Bakers & food pushers

[Huntress]

This is a bit of a rant, but I feel like there are a lot of baking types around me - women obsessed with making cakes, cupcakes, tarts, cookies, sweet pies, you name it. I have two of these in my personal life and about a million at the office. They are forever making cakes and bringing them in to work. That doesn't bother me. I got no problems with someone bringing a cake in and leaving it for others to eat. But these ladies will walk up to me and say stuff like "here, have a cupcake!" and then act all butthurt if I refuse. What's worse is that some of them won't even eat what they make - but they are quite happy to cut others a giant slice of cake...

 

My roommate is always baking cookies or cakes and she will usually do something like walk up to me with a cookie or some cake and put it in my hand... she won't even ask if I want it or not! And then I look like an asshole if I don't eat it, because you know, it's made with love and stuff. It's nice of her to share, but I hate the feeling of obligation...

 

Like today someone bought me a giant chocolate chip muffin. I feel really rude for refusing. But I really do NOT want to eat the muffin.

 

Don't get me wrong, if people want to bake cakes, that is 100% ok with me. But I feel like a fair amount of the pressure I experience to eat stuff that I consider to be junk and that I don't particularly enjoy (I don't have a sweet tooth) comes from these people.

Does anyone else know people like this? Or am I just unlucky?

[prefect42]

Hey, don't paint all of us bakers with the same brush!    I would draw the line between bakers and food-pushers.  I often bake a lot because I enjoy it, and yes, I don't want to be responsible for eating everything I make, so it makes its way into the office.

 

That being said, I have no patience for the nonsense you described, mainly because it forces you to have to explain personal things ("on a diet/trying to lose weight/not eating wheat/etc.") that are no one's business in the office.  I think it's just a matter of being firm with them, and hopefully you can just leave it at "I don't like sweets" rather than getting into any kind of nutritional conversation, which from the sounds of it, will be more hassle than it's worth!

 

Or, you know, you can just mail the cake to me.

[Huntress]

Oh I didn't mean to do that! That was unkind of me. Thinking about it, this post really should have been called "food pushers - the devil in disguise?" It's just all of the food pushers around me happen to be bakers!

 

Seriously, the question, "would you like a cupcake?" is ok with me. What is not ok with me is replying to that with any variation of "but I baked them myself / are you sure / why not / are you on a diet", which people seem to feel very comfortable coming forward with, or acting hurt emotionally by me declining the food.

I'm getting way better with office people. It's friends and my roomate / housemate that I find the hardest. Because our relationship is personal they seem to feel more comfortable asking personal questions or not taking no for an answer.

Haha, I am in Australia, the cake might not be all that good by the time you get it...

[LadyPercy]

I know it's hard, but have you tried talking to them about it? Especially the roommate/friend - at work it might be harder if you don't know them as well.

 

I am a baker, and when I was younger I used to be somewhat of a food pusher, but I wasn't really realizing what I was doing and one of my friends ended up talking to me about it. Now I will offer stuff I bake to my friends (or most likely just put it out at work, since then it takes approximately 3 seconds to disappear without me having to eat any of it), but I make a conscious effort not to be pushy about, and I don't think I am anymore.

[Huntress]

I think it's great that you were so receptive to your friend's feedback and that you were open to seeing things from a different point of view. That's fantastic.

The roommate I haven't, because she is very anti-diet, and I feel that she would judge me and that it would be an uncomfortable conversation. Other people's reactions to the way I choose to eat are definitely an issue I am learning to work through. I wish I was stronger about it. I'm getting better though - at work the other day this woman looked at my lunch and said "ew, healthy" and I replied "yes, and tasty too"- but it's sort of a baby steps thing for me.

[gibnic]

I can so relate!!! My daughter is a baker and at 17 she just doesn't quite get that mom can't eat everything she makes all the time. What makes it worse is that Hubby is a total food pusher. I tell him that he is using peer pressure! I will tell him I don't want any more and he will put more of something on my plate and say "yes you do." It is so frustrating and I have called him out on it and he doesn't seem to get it, no matter how much I tell him I am not playing and it is not a joke to me, he still thinks it is funny. Don't get me wrong, he is a great guy, he is only repeating the programming he received, but it is frustrating as all hell. 

[prefect42]

Oh I didn't mean to do that! That was unkind of me. Thinking about it, this post really should have been called "food pushers - the devil in disguise?" It's just all of the food pushers around me happen to be bakers!

 

 

No worries!  I was totally joking.  I think there's some significant overlap between the two, so it's a fair characterization.

 

Sounds to me that you're on the right track in terms of politely (but firmly!) refusing and not giving in.  I, for one, have never understood people's need to comment on their coworkers' lunches at the office.  There's just no need, and saying something like, "ew, healthy" is ridiculous.  Your response was perfect, though.

 

I am fortunate in that my officemates will destroy any food left out for public consumption, so I know I can bring in an entire plate of cookies or scones, and they will be gone by 2 PM.  (Of course, I will inevitably cave and have one myself.)

[Tech_Hunter]

I'm a baker and love to cook, but I don't push food.  It has made my family very comfortable about refusing to eat food they don't want to eat.  I just made homemade rolls last weekend, and they went to the chickens because my family seems to have decided to eat less bread, I'm happy.

 

That said, I used to be really horrible about not saying No.  If someone offered something, I would accept, so I wouldn't look rude.  This happened in many areas of my life.  In that last couple years I have finally realized that my opinions and likes/dislikes are mine, and I am allowed to have them.  If someone else is offended by that, THEY are the rude ones......

 

So, I guess I have finally gotten to the point where I really don't care what others think or feel about me.

 

Your roommate is being a narrow minded prick for being "anti-diet", but pushing crap food on you.  It's not made or offered with love if it is bad for your particular body.  She needs to get over it quick, and you might have to endure some cold-shoulder and passive aggressive attitude while she is trained.  "If you force that cupcake into my hand, I will throw it out to the birds."  has worked for me in the past......

[quaintly]

I bake a lot, and I try to be really conscious of food-pushing because my mom is a major food-pusher. And calling her out on it in a joking way usually works to get me out of eating whatever she's pushing. The ability to do this definitely depends on who you're talking to, but I'll call her out or mime pulling out a cupcake from under a coat or something to poke fun. She takes it well, and the discussion is ended right there. Maybe you could try making it a running joke with your roommate? Only you would know how she'd respond to that.

[spatzcat]

I am an asshole. I love to bake shit, bring it in the office and watch other people eat it. I don't push it on people, I leave it at the coffee station, and watch the wolves go at it. And I am a dam good cook.

 

I don't know why I do it. It makes them happy, and strengthens my will power. 

[SuperUnison]

I wish people bought food into my office more! Though I am trying to gain weight.

 

On the other hand my gf is trying to lose weight, so we have very different dietary needs. I often feel quite guilty when I cook a large meal (nice chicken, stir fried veg and rice I have a lot) and she says she has to be good and just has some soup instead. I couldn't survive on her diet for the most part. Will still try and cook/eat together at least once a week though.

[guest439437484421]

reading through the initial post, i got the idea of a sort of checklist of things that you don't eat.  something like:

 

does it have flour?

does it have refined sugar?

does it have a lot of another type of sugar?

etc...

 

and then at the end put something like: then please don't try to make me eat it, because I won't, and I don't want to be rude and throw the food you cooked/baked/whatever away.  Thank you!  [name]

 

and post that wherever, in your cube or whatever.

[ceethegreat]

I am an asshole. I love to bake shit, bring it in the office and watch other people eat it. I don't push it on people, I leave it at the coffee station, and watch the wolves go at it. And I am a dam good cook.

 

I don't know why I do it. It makes them happy, and strengthens my will power. 

Lol minus the asshole part, I'm with you :-p I love to bake, and I'm damn good at it. Cooking/baking is a skill that has to be practiced or you lose it, and really it's a great skill to have. Plus I like learning how to make stuff. I save a couple then put the rest out. I got so used to people saying no that I just leave it in the kitchen. Seriously, I think my whole floor is ALWAYS on a diet, yet somehow my stuff always disappears... Curious, ha.

 

Saying no is hard. Especially cuz people do know I bake, so they 'return the favor' and bring stuff directly to me. Luckily it's not frequently enough that I think one cupcake will kill me... but if you're getting it at home too that's really hard. "Thanks but no. Seriously, no." Roomie doesn't have to be on board w/ "diets" but should respect your decision. Should is such a dangerous word though... it may be uncomfortable to confront it, but stay strong til it sinks in! Also, sometimes a flat yes/no answer stops people in their track. I.E. "Heathly, ew..." "Yup." You shouldn't have to defend yourself :-)

[concretecavewoman]

 

 

I am fortunate in that my officemates will destroy any food left out for public consumption, so I know I can bring in an entire plate of cookies or scones, and they will be gone by 2 PM.  (Of course, I will inevitably cave and have one myself.)

Pretty much this.  In my pre-paleo days I was a profligate baker, and fortunately people at my office would happily gobble down whatever I made, but now if I bake (once a month at most) I have one piece, and just leave the rest in some conspicuous place at work.  With the OP's food pushers, you might say something like "No thanks, but I bet [team over there] would LOVE some cookies/cupcakes/etc!"