LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Tearcon]

Hey, nothing to do with the current conversation but just wanted to say how amazing this thread being here is, I'm gender-fluid and it made me feel so much safer joining NF knowing that  there was an active LGBTQA thread here

[Teirin]

hi Tearcon, welcome in :-)

[Terinatum]

Hi Tearcon, welcome aboard!

[Bekah]

Hi Tearcon I'm glad you are here!

[ColoQ]

Welcome! This thread is what made me want to join, and honestly the only thing here I follow much any more... until I complete the "simplify my life project" I've been working on. 

[Twilight]

As a side note i really dislike being a spokesperson for trans folk - but there seems to be a pretty major lacking in representation. Anyway, these posts (and similar ones elsewhere on nf) are not inclusive of all trans people and just show the experiences and attitudes common amongst my trans friends.

 

I don't talk about it because I don't have the energy. See http://jezebel.com/5987118/sexism-fatigue-when-seth-macfarlane-is-a-complete-ass-and-you-dont-even-notice but instead of sexism it's about gender identity. I used to be pretty vocal about things but there'll always be another person who doesn't know, who's starting from scratch, who wants me to hold their hands and open their eyes to the constant stream of grossness coming at some of us every day. And I just ... can't.

 

So that's something for people to think about, maybe: just because you haven't heard someone object or correct you, doesn't mean they agree with you.

[Reluctant Amazon]

I am somewhere between a gender nonconforming straight male and a lesbian non-op transwoman. Or both. Maybe Non-Newtonian Gender Fluid.

[Madam_Patella]

Hello, all. Sorry to break in on the conversation. I was wondering how one goes about coming out as asexual, especially to religious friends/family members who may not be well-informed about LGBTQA. Do people tend to meet this with less confrontation or is it more confusing as there isn't as much information out there on the subject? As you can probably tell, I'm pretty new to this.

[Candace Koller]

Depending on the religion you might have luck describing it as celebacy to them.

[Madam_Patella]

That would be a good place to start. Several of my family members are christians and so far they (my mum at least) seem to be supportive in most things. The thing is that I'm still young enough that they might think/suggest that it's just a phase or that I simply haven't reached the point in life where you want a sexual relationship, start a family etc. Thanks for the advice!

[Candace Koller]

In my experience, anything a young person wants to do with their life that is different from their parents is commonly regarded as a "phase" they might grow out of. If yours are the accepting type I don't imagine you will need to worry about too many issues with them and many Christians are supportive of anything they could put a label of "sexual purity" on. Even if they think you will just grow out of it they will likely come around in time.

[Artinum]

Let them think it's a phase. A few months down the line it will be normal for them.

[Reluctant Amazon]

Asexuality is the biblically preferred behavior. Marriage is option #2.

[Hit]

Isnt the phrase "good christian" used to describe someone who has a lot of kids tho?

Id suggest just being honest for the most part. They could bring up the "just a phase" argument for celibacy too, and it doesn't seem worth coming out of one closet and into another.

[Terinatum]

I'm glad you spoke up about your asexuality. It is tough to explain to people that you are happy, without a sense of loss or like you're missing out. I would ask yourself, what's the most important thing you want out of your family knowing? Do you want them to know you more fully? Stop asking who are you seeing? Or is there something else vying for most important? Whatever is most, make that how you explain things to them right now. When the importance shifts, ask yourself again.

Hugs and Luck

Lovin' Life

Hope you are as well.

[Madam_Patella]

Thank you, everyone for your help. Telling them may help clear some things up. I have a habit of wanting to share something with my family, but then stopping out of fear that it will change things between us. The past few years have been a little rocky for us and I'm always afraid that I'd make things worse by giving them something else to worry about. 

[Teirin]

Thank you, everyone for your help. Telling them may help clear some things up. I have a habit of wanting to share something with my family, but then stopping out of fear that it will change things between us. The past few years have been a little rocky for us and I'm always afraid that I'd make things worse by giving them something else to worry about. 

 

Understood.  I told mine about my asexuality so they'd stop fretting about my single status.  The worst I got back was one of them taking it as giving up.  Hope your family takes it as well :-)

[fleaball]

So this is interesting. I'm doing the online registration process for the school I'm starting at in September (in England) and they're asking for sexual orientation (bi, gay man, lesbian, straight, other, or prefer not to say) and if your gender identity is the same as the gender you were originally assigned at birth (y/n/prefer not to say). To ensure they have appropriate policies and such for all their students. I don't know if it's related to UK law, but I find it interesting they require this during registration instead of some voluntary survey at the start of the school year that most people would ignore anyway. 

[Hit]

 

 

To ensure they have appropriate policies and such for all their students.

 

The whole thing sounds kinda odd, but this is the part that stands out as an issue to me. Why would they need to know specifically that they have people from gender/sexual minorities in order to have policies and procedures relating to them? Cant they just include a line about "let people use the bathroom of the gender they identify with and/or present as" or whatever and be done with it? 

 

are you starting up at a university or college? because most of them have pretty active queer groups, so they may be spearheading this sort of thing. but still, i'd be pretty weirded out if my school registration form asked me who i liked to have sex with.

[Reluctant Amazon]

You know what's the worst? Being a transwoman/bigender/whatever I am and having people telling me all my problems will go away if I start taking hormones right now, rather than when and if I'm ready.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[GamingPlenty]

i'm in the UK too and there are a lot of job applications that come with the "equal opportunities" forms that ask your race, nationality, gender and sexual orientation.

[fleaball]

The whole thing sounds kinda odd, but this is the part that stands out as an issue to me. Why would they need to know specifically that they have people from gender/sexual minorities in order to have policies and procedures relating to them? Cant they just include a line about "let people use the bathroom of the gender they identify with and/or present as" or whatever and be done with it? 

 

are you starting up at a university or college? because most of them have pretty active queer groups, so they may be spearheading this sort of thing. but still, i'd be pretty weirded out if my school registration form asked me who i liked to have sex with.

 

To be fair that was pretty terrible paraphrasing on my part. The original wording sounded less awkward and had a better explanation. But yeah. I'm torn between "yay you're trying!" and "why do I have to tell you this on record?" They asked about religion too. It's a university.

 

i'm in the UK too and there are a lot of job applications that come with the "equal opportunities" forms that ask your race, nationality, gender and sexual orientation.

that's so weird to me, because 'murica. I think after you get hired here they ask for your race so they can can report statistics, but it's optional. One more thing to get used to, I guess.

[Artinum]

In the UK, local government (and the various institutions it is responsible for) is red hot on equal opportunities. I work for the local council and whenever a new policy is brought in we have to do an "equality risk assessment". Will it impact on any groups unfairly? I remember something about six pillars (race, religion, disability, gender, sexuality and I think the other one might be age, but I forget) and we have to consider who might be negatively impacted. So, for instance, if putting up posters around reception we'd need to offer alternatives for non-English speakers and possibly a braille version.

 

I'm glad I work in IT. Computers are much simpler.

[Thrillho]

In many parts of Canada, the form says "To ensure equality, please fill out the following:" with gender and nationality. Because equality has government quotas.

[GamingPlenty]

In the UK, local government (and the various institutions it is responsible for) is red hot on equal opportunities. I work for the local council and whenever a new policy is brought in we have to do an "equality risk assessment". Will it impact on any groups unfairly? I remember something about six pillars (race, religion, disability, gender, sexuality and I think the other one might be age, but I forget) and we have to consider who might be negatively impacted. So, for instance, if putting up posters around reception we'd need to offer alternatives for non-English speakers and possibly a braille version.

 

I'm glad I work in IT. Computers are much simpler.

 

i see age less and less these days but some do still have the age brackets. i forgot all about the religion and disability questions because i never have anything to put in either. to be honest i still don't really understand why orientation is asked. i can see a reason for everything else, but not that.