How to remove spiteful people from your life?

[Anaticula]

Long story short, I have a friend I had to cut out of my life. She moved to the other side of the US, so when I changed phone numbers (for other reasons), moved to a new house without giving her the address, and removed her from contacting me through social media I though that would be the end of it, but today I revived a nasty 'Happy Holidays" card from her at work. Yep, because she couldn't get to me through other ways she has looked up my work address and sent me something there. Any one have any suggestions for what I can do at this point? Will she really go away if I just keep ignoring her?

[LydiaJaybird]

I'd say keep ignoring. It's a little pathetic she went to that much effort just to be nasty to you, & hopefully if you don't respond, she won't try again. She can't contact you any other way, and you can always tell security about her if she tries to get to you at work. If she keeps up constant harassment, well thats what restraining orders are for, right?

[Raincloak]

You're probably way overthinking it.  Do you really believe your (former) friend is so obsessed with your unhappiness that she'd spend four bucks and half an hour of her time to send you a "nasty" holiday card?

 

and if the answer is "yes," then why are you doing what she wants by getting upset over it?

 

I think it's more likely your friend was trying to be nice.  Be that as it may, if you really don't want to talk to her any more, throw away the card and forget it.  She'll get the hint sooner or later if there's no response from you.  Unless you work in the same industry, in which you might wanna send a brief polite reply just to maintain the appearance of cordiality.  Because the world is getting smaller all the time and it doesn't pay to make enemies.

[thatBrownCat]

I had a friend I had to cut out too (for personal reasons). Since we live in the Philippine Archipelago, we're 7,106 islands away. 

 

I blocked him from my viber, SMS (but not facebook. I opted not to use FB anymore). 

 

He discovered that I have a blog, and has made a reference to it in his blog (yeah, I check his blog from time to time too)

 

"Cut Out" to me, means I will no longer talk, or share any personal or private information with you. 

 

So when he would send me IMs in FB, I would sometimes check them, but I wouldn't respond to them. 

 

I don't know what story happened between the two of you... but..

 

Will ignoring someone work? 

 

Yes and No. There are some people who will actually listen... and some who won't.

Telling someone to back off, or stop communicating with you might actually prompt them to continue communicating with you. 

 

I do not know which category your friend falls under. 

 

But here are my suggestions:

 

1. Have you told her to stop sending you stuff, or communicating with you? If not, Tell her.

2. If you told her and she persists to send you stuff (or asks you an explanation... which some people will do), throw the item. 

 

hope my answer helps

[Anaticula]

Thanks everyone. ThatBrownCat, I have asked her not to contact me any longer and like you said, I don't respond to any messages. But sadly she is the type of person who will go out of her way to make someone uncomfortable, I've seen her do this to other people who had to end their friendship with her. For years I tried to convince myself I was just mis-reading the things she said and that she was joking, but when I made a comment on facebook about how the three year old didn't want to eat breakfast and the seven year old spilled bubble mix on the floor and she told me that I needed to either 'beat the little assholes' or stop dating a guy with kids it was the final straw and I asked her to stop posting on my facebook page. That lead to a big fight where I asked her to cut all contact with me and I unfriended her.  After that I receive a message about once a month (going on three months now) telling me how I am a horrible person for cutting her out of my life and a coward for not calling her to do it (wasn't about to call and give her the new cell number). She swears that I'll beg her for friendship again after my boyfriend dumps me. I don't respond to her messages, but I do get upset about them. I don't think it's enough for a restraining order.  But Raincloak, you do have a good point, by letting it get to me I am letting her succeeded in upsetting me. I am hoping that she will grow tired of this eventually and just leave me alone. 

[Raincloak]

Mmm yeah, that sounds like a person who actually does troll for fun and needs to get a new hobby. They do exist. Ignore.

The poor sense of comedic timing isn't the problem. The problem is the clinginess and self righteousness. If someone tells you a joke is offensive and asks you to stop, the appropriate response is "Sorry," not "You'll beg to be friends again when your life goes to hell." That's wrong on sooo many levels, the only thing to do with such people is keep away. No good can come of giving them the negative attention they want.

[Evicious]

I agree with Raincloak and thatBrownCat, you should ignore her. Don't open any mail she sends you; don't respond to any emails or IMs, and in all other possible ways just move on with your life. People who believe you "need" them in your life in any capacity are self-centered, and will only make your life miserable. Continue to ignore her and she will eventually find someone else to cling to.

[Rookiebeotch]

While I am usually all for joking about child abuse, she sounds like a terrible person. Avoid interaction with her like how you avoid stepping in a muddy puddle. Do not address the problem emotionally. Avoid her with the least amount of effort and thought possible. You've got more important things to spend yourself on.

[Anaticula]

Thanks everyone.  I'm thinking that ignoring her really is the only thing to do at this point.  I've made sure that other than here and with a few close friends I haven't said anything about her card and all, so she won't get the joy of seeing a facebook rant about it or hearing about how much she is irritating me from a former coworker or anything. Hopefully the lack of response will make her realize that there is no point in continuing to send me cards and messages.

[Anita]

Anaticula:

 

 

Take back any and all power you have ever given to said person...

 

... and nothing they do will affect you =D

 

 

cuz I dun know about jooz, but the only one I can control is myself... (haha, who am I kiddin, maybe I can control myslelf HALF da time!)

[spezzy]

ignore and don't take the bait. every bit of communication, interaction, or place you are mentioned is bait.

 

by letting someone upset you, or alter your mood in even the slightest way, you are giving them the power.

 

easier said than done.

[WingedWolf]

I'm so, so sorry you have to deal with this. Cutting people out is rough, but letting their lashes pass you by can be even tougher.

It's admirable and awesome that you're putting such effort into getting out and away, because that's the most reliably effective thing you can do.

Best of luck, and many healing potions to you.

-WW