and a lot of the people you hang out with are young-ish (teens through the twenties). People tend to grow out of it in time. The thing that's obnoxious is they are acting like this because it's a novelty to them - but you aren't a novelty act. You're a person. 

I may be off base here; I'm not entirely sure what you are experiencing. But if it's this kind of situation, you should let people know if they make you a little uncomfortable. Otherwise, keep in mind that the only reason being perceived as gay sometimes feels bad is because of jerks who want to demand that everyone behave the way they think is right. There's nothing wrong with being gay and perceived as gay. There's nothing wrong with being stereotypically gay, or gay but not stereotypical at all. 

[WillToPower]

I may be off base here; I'm not entirely sure what you are experiencing. But if it's this kind of situation, you should let people know if they make you a little uncomfortable. Otherwise, keep in mind that the only reason being perceived as gay sometimes feels bad is because of jerks who want to demand that everyone behave the way they think is right. There's nothing wrong with being gay and perceived as gay. There's nothing wrong with being stereotypically gay, or gay but not stereotypical at all.

 

I don't really feel that it's a "the people I care about are labelling me" kind of thing as much as it's a "I'm out and I can't shut up about it" thing.

My psychologist said that it's part of the process, so maybe I should just accept that I'm going to be enthusiastic about it until the excitement settles down.

I guess I'm just a little eager to get back to being low-key about my orientation.

 

@Twilight, @shaeon => Thanks for the advice!

[shaeon]

I don't really feel that it's a "the people I care about are labelling me" kind of thing as much as it's a "I'm out and I can't shut up about it" thing.

My psychologist said that it's part of the process, so maybe I should just accept that I'm going to be enthusiastic about it until the excitement settles down.

I guess I'm just a little eager to get back to being low-key about my orientation.

 

@Twilight, @shaeon => Thanks for the advice!

Ah! Well in that case I agree with your therapist. Being out is exciting! 

[Artinum]

Yes, I'd agree it's normal. I was particularly open about coming out when I first figured it out, and I stopped when I realised I was making one or two people uncomfortable. After a while I settled in. Now I find it great fun to drop the occasional hint and see how long people take to twig. I'm entirely open about my sexuality if directly asked, but it's on a need-to-know basis now. Not out of safety concerns or anything like that, just because I don't get the thrill of coming out any more.

 

Several months back, a random guy on Facebook posted in a group I'm in. I forget the main thrust of his argument but part of it stated something along the lines that all men are hardwired to ogle women. I simply replied "<-- does not ogle women." He was baffled by the number of likes I got from friends in the know. Took him a while for the penny to drop!

 

Ogling men, on the other hand...

[Companion]

I think of it as a pendulum. You didn't tell for so long...(pendulum all the way to the right). Then you came out and released it...(pendulum goes almost all the way left). It will take a few swings for it to settle into equilibrium.

[Nubbins McGee]

At the risk of derailing a conversation, I just wanted to pop in and say that I am firmly enconsed in the belief that nobody has any right nor any reason to care what consenting adults do in their own bedroom. I guess that makes me an ally?

If nobody is getting hurt, everybody should be just exactly who they want to be. That's how I live. I can't understand why anyone gets in anyone else's business

[Artinum]

At the risk of derailing a conversation, I just wanted to pop in and say that I am firmly enconsed in the belief that nobody has any right nor any reason to care what consenting adults do in their own bedroom. I guess that makes me an ally?

If nobody is getting hurt, everybody should be just exactly who they want to be. That's how I live. I can't understand why anyone gets in anyone else's business

 

That last sentence is the reason why your first paragraph can never be a fixed rule. If we don't (as a society) take any interest in bedroom activities, we also give carte blanche to incest, domestic abuse, the spread of STIs and (through a lack of education) an increase in unwanted pregnancy. And possibly worse than that ("Why does that guy keep a sheep in his bedroom?" "None of our business...").

[Bekah]

At the risk of derailing a conversation, I just wanted to pop in and say that I am firmly enconsed in the belief that nobody has any right nor any reason to care what consenting adults do in their own bedroom. I guess that makes me an ally?

If nobody is getting hurt, everybody should be just exactly who they want to be. That's how I live. I can't understand why anyone gets in anyone else's business

That last sentence is the reason why your first paragraph can never be a fixed rule. If we don't (as a society) take any interest in bedroom activities, we also give carte blanche to incest, domestic abuse, the spread of STIs and (through a lack of education) an increase in unwanted pregnancy. And possibly worse than that ("Why does that guy keep a sheep in his bedroom?" "None of our business...").

he explicitly stated consenting adults, that eliminates, incest and domestic abuse and no sheep are humans so cant even give consent, so his point stands, in my opinion 'sup Nub? Welcome to the Alphabet Soup

[Artinum]

Quite understood, Bekah, but without some monitoring of bedroom activities, how do you know there is consent?

[Surakha]

Hello all! I am so excited to  find this space!  When I was checking out the site this was the only thing missing for me.  I am a queer AFAB genderqueer individual married to a trans woman, and man, it's nice to know I'm not alone here. Fitness sites in my past experiences have not always been very welcoming places. 

[Bekah]

Quite understood, Bekah, but without some monitoring of bedroom activities, how do you know there is consent?

True. I have no idea how to manage that, you know...nuances and such

[Bekah]

Hello all! I am so excited to  find this space!  When I was checking out the site this was the only thing missing for me.  I am a queer AFAB genderqueer individual married to a trans woman, and man, it's nice to know I'm not alone here. Fitness sites in my past experiences have not always been very welcoming places.

hi Welcome to one of the best places on the interwebs

Do you mind explaing what AFAB means?

Thanks

[Surakha]

hi Welcome to one of the best places on the interwebs

Do you mind explaining what AFAB means?

Thanks

 

Thanks for the welcome.  AFAB means assigned female at birth. So basically when I was born some doctor took a look at my genitals and announced girl. The actual truth is somewhat more convoluted than that.  Gendery wendery timey wimey, you know