For myself or for him

[cats_and_coffee]

So I am sitting on money I have saved up for the academy...

But I was going to purchase it for my fiance.  He had shown interest in the past, and I think it would be a nice place for him to start again.

However I feel like I'm just cheating myself out of it because I didn't spend it on getting myself into shape.

Basically the guilt monkey is screeching on weither or not I should purchase the men's for him or the women's for me.

When I talked to him about getting the men's academy and making it an early Christmas present so we could get started right then he shrugged it off and went to play video games while I prepared dinner.  At least I have the power to make one meal we eat. 

[JPrev]

There are stages of "readiness" when it comes to fitness.  It's important to match the approach to what the person's ready to accept.  I wouldn't spend money on a set of programs for someone who has yet to even *think*  about the programs' benefits, let alone accept them, let alone try them.  Don't feel guilty about being in a different stage than him and consequently doing what makes sense for you.  People come around to fitness at different times and have different goals when they do.  Maybe seeing you become engaged and having positive experiences will help him come around, so long as you aren't too heavy handed!

 

Also, programs should really be the same for men and women because the body responds in similar ways.  Women might take longer to develop strength, but that doesn't mean exercise methodologies should differ between sexes.  The message might be different due to gender-specific pre-conceptions (women: "But I don't want to get bulky!" men: "But what about my biceps!?"), but the programs themselves tend to only differ in their rate of overload (women will usually increase their lifts by a smaller percentage compared to men).  So what you learn in the women's academy should apply to him as well, if he wants to get his toes wet.

[TMedina]

In some ways, committing to fitness and/or a healthier lifestyle is a lot like committing to rehab.  You can't make someone participate if they don't want to, no matter how good it might do them.

 

With that in mind, if you're ready and he's not, spend it on yourself.

 

It might motivate him to be more interested in his own well being.

[theodinspire]

Puppies aren't for Christmas, puppies are forever.

 

It may seem like a good idea to get someone a gift that they have to tend to, but it's not. Entering a wellness program is not a decision that should be taken lightly, as it would when given as a gift. He may forget about it, or not take it as seriously as if he had signed up on his own. Not only that, but giving a fitness gift is like giving a self-help book: it's a backhanded gift, saying 'You could improve'.

 

I would suggest talking to him about it. Say that you have some money saved up, that you really would like to do it and that you would appreciate it if you went into the program together. Include him in the decision to sign up and he will probably take it more seriously.

[Jakkals]

I have read this just today, and I think this will help a bit.

[cats_and_coffee]

Actually stuff to maintain his health is one of those things he loves getting for presents.  For his birthday I got him a Jaw bone and he adores it, doesn't leave home without it. 

 

We have talked about it, and while he likes the idea he also feels a little hesitant because we have a gym membership he wanted and barely use it.  Course the only thing I can do is remind him I'll go with him, but I'm not a gym person. 

 

So we've decided that I'm going to use it to get myself the academy, I'm going to do it, and share it with him and if he wants to he can join up later.

 

I realize a lot of people think I'm being mean for thinking of giving it as a present, but it's how our relationship works.  And it is never the only thing we give each other.

We are completely comfortable with each other as we currently are, but neither of us are clueless to our predicament

[TMedina]

I realize a lot of people think I'm being mean for thinking of giving it as a present, but it's how our relationship works.  And it is never the only thing we give each other.

We are completely comfortable with each other as we currently are, but neither of us are clueless to our predicament

 

I don't think it's mean at all.  If you were being passive aggressive, that's one thing.  But you're not - you've talked about it, you've raised the subject, you've even discussed the idea of visiting the NF event.  It was a gift of something to someone who once expressed an interest in it.  "It" could have been fitness - it could also have been fishing, model trains, or Lego sets.

 

As for the rest: all that really matters is that your relationship works for you - and him.  After that, meh.  I have enough keeping in time with my own drummer, let alone marching to the beat of anyone else's.

[redtomato501]

ray3s, I don't have much to add that others haven't said, but I do want to say that even as you work on creating healthy physical lives, I love that you are already modeling healthy relationship habits. I don't see enough of them, so seeing you say things like "he loves this [with proof]", "we've talked about this [emotionally charged topic]", "we've decided [something that impacts both of us / something that is a different compromise from what had originally been planned]" and "we are completely comfortable with each other..." and all that is wonderful. I work with too many people who are (by appearances at least) physically healthy and have destructive relationships, so I love any time I see an example of a caring, compassionate, healthy relationship, and your last post shows it in spades! Thanks!

[PMyrrh]

ray3s, all the above. I don't think many people here would consider what your doing mean, especially considering you have discussed it already.