Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Silo]

Heh. I loathe dancing. One thing that attracted me to my husband was the fact he doesn't dance either. We purposely had an after cake and punch wedding reception so there was no dancing.

[Phytomancer]

Befriending girls and women is never my problem until I feel attracted to them. Then all abort the awkward train. 

[Jakkals]

[Ananym]

Hence the fact that this is my first thread to post in except from the intro thingy I guess I am in good hands here.

It took me a while to register, it'll take me a while to post more often.

 

Never been diagnosed with Aspergers, but I never had or needed many friends, spent my childhood under tables just watching other people, making up storys or different worlds (and writing them down as I grew older) or talking to animals. Of course I remember a lot of situations where I just felt in the wrong place. Mostly school related.

I'm hypersensitiv too, so I'm not keen to loud places, really bright lights, crowds and thelike.

But there are times when I can switch all my anxieties off and just play a version of me doing smalltalk, talking in front of people or something like that. Haven't found out the power switch for that ability tho. It just randomly kicks in (when my subconciousness feels it's necessary I guess - or perhaps it's my Gemini nature - I've been called a walking contradiction). It's different via internet too, where I don't feel overly stunned by too many impressions and details about a person or situation.

 

Side note: My friends are mostly male (most of them somewhere on the Spectrum), never had problems to talk to a boy/guy or found them to be scarier than girls/women. I just don't get it when somebody tries to flirt with me and my relationships always sprouted from a normal friendship, where I knew the other person really well before concidering a relationship.

 

Oh and I love dancing - when nobody is watching. Like Hoola Hoop or Belly Dancing. But no way my wedding would have had anything to do with dancing in front of people. But then again we only had 5 people with us on our wedding day and did nothing but dress up and eat really nice food. ^^

[crash3400]

another walking contradiction here.  i'm an introvert who speaks for a living, and my superpowers are sarcasm and awkwardness.  just thought i'd check in because i was super excited to find this thread.  

 

and for the record, i will dance with proper... fuel. but i have no skills, only rhythm.

[kaelvan]

Am I the only one that freaks out about having to talk to people on the phone? Sad how I have to give pep talk to myself every time.

[TMedina]

I've known a couple of people like that.  

 

For myself, I have to rehearse what I want to say to avoid a long, drawn-out bit of awkwardness that costs minutes. :/

[Jakkals]

Am I the only one that freaks out about having to talk to people on the phone? Sad how I have to give pep talk to myself every time.

 

Nope. I can do business calls to known customers, but are utterly incapable of holding a social conversation with people on the phone.

 

Phones were invented by Satan and people who uses them are his spawn.

[Artinum]

Am I the only one that freaks out about having to talk to people on the phone? Sad how I have to give pep talk to myself every time.

 

Nope. I avoid the things wherever possible - phones, I mean, though it applies to people to some extent too!

 

I floundered every time I answered the phone at work until I wrote a mental script. Pick up phone, recite usual opening (name and organisation). I sound professional, I have a moment to think and it means the other end has to start first. Of course, now I have to stop myself doing that when I answer the phone at home...

[Ocelot]

Befriending girls and women is never my problem until I feel attracted to them. Then all abort the awkward train. 

 

Saaame. I am so bad at liking people. You know I like you if I suddenly blank you and every time you approach me, I am incredibly and nonsensically mean.

[Silo]

I don't much like talking on the phone and I'm married to a guy who feels the same. There's a lot of "did you call so and so?" "No, did *you* call so and so?" Thank goodness for online ordering and appointment setting.

At work, I tend to tell callers that I am writing down their info so I can confirm the answer and call them right back. That gives me a chance to feel like I have more control of the conversation.

[humanperson832]

I am a textbook introvert, but I work very closely with a team of extroverts and in a field with very little free time or boundaries between work and the rest of life. I've found that I can kick it with them at work, at events, etc., but then I have to come home and be alone and re-charge. Like, I HAVE to. Or else I'll burn out really quickly. Self-care is key anyway, but especially when you're an introvert in a line of work that requires you to schmooze regularly. So, thank goodness I live by myself. Before I moved in by myself, I lived with roommates who indulged in... let's say, fragrant hobbies that put me in a bad mood as soon as I walked through the door (something that was not disclosed to me prior to moving in). It was a huge problem because after being drained all day at work, I came home and didn't even have that respite.

 

The phone... yeesh. Part of my job is answering phones and at first, it was terrifying. Especially because I have a stutter that only comes out when I'm nervous. This and interacting with people being a little overwhelming sometimes is the reason why most of my money is spent online when I can help it.

 

I love dancing. Mostly because I have no shame. I'm gonna be hosting the turn-up dance party in my cabin at camp next year. Get ready. (I can neither confirm nor deny that I'm already building the playlist.)

 

Yeah, and attractive guys make me clam up. I need to work on that. I was in LA catching up with a friend at a diner and this guy (kinda cute) interrupted our conversation to half-way flirt and half-way invite us to some night at a club he worked at, and instead of seeing what he was saying, I just tried to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible because I thought he was being monumentally rude. Apparently, he worked for one of the most popular chains of nightlife spots in the area and was trying to get us on the list... or something. I felt like kind of an idiot for being so curt, especially to someone I might've otherwise enjoyed talking to.

 

Folks, this is why I'm single.

[Machete]

Some people have different reason why they're single.

 

 

I think one big issue is when you eventually let it get to you and actually start to believe that you're not cut out for it and that you don't deserve companionship. The biggest danger is actually starting to be okay with dying alone.

 

"Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favorable to virtue... Remember that the solitary mortal is certainly luxurious, probably superstitious, and possibly mad." - Dr. Samuel Johnson 

 

Am I the only one that freaks out about having to talk to people on the phone? Sad how I have to give pep talk to myself every time.

 

Have you ever tried writing down your script and perhaps doing a ridiculous accent? Role playing tends to relieve a lot of the pressure; you're not worried about sounding ridiculous, you're already doing it on purpose. I would sometimes answer the phone like a very smooth radio show host, or as an Asian immigrant (until I eventually break character). Eventually you start thinking up new ways to mess with the person you're talking to.

[kaelvan]

Some people have different reason why they're single.

 

 

I think one big issue is when you eventually let it get to you and actually start to believe that you're not cut out for it and that you don't deserve companionship. The biggest danger is actually starting to be okay with dying alone.

 

"Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favorable to virtue... Remember that the solitary mortal is certainly luxurious, probably superstitious, and possibly mad." - Dr. Samuel Johnson 

 

 

Have you ever tried writing down your script and perhaps doing a ridiculous accent? Role playing tends to relieve a lot of the pressure; you're not worried about sounding ridiculous, you're already doing it on purpose. I would sometimes answer the phone like a very smooth radio show host, or as an Asian immigrant (until I eventually break character). Eventually you start thinking up new ways to mess with the person you're talking to.

Something says eHarmony would deny my profile (oh the fun of being lesbian yay).

 

Most of time I have the phone usually thrown at me, so no time to rehearse.

[Artinum]

I was desperately lonely in my first year at university. I despaired of ever finding the right girl, or even any girl (completely missing the cues from at least two girls that I only realised later were trying to get my attention). Fortunately I realised in my second year that I was looking for the wrong thing, and spent some time desperately lonely while looking for the right guy. Things perked up in my third year when I met a lot of the wrong guys.

 

The funny thing is that it didn't start happening until I gave up. I was pining over the boy du jour when I decided the evening was a write off and I may as well just enjoy the music in the club. And someone else literally dragged me onto the dancefloor.

[Machete]

Check out bald glasses guy. Painful to watch, perhaps. Even more painful to live.

 

[Hit]

and yet, all of katies points in the intro are really good!

[kaelvan]

I survived public speaking today in my bs class.

 

Also, hate how I blush when I'm not even liking a person. Curse you anxiety

[crash3400]

Am I the only one that freaks out about having to talk to people on the phone? Sad how I have to give pep talk to myself every time.

 

holy crap, no.  i physically tense up when my phone rings or when i have to make a phone call rather than email, text, or even in person.

[Artinum]

Check out bald glasses guy. Painful to watch, perhaps. Even more painful to live.

 

...you mean Daniel O'Brien?

[Phytomancer]

Saaame. I am so bad at liking people. You know I like you if I suddenly blank you and every time you approach me, I am incredibly and nonsensically mean.

 

Similar experience with mine. This is the example of the conversation I have with some people I find attractive.

 

Phyto: How was your day?

Girl: It's good. You?

Phyto: Great.

... Silence...

Phyto: So, how's your day.

Girl: You've already asked that.

Phyto: Right.

 

And my boss just call me 'socially gifted.' He doesn't know the whole story. 

[lillucia]

I'm a contradiction too. I love helping people, hate talking to them. I'm ok with answering the phone at work, but picking it up and calling someone... I just hate it!

A tad claustrophobic too, so my idea of fun is NOT a shopping centre food court at midday. When I'm at a friend's house for dinner and everyone is up and walking around, I'll dive into the bathroom for a moment.

The confusing thing is, if you ask my friends, I don't shut up. I can chat people up quite well, but find it exhausting.

It's not as though I'm not confident in myself... I think I got past the point of worrying what people think quite a while ago. Again, meals at people's houses - I would often be more comfortable making a semi-spectacle of myself playing music (I do play ok-ish), than trying to make conversation or feeling guilty for sitting in silence.

My best friend in HS used to say they could lock me up in a room with a pen & paper and a piano and I'd be happy. Totally true, except these days I'd probably demand a laptop too

 

I get worried sometimes my sister-in-law might think I don't like her. I love her to bits, but I pull up barriers / don't make general convo like her and my mum do. Ah well.

[Phytomancer]

When I am in this thread, I wonder how many introvert read it and think "I can totally relate to this." But don't type in and say anything because... well... they are introverts. 

 

 

I'm a contradiction too. I love helping people, hate talking to them. I'm ok with answering the phone at work, but picking it up and calling someone... I just hate it!

A tad claustrophobic too, so my idea of fun is NOT a shopping centre food court at midday. When I'm at a friend's house for dinner and everyone is up and walking around, I'll dive into the bathroom for a moment.

The confusing thing is, if you ask my friends, I don't shut up. I can chat people up quite well, but find it exhausting.

It's not as though I'm not confident in myself... I think I got past the point of worrying what people think quite a while ago. Again, meals at people's houses - I would often be more comfortable making a semi-spectacle of myself playing music (I do play ok-ish), than trying to make conversation or feeling guilty for sitting in silence.

My best friend in HS used to say they could lock me up in a room with a pen & paper and a piano and I'd be happy. Totally true, except these days I'd probably demand a laptop too

 

I get worried sometimes my sister-in-law might think I don't like her. I love her to bits, but I pull up barriers / don't make general convo like her and my mum do. Ah well.

 

I'd be happy without people, but I'd be happy with ones too.

[Artinum]

When I am in this thread, I wonder how many introvert read it and think "I can totally relate to this." But don't type in and say anything because... well... they are introverts. 

 

Perhaps we could ask the NSA.

 

Guys, do you know how many lurkers this thread has? Love the suits and the dark glasses, by the way.

 

http://xkcd.com/525/

[Phytomancer]

I know you're reading this. Right now.

 

Smile for me, please, officer.