Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Rurik Harrgath]

I'm only two years of schooling away from completing my bachelor's degree in Environmental/Disaster Science, but the four years I did in university to nail down my History/Psychology degree was struggle enough.  Even knowing I could do my fourth year online, that one year I would have to do in person is just too much.

 

I dislike university life (and people, for that matter) far too much to commit to that all over again.  But I think I can live with another 22 years in my current lot in life.

[Silo]

I recently took a job at boutique audit and financial management firm. We're only a couple of hundred people, but almost everyone there (and certainly all of the leadership--except me) is former big 4.

Talk about a world I knew nothing about! I don't even understand what most of our folks are doing day-in and day-out to pay my paycheck except at the highest of levels. I actually went to my boss (who among the clusters of letters after his name, CPA is most prominent) earlier this week and said "I feel like I could be doing more around here."

He was like "Nope, I'm happy with what your'e doing, I don't want you bogged down in what everyone else is doing." So I guess I'm probably not ever going to get an in-depth education on it.

In my current job, I have a lot of contact with non-accountants and I try really hard to communicate in non-accountant language with them. Last fall I put on a couple of training sessions and threw my hands up in a "Yes!" shout when one of the feedback comments was "Silo takes the 'ick' out of accounting."

[Trembriele]

I teach, which may sound odd for an introvert, but I *get* kids. I understand why they struggle and the fact that they are not yet fully matured. I can be tired at the end of the day from all the social interaction, but as long as it was mostly with little people it's manageable. On the other hand, I cannot deal with incompetent adults who should know better and simply fail to do what they ought. I am so much more tired on inservice days from handling adult interaction. I do okay with parent interaction I think mainly because they see that I understand their child and what to help do what is in the kid's best interest.

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[Phytomancer]

My ideal job-- first I thought of as a child, was a plant scientist. I was taken by Poison Ivy, and I wanted to be her male counterpart in taking forest back to the city. Although I imagined myself wear the clothing that were more... covering.

(You can probably tell I am a bit conked in the head as a kid)

 

Then I wanted to be a comedian-- because I wanted people to be happy.

 

Then a cartoonist. I wanted to revolutionize Thai comic industry.

 

Then, when I moved to the US I wanted to be a writer. I write about powerful women fighting alongside men. I wanted to write about memorable meaningful characters those aren't white, or straight, and make them more acceptable.

 

Now I am a behavioral researcher in Landscape architecture, teach and write part time. I guess besides the comic, I actually combined many of my dreams into one job.

[Machete]

I'm trying to think of the worst non-combat related injury I picked up in the service.

The partial parachute malfunction was certainly the scariest, and had me carried off the drop zone on a board with my head taped to it. The one that bothers me the most today though is probably when a guy in my platoon dropped a rail car ramp used for spanning the gap between rail cars on my hand. We were rail loading for Bosnia and it crushed some of my fingers flat.

Cold weather (like now) makes my hand HURT.

Edit: so maybe effed up hands are a common service related injury?

 

Same. Always find myself praying to someone during night jumps. Got guys landing in dumpsters with C-wire, power lines, and on top of a building. Though it was a daytime hollywood what got me. Can't remember much of it, just me waking up packing my chute and a medic running over with my reserve and spring.

 

I had a lazy ambition as a child to become an astronaut, as I loved space stuff (and still do). But mostly I had no idea. I was the awkward child who, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, could only shrug and ask "what have you got?"

 

I had a specific plan on how I was going to be an astronaut up until I was like 15. I didn't think height mattered as much as it apparently does in the real world.

 

Anyway, I think my first aspiration back then was to be a mad scientist. Then I thought about being a lawyer, because it's something that impressed adults, and I was already an asshole--I might as well get paid for it. Now I usually just go with "I'm an architect."

 

[Rurik Harrgath]

Anyway, I think my first aspiration back then was to be a mad scientist. Then I thought about being a lawyer, because it's something that impressed adults, and I was already an asshole--I might as well get paid for it. Now I usually just go with "I'm an architect."

 

On the topic of mad scientist, I've always joked that I'm just one tragedy away from becoming a super villain, or at best... an anti-hero.

 

I have to agree with your signature, Machete.  Chaotic Neutral is where shit's at.

[kaelvan]

As a kid, I wanted to a dolphin trainer (funny how I don't trust Flipper now).Then, first woman president. Then, a fashion designer.Then, to work for the CIA. Then, archeologist. Then, a chief. Then, tattoo artist, which I still love to do if I could. Then, a documentarist, Icouldn't focus enough to get a degree at the time because of my depression. Then, got certified as vet assistant, which I still can't get a job as. Tempted to either go with rehabilitating wildlife or torture myself by doing veterinarian route. Though being an artist always been in the back of my head.

It really doesn't help this economy is so uncertain.

[Silo]

I wanted to be the US president too. I had it all figured out that I would finally be old enough to run in 2012 and everything. Ha.

Right now I would say that the closest thing I can come up with as a dream job would be owning/running a boarding kennel.

[alienjenn]

I always wanted to go into medicine

 

 

now my dream job is to go back to school... get my nurse practitiionr lisc and open a clinic out in the middle of rural appalatia somewhere.... bater goods for services... yes I will take payment of a chicken to come see your sick kid... ok sure you put up ten extra jars of veggies and you need your annual physical... you need your kids leg set because he broke it playing soccer? well I need my barn re-roofed...

[SevenofSeven]

Never knew what I wanted to do as a kid.........I think my main goal was Olympic Swimmer.

[Machete]

On the topic of mad scientist, I've always joked that I'm just one tragedy away from becoming a super villain, or at best... an anti-hero.

 

I have to agree with your signature, Machete.  Chaotic Neutral is where shit's at.

 

Yeah, I figured my life was eventually going to end up like Megamind, except without the happy ending. But including the soundtrack.

 

Supposedly all monks have a 'Lawful' alignment. I make an attempt to stay 'Neutral', or as 'Lawful' as possible, but lately I figured f- it. I'm the Mad Monk after all.

 

Maybe I could just be a catcher in the rye.

 

As a kid, I wanted to a dolphin trainer (funny how I don't trust Flipper now).Then, first woman president. Then, a fashion designer.Then, to work for the CIA. Then, archeologist. Then, a chief. Then, tattoo artist, which I still love to do if I could. Then, a documentarist, Icouldn't focus enough to get a degree at the time because of my depression. Then, got certified as vet assistant, which I still can't get a job as. Tempted to either go with rehabilitating wildlife or torture myself by doing veterinarian route. Though being an artist always been in the back of my head.

It really doesn't help this economy is so uncertain.

 

Sounds fun.

 

Are you still pursuing your tattoo artist aspirations? Remember there's a difference between 'tattooist' and 'tattoo artist', and though artists tend to be very protective of their craft, there are some who actually learned on their own (with a lot of help from pain-loving no-fucks-given friends who appreciate free ink).

[Artinum]

Then, got certified as vet assistant, which I still can't get a job as. Tempted to either go with rehabilitating wildlife or torture myself by doing veterinarian route.

 

I hear that veterinary medicine is even harder to get into than human medicine.

[Machete]

I hear that veterinary medicine is even harder to get into than human medicine.

 

Maybe a lot of humans aren't worth saving.

[Artinum]

Maybe a lot of humans aren't worth saving.

 

I think it's more that vets have to consider dozens of different species (with occasionally very different reactions to medicines - dog flea treatment, for instance, could be very bad for cats). But I would agree that I've never known any non-human animals I'd be pleased to see die.

[Rurik Harrgath]

I remember briefly wanting to try veterinary medicine as a high schooler until I found out how difficult the schooling was.

 

Turns out I wasn't that dedicated.

[kaelvan]

Oh god yes, vet science is more harder to get into. Since there's very few certified schools in US and Europe by AAVMC and lot of people wanting to get into the program, that makes it more harder than being human doctor. Though there is a way around it by going to school in the Caribbeans, just you can't get hired by most places. Funny because Caribbeans standards are basically the same as the AAVMA, just the easier to get into.

 

 

 

Yeah, I figured my life was eventually going to end up like Megamind, except without the happy ending. But including the soundtrack.

 

Supposedly all monks have a 'Lawful' alignment. I make an attempt to stay 'Neutral', or as 'Lawful' as possible, but lately I figured f- it. I'm the Mad Monk after all.

 

Maybe I could just be a catcher in the rye.

 

 

Sounds fun.

 

Are you still pursuing your tattoo artist aspirations? Remember there's a difference between 'tattooist' and 'tattoo artist', and though artists tend to be very protective of their craft, there are some who actually learned on their own (with a lot of help from pain-loving no-fucks-given friends who appreciate free ink).

I would love to, but not in my parents house. That's a great way to get strangled. These are the same people that will get upset when I finally get over my stalling and get my damn pixie cut. I already had to hear how if I do anything with the arts for a living, I'll going to to be living at home for life (starving artist for life). One of the things my mom keep telling me when I was pursing a degree for communications (basically same as film degree now). Possibly why I dropped out (that and be abused by my ex).

 

I don't know. Some days I horribly wished my parents were dead, so I can finally be able to live my life how I like to.

[Phytomancer]

I don't know. Some days I horribly wished my parents were dead, so I can finally be able to live my life how I like to.

 

... Hope you leave home soon. Are you going to another college or moving far away anytime in the future?

 

I did have a fight with my dad about this. He wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer (Asian dad much, father?) We talked this out several time, and I stood my ground. I told him that those are great jobs, but I have no passion for it. It gives you a lot of money, but it takes so much time and brain. 

 

I had to prove it to him a couple times that I'd do well without the job he chose. Waking up at 4 AM to study. Those weren't the easy years for me. I shut myself in the restroom, crying, asking myself why I wasn't smart like my older brother (At the time he was shaking hand with Bill Gates in the Microsoft competition--in the most prestigious college in my homeland). I resented by brother and lashed out on him even though he was really patient and sweet-- thus made I hated myself even more.

 

I moved to the US after winning a scholarship. It was heartbreaking to leave my family behind, but just what I needed. I developed my own personality here in the US. 

 

But hey, that's just my story. Best of luck for yours!

[kaelvan]

Right now just working part time at a job I hate (too much backstabbing and I barely make any hours from these jackasses screwing me over), while volunteering at an animal shelter and now a farm. I accidentally messed up my financial aid last semester, so haven't been back this semester (kind of thankful not dealing with chemistry at the moment...I don't know how many times I cried last semester because of that subject).

 

I'm tempted to start a side business (or two), so maybe I can finally get out of this house. Pet sitting be one and another maybe something with my art.

[Phytomancer]

Right now just working part time at a job I hate (too much backstabbing and I barely make any hours from these jackasses screwing me over), while volunteering at an animal shelter and now a farm. I accidentally messed up my financial aid last semester, so haven't been back this semester (kind of thankful not dealing with chemistry at the moment...I don't know how many times I cried last semester because of that subject).

 

I'm tempted to start a side business (or two), so maybe I can finally get out of this house. Pet sitting be one and another maybe something with my art.

 

 

Pet sitting and art sounds awesome. I feel like it could be stressful at times, but you get to be with animals. I like people, but I like dogs and cats even more.

 

Backstabbing at work is just unfortunate, but it happens so often I am not surprised anymore. I also hate chemistry. Chemistry is evil-- Like that professor who created super power girls that abuse poor monkey and kick monsters into buildings.

 

I fight with cuteness, and the city goes BOMF BOMFFF (Mysterious Chemical Girls never said)

 

I wish you all the good luck-- then you could have some spaces from your parents soon. What arts do you do?

[kaelvan]

I do illustration. Though been reteaching myself digital painting since been so long since I used it and love to make a webcomic.

[Phytomancer]

I do illustration. Though been reteaching myself digital painting since been so long since I used it and love to make a webcomic.

 

That's so cool!

[Machete]

My childhood has officially been ruined...

 

 

 

I remember briefly wanting to try veterinary medicine as a high schooler until I found out how difficult the schooling was.

 

Turns out I wasn't that dedicated.

 

 

I would love to, but not in my parents house. That's a great way to get strangled. These are the same people that will get upset when I finally get over my stalling and get my damn pixie cut. I already had to hear how if I do anything with the arts for a living, I'll going to to be living at home for life (starving artist for life). One of the things my mom keep telling me when I was pursing a degree for communications (basically same as film degree now). Possibly why I dropped out (that and be abused by my ex).

 

I don't know. Some days I horribly wished my parents were dead, so I can finally be able to live my life how I like to.

 

I used to run a little operation with a machine from Amazon. Mostly to try it out for myself, I never really got good at it. (I  used to paint when I was 6, so I figured there must be some carryover.) We inked people up in bathtubs, tables, the floor. I even gave myself one on the shin, because some people thought it was weird to get a tattoo from someone without any. When I was overseas I kept a machine at a barber shop and would do sessions late at night. They would just notice that a lot of people in the FOB eventually started popping up with fresh ink.

 

You could actually go the legit route and seek an experienced artist to apprentice under. Best way to do it probably.

 

... Hope you leave home soon. Are you going to another college or moving far away anytime in the future?

 

I did have a fight with my dad about this. He wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer (Asian dad much, father?) We talked this out several time, and I stood my ground. I told him that those are great jobs, but I have no passion for it. It gives you a lot of money, but it takes so much time and brain. 

 

I had to prove it to him a couple times that I'd do well without the job he chose. Waking up at 4 AM to study. Those weren't the easy years for me. I shut myself in the restroom, crying, asking myself why I wasn't smart like my older brother (At the time he was shaking hand with Bill Gates in the Microsoft competition--in the most prestigious college in my homeland). I resented by brother and lashed out on him even though he was really patient and sweet-- thus made I hated myself even more.

 

I moved to the US after winning a scholarship. It was heartbreaking to leave my family behind, but just what I needed. I developed my own personality here in the US. 

 

But hey, that's just my story. Best of luck for yours!

 

I kept telling my parents I wanted to be a lawyer because they wanted a 'respectable' profession. Else I bring dishonor upon the name. (Also I needed to at least reach their level of education.) Hahaha.

 

Can't complain though. My mom was always strangely supportive, even when I did the exact opposite of conventional. As long as I wasn't a dickhead about it.

[joedog]

I thought I wanted to be a civil engineer. Ended up as a civil engineering tech. Sometimes I get really down on myself for not having a degree. I honestly just wasn't cut out for college when I was in my 20s.

I'm getting better at accepting where I am. Just last week I realized that as an actual engineer, I wouldn't get to do a lot of the hands on stuff I do now.

[Nubbins McGee]

I would love to, but not in my parents house. That's a great way to get strangled. These are the same people that will get upset when I finally get over my stalling and get my damn pixie cut. I already had to hear how if I do anything with the arts for a living, I'll going to to be living at home for life (starving artist for life). One of the things my mom keep telling me when I was pursing a degree for communications (basically same as film degree now). Possibly why I dropped out (that and be abused by my ex).

 

I don't know. Some days I horribly wished my parents were dead, so I can finally be able to live my life how I like to.

I literally went to bed last night when reading this to sleep on it before I responded.  The reason?  I want to carefully consider how I phrase my response because though I don't want to sound like a jerk, it can be really easy to do with this one, even unintentionally.

 

Here we go:

 

You are a legal adult in every country that I know of in the Western world.  The only person preventing you from living your "...life how I like to." is you.  

 

You make the choices that give your parents control over you.  And yes, if you're accepting things like money, shelter, food, etc., from you, they have a right to express their opinions, issue ultimatums, and pass out consequences for your actions.  Why do they have that right?  Because you allow them that right by accepting things from them. Therefore, they have an interest in what you're doing because you're consuming their resources.   If you're not accepting things from them, they have no legal right to tell you what to do or how to do it.  

 

I have a daughter your age assuming your profile is correct.  This is what I hear from her:

• I don't have any money
• My job doesn't pay enough
• It's too hard to do it on my own
• I can't get a better job because I don't have any experience and I can't get any experience because no one will give me a better job
• School is too expensive

Et cetera, ad nauseum.

 

I agree.  It is hard to strike out on your own, it is expensive out there, it is hard to get a good job, and school is super expensive.  I totally agree.  So she drives a car that I own, she has a cell phone that I pay for, she lives (though doesn't always stay) in a house where I make the mortgage payment, etc.  Why?  Because she likes the level of comfort I provide her. And I still make rules that she has to follow.  It's easy to keep doing what you're doing when you care more about your comfort than your independence.

 

I, on the other hand.  Left my parents house for good in the closing weeks of my 15th year.  We eventually came to an agreement that they would quit calling the police and reporting me as a run away, as long as I stayed in school.  So I went to school-- high school, mind you-- and worked two jobs.  I reported at a construction company at four a.m. and helped load materials until school started, and I went and made pizza after school until nine or ten at night.

 

At seventeen, I was living abroad.  I had to return to the states for awhile, but I was back overseas at 19.  At 21 I was married and had my first child.  Guess what?  Still married and I've had more children since.  

 

There were days when the only meal I ate for the entire day was a bowl of instant mashed potatoes.  I remember looking for change under the couch cushions once so I could go to the store and buy my wife and (then, only) child Ramen noodles and I didn't eat because it was the day before pay day.   I struggled and it SUCKED.  But to me all that struggle was less important than accepting anything from my parents.   To me, being free from them was more important than anything the world could throw at me.   

 

It still is.  

 

I was almost 30 before I  got above the poverty line*.  That was a lot of years of struggling, but I would do it all again. Anytime I make a decision to concede to anyone else, I do it full well knowing why I'm doing it.  I do it knowing either what's in it for me, or what are the negative consequences if I don't.   Because if something is that important to you, you'll suffer for it.  

 

You don't have to let them control you.  You just have to accept what it means for them not to.

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you find some balance you can live with.

 

 

*edit: Amended, after fact checking, the last two years I was in the Army I was technically just above the poverty line, but dropped back below for awhile after I got out.

[Phytomancer]

I, on the other hand.  Left my parents house for good in the closing weeks of my 15th year.  We eventually came to an agreement that they would quit calling the police and reporting me as a run away, as long as I stayed in school.  So I went to school-- high school, mind you-- and worked two jobs.  I reported at a construction company at four a.m. and helped load materials until school started, and I went and made pizza after school until nine or ten at night.

 

At seventeen, I was living abroad.  I had to return to the states for awhile, but I was back overseas at 19.  At 21 I was married and had my first child.  Guess what?  Still married and I've had more children since.  

 

There were days when the only meal I ate for the entire day was a bowl of instant mashed potatoes.  I remember looking for change under the couch cushions once so I could go to the store and buy my wife and (then, only) child Ramen noodles and I didn't eat because it was the day before pay day.   I struggled and it SUCKED.  But to me all that struggle was less important than accepting anything from my parents.   To me, being free from them was more important than anything the world could throw at me.   

 

Nubbins, you are a hero! I always appreciate people who build their own wealth with two hands, but I think the time has changed a bit.

 

I know it seems easier, but it's not. There are even more requirements to work jobs. College degrees inflate, so even the high school graduates don't have a hope for job. The menial jobs require you to have cars, smartphones, no health insurance, etc-- and if someone is sick, the hospital bills are going to bankrupt them in a heartbeat.

 

Maybe it's her time to move on... Maybe it's not. I'm sure there is more than one answer to this. But I think her starting a service business will be a good beginning for a lot of things.