LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[akaix]

Hey guys, 

Any other trans folks / genderqueers on here? I was a little worried about joining this whole thing as a queer person, but none of my friends are into fitness at all so I've been lookin for support. 

[cyborg jack]

Trans guy right here! Definitely loving how working out and eating right is giving me a more masculine body composition.

[Artinum]

Okay, so I am a nerd. I saw "cyborg jack" and then read "trans" as "Transformer". So are you an Autobot or a Decepticon?

[ICB]

Hey everyone, just wanted to subscribe to the thread and say you're all awesome. A close friend of mine recently came out as bisexual, and the crap he's had to deal with from some arenas has been eye-opening - at least, it would have been if I hadn't been a devoted listener to the Savage Love Podcast, and now nothing can shock me, ever. But still, eye-opening because it's happening to someone I care about.

 

As a rich, white, straight male, I hit the privilege lottery, and I think it's important that I'm aware of it and give back to the world around me. If anyone needs anything ever, shoot me a message.

[MasterOfCows]

 

THIS ^^^

 

Haha! I really oughta try the sarcastic plan of attack. "Yep, you have belly rolls the size of Andre the Giant's left thigh. Diiiiiisgusting."

 

I would toss out the scale, but I'm worried that would elicit a very negative reaction PLUS an immediate drive to the store for a new one. (Plus, I really like having it since I have so much to lose. It's good to be able to track my weekly progress.)

 

She had been weighing herself every morning and every night before bed, but after a talk she agreed to start only doing it in the mornings. Hopefully I'll be able to wean her back to once a week.

 

I definitely love watching stuff with super fit women (for multiple reasons  ), and I've been encouraging watching stuff like Haywire and Million Dollar Baby on movie nights, rather than crappy chick flicks.

 

Thanks a bunch!

This is a positive step.  If you can encourage her to take measurements or progress pictures, that would be a more accurate indicator.  Even decreasing the scale visits to once a week or once a month would be better.  I know I can vary 5-8 lbs from one morning to the next, and it can be pretty disheartening even though I know those fluctuations aren't anything "real."  But when I decreased the frequency of those scale measurements, I started noticing a pretty clear trend in the direction I want to go, which I didn't notice before because of all the fluctuations.

[tee-jay]

As a rich, white, straight male, I hit the privilege lottery, and I think it's important that I'm aware of it and give back to the world around me. If anyone needs anything ever, shoot me a message.

 

I wish every person in the world was like you. Seriously. That is just amazing.

 

This is a positive step.  If you can encourage her to take measurements or progress pictures, that would be a more accurate indicator.  Even decreasing the scale visits to once a week or once a month would be better.  I know I can vary 5-8 lbs from one morning to the next, and it can be pretty disheartening even though I know those fluctuations aren't anything "real."  But when I decreased the frequency of those scale measurements, I started noticing a pretty clear trend in the direction I want to go, which I didn't notice before because of all the fluctuations.

 

She's been doing a bit better. She's also noticing physical changes in her body. Bigger muscles, etc. She noticed in the mirror that she has "back dimples" yesterday. Apparently that's something fit people have?

 

This thread is the best.

[I-Jo]

Back dimples arw hot. Lol.

At onn point I had back cleavage from my muscles in my lower mid back. Twas thuper thexy. Good for her. Glad to hear baby progress steps are being made!

I need 10 pounds of 20s... can we make that happen . Lol

[ICB]

I wish every person in the world was like you. Seriously. That is just amazing.

Thank you! There's an excellent article by John Scalzi on the subject: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/

[tee-jay]

Back dimples arw hot. Lol.

 

Like I said, she's pretty attractive

 

Thank you! There's an excellent article by John Scalzi on the subject: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2012/05/15/straight-white-male-the-lowest-difficulty-setting-there-is/

 

Excellent! Thanks a lot, I'll give this a read.

[Takk]

Hey there ! 

 

Gay lady here, as you may be able to tell from my profile pic (Totoro was just back from the Pride when that pic was taken by a friend of mine ).

 

In France we've just had a massive debate about gay marriage, it was really intense. But it's been adopted by the first part of the elected institutions (le Parlement) and will debated in the second chamber (le Senat) in April. As a community, we're very hopeful that the bill will pass and we'll be able to tie the knot. 

 

I just have to find someone to tie it with now. Or not. Because I actually don't dream of it, but at least it will be my choice now XD

[Tkal]

Hey guys, 

Any other trans folks / genderqueers on here?

Trans-guy here. Out and proud

 

 

I just have to find someone to tie it with now. Or not. Because I actually don't dream of it, but at least it will be my choice now XD

In the end the point is to have the same rights as every other person. Then it is your choiche to use the right or not. And also how you use it (not every marriage is the same even if you sign the same papers!)

[Suited hippy]

Hey everyone, just wanted to subscribe to the thread and say you're all awesome. A close friend of mine recently came out as bisexual, and the crap he's had to deal with from some arenas has been eye-opening - at least, it would have been if I hadn't been a devoted listener to the Savage Love Podcast, and now nothing can shock me, ever. But still, eye-opening because it's happening to someone I care about.

 

 

Male bisexuality is so stigmatized still. I find it something that really throws me off of our "accepting" society in Canada.

 

Bi women, oooo that's hot. Bi men, oh they are just gay...

 

I was out with some friends the other week and some gay guys at the party were making fun of bisexuals saying that they were just afraid to admit they are gay. It continued to the point where I just walked away, ashamed of the human condition.

 

I keep my sexuality to myself, as the white male in western society I like my "easy mode" life, hell it's not even that easy, but listening to members of the "LGbTQ" (the b intentionally left un-capitalized as apparently it was not respected by those members of the community) really enforce my choice to keep it to myself. 

[weirdquark]

Male bisexuality is so stigmatized still. I find it something that really throws me off of our "accepting" society in Canada.

 

Bi women, oooo that's hot. Bi men, oh they are just gay...

 

I was out with some friends the other week and some gay guys at the party were making fun of bisexuals saying that they were just afraid to admit they are gay. It continued to the point where I just walked away, ashamed of the human condition.

 

I keep my sexuality to myself, as the white male in western society I like my "easy mode" life, hell it's not even that easy, but listening to members of the "LGbTQ" (the b intentionally left un-capitalized as apparently it was not respected by those members of the community) really enforce my choice to keep it to myself. 

 

Female bisexuality is pretty stigmatized/has issues surrounding it too -- some lesbians don't want to date bi women because the bi woman might 'leave her for a man' because having an opposite sex partner is easier, and some straight guys think that dating bi women means having threesomes when being bi has nothing to do with whether or not you're interested in sleeping with more than one person at the same time. Not to mention the general thought that being bi means you want to sleep with men AND women at the same time, like it's equivalent to being polyamorous.

[BadWolf]

Hey, ally checking in. Can't believe I didn't know this thread was here before. I've been a tomboy for as long as I can remember, so i guess I'm a little genderqueer and I used to get MEGA teased for it for a long time, up until I was 16 probably, and even after that it continued in my head for awhile. I post a bit about QUILT BAG equality on tumblr (did y'all know there is a webcomic, now defunct, called QUILT BAG?) and on Facebook.

 

For me, fitness and my gender identity go hand in hand. Being X amount of girly makes me feel all wrong. Being overweight and out of shape feels all wrong. When I was bullied as a kid it was because I wasn't girly and I was fat. So to me they've become linked. I'm confident when I'm fitter and able to wear the clothes that make me feel like me. I don't know how to explain it completely. It makes sense in my head.

 

Any who, glad to have found this thread, *waves little flag*.

[mistymountains]

Ally slash heteroflexible here. Also a newb so bare with me as I orient myself to NF. Most of my friends are LGB and I have a few genderqueer/transitioning friends...I also was an LGBT minor in college, so I consider myself pretty tuned into these groups. I work as a makeup artist and a lot of my clients are trans women and drag queens. It's amazing to work with them! 

[Artinum]

Also a newb so bare with me as I orient myself to NF.

 

This is an example of where the right spelling is important. "Bear with me" would mean "be patient with me", as you intended. What you've actually put is a request for mutual stripping...

 

But welcome anyway, and feel free to wear as much or as little as you like. It's snowing outside (in March!!) so I'm snuggled up in plenty of layers.

[Avistew]

Female bisexuality is pretty stigmatized/has issues surrounding it too -- some lesbians don't want to date bi women because the bi woman might 'leave her for a man' because having an opposite sex partner is easier, and some straight guys think that dating bi women means having threesomes when being bi has nothing to do with whether or not you're interested in sleeping with more than one person at the same time. Not to mention the general thought that being bi means you want to sleep with men AND women at the same time, like it's equivalent to being polyamorous.

 

I come from the bi/poly assimilation from the other side, in that I'm poly and not bi. And well, there seems to be a lot of expectation that if I ever show interest in a male, I'll have sex with his girlfriend. And that's annoying.

At least, I can just say "sorry, I'm straight" (although that seems to annoy some people. Like a poly female has no right to be straight or something) but I can imagine it's even harder if you're bi and poly, and want to explain that no, being attracted to someone doesn't force you to have sex with or even be attracted to their other partner.

 

I think bi people are stigmatized in different ways if they're male or female. Bi females are seen "positively" but as an object of fantasy, which robs them of their own ability to make decisions as to who they want to date or have sex with, and is degrading. Bi male as seen as greedy, or gay, in that weird way in which a perfectly straight male with one non-normative attribute (likes something considered feminine, for instance) is called "gay", and as a result a liar trying to pretend to be "less gay" or something.

 

What saddens me the most in that Gender and Sexual Minorities have enough enemies as it is, and being discriminatory towards one another will get you nowhere.

I think bisexual people are more likely to end up with someone of the opposite sex, both because it's easier to find them (more straight people + bi people of the opposite sex than gay people + bi people of the same sex) and because it's more tempting, to go for a relationship that gives you more rights and is recognised by society, all other things being equal. So while I don't think it's a conscious decision by bi/pan people to go for opposite-sex partners, I think they're more likely to find one, and when they do, due to not being discriminated against, to being able to get married and have children with less/no hassle, etc, they're also more likely to be able to stay together, as far as outside factors are concerned.

 

By which I don't mean same-sex union are less stable. I just mean that when you're discriminated against regularly for walking next to your partner, when you know you can't have things you really want in the relationship such as getting married or having kids (many places don't allow two people of the same sex to adopt or get IVF), well the stress of all of that might rock your relationship and eventually hasten its end, especially if you know in the back of your head that there is a way for you to get all these things you want with someone else. Just the thought might depress you enough to cause arguments and eventually a break-up that would never had happened had you not been discriminated against to begin with.

 

Fortunately, the world seems to be making progress on that point.

[nightlight]

so psyched that we've got some great thoughts on this thread. 

go us!

[RBC]

So, is anyone else on here as geeked as I am about the arguments before the US Supreme Court today and tomorrow? 

[pandraztic]

If you're not watching, CSPAN-2 right now! They are doing the coverage of the rally outside of the Supreme Court in support of overturning Prop-8! Not to mention my good friends Sue Fulton and her lovely wife Penny Gnepsin will be speaking at 1040. 

[RBC]

Thanks! Just tuned in!

[ICB]

I'm following along on the SCOTUS blog, http://www.scotusblog.com/ It's going to be an interesting day.

[pandraztic]

Thanks! Just tuned in!

 

 

No problem! Freedom to Marry is also going to be liveblogging the arguments here: http://www.freedomtomarry.org/pages/live-blog-marriage-at-the-supreme-court

 

I'm supposed to be studying for my final test right now... but yeah... massively failing at focusing right now... I really don't like this language anyways... stupid job requirements. 

[tee-jay]

If you're not watching, CSPAN-2 right now! They are doing the coverage of the rally outside of the Supreme Court in support of overturning Prop-8! Not to mention my good friends Sue Fulton and her lovely wife Penny Gnepsin will be speaking at 1040. 

 

CSPAN had the best coverage, by far, of the SCOTUS stuff today. They even played the audio over a video with photos of who was talking at what points, which I found helpful. Other than Scalia's grating voice, it's sometimes hard to pick out who is speaking at what time.

[pandraztic]

Check out the SCOTUS website. They have the audio transcripts which makes it WAY easier to follow the arguments and you can download the MP3 file to listen to while offline. They'll also be putting up DOMA arguments today at about 1400 ET. http://www.supremecourt.gov/oral_arguments/argument_audio_detail.aspx?argument=12-144 <-- Link to the SCOTUS audio/transcript of Prop 8