LGBTQA and Ally Safe Space

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Hey all! I just wanted to drop in and say hi! I'm an out gay lady who specializes in crossplay, androgynous fashion, and library sciences! It's good to see other LGBTQ+ folk here on NF! : )

 

Crossplay and androgynous fashion? AWESOME!

 

Also, welcome.

[Hit]

Colour me ignorant but what are library sciences? Also welcome dandizette!

how lonely do you have to be?

Personally i try not to judge people for their sexuality lars and the real girl is well worth watching, but honestly i think most people would turn to realdolls as a crutch for other problems going on in their lives. Theres a lot of shame for people, especially middle aged people, who dont have a partner and kids and a house and a sexlife and that can be a major hurdle to overcome.

Or they just like dolls. /shrug

[Pole Monkey]

ok seriously? Religious sex toys? I am SO glad I stick to a few interests and rarely just randomly browse the internet! LOL!

It's big business. There's some company out there that has a rabbi certify all of their toys as Kosher.

[Bekah]

Hey all! I just wanted to drop in and say hi! I'm an out gay lady who specializes in crossplay, androgynous fashion, and library sciences! It's good to see other LGBTQ+ folk here on NF! : )

Hi and Welcome  

[Dandizette]

Crossplay and androgynous fashion? AWESOME!

 

Also, welcome.

THE MOST AWESOME!

 

Colour me ignorant but what are library sciences? Also welcome dandizette!

 

Library sciences is a graduate study course focused on the operation, maintenance and other studies related to information studies, libraries, and archives. What I'm saying is: I'm studying to be a librarian. XD

[Twilight]

Personally i try not to judge people for their sexuality lars and the real girl is well worth watching, but honestly i think most people would turn to realdolls as a crutch for other problems going on in their lives. Theres a lot of shame for people, especially middle aged people, who dont have a partner and kids and a house and a sexlife and that can be a major hurdle to overcome.

Or they just like dolls. /shrug

 

I see them as a really really really expensive sex toy, and shouldn't be seen as a substitute for anything else, just like other sex toys are not substitutes for people, either.

[Hit]

I called them a crutch, not a substitution. That being said, sex toys are totally a substitution for a person in some cases. And i guess real dolls and just substitutes for surface level relationships.

[VanTheMan]

Hello. Just jumping in to introduce myself on this board. I'm a closeted trans-man who also happens to be gay. I've come out to 3 whole people. No family or close friends yet. Just old friends and a random guy at my church O.o Too scared to come out to those closest to me.

[halixius]

Welcome around, Van. If you ever do come out to them I hope it works out for you!

[Bekah]

Hello. Just jumping in to introduce myself on this bored. I'm a closeted trans-man who also happens to be gay. I've come out to 3 whole people. No family or close friends yet. Just old friends and a random guy at my church O.o Too scared to come out to those closest to me.

Hi and welcome I hope that it all goes well if/when you decide to come out to your loved ones. 

[VanTheMan]

Welcome around, Van. If you ever do come out to them I hope it works out for you!

 

Hi and welcome I hope that it all goes well if/when you decide to come out to your loved ones. 

Thanks for the welcomes. I want to come out so that I can transition. Just have to work up some of that courage and become okay with relationships changing and peoples' views of me changing.

 

BTW - This board is extremely, brilliantly, random.

[Tkal]

Hello. Just jumping in to introduce myself on this board. I'm a closeted trans-man who also happens to be gay.

Hi VanTheMan, welcome aboard!

 

If that can help, I have in my experience a couple of bad coming out (and in the end I am better off for not having to deal with those people anymore) vs hundreds of relationships which remained the same or improved. I am not minimizing your fear, many of us know it quite well. I am just saying "it gets better". Plus, now you have a whole bunch of new people cheering for you

[VanTheMan]

Hi VanTheMan, welcome aboard!

 

If that can help, I have in my experience a couple of bad coming out (and in the end I am better off for not having to deal with those people anymore) vs hundreds of relationships which remained the same or improved. I am not minimizing your fear, many of us know it quite well. I am just saying "it gets better". Plus, now you have a whole bunch of new people cheering for you

Thank you. Academically, I know that it probably won't be as bad as I'm thinking. My life will probably improve, I'll be happier. But it's difficult to test that theory. I applaud every one of you who has come out and are living your true lives. I just wish I had grown up with the online communities that exist today. If I'd had youtube and forums when I was in high school, I'd probably have figured myself out earlier and been able to come out younger. Not at 30!

 

A funny thing. I grew up with 4 best friends through middle school and high school. One friend came out as gay in high school. One as lesbian after graduation. One as a lesbian trans-woman. One just came out as gay this past year. And I'm a gay trans-man. We all presented as hetero-normative when we became friends, yet we all found ourselves to fall somewhere within the LGBT group. What are the odds?

[kaelvan]

Can one of you lovely people explain to me gender fluid...basically what it is and what it isn't. It feel so vague when I look it up.

 

I hate how I go through random periods of questioning my gender identity. I never really feel comfortable about it for some reason. And start doubting everything. Yay being a basket case.

[Hit]

well i guess by definition it is sort of a vague concept, but i've come to understand genderfluid as including the following:

• not identifying strongly with one particular gender
• feeling a mix of multiple genders
• believing in an overlap of genders, within which you freely move about

 

i am not genderfluid or genderqueer though, so i could be wrong on this. 

[Ocelot]

Here's the Genderbread person, which explains a few aspects of fluidity well I think.

 

Link

[Hit]

i like the genderbread person, but i think it kinda skips over the idea of genderfluid by assuming that people are a single fixed point on the scales (which is true for a lot of people i guess). genderfluid would be like moving freely along the spectrum. i think.

[Ocelot]

Good point! Those are just the spectrums its possible to move around, I guess, no insight into what that movement actually is.

I'd try and explain my understanding better, but its late, I'm not sure of my full comprehension, and as a straight cis-woman (though open to the idea that the gender binary is a construct, and maybe even a potentially harmful one) I am only an ally going on friends' experiences.

[VanTheMan]

My friend is gender fluid. She has boy days where she wants to feel and be perceived as masculine. And she has girl days when she wants to feel and be perceived as feminine. That's her expression of gender fluid. It's different for everyone.

[ColoQ]

My friend is gender fluid. She has boy days where she wants to feel and be perceived as masculine. And she has girl days when she wants to feel and be perceived as feminine. That's her expression of gender fluid. It's different for everyone.

My Ex Girlfriend was genderfluid. She presented as a girl most often, but there were days were he was very masculine (and expressed it kind of as a Jersey-Shore jerk-bag... not my favorite days with him/her). It can definitely throw you for a loop. 

[Twilight]

Thank you. Academically, I know that it probably won't be as bad as I'm thinking. My life will probably improve, I'll be happier. But it's difficult to test that theory. I applaud every one of you who has come out and are living your true lives. I just wish I had grown up with the online communities that exist today. If I'd had youtube and forums when I was in high school, I'd probably have figured myself out earlier and been able to come out younger. Not at 30!

 

A funny thing. I grew up with 4 best friends through middle school and high school. One friend came out as gay in high school. One as lesbian after graduation. One as a lesbian trans-woman. One just came out as gay this past year. And I'm a gay trans-man. We all presented as hetero-normative when we became friends, yet we all found ourselves to fall somewhere within the LGBT group. What are the odds?

 

I'm nearly 36, I know what you mean. I've been online since I was 12, was raised knowing that being gay or lesbian was just fine, and even then I'm only just figuring things out. Words like genderqueer, gender fluid, and agender just didn't exist for me until recently. I knew that I wasn't trans in the sense that I didn't want transition from a woman to a man, but cis didn't feel right, either, but I didn't have the language for it. Now I do.

 

I think maybe you guys were friends for a reason.

 

 

Can one of you lovely people explain to me gender fluid...basically what it is and what it isn't. It feel so vague when I look it up.

 

I hate how I go through random periods of questioning my gender identity. I never really feel comfortable about it for some reason. And start doubting everything. Yay being a basket case.

 

I used gender fluid to describe myself for a while. Like previous folks have said, sometimes there are "girl days" and sometimes there are "boy days", depending on how I was feeling and who I was with. My gender expression became a reflection and reaction to my surroundings, and I came to realise that I felt more neutral than anything, and it's my expression that's fluid rather than my identity. Layers and layers.

 

i like the genderbread person, but i think it kinda skips over the idea of genderfluid by assuming that people are a single fixed point on the scales (which is true for a lot of people i guess). genderfluid would be like moving freely along the spectrum. i think.

 

The last time I filled one out, I put a range on all of them, rather than a point. I don't freely move along all spectrums equally, so each line had a different spread. The next time I fill it out, I'm going to use teardrop-shaped ranges to show which end of the spread I'm on more frequently.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Hello. Just jumping in to introduce myself on this board. I'm a closeted trans-man who also happens to be gay. I've come out to 3 whole people. No family or close friends yet. Just old friends and a random guy at my church O.o Too scared to come out to those closest to me.

 

Thank you. Academically, I know that it probably won't be as bad as I'm thinking. My life will probably improve, I'll be happier. But it's difficult to test that theory. I applaud every one of you who has come out and are living your true lives. I just wish I had grown up with the online communities that exist today. If I'd had youtube and forums when I was in high school, I'd probably have figured myself out earlier and been able to come out younger. Not at 30!

 

A funny thing. I grew up with 4 best friends through middle school and high school. One friend came out as gay in high school. One as lesbian after graduation. One as a lesbian trans-woman. One just came out as gay this past year. And I'm a gay trans-man. We all presented as hetero-normative when we became friends, yet we all found ourselves to fall somewhere within the LGBT group. What are the odds?

 

ERHAMGERD! We're like, at the same stage of life. I just gave my father the "ohai, I'm really a guy and I need surgeries and hormones and shit and DON'T DISOWN ME PLZPLZPLZ" letter like 3 days ago and...well, the process has begun. In other words, if I make any epic mistakes, I'll write about it here so you can possibly avoid falling into the same pit lol.

 

I'm out to more and more people these days also, but I totally understand what you mean about the crushing fear when it comes to outing yourself to the people closest to you. The week before I handed the aforementioned letter in was full of anxiety attacks and crying and...uuuurgh. (A lot of people close to me know, but aren't necessarily accepting. I'm trying to change this slowly and gradually, but...it'll be like defusing a bomb. Challenge accepted.

 

Also, that's freaking awesome about your group of friends!

[ColoQ]

Care to define that a little better?

 

Being a LEGITIMATE Jersey Shore-type person, I'm guessing that you meant she acted like some phony Boardwalk Rat TV Personality from New York?

Yes.. As in the only other time I've seen someone act this way was in the few episodes of Jersey Shore I've suffered / endured.... or the Lame Descriptions of "masculinity" as told by Snooki in her "book."  

(...as an aside... if a friend ever asks you to participate in a "Terrible Book, Book Club" ... DON'T. You will end up reading things no one should ever read...)

[kaelvan]

Yeah I felt awkward asking anyone or telling them for that matter. Oh the fun of old fears holding me back.

[Hit]

 

 

The last time I filled one out, I put a range on all of them, rather than a point. I don't freely move along all spectrums equally, so each line had a different spread. The next time I fill it out, I'm going to use teardrop-shaped ranges to show which end of the spread I'm on more frequently.

 

ooooo i like this idea! id love to see your results, if you dont mind sharing them?