Ready to re-find myself

[Leonine]

Hey all! My name’s Leonine, and I’m nervously hopping on board for my first six-week challenge! I was directed to NF by a friend ages ago, and recently re-directed by my cousin. I’ve been admiring from the sidelines, but now I think it’s time to be brave and throw myself in the ring.

 

So here’s where I’m coming from; I’ve been struggling with under eating for a few years, now. Anorexia, actually. It started out as a diet to get just a little bit more control over my life, and over the past few years evolved into a destructive crutch that I cling to just to cope. When I was finally convinced to seek help (reluctantly) last year, I was drastically underweight and had been maintaining myself at around 9-10% body fat for a while. Needless to say, the damage was eye-opening; hair loss, bone loss, organ damage, etc. Terrible stuff. Even worse than the physical consequences are the emotional and mental costs; I had no energy to work, or play, or continue my relationships. I was listless, exhausted, and completely uninterested in life.

 

I’ve been in a recovery program for about 4 months now, and I’ve taken great steps! However, I’m still not at a healthy weight, even 4 months in. It’s because I take two steps forward, one step back. I get motivated to recover, and then I get cold feet. I have a supportive family, but my friends often tend to be a little less understanding, and that makes things difficult (“What do you mean, you’re having a hard time eating dinner? Aww, poor thing. We have to give up dessert, but you can have as much as you want. Life is so hard for you.â€). Not cool, guys. What’s hitting the point home, though, is that I want to travel before I start my full-time job after I graduate college in June. My treatment team is highly suggesting getting me checked into an out-of-state, residential recovery program, instead. In fact, in the state that I’m in, it looks like I’m not going anywhere, or doing anything, because I’m taking such poor care of myself. Something’s got to change.

 

I’m realizing that I don’t want to be in the working world, still struggling. I don’t want to be weak at 30. I want the tired look out of my eyes! I want to sample everything at my farmer’s market, and go to anime conventions, and have tea in Paris, and do so many things! So goal #1 is to just get healthy.

 

With other people, I'm always stressing the importance of eating well, and raving about the benefits of being at a healthy weight. Well, it’s time to start practicing what I preach! I see that a lot of NF seems to be Paleo-friendly, which is so awesome! I think it’s a totally fantastic way to eat. I’ve been eating only Paleo-friendly foods for the past year… But I haven’t been ‘Paleo’, that’s for sure. I’ve been struggling with anorexia longer than I’ve been eating primally; I’ve been eating limited foods, very restrictively. Which obviously, is not Paleo AT ALL! For now, whether I like it or not, my nutrition is being guided by the dietitian at the Center, and I have to let myself trust her. I’ve been on exercise restriction since I started out, but now I’m cleared for light activity like yoga, or bike rides. I used to love martial arts, and my goal is to get back to the point where I can pick a new discipline and begin to train again! (What up, Monks!)

 

I was afraid to join NF because I knew that it would involve being honest, and admitting to my struggles. But I’m trying to tell myself that we all have our struggles, and we all have our challenges, and we all start somewhere. And to be honest, seeing a community of motivated people working to improve their lives and leveling up makes my nerdy little heart happy!

 

So ALL THAT aside, I love comics and graphic novels, webcomics, cartooning, drawing, video games, Doctor Who, anything by Whedon, Pinterest (it’s a hobby!), cooking, fashion, sewing (*cough*cosplay), and hosting parties. Most of those interests have been put on the wayside for a while… but not for long.

 

Sorry about the novel, I talk (type?) when I’m nervous! But, I’m really, really looking forward to committing myself to thrive, and to cheer you all on in your commitments too. Here’s to our best lives, guys! Let’s make it happen!

[Nerdartist]

Hi Leonine! 

 

I'm honoured to have been able to read your story and it's really inspiring to hear you state it all so frankly! It sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things and sharing with a really great community is another step in the right direction!

 

It's definitely time to get those interests back into your life! They're all so awesome!

 

More power to ya

 

Cheers! 

[Nerdartist]

Oops! Double post :\

[terrormortus]

Welcome and please tell me you read Something Positive, possibly the best web-comic ever. It sucks that your friends aren't as supportive as your family but we'll definitely help make up for that.

 

What places are you going to be visiting?

[Everstorm]

Hi Leonine, and welcome to NF!  On behalf of any thoughtless person who has disparaged your struggles, I apologize.  The truth is, having to force yourself to eat against the inclinations of your heart is very difficult, whether it's forcing yourself to eat more celery when you want ice cream or more ice cream when you want celery.  Thank you for sharing your story.

[Pretzle]

Welcome to the forums! It's great to see you want to join in and for all the right reasons  

Good luck with your goals and see you around on the site!

[Leonine]

 

I'm honoured to have been able to read your story and it's really inspiring to hear you state it all so frankly! It sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things and sharing with a really great community is another step in the right direction!

 

It's definitely time to get those interests back into your life! They're all so awesome!

 

 

Hi Nerdartist, thanks! Aw, and thank you for being so supportive, it really means so much. I'm definitely psyched to get those awesome hobbies back in, and just plain get started!

 

 

Welcome and please tell me you read Something Positive, possibly the best web-comic ever. It sucks that your friends aren't as supportive as your family but we'll definitely help make up for that.

 

What places are you going to be visiting?

 

Ahhhh, you know what, I've definitely read some, but not nearly all! I'm definitely putting that one down on my reading list. And thank you so much! I'm hoping, this summer, to take my paints and sketchbooks and go to Denmark (design tour of Copenhagen? Get me there!!), and possibly even Vienna or South France.

 

 

 

Hi Leonine, and welcome to NF!  On behalf of any thoughtless person who has disparaged your struggles, I apologize.  The truth is, having to force yourself to eat against the inclinations of your heart is very difficult, whether it's forcing yourself to eat more celery when you want ice cream or more ice cream when you want celery.  Thank you for sharing your story.

 

Thank you, Phoenix! It's so true though, there are definitely two sides to the coin... We've all just gotta work with whichever side we land on. I'm excited to see you around the site!

 

 

Welcome to the forums! It's great to see you want to join in and for all the right reasons  

Good luck with your goals and see you around on the site!

 

Aw, thank you Pretzle! Definitely be seeing you around, I take it you're going to do the next challenge too?

[Wayne_Kent_Seago]

Welcome! Best of luck with your goals. See you around the site.

[Rand]

Welcome - sounds like you are on the right track. NF is a great place to be.

[Pretzle]

Next challenge will be my first challenge, too I'm quite excited but at the same time dreading it a tiny little bit ^^; 

[Leonine]

Welcome! Best of luck with your goals. See you around the site.

 

Aw, thank you! Yep, I'll see you around!

 

 

Welcome - sounds like you are on the right track. NF is a great place to be.

 

Thanks, I'm already super excited and feeling pretty at home. Seems great to me!

 

 

Next challenge will be my first challenge, too I'm quite excited but at the same time dreading it a tiny little bit ^^; 

 

Hahaha, you and me both!! S'alright, we'll both pull through, and then some!

[terrormortus]

Nice. France is on my list of places to visit as well, as soon as I can learn the language.

[Leonine]

Hahaha, I would love to learn French before I go, but I have no head for languages and I would absolutely butcher it. D: So I'll be the bumbling American asking for directions in broken Spanish, most likely!

[DocKBar]

Welcome to NF Leonine! I want to thank you for sharing your story -- it's not often we see people struggling from the other direction (to eat more / beat anorexia) and I feel that not enough people know how difficult it is (myself included; I know people who have had to face it and I hope that I'm supportive but I realize that it's impossible to know what they're going through without having done so myself). That being said, I think you'll find an amazingly supportive and awesome group of people here -- I've found our fellow Rebels to be wonderful, understanding, and exactly what I needed to get through my own rough patches since starting my first challenge six weeks ago. I hope we work out for you too and I look forward to seeing how you do in the next six weeks! =D

[Leonine]

Thank you so much, Doc! I really appreciate the support, I can't even put it into words; I know it's confusing from the outside (and from the inside, for that matter!), but I've already been blown away by the show of support I've found here already. And I'm looking forward to supporting in return! I'm excited to kick some tail, and to watch you slay your goals too.

[DocKBar]

Thank you so much, Doc! I really appreciate the support, I can't even put it into words; I know it's confusing from the outside (and from the inside, for that matter!), but I've already been blown away by the show of support I've found here already. And I'm looking forward to supporting in return! I'm excited to kick some tail, and to watch you slay your goals too.

 

=D

[I am Eve]

Welcome here Leonine, to the forums and an extra warm welcome from a recovering anorexic. I hope you will find that you made a good decision coming here, I'm kind of new myself and have found it a very warm and welcoming place. 

A third welcome to the Druids if you are looking at yoga.

I am hoping that the increased amount of activity you're allowed will have a positive impact on your appetite as well.

See you around!

[Neilmc74]

Hi there- just want to say well done for posting - very inspiring honest and brave post. Good luck on your journey to a healthy you!