SolitaryOrchid

Week 1 Su- 224 lbs 5 minute meditation Carbs 238g, Calories 2,397 M- 224.6 lbs 5 minute meditation Carbs 52g, Calories 696 T- 223.2 lbs 5 minute meditation Carbs 54g, Calories 1,030 W- 222.2 lbs Body Composition: Fat 51.5% (114.5 lbs) -3.3, Muscle 20.6% (45.9 lbs) -1.9 Carbs 116g, Calories 3,095 1 mile walk 5 minute meditation Th- 223.8 lbs Carbs 52g, Calories 1,637 1 mile walk F- 223 lbs Carbs 23 g, Calories 1,161 S-222.6 lbs 5 minute meditation Carbs 37g, Calories 1,234 Week 2 Su- 223.8 lbs Carbs 91g, Calories 1,464 3 mile walk M- 224 lbs Body Composition: Fat 51% (114.2 lbs) -3.6, Muscle 20.9% (46.8 lbs) -1 1 mile walk 5 minute meditation Carbs 72g, Calories 936 T- 223 lbs Carbs 41g, Calories 1,348 W- 222.4 lbs Carbs 99g, Calories 1,089 Th- 222 lbs Carbs 83g, Calories 630 F- 221.2 lbs Carbs 87g, Calories 938 1 mile walk S- 221.2 lbs Carbs 73, Calories 1,186 Week 3 Su- 222.4 lbs Carbs 109g, Calories 1,112 M- 222.4 lbs Body Composition: Fat 50.5% (112.3 lbs) -5.5, Muscle 21.2% (47.1 lbs) -0.7 Carbs 65, Calories 670 T- 222 lbs Carbs 48g, Calories 898 W- 220.8 lbs Carbs 46, Calories 1,258 Th- 220.6 lbs Carbs 150, Calories 1,376 F- 222 lbs Carbs 28g, Calories 1,002 S- 220.4 lbs Carbs 204g, Calories 2,282 Week 4 Su- 220.6 lbs Body Composition: Fat 51% (112.5 lbs) -5.3, Muscle 20.7% (45.7 lbs) -2.1 Carbs 61g, Calories 1,303 M- 221.6 lbs Carbs 227g, Calories 1,960 T- 221.4 lbs

The days have been long for the rundown druid. Filled with turmoil and troubles that he cannot hide himself from. While he cannot change the things that have happened he searches to rather find peace amongst the circumstances. In order to do that he must tame his mind and body and he has three steps to achieve that end. 1. Quiet the Mind Take at least 5 minutes a day to meditate. 2. Subdue the Body Resist giving into the base urges to consume mass quantities of processed foods and sugars. Diet Goals: <50g carbs per day <1,500 calories per day No added sugars 3. Enrich the Mind and Body Take 1 mile walks in nature at least 3 times a week. Height: 5' 10'' (177.6 cm) Starting Weight: 227.8 lbs (103.3 kg) Starting Body Composition: Fat 51.7% (117.8 lbs [53.4 kg]), Muscle 20.1% (47.8 lbs [21.7 kg]) Goal: Lose 10 lbs (4.5 kg)

Thanks J. I did manage to speak with my therapist today. It helped a little. My husband's main concern is that I'll become a different person and no amount of research I've done so far has been enough to convince him I won't. He's also very concerned about our families as they are both very abusive and religious and will not be accepting at all. There is genuine risk of physical violence and that scares him. I know appearance wise he would not enjoy the changes but as far as I know that is the least of his concerns but honestly, he went this long telling me things that weren't reality so I don't know if I really have an accurate base to judge from anymore. That's really what floors me is that we've gone two years with this being a non-issue and him assuring me that he was completely on board and supported me in whatever I needed to do. This is so far out of nowhere it has me seeing stars and I was completely blindsided. We have much to work on together and I can only hope for the best right now. But this turn of events has me very fearful for the future. Fearful that neither of us will be happy with whatever decision gets made.

I'm seeing my therapist today but it's only for group therapy so I may/may not get a chance to speak since the group is quite large and often they don't get to everyone who wants to work on something. As far as friends go, the only people I was out to I had a falling out with and have been excommunicated. I've had trouble with agoraphobia so my social life has suffered drastically from that and I really don't have any friends. It's unfortunate, I could really use some irl contact with supportive people but this damn state is so conservative that it's very difficult to find supportive friends. Hugs appreciated and accepted. I could use them.

My husband dropped a bomb on me. After two years of assuring me I had his full support he tells me he doesn't want me to get on T. Things were finally coming together where I would be able to start in August. I guess he got cold feet once it became a reality. I'm devastated right now. I don't know what to do and I feel completely hopeless. I can't lose my husband. But I can't take living this lie anymore.

Once LGBT+ owns the whole block they should have a Pride parade down the street every month or so.

Welcome, new people! I'm with ColoQ on this one. Reading the entire thread is quite a task. But if you're up for it and have the time then by all means go for it. This makes me happy. I hope they get enough money for the house. And I hope eventually they can buy the whole damn block.

http://www.newsobserver.com/news/politics-government/politics-columns-blogs/under-the-dome/article67731847.html This saddens me. According to this law, a fully transitioned person who has had SRS and legally changed their gender marker on their ID still couldn't use the bathroom of their gender identity because most places it is impossible to change a birth certificate. Why do people care so much which bathroom we use?

I find these kinds of people are also often the kinds that say things like, "It's ok that you're black, but do you have to listen to that gangster music in public/drive that low rider/wear your pants low?" Basically complaining about anything they think of as "black" or "other" behavior. People who do this usually just don't like that not everyone is like them, because they're obviously the best so why wouldn't everyone want to be like them. 'Tis frustrating. OMG! I wish I had 40 Euros to toss around!

That's one complaint I've heard about them is not sticking. Can you let me know how well it works because I have an intense fear of needles so I'm thinking it will have to be the patch or the gel for me.

Seconding that. It took me 4 years to find one that helped but once I did it made a huge difference. I wouldn't be alive without therapy and it's more effective when you find a good one. Well worth the search, even with the extended time it took.

That's a bummer you're having issues expressing yourself. On the job is kind of one of those places people expect control too, like dress codes and such which can make it difficult to fight what's going on or amass any allies and supporters to help you. Most people probably just assume that kind of thing is part of the job and would tell you to leave it alone rather than see it as what it is, something that needs to change. I'm sorry it's causing you such trouble. It's good stuff to know and have handy when needed in the moment, but at the same time it's easy to feel the need to justify ourselves to people and embarking upon the hunt for knowledge can easily feed into that. I try to balance the two, sometimes successfully and sometimes not.

I'm not too interested in getting into a huge debate, but there is one thing I would like to add to the conversation on gender. There was a case of a man named David Reimer who had a botched medical procedure on his penis while he was a baby. The doctor decided rather than to fix it it should be turned into a vagina and the baby should be raised as a woman. Growing up the child, despite being raised and socialized and by most everyone being understood solely as a girl still identified as a boy. This, along with other scientific evidence that I'm too lazy to dig up shows that there is an innate sense of gender within us that scientists think forms while we are still in the womb before any social influences are present. The evidence points to the fact that there is something in our brains that tells us what gender we are and that something is a completely separate thing from gender roles, which are indeed social constructs.

I've got plenty of that. Pre-t and already hairier than my husband. I'm gonna be a wookie when I get my 'mones.

On that note, I have a pair of very large tits free to a good home! Will trade for beard hairs!

This article estimates it's about 5-10 years before transwomen can carry their own children! Pretty exciting! (Article doesn't use the most inclusive language.)

Unfortunately not here. When I applied there was a list of things they gave me that they said I should qualify for but then once I finished putting in all the information a lot of it was, "Your state didn't expand Medicaid to cover this situation" and "In your state restrictions are placed on..." blah blah blah. Then we had the interview and got a letter basically telling us we don't qualify because this state is unbelievable. But hopefully disability will go through and we can solve the whole no income thing. My husband still wouldn't be able to get on food stamps because he's a full time student but hey, every little bit helps.

It's beyond ridiculous. My husband can't get it because there's a restriction on full time students and I have no income. Sounds exactly like people who need it to me. Who knows a college student who isn't dirt poor?

Unfortunately I don't have anyone in the area that could help. Even if I knew someone who could I'm not sure the treatment centers would be able to work with them due to Hippa regulations. We've already tried to apply for welfare and were denied because we had no income. Which is completely ridiculous to me. My state is very red and has a ton of restrictions on welfare. One of the restrictions is that you have to have some sort of income at all to qualify for aid. Conservatives are too worried about people being lazy and getting a free ride and people who really need help have to suffer for it. This is so true. Filling out all that paperwork and going through the process was terrible and I was a complete wreck by the time I was done. And it was all fruitless because my state is stupid...ugh. I'm hoping that once we get (if we get) the disability taken care of that I can reapply since I'll have a source of income then.

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm working on disability right now. My first application was denied. When they sent me my denial letter they showed the records they used for determination and only two out of 7 of the places I have been treated actually sent in records. Trying to get all of this together for an appeal has sent me in a tail spin as most of the treatment centers are not getting back to me by phone and are a state away and not some place I can just drive to and pick them up. I'm hoping once I have all my records in they will determine differently but I know the denial rate is high and I might need to lawyer up. This whole thing gives me panic attacks. We need a source of income and really need this to go through. No telling if it will yet or how long it might take. But with just a little bit of income so much could change. We could get on food stamps and medicaid (currently uninsured and mental healthcare costs and arm and a leg). It would just take off so much stress. And then maybe I could do something about these damn student loans.

It's definitely something to consider. I wish the world were more accepting and people didn't have to go to such extremes just to be who we are. No one should have to choose between their family and being themself. The world is a cruel place sometimes.

Our finances are too rocky to move right now. We have no source of income and live fully off my husband's financial aid for school. We are a bit of a distance away but it's one of those distances that are far enough to be away but close enough to still drive to in a day. We've been kicking around the idea of moving to California for a while but until we're better off financially it's just not in the cards. Cutting my family off carries a lot of risk for us as well. My father was very controlling when I went to college and decided himself that I would go to a private school which cost about $50k a year. This was ok with me at the time because he promised to pay for it. But when we got the loans we got them in my name and he has used that as a hook to control me many times, threatening to stop paying them if I don't do what he wants or sometimes just threatening not to for the hell of it. My husband and I cannot afford those loans and cutting my family out puts more financial burden on us than I can handle. It seems the safer option for us would be to pretend. As much as I wish I could just be myself I have to focus on staying safe. This situation sucks.

I'm very conflicted. My family situation is looking grim and every time there's something about transgender people in the news it looks worse. I'm starting to wonder if it might be better to hide my transition once I get on T. But the manner in which I would do that would mean compromising part of who I am. If I take finasteride with T I won't grow a beard or body hair and if I don't get top surgery I think I can probably get by being a "woman" around my family. But I feel like I would be betraying myself if I did that. I'm not supposed to have these fat sacks and I'm supposed to have a beard. It's part of aligning my body with my true self. But what good is any of that if my family harasses me into suicide? A beard won't do me any good if I'm dead. I keep hoping things will change and it will be ok to come out but that's something I know will never happen and I feel so defeated. I feel like my only real option is to betray myself and hide who I am for all eternity.

Yeah, sorry about that. I've been a bit reclusive lately and lacking motivation for most things but I'm still kicking. Glad you thought of me.

Sounds like things went well! Congrats! I wish I could be so lucky.