Politely Saying STFU

[SimplyTsundere]

So...I have no qualms whatsoever telling someone to STFU but as I keep telling people there's a nice way to say everything, including this. Being nice just isn't my preferred method. Anywho, here's why...

 

I have a friend/coworker (who wants to hang out or talk to me ALL THE TIME, at work and beyond but that's beside the point) that I decided to share the fact I plan on going my 30 day paleo challenge. No dairy, no grains (except my bowl of rice I know I'll eat today), no beans, no artificial sugar. And considering I love my grains and ESPECIALLY my sugar, this is going to be tough. I'm already suffering through sugar withdrawal and I'm kinda bitchy from it. I warned everyone. Anyway, he insists upon giving his opinion and about how Americans (considering he's originally from Germany) take things too seriously with food and this and that and how I'm basically going to far with just trying this for 30 days. Seriously? Dude. You know how much I love my sugar so this is NOT want I want to hear. This is terribly difficult for me. And I told him to please remove himself from my personal space, I was cranky, and he got all butt hurt and quiet and rolled away. He ALWAYS does this when I'm somewhat curt with him. And I always tell him the reason why. Doesn't matter. Away he goes to sulk. Thus bothering me more.

 

I could just be overreacting from my lack of sugar but can someone please let me know a nice way to deal with him? Besides just putting on my headphones and ignoring the fuck out of him. Cause this is what it may come to. Oh. And get him to stop shoulder surfing. That shit is really annoying. Like how he was when I finished typing this up -________________-

[I-Jo]

I was stuck in a car with my supervisor from like 10-2 today... and he can be pretty nerve wracking for me- I get irritated easily with him. 

 

Wellll I pulled out my carrots- and then something else and he was like- what is this- you eating carrots and coffee and snacks and stuff- you don't see me eating over here.

 

And I was like and that's fine- I'm eating because I'm hungry and this is how I eat- you don't have to- I"m not asking you too. So you can mind your own business.

 

Ultimately it's your decision and you can tell him- I'm not making you eat it- and I'm ready to try something new and different.  If you don't want to- that's fine... you don't have to.  I'm not asking you too- but I want to try something new- I want to see how it affects me- mind body and soul as it were- I have found I was less tired w/o the sugar- I'm also having GREAT results with my skin- it's never been super bad- but I DO break out occasionally- surprise surprise- after Wed the challenge ended- I had a hunka chunka peanut butter thing from Friendly's- tasted amazing- was a great "reward"   and guess whose face is breaking out now.  yeeeaaaah this kids.

 

Yeah.  So there are lots of reasons why to do something- INCLUDING- just proving that you can (which is most of why I do most of my diet changes)  

 

ultimately it's none of their business   

 

 

And ultimately you cannot control if someone's feelings get hurt- that's not really your issue.  Just be as professional as you can- but tell them you are busy and have too much to do- and when you ARE having a none work related conversation- just be as professional as you can.

[Elastigirl]

Agreeing with I-Jo. You handled it fine. Just because someone goes off into a sulk, doesn't mean you did something wrong. Some people just use sulking as more manipulation to control you. Other's peoples issues aren't your problem

[guest439437484421]

ignore him, he's beign a pansy ass b***h cause you told him, in so many words, to f*** off, which was well deserved.

 

For the shoulder surfing, definately recommend something like: http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/2940/?srp=1

[Timmy M]

if he sulks then it's his problem, if he's insulted, again, his problem, you gave no offence so it's all on him for taking it

[AnnleaArtsy]

Eh you handled it fine. This is coming from someone who gets offended easily. It's my issue not anyone else.

[CharlieBoston]

Yeah, you didn't ask him his opinion on how we Americans eat. No one likes having something challenging to them being improperly boiled down to a general nationality stereotyping. And yet there are those who think that somehow is okay to do. Serves him right.

[SimplyTsundere]

Thanks everyone. When he gets on his German rants, it kinda ticks me off since he's been here now for forever as far as I'm concerned. I'm not super duper patriotic by no means but geez...sometimes just be quiet. You're not in Germany anymore. And this is not to defend Germans. I love all cultures. And your food.

[UberTumbleweed]

"Remove yourself from my personal space" might not be the greatest way to phrase it, but it's still not wrong or overly offensive.

 

I've taken to "I'm not listening to your negativity anymore" and walking away, though, so I'm not sure you want to take manners advice from me!

[Michael_Blacksmith]

A great way to deal with shoulder surfing is to have a word document open that says something to the effect of "Mind your own business" in huge letters, and when you notice he is behind you maximize the window and pretend like you are working. Perhaps passive aggressive, but point made. Repeat as needed.

 

If he is preventing you from actual work, tell him that you are not interested in socializing, you have work to do, and don't appreciate him distracting you.

[Huntress]

You can also say something like "I've decided to do this challenge and I'm comfortable with my decision. You don't have to be supportive of my choice, but if you can't be supportive, then I ask you to at least cut out the negative comments while I pursue this goal that is of value to me". 

 

He'll still sulk for a bit, but hopefully it'll make it clear that your choice isn't up for criticism and that you don't want to hear his comments.

Good luck with your challenge

[SimplyTsundere]

He's actually not trying to hit on me and I'm pretty solid on this. Even though I have a habit of not knowing when people are hitting on me, neither one of us are the other's type and he knows I have a boyfriend and completely respects me relationship. He's a good friend, just can be pretty annoying. And we're stuck in a very small room together for 6 months so he could just be pushing my nerves.

 

He redeemed himself a bit this morning because we have a thing in our office of when someone forgets a document, they have to bring in donuts (which I love by the way) and he was kind enough to say he could bring those in or something neutral for me like fruit since I'm not eating the sugar. No vindictive tone. Not condescending. Almost in a way to say, "I won't even bring them in to tempt you or I recognize what you're doing and want you to be a part of our activities as well."

 

+1

[Huntress]

Oh, that's great to hear. Sounds like your communicating your boundaries worked well

[I-Jo]

That was really awesome.  People don't give me shit about it mostly- but no one would ever bother offering me a healthy alternative.  They don't care that much.  (Actually someone walked in and had set 2 chocolate lip/kiss things on my desk yesterday... I hate one- it was so disgusting- it was milk chocolate and cheap- I'm officially spoiled and only want the super good stuff)

 

 

So that was super awesome of him LOL

[SimplyTsundere]

I definitely agree. He can be awesome when he wants. Now today I get to fight against apple caramel cake. Homemade. With real apples.

[I-Jo]

bah- that's hard- homemade is hard.  That store crap is always easy to turn down- it tastes like ass.

 

Find your fruit- pick your battles.  Do some push ups!!!  You can do it!

 

I'd spend more time thinking about doing and eating other things than thinking about how you are NOT eating the apple thing.  I find when i sit there and say- god damnit- I don't get to eat this- and it's just sitting there.  Think- man I'm so excited about the fresh strawberries I get to eat!

[SimplyTsundere]

I do have my fresh fruits to eat. And if I were to try to justify eating it (which I'm not trying to do) I'm doing my Beginner's Workout tonight. I know the justification thing can lead to some hard times but...blah.

[I-Jo]

and how much is that apple thing worth to you?

 

because I bet you you'd have to do the beginners workout probably 4-5 times to come close to compensating for it.... yeah- all calories are NOT created equal LOL  I definitely used to do that!!!

 

We used to have rule like that at our house- you could only have ice cream if you ran that day.

 

 I'm very happy at this point in that I don't try to justify workouts = junk food.  the quality of life/food has gone up tremendously.  And well- I have aggressive goals and those goals- NEED to have specific aggressive diet requirements.  Makes the "sacrifice" worth it knowing I have a result I'm shooting for if that makes sense.

 

Speaking of- I really am made I left my tomatoe and green pepper- I realized on my way to work I didn't pack them- this upsets me tremendously- I LOVE my fresh veggies at work.  It's like a fucking bright spot in my day.  Knowing I don't have them makes me a sad panda!

[SimplyTsundere]

True. And it's the same with the wee bit of creamer I've been eyeing for my coffee. This blows -____-

[I-Jo]

[SimplyTsundere]

That, I cannot do. If it's one thing I hate, it's bitter food and drink and black coffee falls headfirst into that category.

[I-Jo]

lol I mostly drink my black when i do it from home- but when I order it at Dunkin- I get it with milk.  Don't know why- but when I buy coffee- it just doesn't taste good black.