Do we get a respawn after birthdays? I hope so.

[JessOfAllTrades]

Greetings rebels!

 

I'm Jess. I'm recently turned 29. I'm a school counselor living in the DC area. I like video games, music, and crafting. I'm not a new face around here, but due to some inactivity I might not be familiar.

 

This has not been my year. New job, injuries, illness, and general stress about money and other important adult-like things in my life. Completing challenges have always been tough for me, but this year was... Not so great in the rebellion.

 

I'm definitely still in a better place compared to my pre-NF life, but considering how long I have been here (kicking it since December 2012), my progress is frustratingly slow.

 

So, let's be brutally honest with myself:

• I have not committed to actually changing my lifestyle in regards to food.
• I put exercise way too low on my priority list
• I have trouble with motivation in the long run (you know that marshmellow experiment? the one that makes kids wait to eat it and supposedly correlates to lifelong success? I'm totally the type who would have eaten the crap out of the marshmellow the moment an adult walked out of the room)
• Deep down I don't actually believe I'm capable of longterm change (or in my professional opinion - refusing to take responsibility for my choices and blaming external sources)

So there you go. I have made the same mistakes over and over again. I work in a field where I have to teach students how to learn from their mistakes and keep moving. I am constantly faced with the hypocrisy I practice professionally when reflecting on my personal life. It doesn't do my self-esteem any favors, but at the same time I'm not trying to fix it. I think despite knowing what I know about will power and making life changes, as well as the amazing messages of NF, I still haven't convinced myself. There's a part of me that clings to quick, temporary fixes because that's how I functioned for so long in my life. I came to NF when I was 26. That's a long period of bad habits to work against. And I know I can - I've seen how many people have done that here. It's amazing what some rebels have accomplished.

 

I'm still trying to figure out what's holding me back.

 

In regards to the points above - Diet is a struggle. I need to commit to a lifestyle change. I know I want to and am capable of it, but for some reason my motivation is still lacking. Part of it is time, another part is doing it alone. My partner and I both want to do this, but with our opposing work schedules it's been tough making it work. We have so little time together, meal planning and bulk cooking is not how we want to spend it. So I need to convince myself I need to do it regardless of what my partner decides. He won't sabotage me and will probably join in once I get things going, which is nice. I think with summer break coming I'm going to have the chance to try again. I also don't want to wait that long. So time for some baby steps. This week I committee to making a bulk breakfast so I'm not tempted to pick up anything on my way to work.

 

Exercise. Hooboy. I wish I had a longer attention span sometimes. I love lifting, but at the moment I don't want to do it. I want to incorporate running again, but I need to sign up for a race to keep me motivated. I know the best thing we can do for motivation is do something we love, but what happens when you fall out of love with an activity after a month or so? I can keep trying things, but I do not think I'm going to find that one activity that just makes me fully commit to making exercise a priority. I guess I just need to focus on how exercising makes me feel, and how it's working towards my goal of being a better me. I'll keep working on this one. I do have to give myself credit for joining a gym again and committing to a new routine. Baby steps. Tomorrow I hope to go after work.

 

If you actually followed all of my rambling, motivation is really at the center of it all. Which I think covers the last two points. So let me briefly reflect on goals and then I'm posting this before it becomes even more long-winded.

 

My goal/main quest is to be a better me. I'm kind of awesome, but there's room for improvement. I could be healthier, I could be more production, I could be more responsible. This breaks down to some serious angst about my body, which is a lifelong problem. I know there isn't a magical change that will make me happy - that has to be mental change on my part. Being healthier is something I'm always working towards because I'm now a year from 30 and terrified of what health problems I may develop. My genes are dabbled with all sorts of fun stuff. And finally responsibility is a skill I need to develop. I do pretty well (and I don't give myself enough credit - another pattern you've probably picked up on), but I'm not happy with my current level. There are silly things I worry about too much, and I have the ability to do more to make it less of a stressor.

 

Oof. Okay, that was a big brain dump. I guess I wanted to make sure I had some thought about this whole thing before reviving my battle log. I'm not going to do challenges for now - but I want to get back into posting. I also plan to revive my blog because I need a place to complete all of this self-reflection/rambling. 

 

Anywho, looking forward to re-committing to the rebellion and working on myself again.

[DarK_RaideR]

Welcome back, Jess. Wishing you all the best in this new take. Please accept my apologies, there's a lot of stuff to discuss based on your writings, but right now I'm on limited computer time, I'll reach out once able.

[JessOfAllTrades]

Welcome back, Jess. Wishing you all the best in this new take. Please accept my apologies, there's a lot of stuff to discuss based on your writings, but right now I'm on limited computer time, I'll reach out once able.

 

No worries! I do not expect people to address all of my ramblings. Just glad to have your well wishes (thought insight and wisdom is always loved when you have the time!)

[Raze]

Welcome back Jess, I as well have decided to work my way back here. Reading over this I can see a lot that also applies to my current situation and how i have been living since 2012 post Marine Corps life.

 

I totally agree with the diet as a whole. It is very difficult when you only get a few hours each day with your partner and you still have to do all the other boring adult things. it doesn't leave much time to be with them and just relax. Bulk cooking (especially with a slow cooker) would probably be the best way to go so on the weekend you can prep everything into baggies then one day just dump it all into the slow cooker turn it on and leave for work to have it done when you get home. breakfast is my killer especially since i like to wake up with just enough time to get ready and get out the door (I am not a morning person). baby steps are important!

 

As far as exercise goes I know your pain very well. When I was overseas I would go through spurts I fell in love with lifting, but after a few months I got bored with it and stopped for several months then got big into circuit training for about two months then got bored with that as well. I recently started to get back into running and still see starting as a chore, but once I start and actually do the running even if it was a horrible run I usually feel better that I did it. Just need to put on your hardhat and work up those 20 seconds of courage to get started. Having a set routine at the gym can be both a blessing and a curse. on one hand you know what you're doing that day and the rest of the week. On the other hand you can stagnate and loose interest quite quickly which is why ive never stuck to a single workout plan for more than two months.  

 

In the end everyone needs to find their inner motivation and drive to make these changes. I have recently hit my own rock bottom (ive gained nearly 100Lbs in one year) despite knowing everything I need to do in regards to nutrition and exercise, but I have also lost my motivation. Having the NF folks and your partner supporting helps as well as assists in providing that accountability which is also key.

 

Remember Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is progress each baby step you take helps and lays one brick of your internal Rome.

 

Wish you the best of luck and will help as much as possible! (I can even bug you on FB if needed)

[JessOfAllTrades]

Welcome back Jess, I as well have decided to work my way back here. Reading over this I can see a lot that also applies to my current situation and how i have been living since 2012 post Marine Corps life.

 

I totally agree with the diet as a whole. It is very difficult when you only get a few hours each day with your partner and you still have to do all the other boring adult things. it doesn't leave much time to be with them and just relax. Bulk cooking (especially with a slow cooker) would probably be the best way to go so on the weekend you can prep everything into baggies then one day just dump it all into the slow cooker turn it on and leave for work to have it done when you get home. breakfast is my killer especially since i like to wake up with just enough time to get ready and get out the door (I am not a morning person). baby steps are important!

 

As far as exercise goes I know your pain very well. When I was overseas I would go through spurts I fell in love with lifting, but after a few months I got bored with it and stopped for several months then got big into circuit training for about two months then got bored with that as well. I recently started to get back into running and still see starting as a chore, but once I start and actually do the running even if it was a horrible run I usually feel better that I did it. Just need to put on your hardhat and work up those 20 seconds of courage to get started. Having a set routine at the gym can be both a blessing and a curse. on one hand you know what you're doing that day and the rest of the week. On the other hand you can stagnate and loose interest quite quickly which is why ive never stuck to a single workout plan for more than two months.

 

In the end everyone needs to find their inner motivation and drive to make these changes. I have recently hit my own rock bottom (ive gained nearly 100Lbs in one year) despite knowing everything I need to do in regards to nutrition and exercise, but I have also lost my motivation. Having the NF folks and your partner supporting helps as well as assists in providing that accountability which is also key.

 

Remember Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is progress each baby step you take helps and lays one brick of your internal Rome.

 

Wish you the best of luck and will help as much as possible! (I can even bug you on FB if needed)

 

Thanks jcsimmons. I appreciate you sharing your experience and love the offer for help. It's nice knowing someone in the area could bug me.

 

Here's to hoping the respawn goes better.

[mmg29]

Hi! Just wanted to say how much I appreciate your post. I relate to so much of it, especially in the commitment/motivation department. My diet alternates between good and terrible. Need to figure out what sends me over the edge on the terrible days (weeks). And as far as exercise goes, I don't. Which makes me worry for my health given the whole desk job thing. Just nice to read someone else's thoughts and see that I'm not the only one! If you figure out something to motivate you, I'd love to hear it. I'm thinking about maybe signing up for the next 6 week challenge. Commit to some very small amount of daily/weekly exercise. I always tell myself that just doing a few pushups and squats would be better than nothing, but somehow still can't manage to do even that! Good luck with the self improvement and figuring out what gets the successful rebels moving! I am a chronic underpants gatherer. Here's to new habits!

[Raze]

POKE!

 

Hey, I havent seen many updates lately and wanted to check in and see how everything is going!

[JessOfAllTrades]

I know - updates have been sporadic with the end of school. Hopefully more to come (am getting ready to write one now)