Nerdy ways of meeting women?

[ZenGwen]

Oh dear. I'm not sure I'm okay with pick up artistry. :/

[Guest Gemeaux]

I saw some videos on YouTube about pick up artistry , and it just looks so fake , as if the guy is a sleazy salesmen .

[ZenGwen]

It's basically about "hacking" behavior of young women who go to clubs. It's kind of sick, honestly.

I like xkcd's take on it.

[Rosen]

It's not magic , or trickery .... It is just a tool to help shelled guys , go out meet new people and have fun with them. It starts with the "artistry" thingy, until the guy gets more conftrable with the chicks. Most girls like guys that know what they are doing Just something to bring the confidence up a notch .

[ZenGwen]

Yeah, and until then, you're using social tricks to get easy sex from girls as a way to "boost confidence". I would rather have a guy I had to teach what to do physically than one who thought that was okay.

[Hermione Gainser]

Whoa. This thread is awesome. I read some, skimmed some.. so forgive me if I repeat what's already been said... but I have a few opinions..

Meeting suggestions: all great. Try 'em all. I met my current boyfriend when I worked at a coffee shop. Our first date was swing dancing. It was AWESOME. Dr. Nerdlove is spot on about that (and many other things).

Otherwise, I've met most of the people I've found interesting/date worthy through friends. but these aren't friends I've had very long. I've met most of them through activities. Then they have parties. Friends meet.. there ya go.

I treat everyone like they would have no interest in dating me or like I'm in a relationship (which I am so it's not an act anymore). It cuts down on all the awkwardness, allows me to be myself, and if you did want to date me then get to know me and don't I'm ok. It's my form of fake confidence (which we've talked about around these parts before). It also makes it easier to meet new people in social situations.

Rosen has an interesting point.. but I'd be careful about going up to girls on the street. Honestly, I doubt I'd give you more than a dirty look if you approached me while I'm walking down the street. BUT that could be because 1. where I'm from you only talk to strangers in certain situations, 2. the only people that actually talk to you when walking down the street are homeless or thugs and I'm not interested in conversing with either.

[Rosen]

To approach a girl and just tell her what you think about her or that she just simple looks cute, takes some guts. Some guys don't have that confidence, to do it. They just close them self if their head and start thinking WHAT IF ... what if she thinks I am a creep , what if this .. or that.. or whatever... It's a fucking bullshit, but it exists... Don't get me wrong, I don't like the pickup lines and etc.. I am just beeing myself.. I am super direct and honest. It works, but I had to start somewhere. Until I saw that it's not needed. The youtube links it's not about if they sell it to the girls.. It's about THAT it doesn't matter what you say or wear...

[The Tin Man]

Oh dear. I'm not sure I'm okay with pick up artistry. :/

Yeah. There's the good part about confidence and self-improvement. I like that. Even the stuff about how to start a conversation. A lot of people (especially nerds) could use help with that. There's just a very fine line between that and making seem like women are the enemy and should be manipulated to want to be with you. And there's the whole concept of it being a game, implying there is a winner and loser.

[Rosen]

Laura

It's not common in my country either.. It's the same.. But imagine this:

A cute guy sees you , smiles at you while you walked past him.. He turns around comes back to you.. keeps his distance and just tells you.. Sorry, but i just saw you walk past me and I think you are super cute and I just had to meet you ( it's an honest damn thing that happens to guys non-stop, but they don't admit or act on it.). Then introduces him self. What ? You will tell me him to fuck off ? There is some girls like that.. But so what? Everyone has bad days from time to time.. Happens. At least he won't think later .. ahhh damn that girl was soo cute... I had to meet her...

[Bumblebee4]

Love the cartoon Gwen. Ok today was the first day I really peeked in the Men's Forum because I learned about the "What's New" button and saw that a thread that had just been started days ago already had 6 pages!!! What? Men don't talk that much do they?! I had to see it and then realized the only reason this thread is growing so fast is all of us women commenting. Makes way more sense now.

So since I'm here, here's my 2 cents...

Some of the women are giving conflicting answers to the guys (IMO and not meaning to pick on) and then we wonder why they get confused. Say they should be able to read our body language but then if a guy says hi to us in a public place we assume he was just being nice and friendly, not flirting. Tell them to read our body language but expect them to understand the subtle difference between being coy and thinking they are creepy and won't take no for an answer. Me personally, I play hard to get a lot of the time once I know a guy is interested. Not because I am hard to get for him but because I love the thrill of the chase and even better I love being caught. To me, that's primal. That's caveman/cavewoman shit there and I love it. Not all women do though and I won't settle till I find the guy willing to chase me for the rest of my life because I'll always let him catch me.

If you want to meet new people out in public places it needs to be where you can interact more than a quick hi. A quick hi is hard to turn into "hey can I get your number I'd love to hang out sometime" but if you are somewhere that something is happening, (video games, a show, a concert, a wine tasting, anything that takes time) then occasionally there will be something that happens that you can turn to this person near you and say something about it. "Wow that was amazing" "Can you believe how easy they make that look" Whatever it is it shows you have a personality and you aren't just capable of "hi."

[WizardTrip]

Yeah, not a big fan of the pickup artist stuff myself. It always makes me think of Tom Cruise's character in Magnolia, Frank T.J. Mackey, author of Seduce and Destroy....HAHAHAH!

I love that XKCD comic!

However, Dr Nerdlove's advice is always pretty good. He actually has talked about the pickup artists community before. He hates them too, and makes it a point that he is not giving pickup advice, rather advice to improve yourself and become more confident to help with your relationships.

[The Tin Man]

It's basically about "hacking" behavior of young women who go to clubs. It's kind of sick, honestly.

I like xkcd's take on it.

<comic>

Love that one. With italics.

[ZenGwen]

Laura

It's not common in my country either.. It's the same.. But imagine this:

A cute guy sees you , smiles at you while you walked past him.. He turns around comes back to you.. keeps his distance and just tells you.. Sorry, but i just saw you walk past me and I think you are super cute and I just had to meet you ( it's an honest damn thing that happens to guys non-stop, but they don't admit or act on it.). Then introduces him self. What ? You will tell me him to fuck off ? There is some girls like that.. But so what? Everyone has bad days from time to time.. Happens. At least he won't think later .. ahhh damn that girl was soo cute... I had to meet her...

See, I would still find that pretty creepy, out on the street. Especially if it was night. In fact, I have had that situation at night a couple times, and all it did was remind me violently of a couple of situations where guys I ran into on the street were "friendly" and then quickly turned very predatory. Like, police became involved and I start taking self defense classes, that level of predatory. It's just... threatening, to me. Anywhere else! I would love to meet a guy randomly at the library, or a coffee shop, or in the park, or whatever. On the street? Not so much.

But, I dunno about it being the same in your country... I'm dating a Bulgarian girl and she has some pretty funny stories.

Some of the women are giving conflicting answers to the guys (IMO and not meaning to pick on) and then we wonder why they get confused. Say they should be able to read our body language but then if a guy says hi to us in a public place we assume he was just being nice and friendly, not flirting. Tell them to read our body language but expect them to understand the subtle difference between being coy and thinking they are creepy and won't take no for an answer. Me personally, I play hard to get a lot of the time once I know a guy is interested. Not because I am hard to get for him but because I love the thrill of the chase and even better I love being caught. To me, that's primal. That's caveman/cavewoman shit there and I love it. Not all women do though and I won't settle till I find the guy willing to chase me for the rest of my life because I'll always let him catch me.

Yeah. I guess the problem is that it's so very dependant on the individual. Like, my reaction to Rosen approaching me on the street would be extra-negative because I've had bad experiences, but how is he supposed to know that? It's unfair of me to blanket-label it as "creepy". And I never really understand the 'playing hard to get' thing. I'm either interested or I'm not, why mess with it one way or the other? And that being the case, how is a guy supposed to predict what one or the other of us is going to do, or interpret our behavior towards them?

Man, people are complicated.

On the other hand, I totally agree with what you said here:

If you want to meet new people out in public places it needs to be where you can interact more than a quick hi. A quick hi is hard to turn into "hey can I get your number I'd love to hang out sometime" but if you are somewhere that something is happening, (video games, a show, a concert, a wine tasting, anything that takes time) then occasionally there will be something that happens that you can turn to this person near you and say something about it. "Wow that was amazing" "Can you believe how easy they make that look" Whatever it is it shows you have a personality and you aren't just capable of "hi."

So I guess all we can do is say... Hey here are some guidelines, and some examples of the fact that people are different. Try to be confident, we are totally cheering for you! And if it falls flat it's not necessarily a problem, it's just that what you like to do might not be what they like to do, and we will all assume that everything is done with the best of intentions.

[Hermione Gainser]

Yeah. I guess the problem is that it's so very dependant on the individual.

Man, people are complicated.

Exactly. None of what anyone says will be true 100% of the time. And that's part of why this is all really hard.

Activities FTW!

[aj_rock]

I was excited to contribute, but then I realized I seem to meet females pretty much exclusively at parties, clubs, or shows :/

As an engineer, meeting girls at school just isn't that great of an option

[Arashi]

It really depends a lot on the person - some women, like Bumblebee, like 'the chase', some don't. I'm pretty honest most of the time, and I try to be approachable. But really, even flirting and teasing have limits. If you tell the guy no once, he can think you're playing hard to get and try again. Fair enough. If you say NO seven times, there is abso-friggin-lutely no chance you're playing hard to get. Clear?

Negging = jerk. Seriously, abusive behavior from the start? Talk you shooting your own foot, buddy. BTW, the comic is priceless!

Rosen, I'm with Gwen on the 'being approached in the street' thing. It can sound really scary, depending on the woman and her past experiences, on the place, on whether it's night or day... there are easier ways to find a date. Also, I'm usually in a rush and being stopped by some random guy who decided he just had to meet me... unless I'm window shopping, or waiting for the subway, or something, you'll probably get a pretty rude answer because I have better things to do with my time than pay attention to every single guy who says something to me in the streets. I have learned to tune out men because I read rude comments all the time. You may be a nice guy, who won't insist if I say no, but you're probably not the first guy to stop me in the street that week to say some sleazy pick-up line, comment on my body, and embarrass me, so I probably won't be in the mood. Being approached in another situation - activities, parties, library - is very likely to turn out OK.

[bigm141414]

I was excited to contribute, but then I realized I seem to meet females pretty much exclusively at parties, clubs, or shows :/

As an engineer, meeting girls at school just isn't that great of an option

Because the lab is NOT a hang out sorta place. At least not where I went to school.

[Mama T]

seems relevant:

http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/20175951858/when-im-at-the-bar-and-my-friend-suggests-that-i-go

[Hermione Gainser]

seems relevant:

http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/20175951858/when-im-at-the-bar-and-my-friend-suggests-that-i-go

hehehehehehehe probably the best one ever. or a close second to another that is equally hilarious.

[Mama T]

hehehehehehehe probably the best one ever. or a close second to another that is equally hilarious.

which one?? glad you find that site funny! (not like i doubted you would)

[Hermione Gainser]

any number of them, really. this one is appropriate for this conversation, too.

[161803398874989]

I was excited to contribute, but then I realized I seem to meet females pretty much exclusively at parties, clubs, or shows :/

As an engineer, meeting girls at school just isn't that great of an option

Tell me about it. I love mathematics, but the lack of girls is quite distinct.

Parties are almost exclusively sausage-fests with us. >.<

[Arashi]

seems relevant:

http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com/post/20175951858/when-im-at-the-bar-and-my-friend-suggests-that-i-go

Perfect!

[Waldo]

I was excited to contribute, but then I realized I seem to meet females pretty much exclusively at parties, clubs, or shows :/

As an engineer, meeting girls at school just isn't that great of an option

LOL, yeah, engineering school was just a bit of a sausage party. There actually was a girl:guy ratio >1:1 in pre-engineering, lower division stuff. I was very excited at the prospect. Then statics/dynamics happened, and they all quit. By upper division engineering school, it was pretty much 1:30+.

[aj_rock]

Tell me about it. I love mathematics, but the lack of girls is quite distinct.

Parties are almost exclusively sausage-fests with us. >.<

Engineer parties got really old sometime around the end of frosh week first year

If I could put my experiences with women in college into a timeline...

1st year: REZ PARTEH

2nd year: FRAT PARTEH (and rez partehs)

3rd year: HOUSE PARTEHS AND BARS

Co-op year: OMG I HAZ TEH MONEYS BARSBARSBARSBARSBARS

4th year: I'll you know this time next year. I've also been with my girlfriend about ten months now so the whole point may be moot anyway >.>

But basically, I avoided the engineery stuff and just went off with my own friends.

A pleasant aside though: turns out that frequenting university pubs and bars WILL expose you to a wide-range of female types who are intelligent and/or nerdy and/or not harsh on the eyes

I find the trick is, present yourself as intelligent and nerdy, keep up the self-confidence, and girls who are into that will make their presence known. Whether you have to chase them down or not in the long-run is another story entirely

EDIT because Waldo reminded of this: I personally can't stand a lot of the girls in engineering. The ratio makes their perspective all wonky; suddenly because all these clueless engineering guys are tripping head over heels for them, they end up with a rather stuck-up airs to them. Watching this process over a few years is quite saddening really.