30 nights of cpap use!

[CrimsonTide2006]

 Tonight will be the 30^th night in a row that I have worn my cpap machine. The machine is for severe sleep apnea that I was diagnosed with back in 2007. I stupidly was non-compliant with wearing the machine. It bothered me and I never got into a habit of wearing it. The longest time I had worn it in the 7 years I have had the machine was 8 nights.

 

         Though I was diagnosed with sleep apnea in 2007(or 2008, I don’t remember which), I know I have had it for much longer, possibly since about 2000. Whenever I or my mom talked about my symptoms to a doctor they would say I was being a typical lazy teenager & not to worry. When I woke up in the mornings I would feel so tired & weak. The days would feel long and depressing. In the mornings my head would be pounding, which I know now was from high blood pressure. A few of the symptoms of sleep apnea that I had are irritability, confusion, inability to think, forgetting things; feeling tired all the time (which led to me laying down a lot). One of the biggest symptoms that I had was depression.

 

        I had felt depressed for a very long time. I felt depressed about not being able to connect with others, being overweight, & feeling like a loser. I wanted attention so badly, anyone who would want to be my friend. Unfortunately I acted stupid about it. I was very clingy & rude sometimes. I was also intrusive. I never thought about the words that I spoke or wrote, about how they make others feel, what those words mean to the other person. I only thought about how I could feel and not what others felt. I believed that if I within myself found no fault in those words then no one would have a right to. Everyone has lives, families..etc; outside of the internet & I never took those things into consideration. I was basically self-centered. I also talked or posted about silly things without thinking how immature they sounded. 

             

                   Now after using the cpap machine for 29 nights I suddenly feel no depression,though I was already slowly outgrowing the depression, becoming more mature with age. Now I have more energy; I am more mentally alert and conscious of things. I also feel more positive. I used to be ultra-sensitive and have outgrown that, but the sleep apnea made it worse. Though I feel better mentally I still feel physically tired & lazy. Now I am taking steps, such as prayer & attempting to exercise, to be a much better & productive person. I feel bad towards myself about being overweight and lazy but these are things I can & will hopefully change. Some things though are personality issues.

 

                One thing that I have difficulty with has always been communication with others; I definitely do not act my age. I find it hard to find the right words to say in different situations. I find it hard to start and sustain a conversation without sounding silly or being repetitive. I don’t know what to talk about with others so I use humor, idle talk, silly comments, compliments, or repetitive conversations to connect with others. This is something I will attempt to be better at. 

 

 

I am really happy about my cpap use. Hopefully I can lose the weight, get into better shape & eventually be able to sleep without it. 

[Evicious]

Wow, Cannonfury, look at you GO! :-D Great job on sticking with it! ALSO great job at identifying the interconnections between your health and your moods - lots of people will go their entire lives never truly understanding how much their body affects their minds. You've taken an important step (many, in fact) in becoming a better person as a whole, and it is so good to see you enjoying the benefits of it. I imagine wearing the CPAP probably isn't comfortable, but you've found the strength to look beyond a temporary discomfort and seek out long-term well-being in spite of that (just as you learned to look past the temporary gratification of saying whatever came to mind and began to seek out real communication with people for truly enjoyable conversations). It sounds like you have all the determination you need to accomplish your goals (develop your personality, be more productive in your daily life, lose some weight and get into better shape) - and you can definitely find the encouragement you may need if that determination begins to waver.

 

Keep it up! :-)

[CrimsonTide2006]

Thank you.

 

 

Wow, Cannonfury, look at you GO! :-D Great job on sticking with it! ALSO great job at identifying the interconnections between your health and your moods - lots of people will go their entire lives never truly understanding how much their body affects their minds. You've taken an important step (many, in fact) in becoming a better person as a whole, and it is so good to see you enjoying the benefits of it. I imagine wearing the CPAP probably isn't comfortable, but you've found the strength to look beyond a temporary discomfort and seek out long-term well-being in spite of that (just as you learned to look past the temporary gratification of saying whatever came to mind and began to seek out real communication with people for truly enjoyable conversations). It sounds like you have all the determination you need to accomplish your goals (develop your personality, be more productive in your daily life, lose some weight and get into better shape) - and you can definitely find the encouragement you may need if that determination begins to waver.

 

Keep it up! :-)

[Laureleye]

Yay!  Good to see you on such a roll.