How to make a big decision...

[Guest Snake McClain]

Hi everyone. I won't bother intorducing myself. you know me.

So here's the thing I need to make a big decision about my life...like...in the next 6 days. I'm not sure if I want to discuss what that decision is here or not. It isn't highly personal but I'm just not sure if i want to bring it up. That isn't the point though.

The issue I'm having is I am not sure HOW to make this decision. i can do it logically and say, "these are the pros and these the cons and this is what should/shouldn't happen." My fear in doing that is missing a good opportunity....but the liklihood of that opportunity is low..anyway i'm trailing off.

So let me just ask you. Do you go to your friends and say "hey can you give me your thoughts on this big possible life changing decision and help me?" or do you just do it on your own?

At this point I'm sort of stuck and not sure on the next move so advice on how to make a decision that is big is hard for me. I usually just let life happen to me and it's messed up some stuff so now I'm trying to change that and do things right.

thanks nerds and nerdettes.

[bigm141414]

I usually like to discuss it with close friends, because almost always you will be blinded by the choice and not seem potential pitfalls. That's where your friends can step in and say whoa buddy have you though of x y and z.

Ultimately though it is your decision, so don't let your friends make it for you....

[XenatheWarriorPrincess]

So let me just ask you. Do you go to your friends and say "hey can you give me your thoughts on this big possible life changing decision and help me?" or do you just do it on your own?

Depends on the situation, but normally I bounce it off of the two most supportive people in my life - my mother and my boyfriend. Having supportive and level-headed people to talk to always makes a difference for me. In the end, I always make the decision. But it's nice to know I have a support system in place.

[Maggie May]

I usually discuss with a few close people in my life to hear their opinion... sometimes they can give you insight that they'd never think of. I don't ALWAYS go with the "general concensus" on things, but usually I do. If smart, level-headed people think I should go one way... there's probably a reason for that.

[So Late So Soon]

I ask my friends and family for advice, but at the end of the day the decison is only mine. If you can't say what the decision is then i'm not sure how to give advice about it, the only thing that i can really say is do what you want with it

[wildross]

Leaving aside the spiritual aspects that I might advise...

Analyze it as much as you can and get it down to a binary decision. Then flip a coin. When the coin is in the air, you will know which one you want. Ignore the coin.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I bounce tough ones off my wife and best friend.

[Barbarossa]

For the really difficult decisions, I ask for my wife's input. Generally, though, I'm one for "damn the risks, I won't know unless I go for it" approach.

[airen123]

I'm in the same boat. A possible new job opportunity in a field I really wanted to get back into...once. Now that I have a good, stable job, I'm afraid of the risk-since the new job is same pay. Definitely talk to some close friends/family. They can point out what you haven't thought of. My mom pointed out my current job has amazing benefits/vacations. New job will have more room to grow.

Scary to make the wrong choice...

[Guest Snake McClain]

Leaving aside the spiritual aspects that I might advise...

Analyze it as much as you can and get it down to a binary decision. Then flip a coin. When the coin is in the air, you will know which one you want. Ignore the coin.

i honestly laughed. but in a good way. in the way that says, "Wow he's totally right." lol

Okay. so I am thinking I might just ask you guys. And maybe one personal IRL friend. I don't really have people that will be unbiased with me so it's hard for me to have a lot of avenues to discuss this with.

So can everyone promise to give me an unbiased opinion (i already know the answer here)?

It's about wrestling. I love it. The practice and training portion of it. it's fun. I like being around the guys but that could be because we all sort of act as a team with the same goal in mind and are supportive (a lot like everyone here). and that is pretty great. But aside from that...I'm not sure what there is for me. My body is getting wrecked more and more lately...I'm pretty sure i'm slightly concussed, my neck is torqued from taking a move badly (more like someone just dropped me on my effing head)...and yeah that may not always be an issue but...i can't really afford it. Like i'm constantly balancing grocery money with wrestling money. And the money to travel to shows. Or buy my tights and boots...this is all adding up and I'm feeling like there isn't any fun in it for me long term. The ONLY gaurantee pro wrestling has is that you will be hurting on a regular and constant basis. I just don't see if there is a point to this for me. School starts in august (college) and I need to focus on my life getting together and moving forward. Just...everyone I know that does it is pretty miserable. No one is happy after doing it for a "x" amount of years. Chairokey can attest. he's seen it first hand...he will know EXACTLY what I am talking about. I just...I said something to a friend of mine recently about how I don't want to quit at this thing and I'd like to see it to the end. And his response was "well what is the end?"...that's a good question. I don't know. It could be that I do it for a couple years and waste thousands of dollars on travel and lodging and medical bills for no return. or it could be a decade and i make a million dollars (thats 1 percenter status there for wrestling). I just don't know what that means. For me the fun is going away so...I dunno maybe i'm seeing it from one angle only and you all can shine a new perspective on it for me but my position now is this thing i've wanted to do since i was a kid may no longer be a good or even FUN idea. the in ring work is fun (until i get my head driven into the ground) but everything else is...just sort of a stress in life I'm not sue I need or can really even handle.

I'm not trying to make it sound like i've made up my mind already even though it does sound that way...

but seriously. any advice?

[leadchipmunk]

I usually just spend forever thinking about it without letting anyone else know and when I finally make a decision, I will find out it is too late. So, my experience is more of a what not to do. If you are going to make a decision, then make it. Don't spend too much time analyzing it, let other people guide you but not lead you, find a way to let your heart help decide (like wildross' advice) and ultimately make your decision before it is too late.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Honestly dude, that's a hard life to live. Have you gotten out of it what you want? You've done yourself a solid and chased your childhood dream, it's ok if you found out in the process that it's not the life you wanna live.

[Barbarossa]

So, is it possible that you're just in the doldrums because you've been working very hard and there hasn't been a change? Why not take a week or a month off, and let your feelings after your "vacation" guide you; if you want to go back and push through, do it. If you don't, then don't. I had the same thing happen to me with music, and I walked away. I can say now with absolute certainty that it was a bad decision, but I was just completely burned out at the time.

Just a suggestion, and I hope that you're happy with whatever decision you end up making.

All the best.

[So Late So Soon]

I think that going and focusing on school would be the "smart" thing to do, but this is something that you really want to do then go for it. If you look back when you're an old man and regret not trying that could be a lot worse than trying and failing. I don't know enough about wrestling or the business aspect of it to say anything about that or the money in wrestling either. And from what you said you are already starting to get boerd of wrestling maybe you should just focus on your college work once it comes around.

I think you should just do waht will make you the happiest because at the end of the day that is really all that matters.

[leadchipmunk]

That is a really tough decision. If you find the exercise and camaraderie enjoyable but decide to not keep up with it, then could you still do the same workouts and find (or start) a local "enthusiasts" group? Maybe get a group of guys together to pitch in and rent out a local boxing ring or something similar once a week and do similar stuff there? You wouldn't be able to move higher up and make a living out of it, but you said that there is a very small chance of that happening anyway, plus you wouldn't have to keep up with the purchasing of tights and boots and travel expenses. Maybe someday, if you improve and keep up with it, you might be able to get back into wrestling and start again, though a little older than most do. That is still a possibility.

[HorrorGeek]

It actually does sound like you've made up your mind, which you know since you pointed it out.

Regardless, you said the key thing that really ought to solve your dilemma.

t my position now is this thing i've wanted to do since i was a kid may no longer be a good or even FUN idea. the in ring work is fun (until i get my head driven into the ground) but everything else is...just sort of a stress in life I'm not sue I need or can really even handle.

If this were my decision, if it's not fun, and it's stressing me out, I ditch it. Life is too short, and full of too many stress inducing things beyond our control for me to add any more to it.

But good luck in whatever you choose!

[Guest Snake McClain]

Honestly dude, that's a hard life to live. Have you gotten out of it what you want? You've done yourself a solid and chased your childhood dream, it's ok if you found out in the process that it's not the life you wanna live.

And I agree here. I have chased my dream and in the process realized it is not what I thought it would be or imagine it to be. Have i done EVERYTHING i would like to do with it? No. But there are no promises that i can or will have a chance to do it. and it seems the cons highly outweight the good at this point. I've had fun doing it but only the in ring portions. because it's active and fun. I feel like I could replace that with soccer, or cross fit or Krav Maga and really have a great time. It would cost me les and be less damaging on me. And more fun because it isn't so all consuming. if that makes sense? Like maybe what I was looking for in wrestling can be found somewhere else.

Not to mention that as a wrestler we are no longer allowed to be a fan. that is a much longer discussion but basically that is my favorite part of wrestling. and if i am a wrestler and also a fan i'll catch mad heat for it and that is a recipe for getting buried by the rest of the guys.

So, is it possible that you're just in the doldrums because you've been working very hard and there hasn't been a change? Why not take a week or a month off, and let your feelings after your "vacation" guide you; if you want to go back and push through, do it. If you don't, then don't. I had the same thing happen to me with music, and I walked away. I can say now with absolute certainty that it was a bad decision, but I was just completely burned out at the time.

Just a suggestion, and I hope that you're happy with whatever decision you end up making.

All the best.

it isn't that it isn't paying off. it's that the fun is going away because of the aspects of it that are NOT in the ring. ring work is a blast. everything else is a complete and total stress.

I think that going and focusing on school would be the "smart" thing to do, but this is something that you really want to do then go for it. If you look back when you're an old man and regret not trying that could be a lot worse than trying and failing. I don't know enough about wrestling or the business aspect of it to say anything about that or the money in wrestling either. And from what you said you are already starting to get boerd of wrestling maybe you should just focus on your college work once it comes around.

I think you should just do waht will make you the happiest because at the end of the day that is really all that matters.

I'm at a point in my life that doing the smart thing and getting my life together may be the best thing I can do. I have a lot to repair because of the last half decade and this is just slowing me down. So...yeah...It sucks to let something like this go but I'm at a point where I'm not sure I care. I'll give a week or two and see if maybe I change my mind but...i dunno.

[Guest Snake McClain]

That is a really tough decision. If you find the exercise and camaraderie enjoyable but decide to not keep up with it, then could you still do the same workouts and find (or start) a local "enthusiasts" group? Maybe get a group of guys together to pitch in and rent out a local boxing ring or something similar once a week and do similar stuff there? You wouldn't be able to move higher up and make a living out of it, but you said that there is a very small chance of that happening anyway, plus you wouldn't have to keep up with the purchasing of tights and boots and travel expenses. Maybe someday, if you improve and keep up with it, you might be able to get back into wrestling and start again, though a little older than most do. That is still a possibility.

I don't think i'd want to keep doing this. even the in ring practice. it's just too dangerous without proper training. I could find the comraderie with guys and gals in other sports or things. which i may just do that. other sports would be more conducive to proper fitnes training and health anyway.

It actually does sound like you've made up your mind, which you know since you pointed it out.

Regardless, you said the key thing that really ought to solve your dilemma.

If this were my decision, if it's not fun, and it's stressing me out, I ditch it. Life is too short, and full of too many stress inducing things beyond our control for me to add any more to it.

But good luck in whatever you choose!

i agree. This is sad.

[leadchipmunk]

And I agree here. I have chased my dream and in the process realized it is not what I thought it would be or imagine it to be. Have i done EVERYTHING i would like to do with it? No. But there are no promises that i can or will have a chance to do it. and it seems the cons highly outweight the good at this point. I've had fun doing it but only the in ring portions. because it's active and fun. I feel like I could replace that with soccer, or cross fit or Krav Maga and really have a great time. It would cost me les and be less damaging on me. And more fun because it isn't so all consuming. if that makes sense? Like maybe what I was looking for in wrestling can be found somewhere else.

Check to see if the school you may be going to has a rugby team. I think it would work really well for you, I believe it calls for a similar build to what you have and were working on for wrestling, moreso than soccer would. Though it might not help with the "less damaging", it can get mighty rough. Of course, I could be completely off and just think that rugby would be loads of fun to do.

[Guest Snake McClain]

Check to see if the school you may be going to has a rugby team. I think it would work really well for you, I believe it calls for a similar build to what you have and were working on for wrestling, moreso than soccer would. Though it might not help with the "less damaging", it can get mighty rough. Of course, I could be completely off and just think that rugby would be loads of fun to do.

you're actually absolutely right. and i would totally consider it. totally. soccer and rugby are the only sports that interest me in playing. Also i could be like AJ Rock's buddy and we could rugby it up together.

[161803398874989]

Write up a big rant, then just do what Wildross said.

[wildross]

Now that it is out in the open, I think you need to be realistic as well. I'm not a pro-wrestling fan, so all I see are the stars (probably the 1% that you refer to). From your various posts, you are in your late 20's and around 6' 1" or 2" and about 200#. I've never seen a pro wrestler that small. Are there any? If not, what would you need to do, how long would it take to become the "right size"? Can you afford it $$ and time wise? For a 1% chance? Are there others who have followed the same "career arc"? From the bios I've read, "most" seem to have come out of the pro body building, college wrestling or football ranks (ie, not good enough for the NFL/Olympics/Mr Universe but too big to fit in a suit). If you try and don't make it, are you going to spend x number of months/years mumbling into your beer "I could've been a star!" as you shuffle out of the water front dive at 2AM?? (And yes I know that pro wrestling has a "story line" that does not necessarily track physical prowess, but those who succeed look like they can do all those stunts for real).

Being worried about what you might regret is one thing. Trying the totally unrealistic (physically) leads to other kinds of regrets, usually involving scars and physical impairment in later years For various reasons, I'm spending a lot of time in dr offices with my wife where there are a lot of older folk who have not taken care of themselves. Not a fun picture.

Just thoughts...

edit: as another technique; estimate how much this will cost. Envision the pile. Now you have a 1% chance of getting it back. Is it worth it?

[Guest Snake McClain]

Now that it is out in the open, I think you need to be realistic as well. I'm not a pro-wrestling fan, so all I see are the stars (probably the 1% that you refer to). From your various posts, you are in your late 20's and around 6' 1" or 2" and about 200#. I've never seen a pro wrestler that small. Are there any? If not, what would you need to do, how long would it take to become the "right size"? Can you afford it $$ and time wise? For a 1% chance? Are there others who have followed the same "career arc"? From the bios I've read, "most" seem to have come out of the pro body building, college wrestling or football ranks (ie, not good enough for the NFL/Olympics/Mr Universe but too big to fit in a suit). If you try and don't make it, are you going to spend x number of months/years mumbling into your beer "I could've been a star!" as you shuffle out of the water front dive at 2AM?? (And yes I know that pro wrestling has a "story line" that does not necessarily track physical prowess, but those who succeed look like they can do all those stunts for real).

Being worried about what you might regret is one thing. Trying the totally unrealistic (physically) leads to other kinds of regrets, usually involving scars and physical impairment in later years For various reasons, I'm spending a lot of time in dr offices with my wife where there are a lot of older folk who have not taken care of themselves. Not a fun picture.

Just thoughts...

edit: as another technique; estimate how much this will cost. Envision the pile. Now you have a 1% chance of getting it back. Is it worth it?

This all pretty much encompasses my thoughts and feelings. First I'd like to say that yes there are a few guys my height that are in the 200lb range that are "stars" or more importantly successful and making a living at this. a few. Not a lot. yeah so there is that. Next I'd say that i'm only 192lbs and i'm 30 years old. my window of success is pretty much gone. but i don't need to be successful. i was thinking do it on the weekends and go as far as it can take me. and as it stands I can't afford to invest into it. You said to count up what it would cost and imagine that pile...okay well it's different for everyone but i have a friend who is a referee (not a wrestler) and he just got signed with the wwe. but since he started ten years ago (remember that...ten years) he calculated how much he spent/made over all that time. he has kept a journal saying "i spent $40 on gas and $50 on lodging on "x" date"...he did that for EVERYTHING. in that decade he spent $55,000 dollars. no not a typo. 55 THOUSAND dollars. now as a ref in the wwe he starting at 200 thousand...as a ref. so that's what...1 of 15 guys they have as referees...so look at that time window...it can take me over a decade to make back what i will put in...IF i even am capable. Then when looking at all these people who are older and bitter and broken physically and mentally lik you mentioned...people I know personally...that just isn't something I'm willing to become. No thanks. it's sad i started so late...maybe 10 years ago if life had given me the oportunity i could have given this hell and made a good run but the cards just weren't there i guess.

I can move on to other things and enjoy other atheletic compititions that may not be as rewarding for me as an entertainment aspect but still fun and make me happy. I believe through the whole experience I've matured and that alone is enough to wake me up and make me see some things in my life for what they are. I can move on now I guess. This makes me sad especially because the conversation I'm going to have to have with my trainer will be a bummer but...whatever.

[humanperson832]

If you're going to become one of the 1 percent, you have to commit in an unwavering, never doubt yourself or your ability kind of way. The fact that you're so unsure means that you should probably do something you'll feel better about committing to, like school. There are TONS of less physically taxing ways of staying active that surely you'll be able to participate in without having to choose between it and eating.

Just an outsider's $0.02.

[Morrigainz]

I think that aside from the money aspect, the potential for damaging yourself in the long run, and the general (unfortunate though it may be) importance of getting a college degree these days, it just sounds like you're unhappy. It almost seems to me like you are afraid of letting go of the childhood dream. That's ok...it gives you a lot more options, and options/change is scary. And to "give up" on something you've worked so hard for can be difficult. But life changes. Interests change. Priorities change. And that's ok too.

Do you love it? Are you committed to loving it, and investing in it, for another decade or more? Are you willing to put all the hard work, injuries, and everything else that comes with it to get your shot?

From the little I've read, it sounds like "no." But that's just an outsider's perspective.

Anyway good luck...those life-changing decisions are hard...