Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 If you hadn't, I would have. This is the bad joke thread. No need to apologize. What do you call a pig who knows kung fu? A pork chop. What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing. Bananas can't talk 1 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 If you hadn't, I would have. This is the bad joke thread. No need to apologize.What????!!!!!!! You mean to tell me you're NOT rolling around in hysterics at my jokes?*goes off in a huff* 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 I never said that. I am a clown after all. I find a lot of things funny. Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 What????!!!!!!! You mean to tell me you're NOT rolling around in hysterics at my jokes?*goes off in a huff* I was rolling around in hysterics...but to be fair I was also on fire at the time... 2 Quote Link to comment
Jittersthe.Clown Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 I was rolling around in hysterics...but to be fair I was also on fire at the time...He was attempting to avoid ninjas. Ninjas can't catch you if you're on fire 2 Quote Level 2 Warforged Druid STR: 2, DEX: 1, STA: 3, CON: 3, WIS: 2, CHA: 3 "If these people tell this story to their children as they sleep; then maybe someday they'll see a hero is just a man who knows he is free." Good night and joy be to you all ~Jitters The. Clown Current Challange: New Challenges Ahead! Battle Log: Clowning around daily Past Challenges: Leveling Up PvP Jump Rope Boss Continue? System Failure Systems Online Calling Rush Confirm Reset Select World Select Difficulty, Select Character, Repairs, Press Start, First Timer, Jump Rope PVP Challenge Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 19, 2014 Report Share Posted February 19, 2014 "Can you tell me what nationality Napolean was?" "Corsican" 2 Quote Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 Why do elephants wear red nail polish? So you can't see them hiding in the cherry trees. Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Juni0r83 Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 Why do elephants wear red nail polish?So you can't see them hiding in the cherry trees.Why are alligators always flat?Because they hang out in cherry orchardsSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2 Quote Dwarf Warrior I am today what I made myself yesterday, I will be tomorrow what I make of myself today. Current challenge: Juni0r83 works on his Schedule-Fu Previous challenge: Juni0r83 re-evaluates and refocuses Link to comment
far_away Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 How many ogres does 10 kilos of meat feed? Zero. Ogres don't exist. Quote "A professional knows the limits of his knowledge. An amateur does not know the limits of his knowledge. A dilettante does not know that there are any limits to his knowledge." Link to comment
Bearded_Dragon Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 So this piece of string walks into a pub and orders a pint of bitter, the barman says "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here". So the piece of string walks out of the pub, ties a knot in himself, messes up his hair and walks back into the pub. The barman says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked outta here?" And the piece of string says.... ...."No, I'm a Frayed Knot" 2 Quote Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Halfway!! Too soon? 3 Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 Priceless! Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Barmacral Posted February 20, 2014 Report Share Posted February 20, 2014 What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? Halfway!! Too soon? Never too soon. Quote This too, shall pass. Link to comment
dodg1988 Posted February 24, 2014 Report Share Posted February 24, 2014 Got this one from Fozzie Bear: Why did the chicken cross the internet? To get to the other site. Waka, Waka! 2 Quote You can follow a photo log of my weight loss here http://www.tumblr.com/blog/fattyveg password is nerdfit Link to comment
kingclumsy Posted February 24, 2014 Report Share Posted February 24, 2014 A bar Patron and a landlord are chatting Landlord: That guy from Skyfall and No Country for Old Men came in yesterday and started causing troublePatron: Javier Bardem?Landlord: No I just gave him a warning. (read it out loud) 4 Quote Level 3 Roller Knight STR:3 DEX: 1 STA:2 CON:3 WIS:4 CHA: 2 Current Challenge: None Link to comment
starburstxo Posted February 25, 2014 Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 I hope no one has posted this yet but....What did zero say to eight?Nice belt 2 Quote Link to comment
sea.bee Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 So Plato and Aristotle are in a bar talking about the wonders of the universe and Plato asks Aristotle if he'd heard of Xeno's paradox. Aristotle had not. Well, Plato explained, imagine you want to drink this amphora of wine. Before it can reach your lips, it has to travel halfway there. Then it has to travel half again, then again, then again, all for eternity getting closer and closer, never coming quite close enough to quench your thirst. Aristotle wails, convinced he will starve, and never eat or drink again. But wait, there's hope, Plato chides. For if Xeno is right, I have a different question for you altogether. Thirsty Aristotle, how did I just drink your wine? Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk 1 Quote Level 1-2ish Assassin Str: 2.2 Dex: 1.9 Sta: -0.49 Con:1.3 Wis: 2.8 Cha: 1.7 http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/43281-a-single-step/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic Association 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 My brother is a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac. He stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog 1 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
insanity Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic AssociationWhat is CDO? It's like OCD except the letters are in order like they should be. 2 Quote "Insanity - you make my world a better place man, you really do! That shit is awesome! :D" - Guzzi- My first challenge My battle Log: Insanity: Warrior Monk Honorary Ranger dubbed by DarK_RaideR, 1000 Pound club (875 of 1000) Link to comment
sea.bee Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Well I don't know about you, but I'm not OCD. I'm OCO. Yes, I obsess and compulse, but it is in a VERY orderly fashion. Sent from my RM-824_nam_att_101 using Tapatalk 3 Quote Level 1-2ish Assassin Str: 2.2 Dex: 1.9 Sta: -0.49 Con:1.3 Wis: 2.8 Cha: 1.7 http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/43281-a-single-step/ Link to comment
Artinum Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 No mental instability here. Nosiree. I've been given a clean bill of health by my psychiatrist.How a bedside lamp becomes a psychiatrist I have no idea, but it assures me it's fully qualified. 1 Quote What happens when you play Final Fantasy VII with everyone called Cloud? It gets quite confusing... https://ff7crowdofclouds.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 Mine tells me I'm not delusional..... I just think I am Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
Tomu-san Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a duck on his head. The psychiatrist says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, get this guy off my ass." Bonus points if you remember the movie... Quote Tomu-san - Level 3 HalfOgre Ranger [ STR 2 | DEX 2 | STA 3 | CON 8 | WIS 6 | CHA 2 ] Spoiler "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." - Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love "I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I've just finished my milk." - Maurice Moss Link to comment
Guzzi Posted February 28, 2014 Report Share Posted February 28, 2014 A man received the following text from his neighbor:I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.A few moments later, a second text came in:Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife". 6 Quote Make Life Rue The Day Turning back the clock Recipe book 14 Life is far too short to take seriously Link to comment
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