I need to say something that I've been feeling out loud.

[Duality]

It's been a year and a half about since I realised this. Before my weight loss journey.

 

I was in a relationship with a girl, it lasted 3 years. Not once did I ever feel like she was physically attracted to me. I feel the same way with the girl I am with right now.

 

Are you supposed to feel like the person you are with is physically attracted to you, shouldn't it be normal that the person you're with appeals to you physically?

 

This is my biggest issue right now and has been for ages. I need to finally face this and deal with it.

[ginj]

I've been in a situation where the guy I was with wasn't physically attracted to me. What a terrible feeling. Since getting out of that, I've realized how important it is for my partner to make me feel sexy, and vice versa. After all, who else is gonna do it?

[Duality]

I've been in a situation where the guy I was with wasn't physically attracted to me. What a terrible feeling. Since getting out of that, I've realized how important it is for my partner to make me feel sexy, and vice versa. After all, who else is gonna do it?

 

I've been feeling like that for at least 4 years and a half, 3 years with my ex and a year and a half with my gf.

 

No one is doing it

[Elastigirl]

My question is how reality based is that feeling? What makes you say that? is it just your insecurites that won't allow you to acknowledge that yes she does think you're amazing looking or is she saying and doing stuff that makes you feel this way?

[Duality]

When you're with someone, you know if they're attracted to you physically or not, you feel it, etc. When I was in über shape in high school, it was no prob, but since, it hasn't happened and it really sucks.

 

Socially I have a very good confidence level, on a physical level it's the opposite, the lack of confidence comes from not having that feeling for an extended period of time.

[wideeyed]

Have you asked her if she is physically attracted to you?  What is making you feel this way?  I've been with my husband for 17 years, and because of some recent health issues of mine, I have not been as interested in sex.  He thought it meant I was not interested in HIM, that I was not attracted to HIM.  When I finally told him, "Look, Legolas could show up at the door to sweep me off my feet and I STILL would just want to talk," I think he got it.  So ask.  Because it might be your perception.  I know that when I am feeling out of shape and unattractive, I cannot imagine WHY anyone would be attracted to me, and even though my husband tells me he is, shows me he is, it is still hard to believe.  I don't know how much weight you lost, or what your history is, but the emotional scars run deep.  So ask.  The worst thing that can happen is that she'll confirm your suspicions and you can make some decisions. But maybe it will start a conversation that will go in a totally different direction

[WizardTrip]

That's a hard one. Although some of my insecurities in the past has caused me to feel this way, all of my past relationships at least made me feel like they were physically attracted to me, so I never truly questioned it. For me, the insecurities would come from "does she find me more attractive than him, or him, or him, etc". I still face this one, but regardless....the need to feel physically attractive by the one you're with is huge to me.

 

Not sure this will help, but I will give a quick personal example. I was not overly attracted physically to 2 of my past girlfriends, but everything else about them is the reason I went forward with the relationship. Honestly, they were beautiful girls, but just not my normal type. With that said, they never knew this....I always made them feel attractive with words, actions, everything. My thought was, if that is important to me, they need to feel the same.

[keliswicked]

I also want to comment that not everyone "shows" that they're attracted in the same way.  Some girls may even think they aren't "supposed" to show that their attracted; the boy is the one that should find the girl physically attractive.

 

There could be a multitude of reasons for why you're feeling this way.  So I agree that you should have an honest conversation with your girl.

 

Two last thoughts: I believe that you should always find your partner physically attractive.  There's a reason such a thing as attraction exists and it shouldn't be ignored.  Also, not many people will date someone they don't find attractive. So I'd say there's a good chance that she finds you plenty attractive, and just doesn't show it.  But again, conversation will yield the answer.

[Duality]

That's a hard one. Although some of my insecurities in the past has caused me to feel this way, all of my past relationships at least made me feel like they were physically attracted to me, so I never truly questioned it. For me, the insecurities would come from "does she find me more attractive than him, or him, or him, etc". I still face this one, but regardless....the need to feel physically attractive by the one you're with is huge to me.

 

Not sure this will help, but I will give a quick personal example. I was not overly attracted physically to 2 of my past girlfriends, but everything else about them is the reason I went forward with the relationship. Honestly, they were beautiful girls, but just not my normal type. With that said, they never knew this....I always made them feel attractive with words, actions, everything. My thought was, if that is important to me, they need to feel the same.

 

I can say, that's exactly what I do.

 

I will try to talk to her about it this weekend, i'll let you know how it went.

[I-Jo]

Physical attraction is nice... but it's not the be all end all.  It fades- people get fat and old and wrinkly. 

 

what captures the essence of attraction is usually far more psychological.  The way you can make her feel with words and actions.  Conversation- and such dorky things.

 

People tell me I'm amazing looking all the time... and I think I've dated the absolutely most average looking people in the world.  I love sexy bodies. And I wish I could find someone who had BOTH... but someone who will be a rock in the storm of my life- who can make me laugh when i'm angry- who won't blow smoke up my ass and is solid.  That's more important than those sexy abs.

 

Although. Sexy abs. they can be amazing.  but they will fade- there needs to be an intellectual attraction.  

[Duality]

Physical attraction is nice... but it's not the be all end all.  It fades- people get fat and old and wrinkly. 

 

what captures the essence of attraction is usually far more psychological.  The way you can make her feel with words and actions.  Conversation- and such dorky things.

 

People tell me I'm amazing looking all the time... and I think I've dated the absolutely most average looking people in the world.  I love sexy bodies. And I wish I could find someone who had BOTH... but someone who will be a rock in the storm of my life- who can make me laugh when i'm angry- who won't blow smoke up my ass and is solid.  That's more important than those sexy abs.

 

Although. Sexy abs. they can be amazing.  but they will fade- there needs to be an intellectual attraction.  

I know, I know, it's not a shallow thing, it's just I need to feel like the person loving me back things I'm attractive.

[maeggieakamegan]

It's been a year and a half about since I realised this. Before my weight loss journey.

 

I was in a relationship with a girl, it lasted 3 years. Not once did I ever feel like she was physically attracted to me. I feel the same way with the girl I am with right now.

 

Are you supposed to feel like the person you are with is physically attracted to you, shouldn't it be normal that the person you're with appeals to you physically?

 

This is my biggest issue right now and has been for ages. I need to finally face this and deal with it.

 

Not to say that it's a good thing you are thinking about this, but it's always reassuring when guys go through the same mental anguish that us females do.

 

For the most part, yeah you need to really be into the person's personality but you can't deny that physical attractiveness does play a part in being in a relationship with someone. I was with my ex for about 2 years and ALWAYS felt that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. And quite honestly, it drained the relationship. He was always trying to reassure me, EVERY single time and it got to a point that I never believed what he was saying or worse; just telling me lies to make me feel better.

 

It all boils down to how you're feeling about yourself, man. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself if you have the mindset that you're not good enough.

 

P.S. this does not go away when you lose weight, it actually gets worse (in my case, that is) I just wish someone would have told me this a lot sooner

[Duality]

Not to say that it's a good thing you are thinking about this, but it's always reassuring when guys go through the same mental anguish that us females do.

 

For the most part, yeah you need to really be into the person's personality but you can't deny that physical attractiveness does play a part in being in a relationship with someone. I was with my ex for about 2 years and ALWAYS felt that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. And quite honestly, it drained the relationship. He was always trying to reassure me, EVERY single time and it got to a point that I never believed what he was saying or worse; just telling me lies to make me feel better.

 

It all boils down to how you're feeling about yourself, man. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself if you have the mindset that you're not good enough.

 

P.S. this does not go away when you lose weight, it actually gets worse (in my case, that is) I just wish someone would have told me this a lot sooner

 

It is actually getting worst, I mean I'm actually finally starting to like what I look like. But I still don't feel that other people notice

[maeggieakamegan]

^^You and me both, and you know what you have to do? Accept it. That, my friend, is the hardest pill to swallow.

 

You have to accept that not everyone is going to notice, not everyone is going to realize the hard work you've been putting in, not every person is going to walk up to you and say "damn, Stephane, you've lost a lot of weight!" And you know why? Maybe not because they don't notice, but maybe because how it makes them feel when they see you've lost weight and they've stayed the same.

 

No matter how supportive people are of others progressing in their lives, people hate being reminded that they are the ones not progressing.

 

It's so hard when you have the mentality that losing weight will solve all your problems, but in reality, it just creates all new problems with it. I do believe it's called the "Fat Mentality", or at least that's how I refer to it.

[I-Jo]

I know, I know, it's not a shallow thing, it's just I need to feel like the person loving me back things I'm attractive.

You need to feel like someone thinks you are attractive- I'm not saying you don't.  It's not shallow to want to be wanted- or want to be though of as sexy. I'm just saying long term- as we know- there needs to be more. 

 

Not to say that it's a good thing you are thinking about this, but it's always reassuring when guys go through the same mental anguish that us females do.

 

For the most part, yeah you need to really be into the person's personality but you can't deny that physical attractiveness does play a part in being in a relationship with someone. I was with my ex for about 2 years and ALWAYS felt that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. And quite honestly, it drained the relationship. He was always trying to reassure me, EVERY single time and it got to a point that I never believed what he was saying or worse; just telling me lies to make me feel better.

 

It all boils down to how you're feeling about yourself, man. Nobody can make you feel better about yourself if you have the mindset that you're not good enough.

 

P.S. this does not go away when you lose weight, it actually gets worse (in my case, that is) I just wish someone would have told me this a lot sooner

THIS.

 

And you are correct- changing your physical appearance does not make you a whole new man/woman.  You have to learn to love your body and rock it as who you are. I wish I could give people something I have... and it's the fuck all attitude- I'm fabulous thing.  I don't have it all the time- but a lot of the time I do- and I want so badly to give it to people- to bottle it up and hand it out.  You gotta love yourself- if you don't love yourself- no one else will.  Or how can you expect someone else to love if you don't even like you.   

 

It is actually getting worst, I mean I'm actually finally starting to like what I look like. But I still don't feel that other people notice

stop caring.

 

Seriously- the more you care- the worse it gets.  Stop caring about it- and strut your shit- don't watch for other people watching you - roll them shoulders back- don't rush your stride- just do walk- and don't watch whose watching you.  Pretend your the most bad ass thing ever and walk through the room- if you do sweep the area- play the- I won't break eye contact till you do game.   Best done in a room/area full of people you don't know.  (practice at the mall).

 

losing weight won't fix that unfortunately- just being more you and genuine will.   I has faith in you!!!  both of you!

[maeggieakamegan]

losing weight won't fix that unfortunately- just being more you and genuine will.   I has faith in you!!!  both of you!

 

Awwwww, is that I-Jo getting sentimental on us? You just made my heart all warm and fuzzy inside!

 

Fuck, shit, cunt.......

 

(had to end with a few curse words, getting too mushy there for a minute lol)

[Duality]

Awwwww, is that I-Jo getting sentimental on us? You just made my heart all warm and fuzzy inside!

 

Fuck, shit, cunt.......

 

(had to end with a few curse words, getting too mushy there for a minute lol)

 

hahaha epic finish.

 

Also thanks I-Jo.

[Duck Dropping]

 

Stop caring about it- and strut your shit

 

 

Truer words have never been spoken.  

 

Ever been attracted to someone who didn't match your typical type?  Its all about how you carry yourself.  Haters gonna hate.  

 

I'm a boss and no one is going to tell me different.

[Minty Keen]

After reading this topic, I asked my boyfriend "Do you feel as though I'm attracted to you physically?"

"Yep!"

 

Perhaps this whole issue is really just about communication. Either you or perhaps the girls you are dating aren't being direct. Or maybe it's a bit of both.

If this concern is for a long-term relationship... honesty really is an amazing thing to have together.

 

If it's purely a "the world doesn't seem to notice yet that I'm stronger and better than before..."

 

I-Jo basically has already covered everything else I was going to say; screw what the world thinks/notices. In the end, it boils down to the fact that you are leveling up your life. And that's pretty admirable on its own.

[Bekah]

As usual Jo takes the words outta my mouth....how did it go??

[Acryllica]

I'm a boss and no one is going to tell me different.

 

'atta boy!

[I-Jo]

I'm a boss and no one is going to tell me different.

 

LOVE IT.  

 

Awwwww, is that I-Jo getting sentimental on us? You just made my heart all warm and fuzzy inside!

 

Fuck, shit, cunt.......

 

(had to end with a few curse words, getting too mushy there for a minute lol)

 

think of it as aggressive mushy- like bitch be fabulous or else.

 

hahaha epic finish. 

 

Also thanks I-Jo.

 

 

any time. I firmly believe in being you- even if it means you have no "friends"  I'd rather be me and mostly alone all day long- than pretend to be someone else and have fake friends LOL.  So if it makes me sappy/mushy so be it-I'll take it

 

There is a great deal of joy to be had in being true and genuine.  It's both liberating and exhilarating and fierce. I wish I could give it to people - but you cant'- they have to find it on their own.  

 

But you know -it's a funny thing- I have found the more honest I am about who I am as a person- the people that stick around and surround me- are typically equally genuine and unique- and supportive of being YOU.  You find less chafe and more wheat when you stick to the genuine YOU. It by nature weeds out people you don't really want around you.  (That whole haters going to hate thing- they dont' stick around long)  It's fucking great.  

 

 

That being said- how is the week this week?  Feeling moar betta about things?  Yes no maybe?

[Duality]

Not too bad, work is a fucking bitch, people are so damn stupid sometimes. Long live being in quality assurance.

 

Things have been a bit better, we talked about it breifly, t'was ok.

[maeggieakamegan]

Things have been a bit better, we talked about it breifly, t'was ok.

 

Translates to, "I approached the topic, she kind of blew it off, ended the conversation" Please correct me if I'm wrong, though

 

You're still a beast anyway, right?

[I-Jo]

^^LOL that sounds pretty close to what I read.

 

It's an uncomfortable subject- so yeah- it takes some time for people to address it well.  

 

 

I used to do quality assurance/quality control/materials testing/special inspections.

 

It sucks- no one wants you there- until they can't do something w/o you- then they are mad at you- or you are always in the way.  It's seriously a thankless job.