Madam_Patella Posted September 3, 2014 Report Share Posted September 3, 2014 This post starts out kind of sad and depressing, but don't worry, it turns out to be a weird sort of happy-sad by the end. Well, the first half of my day wasn't fun. I've been dealing with some brain s#!t (Depression, anxiety, self-harm, etc.) and things have been a bit difficult to say the least. I've been trying to find any reason to live, to find some purpose, some main quest to help me push forwards and see if tomorrow holds anything that is worth hanging on for. Today was harder than usual, I had to face some of my problems as part of therapy(first day), and it left me mentally and emotionally raw... I started thinking about suicide in earnest again. I got so caught up in it that I could hardly think about anything else and I decided that I would kill myself when I got home.When I got inside I was mentally preparing to end it when I saw my dogs sleeping on the floor and they started wagging their tails when they heard me come in. They seemed to know that I wasn't alright. I just dropped to the ground next to them and started sobbing. One reached over and put her muzzle against my forehead and started licking the tears off my face while the other got up and checked to see if I was hurt (she always seems to know which places I had been thinking of cutting...) They stayed with me until I was done crying and afterwards they stayed close whenever I was in a room they were allowed to be in.I really believe they saved my life today. I know this isn't what you usually see when people post in the Woot Room, but I felt that I needed to put it here. It is a victory- I've experienced a day that I wouldn't have been around to see if it weren't for my furry, quadrupedal guardian angels. And I'm going to do my best to stick around and try to make every day the best day of their lives. It won't all be easy and there will be plenty of bad days, however, it will be sunny one day and I want to be there to go frolicking in a grassy field, preferably with twenty puppies chasing me. Now then, I'm off to eat some good food, snuggle with my two mutts, and watch some ridiculous videos to make me laugh. It'll probably be a few hours, so here's a picture for you guys of a Marine feeding a baby rabbit he rescued: And this: 7 Quote Link to comment
redwoodfog Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 First: HUGS Second: If you're in the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Maybe you have this, maybe you don't want it (I understand), but I do feel the need to plop it in threads such as this Third: Soooo glad your pooches were there to give you comfort, love, and mostly TIME to reflect and breathe. Dogs are amazing, and so intuitive. Take care! I hope your food was delicious, your snuggles sublime, and videos suitably ridiculous! 1 Quote Link to comment
Oramac Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Soooo glad your pooches were there to give you comfort, love, and mostly TIME to reflect and breathe. Dogs are amazing, and so intuitive. Agreed! It's awesome how smart dogs are. Maybe not math smart or anything, but they're so good at knowing when and how to be there. Glad to have you here, and glad you have your dogs there! Quote "Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." - Captain Malcolm Reynolds Current Challenge Also, I Agree With Tank™ Link to comment
Nolondil Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 My friend has the same relationship with her dog, he's the thing that stops her acting on the thoughts she has. People can vastly underestimate the closeness of a relationship between dog and human! Quote || Trying to become a hybrid athlete || Instagram: DavidsFitnessAdventure Link to comment
Amdhiel Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 This is the exact reason why I LOVE pets. As weird as it sounds, my alexandrine parakeet has done this for multiple times. I'm glad your dogs were there for you when you needed it. 1 Quote Assassin Battle Log | MFP: Amdhiel Challenges: Current, #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2, #1 "Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up." Alfred - Batman Begins Link to comment
shaar Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 This is absolutely a victory and deserves to be here as much as anything else! Pets are so empathetic and can sense things that humans just can't.. I know we don't know each other, but I'm glad you are still here <3 You can do it! 1 Quote Tell me, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it? Level ?? Bard & Monk of the Furious Heart STR.55 DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65 Link to comment
Jakkals Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Congratulations. Pets are great. 1 Quote Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith [ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ] Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3 Spoiler Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live. -Marcus Aurelius Link to comment
Shield Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Hope you're still doing well. Please post again soon to check in and let us know you're ok. 1 Quote Link to comment
aquafreash Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Damn, I know how it can feel - and its dreadful, and overwhelming. I'm really glad that your dogs made you feel better. Mine seem to have the same effect. I hope that you're feeling alright. Quote Level 0 ElfSTR 0 | DEX 0 | STA 0 | CON 0 | WIS 0 | CHA 0"It's not safe out here.It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross;but it's not for the timid" Link to comment
aeshnidae Posted September 16, 2014 Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 Sharing your story is a HUGE victory and deserves a WOOT! I'm glad you have your dogs and they have you. My dog, Dodger, has helped me emotionally many times. They really are our best friends. =) I hope you'll post a picture of your doggies. Quote Aeshnidae, The Girl with the Dragonfly TattooHuman RangerLevel 4 | STR 9 | DEX 8 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 8 | CHA 3 Aeshnidae Flips the Bird at Being Sick | Battle Log | Skull Crushers IIIIntro Post | MFP | 2nd Challenge "Fire bad, tree pretty.""Nothing but the rain..." Link to comment
Madam_Patella Posted September 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 Hey guys, I'm just checking in. I'm doing a little better, getting help and all that. Trying to remember what used to make me happy five years ago and if it'll do the same thing now... and if there are new things that might be fun. On a good note, I'm officially off the med that played a part in the more recent problems, thank the gods (Or in this case the doctor. No, not the one with the TARDIS, sorry.). Things are a bit more bearable now. Thanks for all the kind words and support. 3 Quote Link to comment
Madam_Patella Posted September 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2014 Oh god, I got my pixie trimmed a few days ago and it went from this: to this: Yes, WITH the sticky-out-y ears. 1 Quote Link to comment
Amdhiel Posted September 17, 2014 Report Share Posted September 17, 2014 Hey guys, I'm just checking in. I'm doing a little better, getting help and all that. Trying to remember what used to make me happy five years ago and if it'll do the same thing now... and if there are new things that might be fun. On a good note, I'm officially off the med that played a part in the more recent problems, thank the gods (Or in this case the doctor. No, not the one with the TARDIS, sorry.). Things are a bit more bearable now. Thanks for all the kind words and support. YAY!!! Glad to hear things are going a little bit better!! I totally understand how you feel about trying to find things that make you happy after being depressed for a long time. It takes time and if I can figure it out then so can you! Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to or a bit of extra support. 1 Quote Assassin Battle Log | MFP: Amdhiel Challenges: Current, #7, #6, #5, #4, #3, #2, #1 "Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up." Alfred - Batman Begins Link to comment
Madam_Patella Posted September 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2014 YAY!!! Glad to hear things are going a little bit better!! I totally understand how you feel about trying to find things that make you happy after being depressed for a long time. It takes time and if I can figure it out then so can you! Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to or a bit of extra support. Thank you! 1 Quote Link to comment
DarthSnuggles Posted September 17, 2014 Report Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'm so glad that you're with us. I don't know you (yet) but I'm happy that you're alive and that you chose to keep living. Maybe I'm a few days late, but I agree 100% that this was a victory! Even if you sometimes think about hurting yourself, every time you don't act on those thoughts is a triumph. It's like any other kind of training we do--you get stronger little by little, through practice, repetition and hard work. And yay for dogs! My little guy is definitely the most social and most emotionally-sensitive dog I've ever had. He can tell when you're upset, depressed, or angry, and will react accordingly. He gets really, really upset if one of his people is crying, and will crawl into your lap and press his head against your rib cage, sternum or neck, or (if he can reach your face) try to lick your tears. He pretty much forces you to cuddle him, and it's the only time that hyperactive dog will sit still and let you hold him. He was a huuuuge comfort during my last break-up. 4 Quote Dwarven Adventurer, level 0. "We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment... and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly." (Flemeth, Dragon Age II) Target Weight: 200lbs | Starting Weight: 262lbs | Current Weight: 253lbs I'm all about that bass. Link to comment
0gravity Posted September 20, 2014 Report Share Posted September 20, 2014 Roussea and Arjuna send their love to you and your pups. Be well 2 Quote Battle Log Challenge Link to comment
JessTosterone Posted September 22, 2014 Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 Awwww. I always say that dogs > people. Your doggies are so precious and I almost teared up reading your post. I'm so glad you chose to live and even happier that you have such amazing dogs to take care of you. Such angels! And this: Squealed. Literally. Mom thinks I'm crazy. 1 Quote Link to comment
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