husband frustrations

[msuroo]

I understand where you're coming from, I do. Why?

Because I'm the submissive guy with a dominant wife. I had to learn to lead us. It's not necessarily being in charge as it is leading. I lead us in prayer together, she allows me to make the final decision on really important matters, and I bring home money and health insurance. I provide for her because that's my responsibility. For example... If its how the house is painted, organized, and designed... that's all her because the home is the woman's domain. I let her do all of that and make those decisions because they really don't affect me. But when it comes down to deciding important things, she leaves it to me because that's what we believe.

Please don't misunderstand me either. I hope you read my whole post. That said, I'm totally okay to agree to disagree because I know everyone is different. I'll love my Rebel friends all the same.

Like I said, reasonable minds can differ. All I was saying was that different dynamics work for different people. If there was another couple just like you out there, but she had the higher paying job and made all of the "big" decisions, and he was the creative type and handled all of the landscaping and interior design - then good for them! I'm glad your situation works for you - I would just hate to try and project that on to people if it wouldn't work for them, and forcing gender into the equation seems unnecessary to me.

Anyway, I won't derail MirGSS's thread anymore. Like I said, you're a good dude, and everyone here means well, so there's certainly no fault in that.

My point is this... If you stick to it long enough and you get results, he'll become interested.

Oh, and I definitely agree with this.

[msuroo]

I think you're all kinda taking the "man in charge" thing the wrong way. If that's what you guys got out of it... You missed my point. My wife and I always come to agreements with each other. It's extremely important.

Ok, I know I said I wouldn't do this, but you posted this while I was typing up my last post - so just one more. I know you are trying to keep all negative connotations of the man "leading", or "being in charge", or "being supportive", or whatever else out of it. Once you get there though - why the gender bias at all? It just seems to me that by saying "men should xxx" and "women should xxx" - it is already an archaic attitude, even if "xxx" are all positive things.

[Loren Wade]

Ok, I know I said I wouldn't do this, but you posted this while I was typing up my last post - so just one more. I know you are trying to keep all negative connotations of the man "leading", or "being in charge", or "being supportive", or whatever else out of it. Once you get there though - why the gender bias at all? It just seems to me that by saying "men should xxx" and "women should xxx" - it is already an archaic attitude, even if "xxx" are all positive things.

I suppose it's a personal belief. I hold some pretty traditional values. Either way, I'm okay to disagree with you.

All I meant by my post was that men need to man up. Love you guys (and by "guys" I mean ALL OF YOU REBELS!).

[Morrigainz]

I showed him that picture of Spezzy last night, and he kinda said, "Mmmmm....." in a half disinterested tone...but at least he didn't out and out reject it?

And he's downstairs on the treadmill right now....

[The Tin Man]

As someone on the internet who doesn't know much about your situation it pisses me off that he won't support you on something that's clearly important to you. Even if he thinks it's "just a phase" he should still at least be supportive even if he's not enthusiastic. As someone mentioned he said he doesn't want to be married to a man but you do so maybe he should man up and support his wife for doing something healthy that she's clearly excited about.

[m00se]

As someone on the internet who doesn't know much about your situation it pisses me off that he won't support you on something that's clearly important to you. Even if he thinks it's "just a phase" he should still at least be supportive even if he's not enthusiastic. As someone mentioned he said he doesn't want to be married to a man but you do so maybe he should man up and support his wife for doing something healthy that she's clearly excited about.

+1

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[morethanjustamom]

New here, but I thought I would add a conversation I had with my husband this week.

Me: Will you teach me how to lift weights? (Hubs used to be a weight lifting BEAST years ago, and we have a weight set in the shed.)

Him: Why?

Me: Well, I want to be all buff in case there's a zombie apocalypse, or the government collapses, or something along those lines. (Hubs is also a survivalist.)

Him: There's no fit person on the planet that can outrun or out-muscle my gun and shooting abilities.

Me: Ok, well what if there was a fire in the house while you were out of town? I'd like to know that I possess the ability the carry all five of our children out of the house if they were unconscious, including the 100 lb. teenager.

Him: Good point.

We cleaned up the shop and rearranged the weight set that afternoon, and he gave me a short lesson about form and showed me how to bench press. We begin serious lifting on Monday. I've tried to get him to go running with me for months, and he's been saying he wants to get back to lifting and running for about a year now, but he never doesn't anything about it. He's always been supportive of my running, and I think maybe he just needed a cut and dry logical answer for why I would want to learn to lift.

He's also going Paleo with me, after I told him how much better and clearer-headed I feel. He's even giving up cheese, which is one of his most favorite foods in the universe!! There's always hope for others out there, if there's hope for mine. This is a man who thinks that he can eat whatever he wants, because he takes meds for cholesterol and 'aren't they supposed to take care of this, so I don't have to eat healthy?'.

[Guest Eduard]

Well, you could just dump that guy and marry someone from this forum - you know, sexy nerds who are into fitness.

(I would have suggested Carjack, but he's got killed by the Mods. )

[67alecto]

Well, you could just dump that guy and marry someone from this forum - you know, sexy nerds who are into fitness.

(I would have suggested Carjack, but he's got killed by the Mods. )

Because arrogant asses on the internet who live with their parents are the catch all women are looking for.

[Pat G]

I've no idea what your husband is like. His disinterest is more than likely not something he thinks will be hurting you, perhaps he doesn't understand how much you have effort put into it. Doesn't understand WHY you're doing it. (Which is a tad silly from my point of view)

If he doesn't like change, then you do what you need to do to get to your goals. Give him encouragement for what he IS doing. Treadmilling is better than couch surfing.

Otherwise..... buy him a total gym and force him to use it.... Or dress up like a zombie and chase him around town.

[m00se]

Well, you could just dump that guy and marry someone from this forum - you know, sexy nerds who are into fitness.

(I would have suggested Carjack, but he's got killed by the Mods. )

I'm pretty sure Carjack was actually a robot sent back from the future to lift iron and hate on Crossfitters, rather than, you know, a human.

[saretta]

I know how you feel, my husband isn't that direct about it, but he teases me for jumping around like Jane Fonda when I do HIIT body weight training at home. And as for the gym! He thinks all exercise for the sake of fitness is a waste of time, energy and money! If you are expending those three things, you should be doing something PRODUCTIVE, damn it! Like making something - LOL! Anyway, I just ignore him...tell him to go away and leave me alone, I'm doing my thing, like it or not! :-)

[Rosie]

He thinks all exercise for the sake of fitness is a waste of time, energy and money!

O_O no offence to your husband but that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

[saretta]

You and me both, Rosie! For him exercise means building a deck or moving the lawn...he's producing something that way, see? No, I don't see either - lol!

[m00se]

moving the lawn

I know it was a spelling mistake, but now that you've mentioned it, moving an entire lawn would be pretty good exercise.

[saretta]

Oops! That's what I get for writing on the cellphone! But yes, moving the lawn would be quite a workout! :-)

[Guest Eduard]

@67alecto

I was talking about this forum, mate... the guys from this forum are smart and sexy, and not arrogant at all. You, for example, have an awesome beard that I'm sure picks a lot of girls. Or by "arrogant asses who live with their parents" you meant Carjack?

@m00se

Dunno what to say, I found him funny.

[m00se]

@m00se

Dunno what to say, I found him funny.

Me too. He was pretty hilarious aat times.

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[macnip78]

I'm real late to this party but definitely feel like adding my 2 cents. Loren is right, a husband's job is to lead. Of course the way a husband leads is what is most important. You lead through service. Marriage is a responsibility. A husband's job is to serve his wife and his family. At some point in time humility and compassion were characterized as 'weak.' Humilitiy, respect and compassion are the true measure of a man. A husband who leads his family in this manner sets his family up to live in the same manner.

MirGSS, sounds like your husband may be letting his pride get in the way (which is why he would throw your finances in your face, as a way to 'bring you down'). Pride is the root of all conflict, and is an emotion that leads to trouble. At some point men learned they need to have pride to succeed. Unfortunately pride usually leads to ignorance.

You could try humbling yourself to him and asking why he really takes issue with what you are. Express that you are trying to become healthier for him. There is definitley a deeper issue here that your husband refuses to bring up. Hopefully you can get to the root of it.

[doc_brietz]

I am trying to get my wife to do something just like you. she is losing weight though. As a type 2 diabettic, her life depends upon healthy choices. She does not support my try at paleo at all. Oh well. If I was the OP's husband, I would encourage the hell out of her wanting to do this. That said, I can totally not see him not giving a damn or worse yet, feeling threatened. My wife does both of those. Why? By you looking better, it will diminish his view of his physical self and maybe even self worth. Why do some guys never talk to hot girls? they do not feel worthy or they feel as if they are out of their league.

Me, I can cook real well, So I am fine on that end. Not all guys give a damn about cooking. In that case he can eat what you make or make something himself. You have to do this for you. If you rely on someone elses encouragement for motivation, you are aiming for a big letdown. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin. Do it for you. Shoot, who doesn't want a sexy trophy wife, who got to where she is by her own means. Ultimately a guy should want his wife to be happy, if for no other reason than if she is happy everyone is happy. My wife may be a little intimidated if I ever get cut or look awesome, but when I rest her fears of me not leaving her I think she will be better off. Besides, it will be worth a laugh when she tries to smack my butt and almost breaks her hand from the sheer awesomeness of my new behind. Oh, and laundry jokes that will involve my newfound abs will never get old! What is not to like about all of this?

[Hermione Gainser]

Where reason and logic fail perhaps we can appeal to his.. baser instincts?

Hulking she-beasts the lot of them.

Hot overload!! Hot overload!!

I agree with Mama T (shocking, I know): your bicep looks awesome!

Keep your head up :-) I think a lot of these folks are correct... he'll come around.

[Morrigainz]

OK it's been a few days since I've been around but thanks again for all the input and stories etc.

I definitely think there's something going on because he told me the other day he's beginning to think I'm cheating on him (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!). Like when would I even have TIME for that, and also we've been married for 18 months as of tomorrow.

Aaaaaanyway. Who knows dude.

[bigm141414]

OK it's been a few days since I've been around but thanks again for all the input and stories etc.

I definitely think there's something going on because he told me the other day he's beginning to think I'm cheating on him (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!). Like when would I even have TIME for that, and also we've been married for 18 months as of tomorrow.

Aaaaaanyway. Who knows dude.

Well, I know NF is my mistress....

Most likely he is getting defensive because he doesn't understand the changes you are seeking. He may know about them but really hasn't taken the time to process that info.

[reboundstudent]

OK it's been a few days since I've been around but thanks again for all the input and stories etc.

I definitely think there's something going on because he told me the other day he's beginning to think I'm cheating on him (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!). Like when would I even have TIME for that, and also we've been married for 18 months as of tomorrow.

Aaaaaanyway. Who knows dude.

Has he been reading Cosmo by chance, because there are TONS of articles that if your partner suddenly starts working out and taking pride in their appearance they must be cheating or looking to cheat.

[scotticus]

Thing one: impressive bicep.

Thing two: I can actually relate to this - I was in the same situation a little while back. My wife was concerned that I was suddenly trying to impress someone (i.e. other women), that I was cheating or planning to cheat. Fortunately, after further discussion she admitted that it was really just jealousy related to how quickly I started to see results. This was combined with the fact that she knew that I was seeing results more quickly because of discipline and consistency, which she was also pretty quick to admit that she was coming up a bit short on.

Now I just get a bit of hassle for "turning into a meathead" and being "too obsessed with fitness". Still not ideal, but it's much easier to handle. She has a better understanding of what I'm trying to accomplish, and is much more accepting. Now if I could just get her onboard with my surfing addiction, we'd be golden...

In short. Hang in there and communicate. Do your part to ensure that you grow together, and be supportive even if you're into different things. He'll come around.