Depression

[Lalie Fanyarendil]

Wow, I'd never heard about gaslighting before, but that sounds a lot like my relationship with my mother.

 

It could be possible that he doesn't realize he's doing it, but even if that's the case, it still needs to stop. Maybe use "I" statements to try to talk to him about it? If he's really not aware he's doing it then hopefully he'd respond well to a conversation. If he denies that he ever does anything of the sort then it's a red flag.

[VailedPhoenix]

I went through this with my ex-husband, but I didn't know there was a specific name for it. so I looked it up, and holy wow they described my ex perfectly. heh. I probably shouldn't have looked it up. 

 

he did this since we first met. it really is just like brainwashing. but because its someone you know, love, and trust, you don't expect it, so you take what they say at face value, because how could they possibly be trying to manipulate you? 

 

we were together 4 years, we've been divorced a little over a year, and I still feel like everything that went wrong in that relationship is my fault. that if I tried harder, he wouldn't have started cheating on me. if I had lost the pregnancy weight, he wouldn't have looked to someone else. mind you, these are things that he's actually told me.

 

if you are going through this, please bring it up with the other person. they may not realize they're doing it. if they aren't meaning to do it, they will (hopefully) realize it after you mention it and try not to do it. but if they're doing it on purpose, of course they're going to say that you're just paranoid, of course they aren't doing that to you.

[hblyne]

Would he be willing to try counselling? If not, please consider ending the relationship. I know that seems hard, I've been there, but ending my toxic marriage was the best thing I could have done for myself and my children.

[kaelvan]

My ex did that to me lot. He made it out to be that I was the crazy emotional one. He did it as a way to try and change me to becoming "wife material".  He did it lot as a way to get away with lot of crap. I remember one time we were in the city (NYC) he started making "jokes" about me looking pregnant in a this one dress, which I been avoiding to wear, up until just recent and passed it off as he was joking and that being pregnant won't be the worst thing (I don't think he got that I'm not a kid person and that I have plans for my future). He knew very well I had no clue where we were, so I stuck dealing with it.

 

He would make everyone around him love him. I feared I would get everyone to hate me if I pointed out there's something wrong in this relationship. It wasn't until I got out, when everyone pointed out there was something wrong with him. Gee guys thanks so much for the heads up. *shake head*

[Candace Koller]

To be fair, no one listens when you tell them the person they love is a shitbag.

[kaelvan]

To be fair, no one listens when you tell them the person they love is a shitbag.

But they do go on about how great that person is though

[OmenBizlar]

I have had a lot of trouble with depression/anxiety in the past, and i agree that staying busy is definitely helpful, so now i have a fair amount of hobbies, which i sorta cycle through which keeps me interested, (so my hobbies are BJJ, playing guitar, and doing magic. So one week im a musician, one week a magician, you get the idea). I've also noticed what my triggers are, which ive found very helpful as i can sorta prevent some of them. When i'm feeling low, i've noticed my room progressively gets messier, my workouts become less frequent and my diet falls apart. SO on paper, it's as easy as keeping my room tidy, working out more and eating right, but we all know it doesn't work like that. I find that my job has helped me a tremendous deal, im a support worker for homeless people, and it's rewarding on a moral sense, i've learned a lot about depression from doing it (and a lot of other mental health problems) and also its humbling to see the sort of backgrounds some people come from and it reminds me of everything i should be thankful for.

Strangely enough, (or perhaps not strangely at all), i found that being diagnosed with depression by a doctor helped me lots, as when i became depressed after that i could think "it's literally just depression making you feel this way, there's nothing actually wrong". 

[kaelvan]

Oh yes! I learnt a lot about how other people live from all the hospitals I been to. Some people have really messed upbringings.

[blkhole24601]

Has anyone ever claimed depression as a disability for work before?

 

I just did because it's really starting to affect my work and it's only fair for my employers to know, if only for my own sake, but I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with disclosing major depression to their employers and how it affected them in the workplace, for evaluations, responsibilities, etc. I'm bringing it up to my manager today at my yearly evaluation, and I'm terrified. I'm hoping it'll be better for me in the end, but there's a part of me that fears impossible-to-prove discrimination. For reference, I do work for a major corporation.

 

Thanks.

[Amdhiel]

I ended up taking medical leave due to depression/anxiety issues at my old job but I was never comfortable enough to actually disclose why I took leave (see anxiety and fears of discrimination). The whole thing didn't exactly end well for me but I'd be happy to share if it would help you.

[blkhole24601]

I ended up taking medical leave due to depression/anxiety issues at my old job but I was never comfortable enough to actually disclose why I took leave (see anxiety and fears of discrimination). The whole thing didn't exactly end well for me but I'd be happy to share if it would help you.

 

I'd be glad to hear your experiences if you're willing to share. I mean, thanks to the ADA I should, theoretically, be protected, as depression is covered as a disability, but again, there's always the impossible-to-prove discrimination. I'm just at the point where I feel like I ought to disclose that I have this since it really is starting to affect my work and I'd hate for the lack of knowledge of what I struggle with to be why, come the end-of-year review times, I'm not given the benefit of the doubt, if that makes any sense? I haven't taken sick days because of depression/anxiety in a couple of years, at least.

 

Would you generally say it's better to disclose than not? I mean, corporate now knows I have a disability but they don't know what exactly it is since I didn't ask for accommodations. I'm not really sure what accommodations they can give me... (if I need to take a sick day, the policy is that I simply need to make it up before the end of the year, so it's not like I need more sick days, etc.)

[dijos]

I took Short term disability for 2 mos when my depression was too much. covered by my employer. 

[Machete]

[kaelvan]

House had lot of great lines

[SjardisDead]

-

[kaelvan]

I probably shouldn't of make a FB account to see what happened to few people I use to be friends with. I feel little down after that. I seem to done hardly anything in these past few years compared to these guys (I know looks are deceiving, but still).

 

Note to self: never go on FB again, unless you won't to feel like shit.

 

Ok I fine now, just need to vent for a few.

[Artinum]

Tired and irritable. Check.

Loss of motivation. Check.

Boredom. Check.

Idle thoughts about how much better the world would be without so many humans in it. Check.

Self doubt. Check, check, check.

 

Oh, hello again depression. I thought it was you.

[Machete]

Same here. Right on schedule too.

[kaelvan]

I think I'm getting that way too. Winter just doesn't do good with me

[Artinum]

It's weird, though. I was mostly fine throughout winter. Now spring is burgeoning, I feel miserable.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Same. Not so much the depression, but the urge to drink to excess for no particular reason. In times past, this was a warning sign that the depression was right around the corner. Now this leaves me thinking...WTF? I've been feeling great lately and things are looking way up for a change, so why am I feeling the need to get shitfaced on a daily basis? x_x

 

Oh, alcoholism monster, how I've missed you. And not missed you. I love you, but fuck off. No, stay. Wait, no, fuck off.

 

Gaaaaaaaah.

 

It's time for another 30-day no-alcohol fast, I think X( Or at least for the rest of the current challenge since I'm not back to the point where I'm drinking 1L or more of wine every freaking night. Yet.

[Leimanu]

Here's what I've learned about depression:

 

"No matter where you go, there you are."

 

I never understood that until I was in the Peace Corps.  There I was, on a south pacific island, white sand beach, ocean waves - and feeling exactly the same kind of miserable, spiral thinking, defeatist attitude that is so familiar, like a cozy awful blanket.

 

It needs no reason.  Be strong.

[kaelvan]

I have no clue anymore if I'm living in unhealthy household or if my depression is warping my perception of my family. But I seriously feel like I'm being highly controlled by my parents.

[Disil]

I have no clue anymore if I'm living in unhealthy household or if my depression is warping my perception of my family. But I seriously feel like I'm being highly controlled by my parents.

In such situations, one of the most helpful things for me was the opinion of my therapist. She was as unbiased as possible and there were more than a few situations in which she pointed out where I was being unreasonable or overreacting (not saying you are). Over time it made it a lot easier for me to be introspective about such things and reconsider my position or outlook.

[kaelvan]

I think my issue is I allow my parents to basically choice everything that happens in my life out of fear of the nasty fights I've had in the past with them (over such stupid things, but they felt was great reason make into a huge deal).