What women love about men.

[SevenofSeven]

Yes, yes they do.

[Thrillho]

That one I guess I can confirm.  My wife was intrigued by the dork in the corner of the coffee shop, hiding behind a book and refusing to make eye contact.  She dragged me over to her table, night after night, and used me to DOMINATE at Trivial Pursuit.

[Machete]

Yes, yes they do.

That makes me Ryan Gosling then.

[Guzzi]

Do women like shy guys?

It's a difficult one to give a broad answer to. I mean, confidence is attractive. There's no doubting that. But cockiness is highly unattractive (for me anyway).

Shyness..... Yes, there's definitely something endearing about it.

[Zorch]

It's a difficult one to give a broad answer to. I mean, confidence is attractive. There's no doubting that. But cockiness is highly unattractive (for me anyway).

Shyness..... Yes, there's definitely something endearing about it.

 

While shyness may be "endearing" to some, it seldom does a man any good when it comes to finding a relationship.  The idea that women like assholes is certainly incorrect - but there's a reason behind why jerks often seemingly have an easier time getting women compared with nice, but more reserved guys.

 

Basically, the single most important thing when it comes to attracting someone is being noticed in the first place - getting one's foot in the door, so to speak.  In a culture that's still largely dominated by situations where the man makes the first move, for women this at minimum positioning oneself well and focusing on presentation(this statement may seem sexist, but it tends to be true in the majority of cases, unless the woman goes out of her way to seek out a specific man).  For men, this generally means DOING something - be it going up and speaking to a girl directly, or otherwise doing something to capture her attention.  When it comes to this, the flamboyant jerk is going to get noticed a lot more readily than the quiet, reserved guy who's content to chat with a friend.  Basically, to quote a cliche, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and the jerk/womanizer who takes a lot of shots and screws most of them up still gets a lot more opportunities than the quiet guy who rarely makes such moves.  You don't have to be a jerk about it, but single best thing a man can do to help himself out is have to courage to (politely) introduce himself to a woman.  Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't, but for a man, sitting around waiting for a woman to ask you out rarely gets you the results you'd like.

 

 

Regardless of whether you are male or female however, it's important to project the best aspects of yourself, while remaining true to your real self.  Regardless of who makes the first move, you want to make sure that you're attracting someone who likes the real you, rather than trying to project a distorted image of yourself in hopes of attracting someone.  Relationships that start in such a manner rarely end well.

[Guzzi]

Whilst I'm not disputing your logic there, I do agree with what you said, but remember there's never a hard and fast rule. Can I refer to what I said recently...

This is probably something I admire in both sexes actually, but I think I'm more aware of it I'm men...

I really like when a guy is confidant and secure enough in himself that he doesn't feel the need to "fit in". And I don't mean by being 'alternative' either. More, just someone who can stand in a room full of people and not feel the need to try and make people like him.

I don't like cockiness or arrogance, but real self acceptance is a different kettle of fish altogether. Most of us have a need to be liked and accepted by those around us, but the person who is truly content with who they are without that social recognition... Whoa!

Anyone else agree?

Now first off you might say that this is talking about confidence, and A Banana asked about shyness. Opposites, yes? Well not quite.

What prompted my thought on the subject in the first place was an interest I'd taken with a guy in a bar. We were in mixed company and some of the guys were showing off a little, flirting (to varying extents) with the ladies, but this one guy was utterly unconcerned. No attempt to engage with any of the girls other than genuine conversation, no joining in on the hilarity or flirting. If the conversation swung towards something he was interested in he gave as good as anyone else, if not, he let it wash over him, content to observe.

I personally found that to be very attractive. It didn't hurt that he was very interesting to talk to with some unusual insights to offer.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I notice the guys who aren't trying to be noticed because of their behaviour, not in spite of it. But then I'm maybe a little odd like that...

Having said all that, would I be brave enough to make the approach myself? Who knows.

[Zorch]

Whilst I'm not disputing your logic there, I do agree with what you said, but remember there's never a hard and fast rule. Can I refer to what I said recently...

Now first off you might say that this is talking about confidence, and A Banana asked about shyness. Opposites, yes? Well not quite.

What prompted my thought on the subject in the first place was an interest I'd taken with a guy in a bar. We were in mixed company and some of the guys were showing off a little, flirting (to varying extents) with the ladies, but this one guy was utterly unconcerned. No attempt to engage with any of the girls other than genuine conversation, no joining in on the hilarity or flirting. If the conversation swung towards something he was interested in he gave as good as anyone else, if not, he let it wash over him, content to observe.

I personally found that to be very attractive. It didn't hurt that he was very interesting to talk to with some unusual insights to offer.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I notice the guys who aren't trying to be noticed because of their behaviour, not in spite of it. But then I'm maybe a little odd like that...

Having said all that, would I be brave enough to make the approach myself? Who knows.

 

I don't think we're disagreeing here - someone who's comfortable in their own skin, feels like they have nothing to prove, and acts accordingly, is definitely far more attractive than someone who isn't.  Not to mention that such a person - who is likely showing much more of their true self - is far more likely to have healthy relationships than someone who's simply looking to give others what he/she thinks they want.  However, if they're male their odds of beginning a relationship still aren't particularly good if they don't make a move at some point.

 

***For the sake of full disclosure, I'm quite introverted, and my girlfriend actually approached me first in our relationship - though I wasn't just sitting around and hoping/waiting prior to meeting her.  It definitely *can* work out for the quiet guy, but taking the situation into your own hands is still preferable to waiting around and hoping things will happen - and this goes for everyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, etc.

[Guzzi]

Oh yeah! It's not exactly a good "pick up" tactic, lol! I didn't think I was disagreeing as such, just trying to elaborate on a point.

When I said shyness could be "endearing" it wasn't in reference to noticing someone in the first place. More that it's very cute when a guy is a bit befuddled by a woman showing an interest.

With me and my husband, I was definitely the protagonist in our getting together, he was absolutely out of his depth. It was very sweet, a little frustrating, and probably very funny to those watching from the sidelines.

[Machete]

1. Women are supposedly drawn to so-called jerks because they have confidence from a false sense of entitlement and selfishness. They also go for what they want, therefore actually taking the damn shot, no matter how small the probability of success is. (I've used "Your face, I like that shit." as an opener once, and there was a positive response. I, however, cannot close.)

 

 

 

2. Genuinely shy guys who are uncomfortable in social situations are often seen as "pussies". (Half of the time they are.) The problem is when they are seen as manipulative fedora-wearing Nice Guys®. Still entitled, but the confidence is absent.

 

[Machete]

Oh yeah! It's not exactly a good "pick up" tactic, lol! I didn't think I was disagreeing as such, just trying to elaborate on a point.

When I said shyness could be "endearing" it wasn't in reference to noticing someone in the first place. More that it's very cute when a guy is a bit befuddled by a woman showing an interest.

With me and my husband, I was definitely the protagonist in our getting together, he was absolutely out of his depth. It was very sweet, a little frustrating, and probably very funny to those watching from the sidelines.

 

 

I think it's only endearing when you have some background information on the guy and are actually aware of the interesting personality behind the inability to communicate desire. The only women who were able to get it on with me were very aggressive and explicit (e.g. "Yes, this is an invitation for sex", "Rape me", or "Me love you long time for five dollar"), cunning and underhanded (e.g. lured me into a van with a clown suit and "free candy"), or straight-out jumped me. And they'd already known me for some quite time through other-than-social functions, such as work, school, or common friends.

 

However,

 

[Guzzi]

I think it's only endearing when you have some background information on the guy and are actually aware of the interesting personality behind the inability to communicate desire....

....And they'd already known me for some quite time through other-than-social functions, such as work, school, or common friends.

Oh yeah. But like I've said before, I tend to find people attractive once I get to know them. I think I'm genuinely attracted to a persons personality much more than their physical appearance. I don't tend to notice whether a guy is "cute" or not.

But then, my friends do all think I'm odd like that...

[Mad Hatter]

Shyness could go both ways. If the guy needs coaxing it can be quite frustrating. But corrupting the innocent ones is also great fun.

[Silo]

Well, there's a lid for every pot but I think that as long as we're not talking about a deer in the headlights inability to communicate thing, shyness is fine and even a plus. This is coming from a true introvert, but the more talkative, put yourself out there type were not really a draw for me because I can only listen to so much talking before tuning it out and putting myself on auto-nod. My husband is a quieter/shy (obviously not shy with me after this long) guy and I think it's one of the reasons why he's the only person I've lived with and not wanted to strangle within three days.

[insanity]

 

 

I know right... seriously, what's up with that?

[Machete]

Shyness could go both ways. If the guy needs coaxing it can be quite frustrating. But corrupting the innocent ones is also great fun.

 

A good way to put it. Must be why girls are all over you as a virgin but don't even want to talk to you after you've been defiled. I also met someone who took it as a personal challenge.

 

I know right... seriously, what's up with that?

 

 

It may not be that easy, but I should listen to Alec Baldwin.

[Guzzi]

@Machete - I don't believe you for a second that you have any problems "sealing the deal". Just don't. Sorry

And when are you going to take part in the "Talking" thread? This accent of yours must be shared!

[Machete]

@Machete - I don't believe you for a second that you have any problems "sealing the deal". Just don't. Sorry

And when are you going to take part in the "Talking" thread? This accent of yours must be shared!

 

I never "seal deals"; I merely allow deals to be sealed. Or I just say something really cool and walk away (before eventually realizing that I forgot to take any contact information for a possible follow-up).

 

I'll get around to it sometime. Didn't feel like recording at the moment, I feel like people will be able to tell that I'm in another depressive episode.

[Guzzi]

Wait.... I just "liked" that, but that seems wrong considering your last statement....

The first bit made me smile, the second bit made me sad. Hope you come out of it soon Adorable One

[A banana]

I used to be super shy, I still am but not as much. I stutter so now, I just dont talking much.

[Guzzi]

I used to be super shy, I still am but not as much. I stutter so now, I just dont talking much.

You probably know this trick already, but my dad only discovered it last year, he was amazed by it. He found that by altering his voice, raising or dropping the pitch he could say words that he was having problems with. He also finds that he doesn't stutter at all if he "puts on" an accent.

Do you find that too?

[Machete]

Wait.... I just "liked" that, but that seems wrong considering your last statement....

The first bit made me smile, the second bit made me sad. Hope you come out of it soon Adorable One

 

 

You probably know this trick already, but my dad only discovered it last year, he was amazed by it. He found that by altering his voice, raising or dropping the pitch he could say words that he was having problems with. He also finds that he doesn't stutter at all if he "puts on" an accent.

Do you find that too?

 

I used to stutter and say "Um" a lot. Minimized that by just not bothering with nonsensical space-filler sounds and looking like I'm thinking of the correct phrase. Kind of like a lag time of a buffering screen. The putting on an accent and pitch strategy also worked for me too (especially if it's someone ridiculous like Tom Hardy's Bane). I personally started out with an exaggerated American accent, and it just became habit. What started out as me essentially mocking white people eventually became a way to communicate clearly.

[Thrillho]

You probably know this trick already, but my dad only discovered it last year, he was amazed by it. He found that by altering his voice, raising or dropping the pitch he could say words that he was having problems with. He also finds that he doesn't stutter at all if he "puts on" an accent.

Do you find that too?

As someone with a stutter, yes.  However, conspicuously altering my cadence, tone, pitch or nationality for certain words tends to come across as EVEN WEIRDER than a fairly run-of-the-mill staccatto stutter. 

[Spark]

Embrace the weird. Let 'em wonder.

[Zorch]

You probably know this trick already, but my dad only discovered it last year, he was amazed by it. He found that by altering his voice, raising or dropping the pitch he could say words that he was having problems with. He also finds that he doesn't stutter at all if he "puts on" an accent.

Do you find that too?

I think a lot of this is simply the product of being more mindful about what one is saying - whether this is the product of purposefully altering one's voice or something else may be secondary.

 

For me, I occasionally stutter, but the most straightforward solution in my case is to simply *slow down*, and *think*.  Generally when I'm taking time to be more selective with my words, my mouth and my brain will do a better job of syncing up.

[Barfly]

Mel Tillis didn't stutter when he sang.