Too fat

[Nightside]

To hell with them, they dont define you, you define you.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

If I read correctly, you have a significant other, why does anyone else's opinion about your attractiveness (except for you) matter?

[Leego]

I didn't word what I said right earlier, and it's a bit inappropriate.

 

Me personally, I think that "larger" women are quite beautiful, and who ever says otherwise, it's just their opinion. If they say it as an insult, it's just them being an ass about their opinion.

 

And if you happen to get thin in the process of building strength, or losing weight and becoming more athletic or overall healthier, so be it! You'll just be attractive in a different way.

[Adrianne]

Oh so many responses! And at this given time I can't seem to quote things to please, bear with me in this.

 

It is true, I have a significant other, and he loves me madly. He supports me in all my endevours and he helps me to get up and get going when I need it. He supports me, loves me and accepts me no matter what. My desire to loose weight and get stronger comes from the fact that I feel like a whale on land. Not from the fact that I am large, because I am (clocking in at 298 Pounds at the moment), but because I feel out of my element. This whale would rock your socks off if she was in water. But right now I feel like my body is a huge desert and my inner whale is just flapping around without a drop of water to swim in.

 

This is how it is with my goals. I don't want to be skinny straight up, I want to be STRONG! I want to be able to lift hella-lot, I want to be able to run a Marathon and I want to be able to do a triathlon with my dad Before he is too old. I want to gain muscels and strenght and speed, and at this given time in life my flab is in the way. Nothing more, nothing less. I am working on it and I'm getting stronger every day. I have had issues with binge-eating when I was younger and it is a constant battle for me to not fall back into the emotional eating and overeating.

 

The reason to why I reacted the way I did to this comment from a complete stranger, someone that has no place in my life and never will, is quite simple - he said what I, in my darkest and most sad moments, think that everyone really thinks. I KNOW that it isn't true, I know that I am very attractive due to personality and behaviour and even to my looks. But I have run into douchebags in my life that has made it very clear to me that overweight people aren't really worthy anything. This is also something that reflects them and not me but it took many years before I could even think like this. This anonymous boy said outright what I, for many years, thought was the truth. And it isn't. It never will be. And it never was.

 

I thank you all for the support and love but also for the more critical comments that made me stop and think a little bit more. I appreciate all of it. <3

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Thanks for clarifying. So if I'm reading you correctly, you aren't really worried about what others think, you (rightfully so) are concerned with what YOU think.  

 

For what it's worth, I can tell you are not down on yourself because you think you are worth less (two words intentional) because you are bigger than you want.  Rather, because you do value yourself, you love yourself enough to discipline yourself so that you give yourself the body you know you are worth.  It's a subtle difference from wanting to look good to feel better about yourself, but an important one.  Your self-awareness will serve you well in life, and you have a wisdom many lack. You will make it, simply because you care about yourself enough to do what it takes to be health.  The fact that you came here for help is a sign that you know what you need to enable yourself to make good choices.

 

You're gonna make it.

[KnightOfHvn]

People are like crabs in a basket. Some, like you, will try to get out of the basket. Some will stay in the basket. And some will stay in the basket and grab on to the ones trying to escape, to keep THEM in the basket too.

Screw em, sideways with a chainsaw. I mean that sincerely.

You're taking steps. You're making changes. You're doing what you can, when you can. If anyone give s you grief you're response should be terse, profane, and anatomically improbable.

I wanted to just reply, but I'm glad I got to see this comment before just hammering on it. It doesn't have to be profane. Heck, telling someone to "Go self-fornicate" and watching the stupid expression on their face is pretty satisfying.

 

I've had comments. I weigh 322, if my scale at home is accurate. Been on steroids for several years, still managed to lose a few pounds and am working on a set of goals. My coworkers used to rib me about it until I made it clear that it was off limits. Losing your temper when you're the second biggest guy in the room, grabbing someone by the front of the shirt and getting nose to nose with them as you ask "Was that wise?" tends to do that...but I had to apologize later. The jokes did end, though...

 

That being said, I agree with most of what is being said here. I don't think size matters for appearance reasons. I do know that it limits you. For me, the key point is: are you healthy? The women in the room are going to snipe me for this, but my wife and I had to have this conversation regarding both of us, which started my journey here. I'm a kidney transplant recipient and being overweight hurts the kidney. I work every day on that. I told my wife that I was worried about her weight...because she was the donor almost seven years ago. Six months ago, we find out that her biological father (no communications, just for explanation sake) had to have a transplant due to his diabetes. She has it all through her family, has shown a few potential signs and now this. 

 

If you feel bad and want to do something, do it. Fight for it. I'll pray for you on my good Christian days and light your enemies on fire on my days I need forgiveness. Just make sure your healthy.

[CaptainMurasa]

Why is r/amiugly even a thing?  

 

I mean that seriously.  Why do people care if strangers on the Internet think they're ugly or not?  If you're doing something seriously wrong with fashion/style/haircut/whatever REAL people you know in meatspace should let you know about it.  

 

Maybe I'm just too old for this stuff.

Haha, I don't know. It exists.

 

But unfortunately, I've come up with the conclusion that in real life people are too scared to tell me what they really think. It's beginning to seep through to my friends on the internet. Why not ask strangers?

 

I'm also trying to improve my game... But you know, what? I'm doing this for me and I don't really give a crap about if you think I'm ugly and shit. I'll just take your advice and piece what I do need to know and how to improve on me.

 

I'm also bad at the dating game. Just sayin'.

[Eleanorsbee]

I'll pray for you on my good Christian days and light your enemies on fire on my days I need forgiveness.

That came out in Samuel L Jacksons voice for some reason ..... Would be better if you ended it "mutha f**ker"

[KnightOfHvn]

That came out in Samuel L Jacksons voice for some reason ..... Would be better if you ended it "mutha f**ker"

 

That made me laugh. We've often said that we need Mr. Jackson to run our Helpdesk.