Depression?

[SkaiValentine]

Does anyone here deal with depression? I've got something going on with me for the past few years and getting worse the past 6 months or so. Psychology classes growing up have made me sensitive to incorrect use of mental terms so I'd hate to downplay what someone who is truly suffering goes through but I'm not sure how else to describe it.

I'll have these days where I wake up with a sense of fear and dread. I've tried talking about it before but no one I've talked to understands or they think I'm being dramatic. I end up feeling so lonely and tired throughout the day and I won't want to do anything. I'll have zero interest in any of my hobbies and I'll feel so extremely guilty for it. Like I feel guilty that something I loved a few weeks or even hours ago can sound so miserable. I feel guilty because I really try to make friends and have interest but this cycle happens and when it does, I can barely function.

I feel separated from all of my friends and family like I'm in a parallel universe just watching but not belonging. It gets overwhelming and sometimes I have suicidal thoughts which I've never told anyone because I'm afraid of the kind of attention it would bring... When I try to explain how sad and anxious I get, people just tell me to workout. I workout like 12hours a week and it's not helping. 

I've been to counseling, she said I seemed a little depressed but she never told me what would help. She also didn't seem too concerned. So I don't know if I was just that bad at expressing myself to her or if what I deal with isn't something to be worried about. 

A few days ago when I was having another episode, I was so distracted in my own head that I actually got in a car accident. No one was hurt thankfully.... But I feel like this can't be normal. Has anyone had similar experiences? Did anything help? I'm tired of never knowing when the feelings will come or go. 

Sorry for the sad topic. 

[Igaduma]

I've dealt with depression for a long time.

This is what helps for me:

 

regulate your sleep

most people need 8 hours a day, no matter what they may claim.

depression is very tiring, so sleep a bit longer, say 9 hours a day.

but don't sleep longer than that.  enough sleep will help you fight of the depression.  to much sleep will do the opposite.

 

sleep at fixed times.

 

keep busy during your waking hours, sleep during sleeping hours.

 

don't feel to bad about bad days, if you have a depression, you're supposed to feel bad.

don't feel to overjoyed if you have a good day.  it might just be the one good day (one swallow does not make summer).

this might sound weird but, for as much as possible... try to ignore it.  Accept it, don't attach any emotional value to it.  I'm not sure how to express this.

 

Don't feel sorry for yourself.  Not because there's nothing to feel sorry about, but feeling sorry doesn't solve anything.  Wallowing in self-pity makes it worse.  (I'm not saying that you are doing that, but if you do...  stop it)

 

cut down on sugar and alcohol.

[SkaiValentine]

Thank you. The sleep will be a challenge but the bad days have been consistent for almost a week now and I'm getting desperate. There are plenty of days during the week that I don't get home until 8:30 and wake up at 5am so after I eat, do laundry, clean or food prep the next days lunches, it's midnight. I just move so slow when I feel like this. I think I'll skip kickboxing tonight and try to be in bed by 8 instead.

[Igaduma]

I'm afraid lots of bad days is part of the deal with a depression.

Try not to beat your self up, or worry to much over it.  It happens...

 

If it keeps being bad for really long stretches of time though, you really should consider professional help.  If you break your leg, you'd go see a doctor too, right?

[SkaiValentine]

Thank you all for your help. I've been looking back at my notes from counseling and there are a few things I haven't tried yet because I didn't feel capable of.. She told me to reach out to others- didn't work because my friends and family cant understand, she told me to do one thing every day that makes me happy- hard to do when I don't really find "happiness" in much on my bad days, Journaling- Disaster actually since it made me focus on how I was feeling which blew up the feelings even more out of proportion. The last two things are- Ask my boyfriend to take over the responsibilities of our home for a while (all the cooking cleaning etc) to help alleviate me of the guilt I feel when I can't get them done, and sleep 8-9 hours EVERY night no matter how early I have to get to bed.

 

I guess I needed to hear it again from you... I'm going to give the last two a go... I'm nervous about asking for help and I know the sleeping will diminish my social life right now but I'm desperate. My boyfriend is a good guy, I've just always grown up with these responsibilities and it feels so selfish to ask someone else to shoulder them when they cause me so much anxiety... In addition, I'm going to cut out all coffee, and alcohol while limiting my sugar as much as possible. If this doesn't work, I'll look into medication... My moms been on Xanax for years now... I think it helps her a lot. She rarely has to take them anymore so maybe it's part genetic.

 

Going to talk to my boyfriend about the changes tonight... He's an understanding guy but my head is telling me that I'm not a "good woman" if I ask him to take over. The "proverbs 31" woman never slept... social conditioning is a bitch.   

 

Thank you again.

[Raincloak]

10 hours ago, SkaiValentine said:

 

Going to talk to my boyfriend about the changes tonight... He's an understanding guy but my head is telling me that I'm not a "good woman" if I ask him to take over. The "proverbs 31" woman never slept... social conditioning is a bitch.   

 

 

Bear in mind that Eishet Chayil (the "woman of valor" poem, aka Proverbs 31) was composed by a man.  And the reputed author of the book of Proverbs was King Solomon, who inherited a pile of riches and a kingdom at peace, consorted with the queen of Sheba, and never worked a day in his life, unless you count the fairy tale in which he was turned into a beggar (temporarily) by Ashmodai the demon king.  What would he know about working women?

 

so yeah.  Women work, women have always worked, but it doesn't make you a bad person if you can't do everything.  There's a reason most households feature two people, and relationships exist so people can fulfill deficits in each other.  So talk to your bf about SHARING chores.  That's part of what he's for!

 

p.s.  I don't agree with your therapist that you should give up ALL the chores.  If you don't do any work your depression will get worse.  Try to find things that need doing, and do them.  Make the bed.  Fetch the mail.  Have a cup of tea and wash the cup.  Find little things that take just a couple minutes.

[Broba Fett]

I'll echo what the others said (more sleep, less sugar/alcohol, keep busy) but add a couple other things:

 

1. Don't just keep busy, keep your mind engaged.  If I'm doing the same exact thing daily my mind checks out and starts thinking/worrying/being down.  That's why I have a bunch of different mentally-engaging hobbies, especially ones that require me to make something.  It might sound silly but just putting together a Lego set or baking a loaf of bread makes me focus on what I'm doing rather than how I'm feeling.
2. Consider seeing a different therapist.  From how you've described it, yours seems almost dismissive.  Any good therapist that I've been to doesn't just give you a couple suggestions and send you on your way.  They have a regular conversation with you and help you understand how you feel and why you feel that way and give unbiased views on your life.
3. 12hours per week is a long time to be working out.  Perhaps try cutting down on overall time and ramping up intensity.  Really wear your body out so you don't have the energy to worry.

 

That's some of what works for me.  YMMV.

[Artinum]

I get bouts of depression. It's a side effect from my ASD, and my discovery many years ago of the nihilistic nature of the universe. A while ago, I put together a checklist to go through when I hit a rough patch. It can help shorten the journey to recovery.

 

OBVIOUS STRESSOR:

• Talk to someone about it! (I'm prone not to do this.) Doesn't have to be in person, doesn't have to be anyone close.
• Consider what steps can be taken to minimise the stress, even if just little ones.

NO CLEAR CAUSE:

• Am I just tired? Am I getting enough sleep? Should I ask for a day off at work?
• Am I eating properly? Lack of calories can cause problems.
• Do some exercise. Strength training may not happen, but get out for a walk.
• Tidy up. If the washing up isn't available, how about clearing a box out in the garage?
• Shopping! Browse the bargain bins on Amazon for films, music, etc. Check out gog.com or Steam.
• IT IS OKAY TO PLAY GAMES.
• Listen to music. If feeling depressed, go for downers. If feeling empty, go for uppers. I find Bowie's "Underground" is good for both.

[Igaduma]

17 hours ago, Artinum said:

Shopping! Browse the bargain bins on Amazon for films, music, etc. Check out gog.com or Steam.

retail therapy works for me as well but it might get expensive

[Artinum]

2 hours ago, Igaduma said:

retail therapy works for me as well but it might get expensive

 

It works, but it needs a bit of discipline. The long-term effect of the shopping high is about the same for a £3 DVD as it is for a £100 knick-knack. The trick is to buy lots of smaller items as and when you need to rather than blow a fortune on one big thing, which will only make you feel better once. Start making a wishlist and add new things to it whenever you think of them.

 

If there IS a big thing that you'd like, set up a savings account just for it (you can use the same account in the future for other big things). Then "spend" £5 or £10 or whatever you want by putting it into the savings account. The thrill is not as great, but there's still some satisfaction in seeing your pot grow. Or maybe that's just me.

[namelesswonder]

Depression has been a part of my life since I was about 14 years old.

 

Please continue seeing your counselor if you feel like they're a good fit for you (you like them well enough, find them easy enough to tell EVERYTHING to). If you don't feel like they're a good fit (and TBH what you've shared about them sounds like they're really insufficient), please find a new one. Sometimes it can take time to find the right therapist that works for you. Mine works with me so that I can analyze my thoughts and say "Is it really rational to think that my husband doesn't love me because I didn't fold the laundry? No, so I'm going to push those thoughts away and try to believe that he loves me unconditionally, like he always tells me." Depression will lie to you and it takes time to figure out what's "sick brain" thoughts and what's rational. You are worth the effort <3.

 

For a long time, I downplayed my symptoms and told myself it couldn't be depression. Nothing had "happened" to caused it, so why should I be depressed? I took a million online quizzes and they all said I was depressed, but I still denied it. Denying it and not talking to anyone really made things worse. Even if you're talking to people online (like us!), that is better than trying to sort through it on your own.

[SkaiValentine]

Thank you guys, the reason my therapist told me to ask him to take on the responsibility isn't so that I'd be lazy and not clean but specifically to avoid thoughts like this about the laundry. This is me to T, even the online quizzes and denial. Her idea was that if he takes the responsibility, that doesn't mean that I can't help out, it just means that I don't have to feel like that scum of the earth if I don't get it done. Retail therapy is exciting but I'm trying to go back to school in a couple of months and chances are my income will either stop at that point or cut to less than half. So long term, it's not the best option for me as I'm trying to store up everything I can for the upcoming months.  

4 minutes ago, namelesswonder said:

Depression has been a part of my life since I was about 14 years old.

 

Please continue seeing your counselor if you feel like they're a good fit for you (you like them well enough, find them easy enough to tell EVERYTHING to). If you don't feel like they're a good fit (and TBH what you've shared about them sounds like they're really insufficient), please find a new one. Sometimes it can take time to find the right therapist that works for you. Mine works with me so that I can analyze my thoughts and say "Is it really rational to think that my husband doesn't love me because I didn't fold the laundry? No, so I'm going to push those thoughts away and try to believe that he loves me unconditionally, like he always tells me." Depression will lie to you and it takes time to figure out what's "sick brain" thoughts and what's rational. You are worth the effort <3.

 

For a long time, I downplayed my symptoms and told myself it couldn't be depression. Nothing had "happened" to caused it, so why should I be depressed? I took a million online quizzes and they all said I was depressed, but I still denied it. Denying it and not talking to anyone really made things worse. Even if you're talking to people online (like us!), that is better than trying to sort through it on your own.

 

[namelesswonder]

Oh yeah and shifting the load of household stuff is part of a normal and healthy relationship. Your partner can help pick up the slack a little while you work on healing. It's no different than if he broke his arm and couldn't wash dishes for a while (ahem, assuming you don't have a dishwasher).

 

Look up self-care and start practicing little gestures that help you feel like you are awesome and valuable as a person!