No idea how to change.

[gladders]

Hello everyone. I half-suspect I'll gain a reputation for being an extremely negative no-hoper, but I can't help how I feel. I've had the most awful time all my life trying to get into exercise and dieting. I'm a 30 year old Londoner who likes nothing better than reading, writing, and sitting in front of my PC. My wife is quite active and does running, yoga and other things, and knows a thing or two about nutrition, but while we love each other a lot, on this area we are just chalk and cheese.

 

I've been overweight, in various degrees, since my teenage years. I've never, ever enjoyed sport in any way, shape or form: watching it or participating in it. All the gym teachers were knuckledraggers, and the sporty types were generally the school bullies. So I've never associated exercise, however light, with anything positive.

 

So I have tried fencing, swimming, gym, running, hockey, badminton, Wii (yeah I know, desperate), and swing dancing, nothing of which keeps my attention for long. I yearn to just go home, sit down, and do research for my book. Anything else just feels, in my mind, like a sheer waste of my life.

 

Same with food. My parents are fairly old-school and saw food as something to be thrown at you, so I acquired a large appetite and a powerful sweet tooth. Even today, my willpower when it comes to both portion size and diet is atrocious. It's almost as if I sleepwalk into indulgence and only after the fact do I realise what I've done. I'm the main food preparer in our house as I'm home from work first, so there's a clear problem. When it comes to dieting, my eyes just glaze over at any discussion of the subject. I simply have no interest or patience in micromanaging my life in this way.

 

By some miracle I married this wonderful woman, and she's shown infinite patience is putting up with my bull. She's tried to motivate me in many ways to take part in what she does, or just nudge me to try other things, because she's (quite rightly) concerned about my heart and the risk of diabetes. Thing is, I entirely agree with her, that my lifestyle will take me to an early grave. But it's easier said than done.

 

I am normally a cheery, amicable person, but I can say with confidence that exercise and dieting are the two things most likely to get me into a stormy, gloomy depression. God, even just thinking about it makes me feel down, and it's a struggle right now not to feel like having a lie-down to recover. The whole matter just envelopes me in a cloud of negativity and failure.

 

And it's nobody's fault but mine, I know. I am definitely the largest person among my friends, who are generally much better at exercise and diet management than I - several vegetarians, runners, fencers and ballet dancers among them. But despite them being awesome, smart, genuine people and good friends, my brain cannot stop associating exercisers with, for want of a better word, arseholes. Naturally they aren't like that, but when exercising I just feel like I'm becoming like the gym knuckledraggers at school. It's entirely irrational - a phobia, even, perhaps - but there it is.

 

I accompany my wife every weekend to the park to watch her run, and the people she hangs out with are also perfectly nice people. But once I hear them start talking about 'personal bests' and achievement targets I have to walk way, the whole thing is just upsetting and I feel like throwing fists around.

 

God, I sound like such a jerk! I've tried asking my doctors for advice and they're no help. The NHS doesn't offer any kind of mental support for this kind of thing, and I don't have anywhere near the money for a private counsellor.

 

So, honestly, do you think there's any hope for me? I want to do something about this, and my wife found this website and passed it on to me, but I feel myself reacting the same as always.

 

All the best

[Quillard]

Hey, you may feel like a dick when you put it on paper like that... But then you can probably imagine that I and anyone replying to this thread might feel similar in telling you how you should change. 
 

Personally, it makes me feel like an arrogant know-it-all- prick.

 

But, I like having effect on people and things, and if my advice were used and brought you results, then that would broaden my perception of how much effect I can truly have, thus boosting my confidence and sense of self-import. That'll fuel this next part and so from that totally egotistical viewpoint, here's the advice: 

 

1. What's likely ailing you. (Grain of salt on the ailment part.)

 

You've had shitty experiences with exercising... In the past it has either lead to discomfort (or outright pain) or nothing in the way of results.

Either way, you've kept a record of this, somewhere in your noggin. Now, anytime you try to exercise or even think about exercising, your mind draws up those cost-benefit-graphs, goes up to the motivation bank for a loan and is told it has bad credit, after which this bank takes it one step further and shuts off the power to your limbs and extremities (Not actually, of course, but your nervous system does inhibit you. Makes you unable to properly ball your fists at times.). 

 

What is holding you back is previous experience. You can't undo experience. Not even if you fall on your head and ruin your episodic memory. Having said that, the way to solve it is actually very doable.

2. How to handle the situation.
There's two ways.
(1) Make new experience. Tip those bad-credit charts. Very small goals with quick pay off... 
(2) Find a type of exercise that merrits a seperate category in your head and isn't weighed down by previous experiences, bad-motivation-credit and such.

 

I say... do both. 

The way I suggest you do that is by, first, giving up your previously tried mode of exercising.
Now, this next part might seem counter-intuitive. But I assure you, I've been where you're at, I've had friends who've been where you're at... I do no traditional training (Fourty minutes work outs and such) at all, and I'm pretty darn well built. So I'll advise you to do as I did. 

Step a. Hang a pull up bar in your door opening, near your desk. 

Step b. Clear the space behind your chair.

Every hour you're home, you will try to do one pull up and one handstand. You could do them more often... but an hour is fine. It's what I did. Your goal on every one of these handstands and pull ups is to do them as well as possible. If you can already do a pull up, you won't try to do two, you'll simply try to do it better. Quicker. But the rule remains... thou shalt not pass the 1 rep mark. 

I don't care what some people on this forum have to say about this method, I've seen it work in to darn many people... causing them to actually LOVE exercising... to give them any heed. I'm not a fan of 'beating the meat', exercizing for twenty minute in the same fucking fashion. It's boring. It makes you hate what you're doing and I believe that any person who actually and TRULY loves doing it, only does so because he or she started out the way I just suggested in early childhood. (That or they're impressed by the ability to withstand such pain... the same type feeling you get after traversing mt Kilimanjaro, this might help you on your second mountain, but it doesn't help you on your first.) 

You shall switch these exercises with other type of increasingly more acrobatic ones untill you find yourself bloody impressed with how quick your body is learning to do these things (which it will be, body and brain have no issue developing strength where it leads to joy).

No more beating the meat, mate... Once you can do summersaults, planches etc... you can start doing 20 of them in a row, if you like. But you'll be well set by then. 

 

I'm not going to go into any dietary advice, unless you ask me to. 

Here's a video... I'm not saying you should follow his dietary advice or anything... simply watch this man move.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLogFAbTlDI
 

[JPrev]

For someone who worries they have "no hope" and can't help but think about their high school bullies, you sure have put some effort into signing up for a fitness site and writing out your thoughts.  That's progress, isn't it?

 

Here's the thing.  This kind of "hope" is something you give yourself, even in spite of yourself.  I HATED working out when I started.  All I wanted to do was sit around and play guitar or video games or read books or what have you.  I knew how quick a workout could be (was I really going to complain about 40 minutes? I could procrastinate that much away in a breath) and how great it'd be to feel fit.  Still, the motivation was never there. 

 

I'd love to tell you that I hit this wonderful nirvana where suddenly exercise became ecstasy, but the truth is it can still seem like a bit of a chore!  You make fun of "knuckledraggers," but that's literally what I owe my new lifestyle to.  Mindless, automatic, forced getting off my rump and doing the hard thing in spite of the allure of the easier lifestyle.  Day in and day out until the habit was forged into me.  And you know what?  It's been totally worth it.  I feel so good now.  I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful I feel my life is - in that way, there has been a kind of nirvana.  And the workouts ARE a little more fun, now that I feel like a beast!

 

So, my point is don't worry if you hate exercise and it makes you grumpy to watch what you eat.  Thankfully, your body will make all the changes even if you're pessimistic the whole way.  All you need to do is put in the effort, even if it makes you complain like a brat being hauled to church on Sunday morning.  You're not alone in this being a hard thing to get excited about!

[Quillard]

 

I'd love to tell you that I hit this wonderful nirvana where suddenly exercise became ecstasy, but the truth is it can still seem like a bit of a chore!  

 

Perfect example. 

 

And you know what?  It's been totally worth it.  I feel so good now.  I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful I feel my life is - in that way, there has been a kind of nirvana.  And the workouts ARE a little more fun, now that I feel like a beast!

 

The words of a man who's traversed the metaphorical mt. Kilimanjaro. Takes balls and makes you proud as hell.

 

I knew how quick a workout could be (was I really going to complain about 40 minutes?

What drove him the first time. Not like or love.
 

Not trying to rip on you at all by the way, jPrev. I think your method has done more than prove itself. Just abusing the fact that you offered a perfect example.

 

[Thetemplarreservist]

The first step is always the hardest just remember each step you take is one step closer then you were previously.  You can do this just take that first step.

[gladders]

Thankyou, everyone, for your kind words. I am still trying to figure myself out. Is there any way to begin? The whole issue is so enormous I can't even begin.

 

Hey, you may feel like a dick when you put it on paper like that... But then you can probably imagine that I and anyone replying to this thread might feel similar in telling you how you should change. 
 

Personally, it makes me feel like an arrogant know-it-all- prick.

 

 

 

Hah, not at all. I just hope I'm not dismissed as a doomsaying fail-seeker, or something.

 

1. What's likely ailing you.

(Grain of salt on the ailment part.)

 

You've had shitty experiences with exercising... In the past it has either lead to discomfort (or outright pain) or nothing in the way of results.

 

What is holding you back is previous experience. You can't undo experience. Not even if you fall on your head and ruin your episodic memory. Having said that, the way to solve it is actually very doable.

2. How to handle the situation.
There's two ways.
(1) Make new experience. Tip those bad-credit charts. Very small goals with quick pay off... 
(2) Find a type of exercise that merrits a seperate category in your head and isn't weighed down by previous experiences, bad-motivation-credit and such.

 

I say... do both.

 

 

Unfortunately that's it. I've tried all sorts of sports and things and I find absolutely zero enjoyment in any of them. Gosh, I detest even watching these things. Actually doing them repulses me.

 

And what's a bad-credit chart?

 

 

 

The way I suggest you do that is by, first, giving up your previously tried mode of exercising.
Now, this next part might seem counter-intuitive. But I assure you, I've been where you're at, I've had friends who've been where you're at... I do no traditional training (Fourty minutes work outs and such) at all, and I'm pretty darn well built. So I'll advise you to do as I did. 

Step a. Hang a pull up bar in your door opening, near your desk. 

Step b. Clear the space behind your chair.

Every hour you're home, you will try to do one pull up and one handstand. You could do them more often... but an hour is fine. It's what I did. Your goal on every one of these handstands and pull ups is to do them as well as possible. If you can already do a pull up, you won't try to do two, you'll simply try to do it better. Quicker. But the rule remains... thou shalt not pass the 1 rep mark.

 

My home is far too small to do handstands in, even if I managed not to fall over. Thanks for the suggestion, though.
 

 

I don't care what some people on this forum have to say about this method, I've seen it work in to darn many people... causing them to actually LOVE exercising... to give them any heed. I'm not a fan of 'beating the meat', exercizing for twenty minute in the same fucking fashion. It's boring. It makes you hate what you're doing and I believe that any person who actually and TRULY loves doing it, only does so because he or she started out the way I just suggested in early childhood. (That or they're impressed by the ability to withstand such pain... the same type feeling you get after traversing mt Kilimanjaro, this might help you on your second mountain, but it doesn't help you on your first.) 

You shall switch these exercises with other type of increasingly more acrobatic ones untill you find yourself bloody impressed with how quick your body is learning to do these things (which it will be, body and brain have no issue developing strength where it leads to joy).

No more beating the meat, mate... Once you can do summersaults, planches etc... you can start doing 20 of them in a row, if you like. But you'll be well set by then. 

 

I'm not going to go into any dietary advice, unless you ask me to. 

Here's a video... I'm not saying you should follow his dietary advice or anything... simply watch this man move.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLogFAbTlDI

 

I think one of my problems is that my definition of achievement is different from most. People who brag about how far they've run, or a new route they've tried, or a new pose they achieved...I simply can't see any of them as an accomplishment, something to be proud of. I'm not trying to crap on anybody's parade, as I respect what they consider an achievement, but I can't share it at all when it comes to exercise.

[Quillard]

What I meant by a bad-credit chart... is that you've previously tried a mode of effort (an exercise, something that caused you discomfort) that had no or to few positive returns. It's a bad analogy, I admit... but that's the way I chose to view it.

 

I've tried all sorts of sports and things and I find absolutely zero enjoyment in any of them. Gosh, I detest even watching these things. Actually doing them repulses me.

 

Can I assume that includes the video of the israelian guy doing the flips and stuff? just curious, not judging

 

My home is far too small to do handstands in, even if I managed not to fall over.

 

Very unlikely. If you have walls, you have the room to do stand against them (even if it's upside down).

 

I think one of my problems is that my definition of achievement is different from most.

mmm what about bodyfat-percentages? Aesthetics etc? Do they fuel you? Or do they fall short?

--------------

Last question... do you like the taste of medicine? 
Mostly no, right? Yet you take it for the results of getting healthier, right?

Are you able to see one pull up every time you pass through the door where you've hung the pull up bar, as medicine?

cheers

[Atomson]

I think one of my problems is that my definition of achievement is different from most. People who brag about how far they've run, or a new route they've tried, or a new pose they achieved...I simply can't see any of them as an accomplishment, something to be proud of. I'm not trying to crap on anybody's parade, as I respect what they consider an achievement, but I can't share it at all when it comes to exercise.

 

I get you. I really, really do. I have a similar background, where I felt out of place doing physical things because I was never very good at them, and I have a lot of negative associations with people who were very physically capable. Typically, that stuff makes me feel insecure, negative, and incapable, so I stay away from it. I bristle any time "the guys" are getting into sports talk, because I find absolutely no value in it and hate the pressure to conform.

 

 

I see two ways at tackling it: Introspection, and trial and error. Probably mixed together. So here are a few things that have helped me.

 

For me, I had to spend some time thinking about what I was really resisting about exercise. For me, I had a mental concept that you were either a smart/nerdy type who was into reading and computers and interesting things (but out-of-shape), or a meathead arsehole who drank nasty pseudo-beer and had no interests outside of sports and mindless TV. Hanging out on this site that mixes exercise with nerd vocabulary has helped to break down that association for me.

 

This article was really helpful to me: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/05/10/real-life-role-playing-what-is-your-profession/

 

The thing is, I've always felt like I wasn't where I wanted to be physically, but I needed to define what really called to me - what was the main thing I wanted to improve, etc. Parkour, yoga, hell, even LARPing (if you are a fantasy nerd) are all less-traditional ways of getting healthy that I wager you don't have negative mental associations with.

 

It's also about finding what motivates you - not just in fitness, but in life. The things that work for you elsewhere will work for you in this place as well. For me, I get obsessed with RPGs when I play them, because I love the quantifiable progress - seeing stat increases, knowing that the next level is only a few more battles away, optimizing equipment to become as powerful as possible. I think this impulse has meant that I've found progressive weight-lifing really gratifying, because there's the same predictable improvement and quantifiable growth.

 

The other thing that really motivates me is knowledge: Reading up on the studies showing the ridiculous benefits of exercise (exercise correlates with increased IQ, productivity, sex life - who doesn't want that?)  can really get me focused when I'm feeling out of it.

 

It is also strangely motivating to think of it as an experiment. Try being really committed for a month, and if you like the results, keep it up. There's an appeal there I think just from the standpoint of seeing what might happen if you exercise consistently. This quote really captures parts of that too:

No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training…what a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. – Socrates

 

Another site that I really love is The Art of Manliness, which connects directly with my desire to be badass not in a Schwarzenneger sense (nothing against Arnie) but like a character from a Jules Verne novel - I want to be all around capable, and fitness is one piece of that.

 

 

You don't need to change who you are. You don't need to become something you hate. There are lots of really excellent programs out there that can mean working out 3 times a week, for an hour or so each time. You'll easily get that time back in increased energy, productivity, better sleep, and less sick time.

 

I hope something in there will maybe help, and be something that will connect with you. There are a lot of articles on this site that might put the motivation in terms that are actually meaningful for you. Good luck.

[Tas]

The above posts have said a lot of what I would say. Gotta start somewhere, finding what works for you, etc. Lots of awesome points above.

 

Instead I'll offer one suggestion that helped me awhile back. I lived with a few roommates in my previous house, and had no space to workout, and no motivation to exercise. I was also scraping for time, and always felt I had something better to do. But, I love to read, and will always find time to do so.

 

So I snagged a few podcasts and audiobooks of things I already wanted to read, tossed them on my ipod, and just went for walks. I would still read and do other things at home, but I had a few books that I only allowed myself to read when I was walking. So it motivated me to get outside.

 

If I wanted to "read" for an hour, I had to be walking for an hour. It got me out of the house, got me moving (it may not buff you up, but walking is better than nothing!) and yet I still felt like I was being productive

[nanako]

Lots of great ideas here - just one more thing, if you're overweight now, you don't even have to exercise to lose weight in the first place. 

 

I love exercising and I don't see why anybody wouldn't want to do it; and it's good for you and everything, lots of health benefits, especially strength training.

But if you're overweight you'll get lots of benefits from just losing weight. Weight loss is 80% diet really.

 

Give paleo a go, or if you eat a lot of junk now, just cut out sugar, or grains. Make small changes - these will have a big effect.

 

You sound like a very competitive person, so you might enjoy exercise more once you've lost a bit of weight.

[dizzadaze]

Hello

Thank you so much for sharing your story gladders. It means a lot to me, as I too come from similar background where I have had a negative relationship with fitness and sports, diet and nutrition for most of life.

A few years ago I was underwent a course of CBT therapy; a therapy that focuses (as I understand it) on the relationship between thought and action, and looks at ways to break through negative thought cycles using strategies and exercises. Something had happened in my life which caused my mood to take a huge dive and I felt depressed and out of control. My therapist and I initially focused on the immediate circumstances that had brought me there however, as the main issue eased up, and I felt the benefits of this type of thought management in my life, I wondered what else I could bring to the table in our final sessions.

Around the same time, or just before, I had been reading Paul McKenna's self help book 'I Can Make You Thin', which, as an overview, looks at the subconscious relationship with food, and had not long before that read Sondra Ray's 'The Only Diet There Is' - another self help book which explains the theory that the 'the only diet there is' is the diet from negative thinking. I found these guides to be very interesting at looking at some of my issues surrounding food and my feelings about my weight. I have been overweight since I was very young, and at that time, aged 21 or 22 years old, I scaled up somewhere between 18 and 19 stone, which was the biggest I'd ever been as a 5ft 4inch woman.

I felt it would be really useful to talk to my therapist, and try to use the CBT practice to help my compulsive eating and negative thoughts surrounding food and fitness. Wow. I can't really find the words to explain how helpful this was. I wish that we had covered this topic in more sessions, but, regardless, the ground we did cover was incredibly revealing. CBT doesn't focus hugely on the past and instead looks at the problem here and now, and breaks down thought cycles and behavioural patterns to give more insight into how we are reinforcing patterns through thinking and doing certain things. I can go into more detail about what ground we covered if it would be of interest to you, but basically, I gained some interesting and hugely valuable insight into the way I was operating around the issue of food and fitness.

I learnt that I felt incredibly lonely with my weight problem, crushed by guilt, shame, helplessness and a feeling of responsibility to change that did not empower me, but instead made me feel an emotional pain from head to toe when addressed. I felt all alone and like there was no hope, no power in me to change, no goal that I could see, and so on. Pretty bleak!

With this new insight, I decided to get support from a group, as I needed to feel like I wasn't alone anymore. I joined Weight Watchers in Feb 2012 and got right into it. I felt supported, empowered by the methodology (which is easy enough to grasp) and I lost 2 stone in under a year. They use small targets with a weekly rotation, and they encourage you to 'draw a line' and try again, move forwards, if you have a bad day. A niggling issue for me was the nutritional advice, as they encourage awful empty calorie foods, full of aspartame etc. However, what I wanted was to lose weight, and I became fully dependent upon my meeting of new friends, equally struggling, but struggling together, to do this.

So, what went wrong? Well, I started not losing weight. The program is often focused around a 9-5 lifestyle that I don't have (I'm a musician/performer) and I struggled in environments where I had little-to-no control - ie. no way to count 'points', free meals, wedding buffets, etc. The franchise was not designed for me. Furthermore, with a lot of women at the group, it became a bit like a race. I began to feel disheartened as the focus felt more about bikini bodies, quick fixes and empty ugly tasteless foods. As my lifestyle challenges became more apparent I started to realise that the support element was failing me. I still went, feeling crappy and like a failure, and then one day, they just cancelled our meeting. Like that. Support completely gone. In that last year, I spent £214.50 on membership alone (so not including products and cookbooks) and I lost no weight.

I felt lost and confused when the meeting ended. I realised that so much of our meeting leader's 'supportive attitude' was based upon her pay depending on the number of people who stuck to the meeting, and that's why there was no heads up about it ending. It felt dishonest, and I realised that their method only works if you pay the money and stick with the group. Once it was gone, I saw that my relationship with weight loss was 100% dependent on this company. I'd let the wool be pulled over my eyes, and now it was gone I needed a new strategy.

So, I started looking and immediately noticed that very good friend who had lost 5 stone doing the paleo diet for a year, alongside swimming and yoga, not only looked fab and slim... She looked like the effing sun was shining out of her face! I stayed with her for one week, and I ate what she ate. Oh my goodness! The joy I felt at eating avocado and oily fish again! Nuts and delicious salads! Chicken with the skin on! I did research when I got home and found Nerd Fitness, and began following the paleo diet. However, it was a bit 'faileo' and I have been slipping in and out for about a month or two.

But I'm going to try harder. I'm going to join the local leisure centre to swim and try to do a workout routine based on what I'm reading here. I want to move and I want to be free with my body and I free with my mind. I yearn for more self discipline, but I keep hearing, and am starting to learn, that this discipline does not fall from the heavens.

So, why have I given you my entire weight loss journey? I just know that I have learnt valuable things at each different stage. It is SUCH a HUGE journey for those of us who have struggled for decades. It is not easy but it is so worth it just to feel the freedom of our healthier bodies, but even just to be free from the pain that weight struggle can bring.

At 16st 4lbs right now, these are the things that I have learnt over the past two years and that I would love to pass on to you:

• Do whatever you can to learn more about your feelings on this issue. If your feelings are stopping you from stepping into the future body and lifestyle that you desire, then this is going to be your first hurdle.

The books that have been useful to me, and that I mentioned earlier are:

Sondra Ray 'The Only Diet There Is' http://www.amazon.co.uk/Only-Diet-There-Fred-Lehrman/dp/0890873216

Paul McKenna 'I Can Make You Thin' http://www.amazon.co.uk/I-Can-Make-You-Thin/dp/059306092X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383666884&sr=1-1&keywords=i+can+make+you+thin

And you can find out more about CBT here: http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx.

I got it on the NHS through my doctor, and it is a form of therapy often prescribed to help with weight/food issues.

• Support is key. You are not alone and you need to find a way to truly feel supported. The barrier you feel between you and those who have found their fitness and health could be part of a belief that you cannot. If you can find a buddy who is equally as cynical as you, but also trying to make a change, then this might help. For instance, I did NOT want to go to the gym or do any exercise when first starting to lose weight, however I found a buddy through my WW group who was the same size as me and we went together. It was a laugh, because we both hated it, but we spurred each other on. I personally needed to do that with someone large, so maybe through here you can find someone who could be your fitness pal? I reckon it's ok to be honest about the kind of pal you need.

• Every day is a new day. Draw a line. Start again. A bad meal doesn't have to be a bad day. A bad day doesn't have to be a bad week. A bad week doesn't have to mean the end. There will be hiccups. It's not the hiccups that define you, it's how you overcome them and work with them afterwards.

• There are so many others who feel like you and how I did and still do at times. When we achieve great things, we inspire each other. Please, keep a track of your journey to share with me and others! I need to do this as I'm sure it will inspire me at some point as well as motivate others. Perhaps search weight loss success stories to find others who have really battled but made it.

• I feel that no one plan is perfect for everyone. We learn different things from each method and set of ideas, even if it's how not to do it! Nutrition is quite interesting in the end, different exercises suit different people.... I guess it's a journey so we have to find tools as we go along.

Sending so much love to you right now. There is hope and you really can do it.

xxx

[tinhutlady]

Hi, Newbie. I too am an avid reader and writer, so I know firsthand the lure of both sirens. Sitting quietly is a pleasure, but your body was not designed to do that and you know it. However you don't want to enter the world of fitness kicking and screaming or you will never stay. Why not use your reading as your challenge? I know you have to do some walking, living in London as you do. Take a day and walk to a particular park nearby, read a chapter, then walk to another park or public place that's beautiful and read another chapter there. Do that one day a week at first and work your way up to three parks a day on three days a week. Would that kind of exercise/reward system work for you?

[tishmartinelli]

Hello everyone. I half-suspect I'll gain a reputation for being an extremely negative no-hoper, but I can't help how I feel. I've had the most awful time all my life trying to get into exercise and dieting. I'm a 30 year old Londoner who likes nothing better than reading, writing, and sitting in front of my PC. My wife is quite active and does running, yoga and other things, and knows a thing or two about nutrition, but while we love each other a lot, on this area we are just chalk and cheese.

 

 

Sounds like you need to get into some boxing, kickboxing and/or weight lifting. May help release some of the frustration towards exercising and dieting. Boxing is a lot of fun. 

I have the same issue as you with eating - portion control, sweets, and breads. Maybe try to incorporate more vegetables in with your meal planning, since you prepare most of the meals. I know roasting broccoli, mini cabbages, carrots, red/green/yellow/orange peppers, leeks, and onions with some extra virgin olive oil drizzled on top is really yummy. 

Good luck on your journey. Make one change at a time and you will see the results.

[gladders]

It's been a few weeks. I've been doing a little every day, mostly as the wife reminds me. But I still hate every second of it. I'm snacking less (slightly, although Christmas is a chore), but I am eternally craving the wrong stuff. In no scenario would I ever consider cabbage, broccoli or any of the other stuff to be yummy, no matter how much olive oil is on top.

 

Feeling very depressed.

 

Someone mentioned CBT: I tried that a few years back, and it didn't help me. I argued with the very premise of the therapy. One of my friends was an advocate of it and was quite upset I didn't feel the same.

[Basement Cat]

Hello Gladders. Welcome to the rebellion.

 

I know fitness can be a daunting prospect, what with all the variables involved. The trick is really to start with small things. Have you tried walking? Try going for a 5-10 minute walk in the morning, during lunch or in the evening. Build that habit and slowly start to increase the time. I know it's winter, but hey, the cold can be beaten.

 

As for food, well, that involves a lot of trial and error. You mentioned cabbage and brocoli, but those are not good "beginner" vegetables. I have issues with veggies too, but I find that just boiling a bunch of them and mashing them to puree, adding some broth, some spices and bam! A healthy, tasty soup with no texture hang-ups.

 

The trick is really to get started. I know you said you tended towards depression, bu really the first step for you is to chase the negative thoughts away. Don't tell yourself things like " I hate exercise, I hate vegetables, I want to sit and relax". That kind of thinking is self-reinforcing. Try changing your mindset first. This article on Nerd fitness might help you: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/06/24/how-to-accomplish-anything/

 

Good luck gladders. Keep us posted!

[citizenkade]

Gladders, I'm with you on so much of this. I've always struggled with diet and exercise. But this site is a really good place to shout out your grievances with your situation, full of people who want you to succeed. Keep posting, get outside and walk. And cut down a little on food. Get lots of real food, less processed foods, and you will start seeing, and more importantly, feeling a difference.

 

I think the biggest help I have on this site is the Daily Battle Log. I've committed to logging my exercise and food intake every day. It's a great motivator, and might help you, too. Just knowing that you want to post something positive on that Log could be the push you need!

 

Think of this as an investment in YOU. You sound like a pretty awesome person, with an incredible wife. Give the two of you a little time to work on this whenever you can fit it in, that investment will keep you two happy, and HEALTHY, for a very long time.

 

Welcome to the Rebellion, buddy. You can do this!

[Guest]

Sort of echoing what's been said already:

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be actively involved in sports and exercise for hours on end every day to get in shape. I usually have periods of time where I don't leave my apartment for upwards of 72 hours. Which usually ends up leaving me feeling gloomy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a total home-body and love the solitude, but sometimes that breath of fresh air...

I have found that around 30 minutes of moderate exercise every other day (total of 3 days a week; moderate meaning a least one bead of sweat, but by no means soaked) has drastically improved my strength, weight, and attitude.

Also, I've taken to occasionally going into the national park nearby, climbing a hill, and reflecting for a few hours. About anything. School, myself, plants...just taking a minute to assess.

You have to decide that you are ready for this. 

[alienjenn]

ok... I echo a lot of things that have already been said here...

 

it's little changes that you don't even notice that add up over time to be bigger changes... when I first made the decision to lose weight I was 340#... severly overweight... and I couldn't walk I couldn't keep up wtih my kids I couldn't sleep... I basically just shambled along... I was diagnosed with diabetes and on top of the million other things that were wrong with me I knew I was going to die a very terrible and painful death...

 

I got a pedometer and just counted steps for two weeks to determine a baseline.. I HATED to sweat... I could NOT walk more than 1/4 mile without being in severe pain and not able to leave the couch for days and needing heavy heavy narcotics just to function... after two weeks I had my baseline and made my goal... I walked 1100 steps every day... that was my goal... more would cause intense pain... every two-four weeks I would increase...

 

today I average 12k steps a day... it's taken me YEARS! to get here... finally I have hobbies that I adore (mountain climbing, hiking, biking) but it took me FOREVER to try nine million different things to find something I liked...

 

 

I understand that your house is small and there is no room to workout... you don't have to do push ups or pull ups... you just have to move... dance with your wife... get adventerous in the bedroom (that burns calories too!!!) play on the wii (it's awesome that I can play games with my kids and burn calories) just keep trying things until you find somethign you can tolerate

 

 

for food... if you don't want to track every thing you put in your mouth for God's sake don't!!! get smaller plates... have a no third helpings rule... after a month or so cut down to no second helpings... if you don't wanna think diet/restriction DON'T... instead of a giant ladle of soup (or 4) cut it down a little... it's all about calories in and calories out... but you don't have to COUNT the calories to cut them!!! if you drink regular soda try switching to diet... or maybe if you have 4 sodas a day try to have three this week...

 

don't think about it in terms of "I have all these GIANT changes that I MUST make or I will never be thin" think about it as tiny changes... your body is a lot like a car on the freeway... when you have to make course corrections a tiny shift can add up!! you make small shifts in the steering wheel and you can be in a different lane! and turning a corner is just a compilation of tiny course changes!!

 

 

 

 

these little changes hav helped me lose more than a hundred pounds... and you know what??? I STILL sometimes have to force myself to go to the gym or get up off the couch!!! it is fun when I am done... but not always while I am doing it....