Partner's reactions to new exercise/diet?

[ZenGwen]

Have you had any problems with partners/family thinking you would hurt yourself with the changes you're making, even when you've been doing your research and know you're being healthy? How much do you have to work around the "normal" diet in your household? Is it difficult to do that? How do you deal with stuff like that?

Why I ask... Over the last few months I've made some pretty big changes to my lifestyle. And a few months ago I also moved in with my very lovely boyfriend. He's been lifting weights for much longer than me, so we've been lifting together, and he comes along on most of my runs. He's also mostly cool with what I'm eating, there are just a couple things we keep around which are only for one of us. Overall, though, he thinks I'm being too extreme. He's kind of worried by the amount of exercise I'm doing (weights and running 3x a week each, and a 45 minute pilates class), is concerned that I'm not eating proper lunches (which I am, just not from the sandwich shop). He thinks I'm going to run myself into the ground, even though I'm feeling stronger, slimmer and physically much better than before.

And now I want to try paleo. It seems like the next logical step - I've been moving towards it slowly on my own anyway, and eat hardly anything that comes in a box any more. And I really like the idea of not worrying about calories as much! But obviously, my eating habits affect my boyfriend, and seeing as he already thinks I'm being too extreme, I'm not sure how well he'll react. We're also total foodies, and cooking with and for each other is something we love to do, so if he's not up for trying it a bit or at least working with me on it I'm kind of screwed.

Of course, I'm going to bring this up soon, I know it's him I need to discuss it with. But I was wondering how much other people here had to deal with this issue?

[qpop]

I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend to embrace paleo - not really working. Gotta respect other peoples choices.

Buy a couple of good books (a paleo cookbook perhaps?) but at least paleo solution - and let him do his own research.

[ETFnerd]

I think it's worth it to invest time upfront to at least get the people that care about you to enable, not sabotage your new lifestyle. Why swim against the current when you can swim with it. Just have a frank discussion and let them know why it's important for you. If they care about you they will see at least try to be supportive, even if they don't agree with everything. If you want to make changes for yourself, be considerate and make sure you don't inconvenience them. Also, don't make (force) choices for them that they didn't decide for themselves. That's overstepping in any relationship.

Open conversations usually get you quickly to the root of most issues.

[Rick]

I would add that getting him mildly obsessed with NF would also make your task easier.

[CalvinHobbes]

I would add that getting him mildly obsessed with NF would also make your task easier.

Actually I have done this with my boyfriend! Works wonders! He hasn't posted anything (yet) but he is poking is head around and agrees with me for wanting to start weight lifting

[The Purple Diane]

Find out what his concerns are. Take them on board and address them. Listening works much better when it goes both ways. :-)

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Loren Wade]

To be honest, I wouldn't disagree with him. Sorry if this is unsolicited advice, but I did 6 straight weeks of starting paleo, strength, and running. I had incredible results but after that challenge I burned to the ground. If I did it again, I'd give myself an unload week every few weeks and not do so much, which I plan on doing after my next event.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, but of you're doing a lot, just make sure everything else is in line: lowering cortisol, getting enough sleep, controlling mental stress, etc.

Anywho, yes... it took a bit to convince my wife of my decisions. She was really against Paleo, but now she's gonna do it in January. I've lost 50 pounds, and now she supports my exercise. I faced a lot when I started, but it has cooled down. It took her time to adjust to my changes.

[knightrider]

ZenGwen, I hear ya, my wife is not cool with Paleo, she thinks it's dangerous, I think that's cause it's a new concept and it sounds like Atkins which she has a strong bias against. But, I'm glad I read Loren's post just now!

[Lachy]

Yeah, I get some opposition from my family. They think I exercise too much, and my requests for changes in family meals are questioned or ignored. I just do what I can with what I've got (as mentioned in a recent blog by Steve).

[Quickdraw]

My wife and I had a long conversation about the whole paleo thing over dinner one night. She isn't ready to ditch the grains herself, but she's got my back and never really ate nearly as much grain-based food until I came into the picture. Grains are my kryptonite.

Both she and my brother needed a gooooood explanation of how paleo/primal is NOT Atkins. Really I think it all comes down to education. Have a willingness to share with them the stuff you're learning that's leading you to make these lifestyle changes, and let them evaluate the evidence themselves. At least that way they're reacting to what's actually going on, not a misconception.

[Loren Wade]

If they REALLY want to know why it's not Atkins, tell them to read The Paleo Solution.

Also, I don't think Atkins was 100% wrong. Neither does Robb Wolf.

[ZenGwen]

Thanks for the replies guys! Good to hear I'm not the only one facing these concerns. I'll definitely pick up The Paleo Solution,and I think a paleo cookbook is a good idea too. We can try some meals and stuff without committing to it 100%.

I think it's worth it to invest time upfront to at least get the people that care about you to enable, not sabotage your new lifestyle. Why swim against the current when you can swim with it. Just have a frank discussion and let them know why it's important for you. If they care about you they will see at least try to be supportive, even if they don't agree with everything. If you want to make changes for yourself, be considerate and make sure you don't inconvenience them. Also, don't make (force) choices for them that they didn't decide for themselves. That's overstepping in any relationship.

Open conversations usually get you quickly to the root of most issues.

Yeah, definitely. We've overcome a lot of issues in our relationship and are pretty good at sitting down and talking stuff out, so that's definitely the plan. I'd certainly never impose anything on him that he didn't want - nor would I like to inconvenience him with what I'm doing. But that's part of the concern. I place more value on not overstepping than on being able to do this, but I really want to try this, too! We'll work it out.

I think we can make some changes and eat slightly different things without it being a big deal. We already do stuff like keeping tons of spinach around for me and a loaf of whole-wheat bread for him.

To be honest, I wouldn't disagree with him. Sorry if this is unsolicited advice, but I did 6 straight weeks of starting paleo, strength, and running. I had incredible results but after that challenge I burned to the ground. If I did it again, I'd give myself an unload week every few weeks and not do so much, which I plan on doing after my next event.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, but of you're doing a lot, just make sure everything else is in line: lowering cortisol, getting enough sleep, controlling mental stress, etc.

Anywho, yes... it took a bit to convince my wife of my decisions. She was really against Paleo, but now she's gonna do it in January. I've lost 50 pounds, and now she supports my exercise. I faced a lot when I started, but it has cooled down. It took her time to adjust to my changes.

Hey, it's not unsolicited advice, I'm posting on a fitness forum.

I didn't go into it much in the OP, but I haven't dropped into all of these things all at once. I started changing my diet about a year ago, just small changes - cutting out junk food, switching to skim milk, more lean meat and veggies, less fruit juice and pastries, that kind of thing. Things got faster when I joined a gym over the summer, and started first by going three times a week to do C25K and a bit of weight training, then about two months ago switched to running outside 3 days a week and doing an actual program of weight training the other three days (I spend about the same amount of total time, and feel that both weights and cardio are a lot more effective now). I just started my lunchtime pilates class two weeks ago. So it's been quick, but not drop of a hat "Okay, incredibly healthy lifestyle immediately".

I don't think I'd want to go completely on the Paleo diet immediately, either. It's the kind of thing I'm going to spend some more time researching, and gradually change into, I think. I could cut out rice, pasta and cheese right now and be pretty happy, but stay away from my granola and yogurt! You know? So it will take some time in any case.

[Loren Wade]

Yep! Totally makes sense. In fact, Robb Wolf (author of The Paleo Solution) has talked a number of times about people who change over items one at a time.

But in the end, as I tell everyone else... Try on one month of full paleo.

Anyway, you're on a plan and you're changing your life. Many kudos.

[wildross]

I got a lot of push back from my wife when I showed her the videos that I posted a month or so ago. She really freaked about the squats. She has a long history of physical issues including back, knee and ankle injuries, so it is understandable. I had told her what I was doing, but she had not seen it. As others have said, results speak louder than words, and she knows I feel much better about myself when I lift. Just don't think I'll show her any more videos.

[ZenGwen]

Yep! Totally makes sense. In fact, Robb Wolf (author of The Paleo Solution) has talked a number of times about people who change over items one at a time.

But in the end, as I tell everyone else... Try on one month of full paleo.

Anyway, you're on a plan and you're changing your life. Many kudos.

Thanks! Yeah, I think I'm going to continue making changes towards paleo, then once I'm happy with my research and confident that boyfriend won't freak out, try going on it completely for a while. We'll see how it works out!

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

ZenGwen, I'm going through the same types of things. I tried Tim Ferris's 4-hour body thing at the beginning of the year and liked it, and my wife gave me 30 days of cooking around it since I wanted to try it out. She couldn't stand not having the carbs and pasta, so the way we adjusted was she just cooks those less often than normal. We do pasta once a week max and whatever side of carbs she makes, I just have smaller portions of it and more of the vegetables and meat.

That's for dinner. For breakfast and lunch, we make our own stuff, so I can pretty much go full paleo on those meals, the only meal I don't is dinner. We've talked about how I want to eat and so now when she figures out what she is making, she considers my diet and leans toward doing stuff for that. For example, we do tacos a lot, and I just have all the insides without the shells. It's now sweet potatoes instead of regular potatoes or instead of rice.

As for working out, she runs 4x a week, and I used to as well. this past week I actually convinced her to try weight training. She seems to like it, but because she's doing such light weights and not getting winded like she does running, she doesn't think she's getting as good of a workout. If she gets into, I'd love it, but it's not a must have, as she can run at the gym while I'm weight training. We work in buildings right next to each other and share a car, so if one person goes to gym after work, we're both going.

[ZenGwen]

ZenGwen, I'm going through the same types of things. I tried Tim Ferris's 4-hour body thing at the beginning of the year and liked it, and my wife gave me 30 days of cooking around it since I wanted to try it out. She couldn't stand not having the carbs and pasta, so the way we adjusted was she just cooks those less often than normal. We do pasta once a week max and whatever side of carbs she makes, I just have smaller portions of it and more of the vegetables and meat.

That's for dinner. For breakfast and lunch, we make our own stuff, so I can pretty much go full paleo on those meals, the only meal I don't is dinner. We've talked about how I want to eat and so now when she figures out what she is making, she considers my diet and leans toward doing stuff for that. For example, we do tacos a lot, and I just have all the insides without the shells. It's now sweet potatoes instead of regular potatoes or instead of rice.

As for working out, she runs 4x a week, and I used to as well. this past week I actually convinced her to try weight training. She seems to like it, but because she's doing such light weights and not getting winded like she does running, she doesn't think she's getting as good of a workout. If she gets into, I'd love it, but it's not a must have, as she can run at the gym while I'm weight training. We work in buildings right next to each other and share a car, so if one person goes to gym after work, we're both going.

I think this is probably the kind of thing my boyfriend and I will settle into, too. I'm glad to hear it can work out that well! We actually work at the same place so we work out together too - up a 6 MWF, to the gym for weights, then to work, sleep in to 6:30 TT, go for a run, then to work.

Together just about 24/7 since I started there in August and we hardly ever try to murder each other...

I think a big stumbling block is going to be that some of the foods we both really like to make for each other are very not-paleo. He does really fantastic pasta bakes with lots of butter beans and cheese, and really good meat with rich creamy sauces... I do a fantastic pasta with sauce made from cream cheese, and meat pie with lovely thick dumpling crust... gonna be tough to pass those all up.

['Roos]

Hi Gwen! I'm a total foodie as well, and I've found Paleo works REALLY WELL with being a foodie. Yeah, you don't have big pasta dinners, but things which (normally) would be considered off limits (like pork belly, coconut milk curries, buttery everything, etc) are totally OK with paleo, provided you, ya know, stop when you're full. All those french sauces people try to get you to feel guilty about? TOTALLY OKAY! (how awesome is that? Olive oil mayo!)

Anyway, my boyfriend (live in) is decidedly NOT paleo. He has grains and sugar all the time (and is still skinny! *shakes fist*). I'm the one who does the cooking for the household, so I just cook paleo meals and ask him to come down 10 minutes early if he wants some starch. He'll usually come down and make some toast, reheat some rice, boil a bit of pasta, etc. if he's really wanting some. Otherwise he defaults to paleo! It's a win-win, as far as I'm concerned.

It's a really hard thing, though, working with a partner on diet, exercise, or anything really. Keep your goals in mind, and don't worry too much if you disagree on things.

[Loren Wade]

Thanks! Yeah, I think I'm going to continue making changes towards paleo, then once I'm happy with my research and confident that boyfriend won't freak out, try going on it completely for a while. We'll see how it works out!

Great! Just remember, the more informed you are, the less incompetent you'll look to them.

Family is always the last to be convinced. They know us all too well.