LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Latsu Swagneel]

I'm thinking about going to the pride parade this year. Anyone have tips for going alone and not getting lost/overwhelmed in a sea of people?

Well, if you're talking about NYC's Pride parade, I'll be there, so you might not necessarily have to be alone...but, it's the same as with any other crowd...just remember that everybody there is there to forward our march towards equality and are generally good people...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Basement Cat]

Welcome to the party, new friends! 

 

*goes back to lurking for months*

Come baaaaaaaaaack! Purty cat!

[fleaball]

 

Well, if you're talking about NYC's Pride parade, I'll be there, so you might not necessarily have to be alone...but, it's the same as with any other crowd...just remember that everybody there is there to forward our march towards equality and are generally good people...

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

Boston, actually. I saw your post a while back and meant to respond but never did. Sorry! I'm not really concerned about the haters or anything. It's more like, "holy crap that's a lot of people and I'm a wimp" lol. It might also depend on coming up with a plausible explanation for being out of the house all day, which is unusual for me. >>

 

 

Come baaaaaaaaaack! Purty cat!

Don't tell me what to do! D<  (Actually I'm doing a terrible job of lurking. Shhh don't tell anyone.)

[Jett]

I think the assumption for a lot of people is that if you say you're bi then you're just slutty, which is obviously not the case.

Ughhhh I hate that stereotype. I like to say that, as a pansexual, I have a wider pool of people to choose from, so I can be more selective. Why settle for that asshole guy over there when I could be with the nice transwoman over there? :3 (etc etc)

 

I was going to comment on the irony of Gmork basically exhibiting bi erasure in a comment thread about bi erasure, but ColoQ already did that quite handily. However, I hate seeing people fight in an otherwise friendly community, especially on this thread.

 

What I'm seeing here is someone who feels they have to keep on defending themselves because they keep getting attacked. This is how flame wars happen, people...

 

Gmork, please take several moments to let go of your defensive posture and go back to your original post and reread it. I know you've been hurt in the past (based on what you've said), so I understand why you feel like you need to keep defending yourself. But being defensive is not how people come to an understanding. Please try to reread your post from the point of view of someone who is attracted to both men AND women, equally, and feels that both parts of their identiy is important to them. See if you can understand why what you said might be hurtful, especially if someone else has already stomped on that identity many times in the past. It's a tender subject.

 

Everyone else... same deal. :/ I know how it feels to have your identity denied, especially when it seems like the reason for doing is unfounded. But again, the point of having queer folk and allies communicating in the same space is to find understanding and to learn - for all "sides" of an issue. I think Gmork has a point there, but it hasn't really been said in a sensitive way.

 

EDIT: Hm, failed to see the comments worked into Gmork's last post. This post might be too late to do any good. Oh well. :/

[ColoQ]

...

Everyone else... same deal. :/ I know how it feels to have your identity denied, especially when it seems like the reason for doing is unfounded. But again, the point of having queer folk and allies communicating in the same space is to find understanding and to learn - for all "sides" of an issue. I think Gmork has a point there, but it hasn't really been said in a sensitive way.

 

EDIT: Hm, failed to see the comments worked into Gmork's last post. This post might be too late to do any good. Oh well. :/

 

Its possible I escalated rather quickly. But after I have been derided by both straight and queer friends and allies for not choosing a side: or turned down because I'm not Straight enough or gay enough to date. I am pretty freaking sensitive about the subject. I didn't want Fleaball (the OP on this subject line) to see the that sort of negative stuff go unchallenged.

 

I was picked on in high school when some folks found out I was Bi: and was actively told by Gay and Lesbian  kids I wasn't allowed to hang out (i.e. obtain the protection of being in a group) until I was honest and admitted I was "actually gay." You can bet I'm pretty freaking prickly about the same subject now. Getting pushed around will do that to you.

[Jett]

I understand! I know it's a senstive issue all around, and that's why it has to be approached with caution. High emtions running everywhere.

 

My hope is always that people can find common ground and also try to understand why people do hurtful things. Understanding why doesn't always make it hurt less, but sometimes it makes it easier to forgive. I myself have often been confronted with the attitude of, "You're going through a phase," both from gay friends and straight conserative friends/family. I believe that many of the gay friends probably went through a "bi" phase while they were figuring out their identities. A time where maybe they weren't ready yet to let go of the safety line of "I can be attracted to people who are a different gender than me," but were starting to explore the idea that "I am attracted to people with the same gender as me." That's fine, it's part of coming to understand who you are, but... it's not the same for me. And for the straight friend who are uncomfortable with the idea that I might be queer, or maybe even attracted to them (these friends are all female), I think they can use the examples of people like those that Gmork mentioned as an excuse to justify their position. Still, I don't necessarily blame the people (girls mostly?) who are "trying gay", even if it's mostly to get attention. It takes a certain amount of bravery to experiment with sexuality, even if in the end you decide that you're straight. Nobody knows their own mind for sure until they've openly examined the possibilities and discovered what really fits.

[Artinum]

I was extremely slutty before I finally settled down, and I'm most definitely not bisexual - it's just the menfolk for me! I don't find the female body attractive so much as baffling. Those bumps on the front seem highly impractical.

 

But seriously - I've met bisexuals. They're no more slutty than anyone else.

[fleaball]

I was extremely slutty before I finally settled down, and I'm most definitely not bisexual - it's just the menfolk for me! I don't find the female body attractive so much as baffling. Those bumps on the front seem highly impractical.

 

But seriously - I've met bisexuals. They're no more slutty than anyone else.

They're kind of a pain. But they make good pillows.

 

 I didn't want Fleaball (the OP on this subject line) to see the that sort of negative stuff go unchallenged.

I figured people were smarter than me for not engaging tbh. I just feel bad because that was pretty much the least helpful response wrt Latsu's question. :/ 

 

In other news, I'm so disappointed that picture you posted isn't a gif of puppies bouncing on a tramopline.

[Jett]

How about this?

 

[Latsu Swagneel]

To be honest, I did not intend for my question to become the starting point for an argument of that nature, especially not one that would make people either uncomfortable or have any negative emotions due to it.

That being said, aside from varying levels of erasure from people in person, I noticed that, while looking for barbells for my intended industrial piercing, the only things that came up when I searched google for bi pride bars were rainbow or just overall LGBT related jewelry. I think that may be closely related to the problem I was referring to. If people don't acknowledge that non-monosexuality exists, it'll continue to be difficult to find things of that nature.

JMitch, I absolutely adore that gif.

fleaball, I definitely make a good pillow, and am in agreement about needing that picture to have been a gif.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Twilight]

They're kind of a pain. But they make good pillows.

 

What makes good pillows? Bisexuals, or the bumps on the front of women? (Freudian reading! ahaha)

 

That being said, aside from varying levels of erasure from people in person, I noticed that, while looking for barbells for my intended industrial piercing, the only things that came up when I searched google for bi pride bars were rainbow or just overall LGBT related jewelry. I think that may be closely related to the problem I was referring to. If people don't acknowledge that non-monosexuality exists, it'll continue to be difficult to find things of that nature.

 

Keep looking, and please post photos showing it off when you find it!

[Latsu Swagneel]

What makes good pillows? Bisexuals, or the bumps on the front of women? (Freudian reading! ahaha)

Keep looking, and please post photos showing it off when you find it!

I think humans in general make good pillows.

I contacted a piercing studio that, apparently, makes custom designed jewelry. They told me that they'll have one of the piercers get back to me about it.

I will definitely take pictures of it when I finally find it.

Also, I'm going to be dying hair to the bisexual pride flag on the 16th, so that will be shared right away. The new (first, probably first of many) piercing will be about a week after that, after at least one washing.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[fleaball]

To be honest, I did not intend for my question to become the starting point for an argument of that nature, especially not one that would make people either uncomfortable or have any negative emotions due to it.

That being said, aside from varying levels of erasure from people in person, I noticed that, while looking for barbells for my intended industrial piercing, the only things that came up when I searched google for bi pride bars were rainbow or just overall LGBT related jewelry. I think that may be closely related to the problem I was referring to. If people don't acknowledge that non-monosexuality exists, it'll continue to be difficult to find things of that nature.

JMitch, I absolutely adore that gif.

fleaball, I definitely make a good pillow, and am in agreement about needing that picture to have been a gif.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

I don't think any of us expected it. Whee. (Insert Spanish Inquisition reference.)

 

Wow I didn't even think of that, just about in-person stuff. I just poked around etsy but didn't see anything; maybe you can find someone there who does custom jewelry and can make it for you? I wonder if part of it's a supply and demand kind of thing. No one makes stuff, so we can't buy it, so they think there's no market for it and continue not making it. Not that that makes it any better ofc. But if people are already making pride stuff in general, we might just have to say "hey, I'm here and I would like the thing too!"

 

What makes good pillows? Bisexuals, or the bumps on the front of women? (Freudian reading! ahaha)

I totally meant the bumpy parts, but I wouldn't complain about a bixsexual for a pillow either. Good catch!

[Reluctant Amazon]

Oh, Caitlyn, you were pointed out on the box as a gender appropriate role model.

 

Well, we are the same gender... :-)

[Latsu Swagneel]

Oh, Caitlyn, you were pointed out on the box as a gender appropriate role model.

Well, we are the same gender... :-)

What exactly is a "gender appropriate" role model? As in, what does "gender appropriate" mean? I only know what role models are...

Also, who is Caitlyn?

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[Reluctant Amazon]

lol

Caitlyn Jenner. Wheaties box. I'm being weird

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[bigm141414]

Offensive or mean spirited posts will not be tolerated. As such they have been removed from the topic. This topic is a safe place to ask questions and help others with their own struggles. We do not criticize or make sweeping generalizations. 

 

Please continue being your awesome amazing selves.

 

Thanks,

bigm

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

Bigm is back, and he brought his hammer. I like it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Brawlrus]

Anyways... censorship aside...

 

 

Latsu Swagneel, have any luck with the jewelry? I've been scouring the net, looking, but all I can find are beaded necklaces with pink/blue/purple.

 

I will say, the lack of bisexual jewelry does run contrary to my previous comments, as I'd expect there to be more.

 

 

Speaking of jewelry/piercings, is there/should there be a body mod specific section? I'd imagine there are plenty of people whom might love one. Piercing/tattoos are one aspect, but given the element of change, within fitness, it could also help with people looking to talk about implants(breast/glute/chest, etc.), skin removal, body contouring(liposuction), dental (implants, braces, whitening, etc.), hair dyeing, etc. There is a whole world of issues/topics on it.

I know I'd appreciate one, so that I don't do this ^ and clog up another thread.

[Latsu Swagneel]

Anyways... censorship aside...

Latsu Swagneel, have any luck with the jewelry? I've been scouring the net, looking, but all I can find are beaded necklaces with pink/blue/purple.

I will say, the lack of bisexual jewelry does run contrary to my previous comments, as I'd expect there to be more.

Speaking of jewelry/piercings, is there/should there be a body mod specific section? I'd imagine there are plenty of people whom might love one. Piercing/tattoos are one aspect, but given the element of change, within fitness, it could also help with people looking to talk about implants(breast/glute/chest, etc.), skin removal, body contouring(liposuction), dental (implants, braces, whitening, etc.), hair dyeing, etc. There is a whole world of issues/topics on it.

I know I'd appreciate one, so that I don't do this ^ and clog up another thread.

I haven't had any luck yet with regards to finding the piece I'm looking for. I called a piercing studio that, apparently, makes custom jewelry on Sunday. They told me that they'd call me back, but, as of right now, Tuesday night.

I'm not sure if there is a forum/thread regarding body mods, but I would love to see one made. After all, there is a style of tattooing that is designed to hide stretch marks and scars, among other things. If there were such a forum/thread here, I'd probably be posting my, relatively frequent, (sometimes mis-) adventures in the wonderful world of hair dying as well as my, now beginning, adventure in piercings.

Sent front phone. Any mistakes are its fault.

[fleaball]

Speaking of jewelry/piercings, is there/should there be a body mod specific section? I'd imagine there are plenty of people whom might love one. Piercing/tattoos are one aspect, but given the element of change, within fitness, it could also help with people looking to talk about implants(breast/glute/chest, etc.), skin removal, body contouring(liposuction), dental (implants, braces, whitening, etc.), hair dyeing, etc. There is a whole world of issues/topics on it.

I know I'd appreciate one, so that I don't do this ^ and clog up another thread.

Tattoos and body mods thread. There was one about tattoos changing after you've lost a significant amount of weight but idk where it went. I've seen a few threads pop up re: excess skin, but not so much the rest. You could always suggest a subforum or start your own thread and see what happens.

 

I want to dye my haiiiir. I'm just going to sit in the corner and pout. Don't mind me. 

[Brawlrus]

Tattoos and body mods thread. There was one about tattoos changing after you've lost a significant amount of weight but idk where it went. I've seen a few threads pop up re: excess skin, but not so much the rest. You could always suggest a subforum or start your own thread and see what happens.

 

I want to dye my haiiiir. I'm just going to sit in the corner and pout. Don't mind me. 

 

Why can't you? I stopped doing it, on account of a bald spot. I guess I could do get a lagoon tattooed on it, then dye my hair sand colored.

[fleaball]

Why can't you? I stopped doing it, on account of a bald spot. I guess I could do get a lagoon tattooed on it, then dye my hair sand colored.

Bleaching my hair is a pain in the ass, I want pink but it doesn't last long to begin with, and the last time I left blonde streaks to grow out it looked fucking terrible. Plus I need to get a job/internship in DC in the very near future and I'm pretty sure it would be difficult with a non traditional hair color.

eta: to clarify, I want to dye my hair ridiculous colors. I already dye it thanks to more grey hair than any 27-year-old should have to deal with, but that's not fun.

[Latsu Swagneel]

**Wall of Text Alert**

 

Tattoos and body mods thread. There was one about tattoos changing after you've lost a significant amount of weight but idk where it went. I've seen a few threads pop up re: excess skin, but not so much the rest. You could always suggest a subforum or start your own thread and see what happens.

 

I want to dye my haiiiir. I'm just going to sit in the corner and pout. Don't mind me. 

So dye it! When I first dyed my hair, I was terrified of what my family would say, so I concocted a story that I lost a bet and got one of my friends to go along with it. After that, I was hooked, and, now that I'm out to my family, I realize that I don't give a flying f*** about what people think about the way I look.

The way I see it, now, is that haters are going to hate, regardless of whether or not their hate is justified.

Does it hurt when people make negative comments to me about my hair color, sexual orientation, (former) religion, or some (most) of my political views? Yes, it f***ing does.

Will I allow other people's close-mindedness to give them power over me by giving them the reaction they're looking for? No, I won't. After all, it's the same as what we were all probably told about bullies as kids. If you give them a reaction, at best, they'll continue to do it at the same (still hurtful) level, knowing they'll get a reaction. In most cases, however, they'll, sadly, escalate their actions in an attempt to get an even bigger reaction, thereby giving them more power.

I had a discussion in the Queer Student Union in my school about this philosophy and its potential use for our community. I opined that if we, as a group, didn't give people the satisfaction of a reaction to their hateful/derogatory comments, they would lose the power we, unintentionally, give them over us. I continued by saying that, if we take away the power from those people, their usage of those types of comments/words would dramatically decrease, also allowing those words and comments to be able to be reclaimed for positive purposes.

My stance on the matter wasn't agreed with by anyone. Everybody was of the opinion that, because of the history of those derogatory words, phrases, or comments, they would never be able to lose their negative associations.

I think my viewpoint comes from an idealistic/optimistic view of our (not just the [i'm using this from now] GSRM community's, but the world's) ability to change our dialogue and ways we use words. After all, we take neutral words, use them as weapons, and turn them into negative words. Why is it that we can't do the same trick, but in reverse? Why is it that some people are of the opinion that we can't sanitize a word, even making a full 180°?

Anyway, as always, comments and critiques to anything I say write type are always welcome. Like my earlier post, I don't intend for anybody to feel any semblance of hurt, anger, or embarrassment. Instead, my intent is to have a healthy and friendly sharing of opinions. After all, where would we, as humanity, if we never took the time to learn and respect other people's opinions, whether or not they agreed with us?

Quick (related) rambling thought, because I seem to be doing that this evening. Words and conversations are the lifeblood of knowledge. If not for a flow of ideas from person to person, community to community, and society to society, we would, in my (not so) humble opinion, have never become the dominant species on this planet.

 

TL;DR

He's rambling.

[Latsu Swagneel]

Bleaching my hair is a pain in the ass, I want pink but it doesn't last long to begin with, and the last time I left blonde streaks to grow out it looked fucking terrible. Plus I need to get a job/internship in DC in the very near future and I'm pretty sure it would be difficult with a non traditional hair color.

eta: to clarify, I want to dye my hair ridiculous colors. I already dye it thanks to more grey hair than any 27-year-old should have to deal with, but that's not fun.

Well, I currently have purple hair, my previous color was bright blue with some purple in there, and the next color I'm doing will, as I mentioned a few posts back, be the Bi flag. After that, I'm planning on going as white as I can with pink streaks throughout. Not really quite sure what I'll do after that just yet.

How long is your hair that bleaching is enough of a hassle to not want to dye?

Are there any specific colors do you want to do?

A friend of mine puts the bleach in her dye and does it as one step together.

I will be the first to admit my lack of skill in bleaching my own hair (the one time i tried to do it, I burned my scalp. A lot.). So, instead of potentially injuring myself (again), I pay to have it done for me.