People Really Really Suck

[KAllen]

 

escalation of insults isn't how you react to someone giving you a backhanded compliment in civil society,

I simply returned her "compliment" with a "compliment" of my own. 

 

 

compliment...really???

[SugarRay]

When I was in middle-school (that's school for kids between the age of 8 and 11), some guy kept calling me short.

So, I called him fat.

He proceeded to slap me.

I punched him in the face, pushed him over and made him cry.

So he told his parents.

...who told my teacher and my parents.

Who got annoyed as hell when I said that it started because he called me short.

 

Moral of the story? 

 

*ahem*

When dealing with people who suck, make sure you don't become someone who sucks even more than they do.

 

EDIT:

 

 

As Nietzsche said before he went bonkers:

 

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.â€.   

               

Really makes you feel crap when celebrated philosophers steal the credit for your own profound wisdom. 

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

Let's assume that we're in an alternate universe where I have no anxiety problems and don't cry at the drop of a hat, and someone says something mean to me and I'm actually able to say something mean(er) back to them, crushing their ego. So what? What's wrong with standing up to a bully? Maybe nobody has ever stood up to them before, and maybe--no, hopefully--getting a taste of their own medicine will make them feel like shit and then realize "oh, this is what it feels like..." Then maybe they'll think twice the next time they're about to act like douches to other people. Or maybe they would hold off on saying shit to people if there's a chance that their victims will say something back.

 

I wouldn't feel good about randomly being mean to people, but I would feel good standing up for myself, sucky people's feelings be damned.

 

Being a monster is no good, but having a monstrous side that you can call upon in certain situations is fine, I think

 

Now, if I could only figure out how to give my monster an appropriate workout.

[Teros]

Now, if I could only figure out how to give my monster an appropriate workout.

Sledgehammer Training.

[Barfly]

Knowing how much people suck, I've conditioned myself to not even hear someone yelling at me on the street. To me, they're just like barking dogs; annoying, but I don't beat myself up over things like

 

Why is that dog barking at me? Is it my fault the dog is barking? Is there something wrong with me that is making that dog bark?

 

Nope, just meaningless noise, devoid of any emotional content.

[Hit]

 

 

I simply returned her "compliment" with a "compliment" of my own. 

 

a backhanded compliment. im not gonna sit here and tell you how things could/should/would have gone down if you'd acted differently, but whatever.

 

 

 

someone says something mean to me and I'm actually able to say something mean(er) back to them, crushing their ego. So what?

 

shit rolls downhill, so don't think you'll ever crush someone so hard they never say a mean thing again. they just come back harder next time. maybe not on you, but on the next person. in short - it doesn't help anyone. once the adrenaline rush wears off you still feel crappy because you didn't stand up for yourself, you just tried to tear the other person down to your level of insecurity. 

 

Why is that dog barking at me? Is it my fault the dog is barking? Is there something wrong with me that is making that dog bark?

 

Nope, just meaningless noise, devoid of any emotional content.

 

 

exactly. 

[I-Jo]

I don't think I've ever heard of any song about guys having a great ass.

close enough????  NSFW!!!

pretty much not appropriate for anyone senstive... and I'm totally dying laughing... way to late for this- i love that girl. 

 

 

I think it'll do though for bouncing 

 

To go along w/ the initial post.   When I was like 20, I had long (red) hair about 3/4 way down my back('88 I believe).  I went to a ZZ-Top concert and w/ my dad, his wife #3 or #4 (can't remember) and some friends. After the concert, we went to this VERY non-metal bar.  I am waaaaaaay outta my comfort zone.  I pretty much just sat there and listened to the crappy dance music this place was playing.  I did notice this one woman kept looking at me and talking to her friends. She wasn't bad looking so I thought "yeah you sexy bastard she wants your ass you're gonna score!!!"   Later I walked by her table and she motioned me to come over. So I did. 

 

She then says, "you know you'd be really cute if you cut your hair." 

 

I replied "Really.  Well, you'd be really hot if you lost like 80lbs, oh and lose the palm tree hair thing you got going.  Unless you're Gene Simmons, it looks stupid!!!"

 

Yes, the egos of that table just deflated and I went on to have my usual miserable time in a dance club until we left. 

 

Moral:

1) Don't give a shit what anybody else thinks.

2) Learn some really good come backs and keep them in your head at all times.

3) Don't be afraid to use said come backs.

4) Don't be afraid to raise the insult level by a power of a billion just to shut them up.

5) It's ok when you turn it back on them to just walk away, like a Boss!!!

 

Embrace yourself, and realize that people do suck.  No matter how hard you try, you're going to eventually run into a douche. Just keep getting better.  Living well is a good revenge!!!  (Unless you're Klingon, then "Revenge is a dish best served cold")

spot on. how very churchill of you

 

 

yeh i know, and its kinda crap. escalation of insults isn't how you react to someone giving you a backhanded compliment in civil society, thats not "living well is the best revenge", that's just being a douche. its no better than the person who started the whole affair. 

 

i mean, look at your story even and compare it to the things people are saying in this thread. you're having a shitty night out and you flip out and rage at someone who says something "wrong" to you? thats sounds awfully similar to:

 

not the same thing at all

 

someone giving you an uninvited opinion on how they think you can improve your apperence to THEIR standards- is wholly and completely unacceptable and as soon as you open your big pie hole and say stupid shit- guess what- it's fair game to have it back in your face.

Any time people give me shit at work over my food my go to come back is 

"when I want to look like you- I'll eat like you"

 

It's none of their business to comment on your body or anything about you.   think it's called micro aggression.  backhanded "compliments"  BUT I MENT it as a compliment.

Well it's not. it's rude as hell and not appropriate. 

 

 

 

yeh i know, and its kinda crap. escalation of insults isn't how you react to someone giving you a backhanded compliment in civil society, thats not "living well is the best revenge", that's just being a douche. its no better than the person who started the whole affair. 

 

i mean, look at your story even and compare it to the things people are saying in this thread. you're having a shitty night out and you flip out and rage at someone who says something "wrong" to you? thats sounds awfully similar to:

 

Look playing war games with someone is tiring an endless and stupid. Shut them up and shut them down and walk away.  being nice to someone who has no social manners doesn't work.  

We learn these things in kindergarten- they are grown ass adults who should no better- they don't. So it's fair game. 

he didn't flip out- he was responding to someone who CALLED him into HER space to make fun of him. 

HOW IS THAT OKAY.

 

it's not. 

 

Being snarky and a little bit nasty is the one of the best ways to deal with entitled people who think they get to run commentary on your life.  And it tends to prevent future events. 

 

OP go on with your bad self and your boss squat.   There is always the DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO??!??!?!

 

(doesn't matter what's the situation- just tell it really loud and throw your hands up- works every time)... yes I've done it to my coworker asking for a piece of paper or a pencil before.   DYELB is acceptable answer to all things.

 

Also more squatz.   

 

and DAT ASS.  that's also a good response.  

[Hit]

im done defending my position. if y'all wanna keep attacking it that's fine, but i stand by what i've said. do what makes you feel good, but those are poor morals. 

 

 

 

"when I want to look like you- I'll eat like you"

 

im sure you must have a lot of friends at work. 

 

see how me being a bitch here isn't making you feel like shutting up? instead, you start churning out another comeback, another insult to match mine. and then ill retaliate. its a cycle, and playing into it doesn't fix the problem. ESPECIALLY if its a person you have to deal with on an on-going basis like a co worker. 

 

i agree that its not ok to be an asshole to people. backhanded compliments are fucking lame, and what happened was definitely not cool. but i whole heartedly disagree with 

 

 

 

as soon as you open your big pie hole and say stupid shit- guess what- it's fair game to have it back in your face.

 

because no, this doesn't make you cool. it just doubles the number of douchebags in the room.

[I-Jo]

less about churning for a comeback- this isn't the same situation, this is a discussion. It's what happens on forms no??  You're crossing wires on situations an applying the same context to the different situations and it's not the same, at all.   You're also being extremely passive aggressive on instulting people while trying to make your point which yes- is poking the fire- and of COURSE people want to respond.  

 

And instead of handling the comments- you're insulting people trying to make your point. At no point has anyone saying it's okay to have a comeback insulted you. 

 

This wasn't about being cool or being a douche- it wasn't about anything other than being able to respond to defend your personage. You go ahead and kill them with kindness- that's you're thing- you can go ahead.  I and others will deal with the situation on hand.  If you don't want someone coming back- you have the option to deal with it there on the spot.   It has nothing to do with cool or being a better person- if someone says something to do you- then you have the choice to respond- it doesn't make you the bad guy. 

 

(PS- 1.) not at work to make friends- at work to make money and do my job secondly 2.) I do have 'friends' at work- and no one pulls those kind of back ass judgey high and mighty "oh you're eating that"  comments on me- I simply do not have to deal with that kind of behavior because I have stopped it or removed those types of people from my circle of engagement) 

 

 

 

You're entitled to your opinion- as I am mine.  and I hope you have a fabulous day - it is kind of glorious out. 

[Hit]

You're also being extremely passive aggressive on instulting people while trying to make your point which yes- is poking the fire- and of COURSE people want to respond.

That was the point. To show that acting like that encourages douchebag behaviour and does not resolve anything. If you feel ive been insulting in trying to make my point beyond that example, then i dont know what to say but sorry, i guess?

Im not about killing with kindness, im mostly a bitch. But i try to be assertive as an adult cos i spent most of teenage years getting my shit kicked in for trying to act tough.

Yes you have a choice in how you respond. You can act as per my example and go for snarky aggressiveness that escalates a situation. You can go for the walk away option (which in 90% of situtations, including the initial example, is the best choice), or you could be assertive and tell someone that how theyre acting / talking to you is not cool.

Which seems to be the way this conversation is going. Make of that what you will.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

...

shit rolls downhill, so don't think you'll ever crush someone so hard they never say a mean thing again. they just come back harder next time. maybe not on you, but on the next person. in short - it doesn't help anyone. once the adrenaline rush wears off you still feel crappy because you didn't stand up for yourself, you just tried to tear the other person down to your level of insecurity.

 

Bully says something mean, I retaliate with a good comeback. Two things can happen. 1) Bully is a little more reluctant to say mean things to me and/or random people in the future, or 2) as you mentioned, bully becomes extra offended and goes harder the next time. I'm leaning towards option 1 happening, but we'll have to agree to disagree since neither one of us can predict the future.The answer probably depends on the bully's personality and the extent of the ego bruising, but I don't have enough of a psychology background (yet!) to determine what exactly would happen in a particular case.

 

What I do know with certainty is that I would feel a lot better if I stood up to a bully rather than letting him or her walk all over me. I've only managed to not be a doormat a small handful of times* so far, but it felt great, and this feeling did not wear off. Does this mean I'm a horrible person? If it does, then so be it. I do have some morals, but I'm not a fucking saint.

 

...

see how me being a bitch here isn't making you feel like shutting up?

 ...

 

And neither are you, apparently

 

In any case, I don't equate standing up for myself to tearing someone down to my own level of insecurity. I'm not denying that I'm insecure about some things--everyone is--but I'd be willing to bet that, had I learned to stand up to people sooner, I wouldn't have anywhere near the problems that I have now.

[I-Jo]

 

In any case, I don't equate standing up for myself to tearing someone down to my own level of insecurity. I'm not denying that I'm insecure about some things--everyone is--but I'd be willing to bet that, had I learned to stand up to people sooner, I wouldn't have anywhere near the problems that I have now.

true story..

 

<high five>

 

glad you have found a voice to speak up- it's a good thing. proud of you.

[Hit]

 

 

In any case, I don't equate standing up for myself to tearing someone down to my own level of insecurity.

 

maybe this is where the disconnect is coming from - because i dont really see throwing insults back at someone as standing up for yourself. 

 

it's all open to interpretation of course, which makes me feel like its time to stop engaging in this discussion (or argument, we may have crossed that line) because we just keep throwing hypotheticals at each other and getting nowhere.

 

or maybe we should turn this into a "best comebacks story" thread   

[Chesterton]

If it makes you feel better, I agree with you hitlionsoul

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

...

or maybe we should turn this into a "best comebacks story" thread   

 

Yes to this X)

[Machete]

[Barfly]

So, uhhh... What DO women like about men?

Oops, wrong thread

[Phytomancer]

Oooh... Oooh. I had a good comeback that wasn't aggressive-- just confuse and dissipate the situation.

 

I was taking pictures of rain gardens on the street this summer as a part of my job when an older gentleman approached me.

Man: Hey! It's rude to take pictures of these people without asking permission!
Me: I'm sorry, sir. I'm taking pictures of these gardens. There are no people in it. Would you like to see them? (Put my camera on display mode and showed it to him)
Man: No, I don't want to see it. (looked away) It's not acceptable. You gotta ask for permission first.
Me: Okay, sir, thank you. I'll keep that in mind.
Man: It might be okay from where you're from, but we don't do it here in America. In America we respect other people-- we ask them before we take pictures.

...and I had it.

I just strengthen my fake Midwestern accent and looked him in the eye with a crafted mildly offended expression. 

Me: Sir, I'm from Chicago. 

His face just went slack. He averted my eyes and walked away really fast. 

 

 

I wasn't. And my accent was strong, but at least it confused and made the better part of him feel guilty. He was a misinformed well-intentioned man after all.

 

I'm not sure if this kind of manipulation makes me a douche, but it was an alternative to attacking him head on. 

[Elastigirl]

Oooh... Oooh. I had a good comeback that wasn't aggressive-- just confuse and dissipate the situation.

 

I was taking pictures of rain gardens on the street this summer as a part of my job when an older gentleman approached me.

Man: Hey! It's rude to take pictures of these people without asking permission!

Me: I'm sorry, sir. I'm taking pictures of these gardens. There are no people in it. Would you like to see them? (Put my camera on display mode and showed it to him)

Man: No, I don't want to see it. (looked away) It's not acceptable. You gotta ask for permission first.

Me: Okay, sir, thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

Man: It might be okay from where you're from, but we don't do it here in America. In America we respect other people-- we ask them before we take pictures.

...and I had it.

I just strengthen my fake Midwestern accent and looked him in the eye with a crafted mildly offended expression. 

Me: Sir, I'm from Chicago. 

His face just went slack. He averted my eyes and walked away really fast. 

 

 

I wasn't. And my accent was strong, but at least it confused and made the better part of him feel guilty. He was a misinformed well-intentioned man after all.

 

I'm not sure if this kind of manipulation makes me a douche, but it was an alternative to attacking him head on. 

Wow, no you were not the one with the problem, the guy is lucky you were polite. 

[Meera Reed]

I really like where this conversation has gone because it brings up an important topic: how do we deal with bullies as adults?

 

I agree that we shouldn't become the monster, but I also agree that we can't let people walk all over us.

 

What I really should have done was said to that woman "you know, that comment you made really hurt my feelings." Instead I said nothing (in my defense I was half in shock and half out of time as her car was pulling away) and posted on here calling her "fat and nasty"

 

Once, as an adult, someone told me I hurt their feelings and it made more of an impact than if they would have gotten in my face and called me a bitch. 

 

Idealistic? maybe, but I hope not.

[StillWaters]

One thing my mother told me a long time ago, is that there will be many people in this world who will push your buttons. The key is to never let them know when they have pushed the right one. That way, when you strike back, it's so fast, so completely out of left field, that they won't have time to worry about who did it or why.

[Ahyar Dreamspark]

What is the best way to deal with a nasty, bitchy, and extremely condescending co-worker? The people I work with are all great, with the exception of this one. I'm extremely grateful that I am not in the same department as her, but every now and then I'll have to ask her a question, and it's apparently impossible for her to reply in a matter that isn't nasty, mean, and that makes me feel like I'm fucking retarded and should be ashamed for breathing her air. This, combined with the fact that I've had a self-esteem level in the negatives for as long as I can remember means that every interaction I have to have with her ruins my day, if not my week.

 

This particular co-worker is good at her job, and is always very nice with guests/customers, so there's no way she's going to be fired. Still, other co-workers have expressed the same feelings that I have when it comes to her dealing with any colleague who dares to ask her a question. Typical workplace bully, apparently.

 

How do I deal with this person who really, really sucks?