Introverts, Social Misfits and the Terror of Talking to People

[Jakkals]

[Glacier]

I still occasionally call people I've worked with for years by the wrong name.

For months after meeting my now-husband, I lived in fear of calling him by the wrong name... Is it Jason? Joe? Jim?

Actually, this is a constant issue for me... In normal conversation, I'm always getting asked questions that I don't remember the answer to. I don't remember all these details, I mostly remember emotions and places. So people want to know when I was married and how old my kids are, and what I remember is where I was married and where my kids were born and how I felt at those times.

[Silo]

I remember numbers really well but have problems with names. I try to repeat a person's name several times when they first introduce themselves,at the risk of sounding like "Well hello, Bob. It's so nice to meet you, Bob. Bob, how do you like it here?" 

[Bekah]

well shit. I did not know this was here and just started an Asperger/HFA/PDD etc. safe space thread bc someone in the Alphabet soup thread clearly misunderstood something that had they understood anything about Aspergers, its obviously related to that, and it pissed me off bc they of course think its "common sense" and there is no arguing with that, bc well...they wont ever see that some people arent the same way and dont "get it" and I thought those of us under that umbrella need a safe space too...but it looks like there already is one

Here is the link if y'all are interested in having a safe space thread labeled as such 

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/57818-aspergerautismpddhfa-safe-space/

[Bekah]

For months after meeting my now-husband, I lived in fear of calling him by the wrong name... Is it Jason? Joe? Jim?

Actually, this is a constant issue for me... In normal conversation, I'm always getting asked questions that I don't remember the answer to. I don't remember all these details, I mostly remember emotions and places. So people want to know when I was married and how old my kids are, and what I remember is where I was married and where my kids were born and how I felt at those times.

hah I solved this, both my husbands were named Jason and so is my son. Easy peasy  

[Bekah]

oh and hi I'm Bekah and I have Aspergers and fake like I am a social butterfly bc I grew up with 5 siblings and have 15 nieces/nephews and can handle a degree of chaos reasonably well for a short period of time, but like Phyto said, afterwards, I need to go home and curl up in a ball and hide, for a period of time...and it isnt something I have ever enjoyed at all. 

[kaelvan]

oh and hi I'm Bekah and I have Aspergers and fake like I am a social butterfly bc I grew up with 5 siblings and have 15 nieces/nephews and can handle a degree of chaos reasonably well for a short period of time, but like Phyto said, afterwards, I need to go home and curl up in a ball and hide, for a period of time...and it isnt something I have ever enjoyed at all. 

I was the one in the Special Ed good chuck of my life. I was the really weird kid (especially 2nd grade when moved to new town) that actually growled at people. (I don't know why anymore.) Also, I was in trouble with the school quit a bit (I can tell you stories).

[Bekah]

I was the one in the Special Ed good chuck of my life. I was the really weird kid (especially 2nd grade when moved to new town) that actually growled at people. (I don't know why anymore.) Also, I was in trouble with the school quit a bit (I can tell you stories).

My Aspergers was always explained away by being premature and having vision problems, they assumed that those made me "weird" which in a way was kind of good, bc I think had my mom known I had Aspergers as a kid, it would have been a nightmare. I actually have never even told her about my diagnosis at all, because I told her about my son's diagnosis in middle school, and she said I was making it up and am always trying to medicate and pathologize my children and wtf is so wrong with me and my kids to have all these problems...so yeah, I tell her nothing. 

[kaelvan]

My Aspergers was always explained away by being premature and having vision problems, they assumed that those made me "weird" which in a way was kind of good, bc I think had my mom known I had Aspergers as a kid, it would have been a nightmare. I actually have never even told her about my diagnosis at all, because I told her about my son's diagnosis in middle school, and she said I was making it up and am always trying to medicate and pathologize my children and wtf is so wrong with me and my kids to have all these problems...so yeah, I tell her nothing. 

Sad how some people don't believe that these labels are real things. I get the fun of being ADD/ADHD, mild autistic, and something to do with language (forget what it's called...hence I have hard time writing or talk properly...you'll more likely see me having hard time pronouncing something, even if I know how to pronounce it).

[TMedina]

Let's be fair - sometimes you can only really communicate what you need to with a growl.

[Bekah]

Let's be fair - sometimes you can only really communicate what you need to with a growl.

I tell everyone that I wish I was my dog, and could growl and bite people who piss me off, rather than try to communicate! So yup! 

[Artinum]

...and something to do with language (forget what it's called...hence I have hard time writing or talk properly...you'll more likely see me having hard time pronouncing something, even if I know how to pronounce it).

 

Hmmm. Dyspraxia? Aphasia? I often pronounce words wrong, but in my case it's because I have only ever seen or used them in written form. My mother wasn't exactly blessed with a vast vocabulary.

[Phytomancer]

well shit. I did not know this was here and just started an Asperger/HFA/PDD etc. safe space thread bc someone in the Alphabet soup thread clearly misunderstood something that had they understood anything about Aspergers, its obviously related to that, and it pissed me off bc they of course think its "common sense" and there is no arguing with that, bc well...they wont ever see that some people arent the same way and dont "get it" and I thought those of us under that umbrella need a safe space too...but it looks like there already is one

Here is the link if y'all are interested in having a safe space thread labeled as such 

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/57818-aspergerautismpddhfa-safe-space/

 

 

Never been diagnosed with those. When I was 18, a paper test told a psychiatrist I had borderline personality disorder (almost costed me a chance to get scholarships), but when another psychiatrist interviewed me, she found nothing wrong with me

 

I am 26 now. I have researched BPD's symptoms over and over again-- none of those apply to me. I don't have abandonment anxiety, episodes of tantrum, or sexually manipulative. I am just a regular slightly internally awkward man. So I have no idea what those people were talking about. Maybe they swapped the test?

 

Although I gotta admit, I was an awkward teenager with strange behaviors. One of those include moving soundlessly from one place to another. I joined the gossip group about me often because they didn't know I was there, and I think it was pretty funny. Some of those people thought I had some mental disorder too, but they weren't the one being the top of the class and getting scholarships, so why do I care?

[DrVornoff]

Let's be fair - sometimes you can only really communicate what you need to with a growl.

 

I used to get rude customers off my back at my old day jobs with a disapproving glare.  I have the sort of face that makes expressions like that more effective.

 

Despite setbacks I've learned to deal with Asperger's and the introversion.  Considering that I work as a mentalist and have to perform for crowds, I kind of had to.  Still, knowing that I can shrivel someone's innards with a single, freezing glare does come in handy now and again.

[Machete]

well shit. I did not know this was here and just started an Asperger/HFA/PDD etc. safe space thread bc someone in the Alphabet soup thread clearly misunderstood something that had they understood anything about Aspergers, its obviously related to that, and it pissed me off bc they of course think its "common sense" and there is no arguing with that, bc well...they wont ever see that some people arent the same way and dont "get it" and I thought those of us under that umbrella need a safe space too...but it looks like there already is one

Here is the link if y'all are interested in having a safe space thread labeled as such

http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/57818-aspergerautismpddhfa-safe-space/

Sad to say that I'm rather used to it. I've spent the majority of my life apologizing for being who I am. But always glad that you have my back. ASD Nation, represent. Haha

Sad how some people don't believe that these labels are real things. I get the fun of being ADD/ADHD, mild autistic, and something to do with language (forget what it's called...hence I have hard time writing or talk properly...you'll more likely see me having hard time pronouncing something, even if I know how to pronounce it).

Labels are great and all, but sometimes I think humans take it a bit too far. Instead of serving the purpose of making things easier to understand, they serve to segregate us. That's one of the ways they

--by undermining your inherent inter-specie connection with them, and labeling them as something else and effectively dehumanizing them. Jap, Kraut, Zipperhead, Charlie, Skinny, Haj. Yankees vs. Red Sox. Coke vs. Pepsi. I was noticing the same thing happening at WrongPlanet, where a marginalized minority formed a group where they could in turn marginalize someone else. I was afraid of that happening here, because internet nerds seem to be really protective of their identity (you have to earn Nerd Cred by owning all the seasons of Dr. Who or something), but so far I don't see it happening. It's a generally very welcoming community.

[Artinum]

Perhaps because we're already a subset. We're nerds with fitness interests.

[LadyGrey]

I have a house-full of relatives this Christmas and it's unavoidable. I'm already freaking out. I've tried to find ways to work out a schedule, but nothing successful.

 

I realized last year that I dislike Christmas and the holidays. I dread it now but really wish I didn't. I thought I was just being selfish or ungrateful and couldn't explain why. Now I know ... my family has grown larger and there are more people in the house. No wonder I hide more often (and then worry that I am being rude!). It's not that I don't love them of course! But everyone here can probably understand where I cam coming from. A lot of my family still doesn't understand me. 

 

Christmas use to be an intimate setting: just me, my parents, and my brother. That was fine for part of the morning, then I would retire to my room and enjoy my gifts on my own till it was time to go to grandma's house. Now that I am an adult, things are not that simple. And opening gifts all at once...it's overwhelming. I would much rather watch my son enjoy opening his presents and set mine aside for later when things have settled, then follow up with personal Thank You's afterwards. That may sound really weird and rude to others, but that sounds nice to me. I can enjoy everything better that way. 

 

So since being a part of the NF community, I have learned that small steps can lead me to success. I found a few helpful tips from here and here and I plan on using them tonight. I've been wanting to space out gift giving but no one else does. The rule has always been one on Christmas Eve, then open everything else on Christmas morning. Not happening this year! Tonight I plan to start one-on-one gift giving and continue it into tomorrow. They don't want to open it, well they can set it aside for later and I will not be offended - I just hope they agree as well.

 

I like one idea I read about bringing a "magical puzzle" to introduce and keep everyone distracted while you can grab some breathing time. I have just the thing in mind: an old game called "Drive ya Nuts." Plus my family might be a bit nostalgic about it when I dig it out.   Extra points. 

 

Hopefully I can make some good small changes and not become the Banshee Scrooge this Christmas. Wish me luck! I am going to need it. 

[TMedina]

It's a rule that applies anywhere and everywhere - you can't help anyone if you don't take care of yourself first.

 

Take a deep breath and do what you need to do to take care of yourself; the rest of your family will be just fine.  As fine as family ever is, at any rate.

[LadyGrey]

It's a rule that applies anywhere and everywhere - you can't help anyone if you don't take care of yourself first.

 

Take a deep breath and do what you need to do to take care of yourself; the rest of your family will be just fine.  As fine as family ever is, at any rate.

Yes, the taking care of myself part is something I don't do often enough. Sadly it gets lost in the hustle and bustle, and that's not just during the holidays.

[TMedina]

Here's hoping you remember to take the time this year.

 

Good luck!

[LadyGrey]

Here's hoping you remember to take the time this year.

 

Good luck!

Thank You

[Bekah]

Sad to say that I'm rather used to it. I've spent the majority of my life apologizing for being who I am. But always glad that you have my back. ASD Nation, represent. Haha

I'm used to it to, bc well...she might as well have quoted J with her remarks, and that shit infuriates me! You are an awesome person and the fact that not everyone sees that in you (or any of us) makes me sad and want to strangle people.

Not that I think marginalizing people is a good idea, but I'm rather fond of thinking of myself as unlike non-AS folks bc they, as a whole, seem very dramatic and superficial, and I despise both of those traits. I realize that many of them are not truly that way and its an act for the public that I am unable to imitate, but it makes me not hate myself to think those people who treat me like shit are vapid, shallow drama addicts who I wouldnt want to associate with if my life depended on it.

[Bekah]

Elaine,

I can relate, and I hope your holiday goes better this year

[Machete]

I have a house-full of relatives this Christmas and it's unavoidable. I'm already freaking out. I've tried to find ways to work out a schedule, but nothing successful.

 

I realized last year that I dislike Christmas and the holidays. I dread it now but really wish I didn't. I thought I was just being selfish or ungrateful and couldn't explain why. Now I know ... my family has grown larger and there are more people in the house. No wonder I hide more often (and then worry that I am being rude!). It's not that I don't love them of course! But everyone here can probably understand where I cam coming from. A lot of my family still doesn't understand me. 

 

Christmas use to be an intimate setting: just me, my parents, and my brother. That was fine for part of the morning, then I would retire to my room and enjoy my gifts on my own till it was time to go to grandma's house. Now that I am an adult, things are not that simple. And opening gifts all at once...it's overwhelming. I would much rather watch my son enjoy opening his presents and set mine aside for later when things have settled, then follow up with personal Thank You's afterwards. That may sound really weird and rude to others, but that sounds nice to me. I can enjoy everything better that way. 

 

So since being a part of the NF community, I have learned that small steps can lead me to success. I found a few helpful tips from here and here and I plan on using them tonight. I've been wanting to space out gift giving but no one else does. The rule has always been one on Christmas Eve, then open everything else on Christmas morning. Not happening this year! Tonight I plan to start one-on-one gift giving and continue it into tomorrow. They don't want to open it, well they can set it aside for later and I will not be offended - I just hope they agree as well.

 

I like one idea I read about bringing a "magical puzzle" to introduce and keep everyone distracted while you can grab some breathing time. I have just the thing in mind: an old game called "Drive ya Nuts." Plus my family might be a bit nostalgic about it when I dig it out.   Extra points. 

 

Hopefully I can make some good small changes and not become the Banshee Scrooge this Christmas. Wish me luck! I am going to need it. 

 

My first opportunity to spend Christmas alone I saw how much sense The Grinch made. I can do without the stress. I've "missed" the past 4 years so far, including this one, and it has been pretty awesome.

 

I'm used to it to, bc well...she might as well have quoted J with her remarks, and that shit infuriates me! You are an awesome person and the fact that not everyone sees that in you (or any of us) makes me sad and want to strangle people.

Not that I think marginalizing people is a good idea, but I'm rather fond of thinking of myself as unlike non-AS folks bc they, as a whole, seem very dramatic and superficial, and I despise both of those traits. I realize that many of them are not truly that way and its an act for the public that I am unable to imitate, but it makes me not hate myself to think those people who treat me like shit are vapid, shallow drama addicts who I wouldnt want to associate with if my life depended on it.

 

Yeah, it's another one of those necessary evils, I guess. Helps us take at least some power back, though I think, like many other things, it's subject to abuse. On another note, saw this talk by Andrew Solomon. This guy is awesome.

 

 

Most days I would probably take a cure, given the option.

[Silo]

Happy Christmas, y'all.

We are hosting this family tomorrow and Monday. My husband commented that he likes us hosting now because we can just be worker bees in the background while people socialize rather than us having to sit there and chat. He had a good point with that. I'm sure I'll still lock myself in our bedroom for a breather at some point each day though.