Wanna let go of a bad habit

[linopolus]

Hi

I have a bad habit, I think it's an addiction. It's a bit awkward to me and maybe to you, but it's masturbating and watching porn. Both my religion (I'm Christian) and science (for example http://yourbrainonporn.com) say its bad for me…

I tried to let go of it several times, last time was this January, I managed to go without porn over a month, but in the beginning of this one I was back. So, to give me more motivation, I want to write down every morning, if I masturbated last day, so when the urge comes, I know tomorrow whole world will know if I can't resist.

I hope this is not too embarrassing to you…

[Sven]

This sure must be embarrasing to post, but I'm proud for you you did it anyway. From skimming articles on ybop it seems like such a habit / addiction has lots of bad side effects like robbing your energy, confidence and concentration..

Great you decided fighting it, you can do this! Ditching the P&M together with your new excercise habits should bring notable energy gains which would be a reward in itself. I wonder if there will be withdrawal symptoms as with other addictions, and I'm looking forward to reading your posts.

[Conk]

Hey, I am all for supporting you!!! I am a Christian myself, and I used to be in a similar scenario. Its tough, but it is possible!!!

[Morrigainz]

Do you mind a different perspective? I think that masturbation can be healthy. Sexual urges are a natural part of being human, and acting on those urges (imo) is nothing to feel guilty about. I have the same feeling about pornography. I don't PARTICULARLY care for some of it as it can be degrading to women, etc, but there are some porns out there that are geared towards women, mutual satisfaction, etc.

ANYWAY I digress. I think that masturbation can be a problem...if you consistently do it multiple times a day (10+ just to throw a number out there), if you have trouble climaxing with your partner, or if you prefer masturbation and porn to your partner. However, I think that it can be a healthy outlet. Anyway, just wanted to give you my thoughts...in case you are interested. I don't really believe stuff like that website. You can make studies and statistics say anything you want them to.

[Silverback]

Great post! I personally always enjoy the more obsecure socially akward topics than the run of the mill issues. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing more discussion on these kinds of topics that are quite actually a part of our day to day lives.

[linopolus]

Do you mind a different perspective? I think that masturbation can be healthy. Sexual urges are a natural part of being human, and acting on those urges (imo) is nothing to feel guilty about. I have the same feeling about pornography. I don't PARTICULARLY care for some of it as it can be degrading to women, etc, but there are some porns out there that are geared towards women, mutual satisfaction, etc.

Even if these sites are bullshit, there are three main reasons I don't wanna watch porn:

First, the bible forbids it, second, it's just a waste of time and third, I can never know if the actors are doing it voluntarily, or if they're just a bunch of kidnapped east-Europeans or south-Americans doing it against their will. Also, it's clearly an addiction, as I else wouldn't have failed letting it go before and I don't like to be addicted to anything, even if it might be not that bad.

And if I want to let go of porn, I have to quit masturbating too, because one leads to the other.

Concluding, it may or may not be healthy, but from a religious or ethic view, I don't want to do it.

[Morrigainz]

Fair answers, all. I understand your frustration about wanting to kick a habit (I have a few of my own that I would like to break!) and I commend you for posting about such a sensitive topic. I'd like to discuss more, but in the interests in keeping things peaceful and supportive, I have this to say:

You can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it and if you want it enough. The human brain is a powerful thing. It can withstand incredible pressure (ok so maybe not PHYSICAL pressure, but emotional for sure).

I don't know if this will help, but sometimes when I'm working out or doing something else unpleasant, I say to myself: I can do anything for (x amount of time). Like when I'm trying to get that last lunge in and my legs feel like jelly, I'll say "This is a 60 second workout. I can do anything for 60 seconds."....or something along those lines.

Good luck in your quest!

[Orangutan]

Actually the bible doesn't prohibit masturbation or porn. It prohibits lusting after another man's wife though so be sure to only watch single chicks. Also you can't fantasize so just don't think about the porn you watch.

If you still insiston quitting then try to fill your day so there's no time to love yourself. I find a 5 minute workout every hour also helps. A few pushups or pullups should do. You aren't going to failure, you're just getting the blood flowing to everything not shaped like a penis.

[linopolus]

Actually the bible doesn't prohibit masturbation or porn. It prohibits lusting after another man's wife though so be sure to only watch single chicks. Also you can't fantasize so just don't think about the porn you watch.

If you still insiston quitting then try to fill your day so there's no time to love yourself. I find a 5 minute workout every hour also helps. A few pushups or pullups should do. You aren't going to failure, you're just getting the blood flowing to everything not shaped like a penis.

It's all dependent on the point of view. In my eyes, and in those of many others, it's a sin.

Either way, it's my decision and none of you will be able to change it, no matter what arguments you bring

Also, sounds like a nice thing to try, thanks.

[Maria]

I'm new here, and I was planing to lurk for a week or so, but I wanted to give you a couple of tips, since I've seen some friends trying to do this, and it's HARD. It is doable, though.

First recommendation would be to find your cause and triggers. WHEN and WHY do you do it? Is it just a physical need, or will things like emotional upset, restlessness or boredom lead you into it? Are some moments of the day harder, say, like when surfing the web at night? Find other ways to cope with the WHY. If it happens when you need to relax from a stressful day, then go do something else relaxing. If it happens when you are upset, then call a friend or whatever else you know will let the emotions out. As for WHEN, try changing habits. Make it harder and less likely for you to do it. Keep busy, have a schedule for websites you are allowed to go to, use the cellphone to set reminders for yourself through out the day. Be creative! Plan ahead, because when the urge comes hard (HAHA!), you won't be thinking straight. At that moment you should know what you have decided to do instead.

The second recommendation is to know that you will, with all probability, fail sometimes. This does NOT put you back to square one! I realize that you think everything with it is a sin and needs to stop, but I would still recommend thinking about what you could do to make it less of a fail, when it happens. Maybe starting with non-video porn instead, easing into non-naked pics and then no pics at all? At least you will then leave other people out of your sin. This is not allowing yourself to fail, just fall a little less hard, and therefore make it easier to continue (yes, continue, NOT starting over!) on your quest to stop altogether. Every time you resist is a WIN!

The best recommendation though, is to stop fussing about it. The more you think of the pink elephant, the larger it will be. Think more about what to do, instead of what not to do. And good luck!

[Orangutan]

God goes out of his way in the bible to tell us not to be gay or sleep with animals. He doesn't care one way or the other about masturbation and his eyes are the only ones that really matter if you're doing this for religious reasons.

I on the other hand am trying to stop because it gives me tendonitis.

[bprime]

Edit: Not worth it.

[linopolus]

If you want to do it, then be happy with it. I'm not, so I'll stop.

[Loren Wade]

As a Christian dude, I feel for you man.

To those who want to reply to this and say its healthy or that what he's doing is okay... I know you mean well, but that's not what we believe. If it happened in your head, it happened in your bed. Period. If you want to support this guy and help him through this, great... but if you're not gonna help, don't respond. He needs help stopping, not people telling him it's okay.

Have you ever checked out xxxchurch.com? It's a ministry specifically for helping people through this. They have lots of resources. Get plugged in.

[67alecto]

I know you mean well, but that's not what we believe. If it happened in your head, it happened in your bed. Period.

George Carlin said it best:

It was a sin to want to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to be felt up. It was a sin to try to feel up Ellen, and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins involved in one feel, man!

[Loren Wade]

George Carlin said it best:

It was a sin to want to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to plan to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to figure out a place to feel up Ellen. It was a sin to take Ellen to the place to be felt up. It was a sin to try to feel up Ellen, and it was a sin to feel her up. There were six sins involved in one feel, man!

Haha! Thanks for that injection of humor.

[linopolus]

Ok, so I'll post weekly, every Sunday, how I did, to encourage me to meet my goal.

Since Wednesday, I failed once, on Friday.

[pengrok]

Ok, so I'll post weekly, every Sunday, how I did, to encourage me to meet my goal.

Since Wednesday, I failed once, on Friday.

Would it help if you run through what caused you to fail that Friday(though, I guess it is a success.. in some form)?

Personally, I feel it is an addiction and I would be lying if I say I don't suffer some form of it. As Maria said, it would help to know what are the triggers. Mine is probably boredom and emotional distress, excusing it to be some form of release. I tell myself there are better ways for coping.. You're a better man than me for being able to be so open about it though! Good job!

[Blaizen]

have you ditched any vids/mags etc you might have lying around? Also, since the internet is an easy source of such stuff, maybe lock yourself into a contract with a christian based isp provider if you can. They run filters which will block sites of an adult nature. It's all a way to help remove temptation.

Of course self control kicks in so you don't buy more or figure out a way to by pass such things.

Very admirable goal by the way. I wish you all the best.

[Guest guest4729]

Although I have a very opposite view point, there's nothing wrong with helping out others.

If this is something you truly want to kick, why not try replacing your "bad" habit with a good one? If your religion is so important to you, instead of just doing some push-ups, why not try memorizing a verse from the Bible? You can simultaneously practice your religion and push aside your other "bad" thoughts.

They do also have websites that offer parental control services. You can block certain websites or search terms and put a random password on it that you can't remember. Or have someone else set that password so you can't even recover it.

One other suggestion would be looking into support groups? I'm 100% positive there are others out there who are in the same position as you. Perhaps even online forums just like this one with a supportive community.

[linopolus]

Memorizing verses from bible when I feel the urge is a great idea, I do this anyway, but this timeframe is a really great idea. Will do that

Also, for blocking, I will install some softeware, but need to find one to set me a password first, I'll probably just ask my dad..

[Guest guest4729]

Memorizing verses from bible when I feel the urge is a great idea, I do this anyway, but this timeframe is a really great idea. Will do that

Also, for blocking, I will install some softeware, but need to find one to set me a password first, I'll probably just ask my dad..

They do also have Firefox extensions and the like that ban you from going on certain websites for a set period of time. Likeeee...you can tell it to not let you use Facebook for a month and bypassing it can be hard. It won't stop you from using IE or something like that, but I'm sure they have the same thing for other browsers.

[Conk]

Another tip to add:

Whenever you really get the urge, go find some people to hang out with. I don't know your living situation, but if you live with parents/family/roommates, it is easy just to go hang out with them. You are then away from a computer, and there are plenty of other fun things to distract you from.

I used this before in regards to over-eating. Whenever I was about to open the fridge (usually out of boredom and cravings), I would go hang out with someone instead. Keeps you distracted for a few hours minimum to forget about it. Then, when you realized you had avoided it, it gives you a little extra confidence boost that it is an achievable goal in the long run.

[scott82962]

So quit. You've got all the support you need with your faith. Labeling this as an "addiction" is just an excuse to "fall off the wagon". I fear publicly posting your successes/failures just lets you to obsess about it more.

But what are you really trying to quit - the porn or the masturbating? If it's the former, then I'm really, really unsympathetic. Geez man, just stop going to those websites! If it's the latter, you're up against eons of hardwiring and inconvenient design (if your arms were only 6 inches long this wouldn't be an issue).

You need to look yourself in the mirror and say "This is who I am. These are my values." And then remember, if you don't live it, you don't believe it.

[Conk]

So quit. You've got all the support you need with your faith. Labeling this as an "addiction" is just an excuse to "fall off the wagon". I fear publicly posting your successes/failures just lets you to obsess about it more.

But what are you really trying to quit - the porn or the masturbating? If it's the former, then I'm really, really unsympathetic. Geez man, just stop going to those websites!

Since pornography sets off desirable chemicals in the brain, it can be identified as an addiction. It can be as bad as quitting heroin or nicotine, but pornography has more mental health issues while the latter two are more harmful to physical health.

You can't just straight tell a heroine addict to "just stop putting the needle in your vain!!!" or a nicotine addict to "just stop inhaling smoke from a cigarette!!!" with actually expecting results. Its way more in-depth than that.