Lonely/bored/misunderstood

[Morrigainz]

OK this is a bit of a pity party so if you aren't interested, please GTFO (said as nicely as possible).

I am a very busy person. I work as many hours as I can and I attend school full-time. That doesn't leave me a lot of time for recreation/hanging out. Some nights I get to hang out with my husband, which is awesome. However, I don't seem to have many actual in-person friends. We had an Oktoberfest party and some of my family came but NOT ONE of the friends I invited. Some of this is likely due to my time constraints. But it's still frustrating.

Now, with my renewed interest in working out and really eating right, I feel even more lonely than before. I don't have anyone in my life that I can brag to, compete with, or get advice from. My husband's idea of lifting is doing 40 95-lb bench presses. I tell him I'm going to do the 800-rep workout on bodyrock.tv and he says, "Good luck with that." Sometimes he's supportive..but not always. And anyway, it's nice to have other friends sometimes, you know? I want a workout buddy. I want someone I can run with (but don't have to talk to, as I have never had luck talking+running), someone I can lift with, someone I can compete with who will GET IT.

I want a friend. A real life friend. Who I can arm-wrestle.

But it seems like even when I try ACTIVELY to make/keep friends, it doesn't work out for me.

Also I think I'm just having a bad day

/rant

[Guest Snake McClain]

This was an issue with me at first too. then i found that as i was doing it and accomplishing the workouts i said I'd be doing and got out there every other day (or whatever my workout schedule was) people started getting behind me. Not like i was ever overweight but just out of shape and people (friends and family) really started seeing what was going on and their statements like "oh yeah so you're working out huh?" turned into, "how is training going?" or "What did you do in wrestling last weekend?". They gained interest. Also realize that your husband could be shrugging you off because he knows or thinks he couldn't do the bodyrock workout and thus thinks you could not either. or would be embarassed if you did and he couldn't. Maybe don't mention to him what you are going to do. Keep them out of it and talk to us here on the forum. Then a day will come when they see all this progress you've made and you can do one of two things.

1. Say nerdfitness/bodyrock/blahblahblahblah gave me the tools needed and i followed them and worked hard.

or

2.(If feeling saucey) Say, "look I tried to tell you before and you weren't interested or brushed me off...."

I know what you mean about the friend thing too. I'm super busy too especially now that i've added the gym in and it's hard to get friends to come hang with me. It's like I have to do it on their terms and that sucks sometimes.

Bummer yo.

Maybe start an arm-wrestling for girls meetup group in your area??

[ETFnerd]

yo, what's up with Vanilla Bruce...?

[Hermione Gainser]

I actually find very few people IRL that I can tolerate. I'm a bit of curmudgeon. So, I get what you're saying. Sometimes I think, "I'd like to go get a beer and have some good conversation." then I realize I know no one with whom that would be a possibility (aside from the boyfriend).

One of my few people only recently got into fitness and now we work out together. It is pretty awesome. I hope you can find someone like that. Keep at it and I think you may. If you're at a gym, start up some conversations.

Until then, you have US! This is the most amazing community on the internet. I've never come across people who are more motivating and encouraging. And we really want to hear all about everything you're doing.

Otherwise, I might suggest talking with your husband about how you would like him to be more supportive. He may just not realize what's going on. Bad day or not, I think feeling the support of your loved one is very important. So, let him know.

Off topic... I'm diggin' the new avatar Vanilla Bruce. Word to ya motha.

[Guest Snake McClain]

^Everything she said!

yo, what's up with Vanilla Bruce...?

hah. this is a friends hat. i love it. like i seriously want it but it's been discontinued and i can't talk her out of it. So I wore it and stole a picture with it. Back in the summer. Just like to give out my rap hands. *rap hands*

This was actually one of my first avatars back in october when i joined up.

[bigm141414]

I actually find very few people IRL that I can tolerate. I'm a bit of curmudgeon. So, I get what you're saying. Sometimes I think, "I'd like to go get a beer and have some good conversation." then I realize I know no one with whom that would be a possibility (aside from the boyfriend).

Pssh, sounds like I need to hit up the ATL..... We could do some RDLs and then go do some 12oz curls at the bar

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Any other women at your gym? try to strike up conversation and become friendly with them. Don't try to make them a friend that you invite everywhere, just someone you talk to at the gym. From there, if it develops into a true friendship, there you go. I started doing this at the gym a bit and have various gym buddies I talk to. The easiest place to do this is if they have a class, but not many women are into working out how you like to, so it may not be feasible.

[Morrigainz]

I do have one good friend (former coworker) but she's got a lot on her plate right now...not to mention the fact that we live pretty far apart these days :/

@ Laura I think he is embarrassed...I got him to do one bodyrock workout with me (I think it was the "silent killer") and he only made it halfway through. Now he won't do it anymore.

Anyway thanks guys...I've got some plans for stuff I want to do once I graduate (hopefully December) that will get me out and about. It's just hard in the meantime...everytime I walk into class with a sweet potato I just heated up my classmates look at me like O.o And if I talk to my coworkers about the DLs I did last night, they don't get it. Ah well.. c'est la vie.

[Morrigainz]

@Corey It seems like most of the women are there for cardio or think they are going to bulk up with the heavy weights...I see them carrying around 5-10 lb dumbbells. There's a whole group of them (I think they are a softball team?) with a "trainer" who sorta knows what he's doing but doesn't really watch their form and doesn't encourage them to lift heavy. They were doing 15-lb bent over rows when I was doing 35-lb. And they look at me funny and like they are judging me :/

I wouldn't mind becoming friends with some of the guys but they are usually just as focused on their workouts as I am - or have even worse form than the other chicks. Last week this dude was trying to do 25-lb biceps curls....scrawny as sh*t...and digging his elbows INTO his side and using his back. I tried to give him a pointer but I think I scared him off

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I wish people could understand the real effects of weight lifting on women off the bat. Hopefully once you progress and they see the shape this will be getting you in they'll start coming to you. It started happening to me with weight room guys. They saw me not 2 months ago squatting with working sets of 165lb, now I've got 2 big boy plates on there for my last warm up set. When people see progress like that and the shape it gets you in to, they'll open up a bit and ask questions, just wait.

[Morrigainz]

I hope so In the meantime, I'll keep logging my workouts on Facebook and asking questions.

Stay strong, right?

[Hermione Gainser]

^Everything she said!

hah. this is a friends hat. i love it. like i seriously want it but it's been discontinued and i can't talk her out of it. So I wore it and stole a picture with it. Back in the summer. Just like to give out my rap hands. *rap hands*

This was actually one of my first avatars back in october when i joined up.

Ebay? it's pretty dope, yo. (do people still say that?)

Pssh, sounds like I need to hit up the ATL..... We could do some RDLs and then go do some 12oz curls at the bar

I fully support this idea.

I do have one good friend (former coworker) but she's got a lot on her plate right now...not to mention the fact that we live pretty far apart these days :/

@ Laura I think he is embarrassed...I got him to do one bodyrock workout with me (I think it was the "silent killer") and he only made it halfway through. Now he won't do it anymore.

Anyway thanks guys...I've got some plans for stuff I want to do once I graduate (hopefully December) that will get me out and about. It's just hard in the meantime...everytime I walk into class with a sweet potato I just heated up my classmates look at me like O.o And if I talk to my coworkers about the DLs I did last night, they don't get it. Ah well.. c'est la vie.

Men can be so silly sometimes! Even if he won't do it, he could at least pretend to be excited that you are!

Ha!!! I know what you mean re: sweet potato. My lunch bag for the week is so big that it activates my passenger side airbag and dominates the portion of our fridge I use. And I eat. A lot. My coworkers always give me the o.O look. And endless ribbing. But whatever. We're awesome. They are lamesauce.

[Durandal]

I want a workout buddy. I want someone I can run with (but don't have to talk to, as I have never had luck talking+running), someone I can lift with, someone I can compete with who will GET IT.

A competition, you say? How about a PvP with someone at NF who lifts and runs?

Also, I've been on both sides of the social coin, and I feel like being popular is overrated because it often forces you to lie to yourself. I actually prefer to be more of a loner because it gives me much more freedom to do the things I want to do. Socialite Durandal had to waste time going out to boring social gatherings listening to boring people talk about themselves because other folks expected him to be there. I would have been a lot happier if I could've spent that evening cooking a healthy dinner, reading a book or going for a run (well, Socialite Durandal didn't do any of those things back then, but you get the idea...). I'm not advocating monastic solitude, but I've found that being outgoing is often a double-edged sword that forces you to compromise.

[Morrigainz]

Actually it was really funny...on Sunday I grilled some chicken on the Foreman...separated it out into 3 oz bits and bagged it up...today I took out one of the bags and put the chicken on a plate to heat it up. I had to wait in line for the microwave, and while I was waiting, my coworker said, "Um, what is that? If you don't mind me asking?" And I was like "....chicken." And then she asked me what I was going to do with the sweet potato. I wish I had come up with a snarky reply.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Ebay? it's pretty dope, yo. (do people still say that?)

i tried. it isn't there either. Homie(?).

And back to topic. corey is right. At first being the averageish sized but still sorta skinny guy in there doing some of this stuff i got some looks. But when I go in and deadlift 255 (keep in mind i'm one of 4 people deadlifting and i know this because of the leaderboards and i've never seen anyone there doing them) they pretty quickly realize my progress has moved along well. I'm working at getting to a 300lb deadlift soon...anyway that said just keep doing what you're doing and people will quit giving looks and start wondering what your secret is even though they've been seeing it for however long.

[Morrigainz]

Yeah I did a lot of bars when I was younger...not so much into that anymore, but it would be nice to have some friends that would call just to say "hey" or come to a party when I invite them...ya know?

Anyway just having a reeeeeeeeeeally boring day at work (thank goodness it's almost over) which allows me to dwell on everything that's not 100% perfect about my life.

@durandal you're a lifter and a runner, eh? Hmm...sounds like a challenge might be in the works!

[Durandal]

I don't lift, I mostly run although I do some bodyweight exercises. PM me if you want to hear the details!

[wildross]

I guess my nerdiness shows through at times. About 95% of the time, pairs I see at the gym don't get much done. They do too much talkie talkie and not enough liftee liftee. There is one couple I've seen that set up bars next to each other and do the same lifts with different weights. I'm pretty sure they are competitve cross fitters from some of the exercises I've seen. So take advantage of your solitude to work harder. As others have said, we're here, and its likely you will pick up a friend IRL just out of curiosity.

[Hammlin]

Actually it was really funny...on Sunday I grilled some chicken on the Foreman...separated it out into 3 oz bits and bagged it up...today I took out one of the bags and put the chicken on a plate to heat it up. I had to wait in line for the microwave, and while I was waiting, my coworker said, "Um, what is that? If you don't mind me asking?" And I was like "....chicken." And then she asked me what I was going to do with the sweet potato. I wish I had come up with a snarky reply.

This so happened to me last week. Chicken and sweet potato even. I wished I had replied "sending it on a well earned vacation to Tahiti" I think they were shocked that I brought the foreman with me. That, or they were just really jealous...

[ebm1224]

so i'll admit i only skimmed the thread bit have you considered a site like sparkpeople.com? it's a fitness site that has groups based on lots of things including where you live. maybe you can find a workout buddy close by. also, meetup.com can be a great way to meet people with similiar interests...you could even start a group in your area and plan events.

Actually it was really funny...on Sunday I grilled some chicken on the Foreman...separated it out into 3 oz bits and bagged it up...today I took out one of the bags and put the chicken on a plate to heat it up. I had to wait in line for the microwave, and while I was waiting, my coworker said, "Um, what is that? If you don't mind me asking?" And I was like "....chicken." And then she asked me what I was going to do with the sweet potato. I wish I had come up with a snarky reply.

please forgive me if this sounds cold but, in response to above, why do you feel the need to be snarky? potential friends are all around us (even at work). perhaps rather than writing off this co-worker because she asked what you consider to be a dumb question, you could share with her about some of your fitness goals and life changes...could start an interesting conversation and, who knows, maybe even spark a new friendship

[oystergirl]

Sending a big hug...you got some great advice here. I work out with my teenaged daughter and it is the first time in 17 years I ever had a workout partner for more than a few days...my hubby, while he theoretically supports me, well, you know they wont admit to wanting you to stay just the way you are or are jealous because you are rocking your program and they are slipping...

I used to walk in my neighborhood with a number of women and eventually I dreaded it. To me fitness is really about doing my own thing...I have a number of really tight friends and they all live far far away, my bestie is in washington state and I am on long island...I have two teens and I tried really hard to make friends with moms through the years. Problem is, I am so different and I simply do not fit in. I can count on one hand the women in this area that I would want to hang out with...

I am rambling...I have two old work friends and two old neighbors who I love--it takes work, but I would rather spend time with them than anyone else...to me, its special.

Be your own best friend

[Hammlin]

I'm going to second Sparkpeople - I've met some awesome women to walk and run with on there who live near me.

Also, re my reply, I don't know about the other person, but my Tahiti comment would have been appreciated as I work somewhere that sarcasm is the preferred sense of humor a lot of the time its good natured, in my case. I'm just usually not quick enough.

[Morrigainz]

Yeah, ditto, a bit of snark is usually welcome at my workplace And trust me, I probably overshare about that stuff at work. I actually printed out my menu for a couple of days last week and gave it to one of the (older) guys I work with - I think he was concerned that I wasn't eating enough (even though I feel like I'm eating all. the. time.).

Thanks for the suggestions, I'll definitely check out sparkpeople. TBH I am feeling better after a looooooooooooooong nap tonight...although now it's time for bed

[Guest guest4729]

*sigh* I know the feeling all too well.

Even in college surrounded by people I often feel alone or left out. I have 5 classes, 2 jobs, 3 groups I'm involved in and then my boyfriend (who lives 2 hours away). I normally work about 40-50 hours a week, sometimes more. And that's ON TOP OF my classes. I rarely have time to see my friends let alone truly relax. I often get really frustrated because I feel like I'm no longer in the "circle" of friends and I'm always left out of things. It gets really upsetting sometimes but there isn't much to be done about it. I work too much to really get to see them, so I can't expect them to know when to contact me to hang out.

All my coworkers are 21 (except for like 2 out of about 30+) so I always get left out at work when they go to the bar or whatever after work. It's just a very...bleh...situation.

Don't feel like you're alone because I'm in the same boat. Doesn't help that I'm really picky with who I befriend and who I hang out with. Also - darn my introvertedness!

[concretecavewoman]

Check out local meetups for women lifters. Or try a crossfit gym.