Am I alone on this?

[WizardTrip]

So, I posted in my Battle Log last week that I received "Compliments from 2 close friends! (my friends don't know I'm working out, changing my lifestyle, etc; so getting noticed is huge!)" and then a note saying "I have purposely not told any friends or family about my workout plans and lifestyle changes on purpose."

I know this has got to be all psychological for me, but am I the only one that has made significant lifestyle changes and NOT wanted to share it with friends and family? I understand the instances where friends may think it is an unhealthy choice (going 100% paleo over night can shock friends and family), but that's not the type I'm referring to.

For 10 or so years, I've had friends "hint" at getting me in the gym, go running with them, and other types of healthy suggestions. I would typically ignore them because I wasn't ready to make a change, and no matter how much they tried, it made me avoid the change even more. Also, in the past when I did hit the gym and let people know, they would instantly feel the need to take on the accountability role without me asking them. "So, did you make it to the gym this week?", "You should try this or that next time, etc." I know they mean well, but I always feel I need to do this for me, on my schedule, how I want to.

So, I've been working out now for 5-6 months (longer period than I ever have), but I have tried to keep it a secret from all of my friends and family. The motivation came from a friend's comment one day, but it wasn't a comment on diet or exercise, rather it was a comment that opened my eyes and made me think differently about a certain aspect of my life. You would think that this lifestyle change of mine would be something I would like to share with people I know, but I don't. At first, I think I just wanted to make sure the change stuck, but now that it has, I still don't care to share. Maybe its the excitement of them noticing a change, offering a compliment or 2, but not really knowing what is causing the change?

Again, am I alone on this?

[bigm141414]

Again, am I alone on this?

Not at all. I was like this for a long time, even going so far as to hide it from my previous girlfriend (difficult to do when you live with someone). I still hide it for the most part mainly due to an over abundance of information in my head on the topic. When someone asks what I do I have two options, either launch into a 3 hour long speech about training methodologies, or just say the standard "eat right and exercise" line which kills the topic.

Along the same lines, when I start discussing this topic with others I always, always hear silly opinions about spot removing fat, cardio is king, I shouldn't lift heavy, girls can't lift heavy without getting bulky, what you're doing won't work for me because I am a snowflake, etc etc, which irritates me into silence and gloomy looks.

My family has recently taken notice due to the fact that I look completely different. Can't be helped I guess, unless I started wearing a fat suit to reunions

At first, I think I just wanted to make sure the change stuck, but now that it has, I still don't care to share. Maybe its the excitement of them noticing a change, offering a compliment or 2, but not really knowing what is causing the change?

Perhaps it is that humble quality you have built up during your life? You do it for you and not for them.

[jdanger]

Over the years I've gotten pretty good at determining when advice will fall on deaf ears and when it'll be taken to heart so I generally refrain from engaging in these conversations in my personal life unless I've determined the person to be one of the latter.

As for all the random myths people spout off as if they were as certain of them as they are of gravity, just smile and nod.. smile and nod. Unless they are paying you to do otherwise. Even then, sometimes it isn't worth it.

[Gainsdalf the Whey]

I let people know, but I wish I hadn't at work. They go nuts on riding me if I eat a damn cookie now at a work party. That might help some, and helped me in the past, but at the point I'm at now, it's just annoying.

In my personal life I like have found that it helps to make my diet and exercising known as I don't have to explain to grandma why I'm not eating her pasta.

[WizardTrip]

Not at all. I was like this for a long time, even going so far as to hide it from my previous girlfriend (difficult to do when you live with someone). I still hide it for the most part mainly due to an over abundance of information in my head on the topic. When someone asks what I do I have two options, either launch into a 3 hour long speech about training methodologies, or just say the standard "eat right and exercise" line which kills the topic.

Exactly to the "over abundance of information in my head on the topic" part! Much like anything in my life, when I decide to go all in, I research the mess out whatever that thing is. That is what I have done here, and although I have been working out for far less amount of time the some of my friends, my knowledge on what I have learned is potentially greater than a number of them. Just the other day, a friend was having issues going up some stairs because of how sore his legs were from a new workout. This is a guy that works out all the time! I really wanted to say, "why are you sore?" and then go into a short DOMS speech.

Perhaps it is that humble quality you have built up during your life? You do it for you and not for them.

I like this explanation :-)

Over the years I've gotten pretty good at determining when advice will fall on deaf ears...

^This! Yes!!

I let people know, but I wish I hadn't at work. They go nuts on riding me if I eat a damn cookie now at a work party. That might help some, and helped me in the past, but at the point I'm at now, it's just annoying.

In my personal life I like have found that it helps to make my diet and exercising known as I don't have to explain to grandma why I'm not eating her pasta.

Again, yes! It's the ones that try and point out that you're "cheating" that just make it annoying.

[MetalV]

This is exactly how I do it. I got a hint of what it will be like if I'm open and tell everyone about it not too long ago when I told a friend of mine that I wanted to get fit. The next week he started gushing about how I have made such an improvement...I hadn't done more than walked a few days that week and there was no real difference in how I looked. I need to be doing this for me so not telling people is away to prevent folks from patronizing me or motivating me.

[Shortkaik]

I've been this way, too. I'm not sure why. I think part of it is the whole "admitting I have a problem" thing... although that's not so much an issue any more. I also feel embarassed to mention that working out is one of my hobbies or anything, because I feel like I don't have the body to show for it. Like if I told someone I really enjoy lifting weights, they might look at me and say, "Really? You?" it's like I'm always waiting to have some sort of impressive numbers before I tell anyone about the work I've been doing.

Who knows the psychology behind it all. I find that I have certain people who I can trust to support me in this stuff so they're the ones who I tell, everyone else, it's not really their business.

[161803398874989]

I exercise in solitude, preferably when I'm home alone. I don't talk about it with anyone, really, even though my family knows I'm busy with it.

[Damzie]

I just can't keep my mouth shut about anything, so I pretty well blab to my friends and family. But I do tend to regret it. There's a group at my work that goes to the gym over lunch and we talk about diet and exercise a lot, and at first that was great. But now that I'm doing my research and kind of going a different direction than they are (calorie restriction, chronic cardio), it's gotten tough and more than a little annoying. I'm starting to do the smile and nod thing too. I have tried to talk it out with my husband since a) I can't hide much from him, and I don't really want to. But as for friends and other family, I say there's no reason to go into detail unless you feel compelled.

[ETFnerd]

I tell random people on the internet... the more random the better...

[WizardTrip]

This is exactly how I do it. I got a hint of what it will be like if I'm open and tell everyone about it not too long ago when I told a friend of mine that I wanted to get fit. The next week he started gushing about how I have made such an improvement...I hadn't done more than walked a few days that week and there was no real difference in how I looked. I need to be doing this for me so not telling people is away to prevent folks from patronizing me or motivating me.

Exactly! I don't need people to tell me I'm doing so good and they can really see an improvement when I know that there hasn't been nearly enough time to see an actual improvement. Again, I know they mean well, but pretty rose petal and cute fluffy bunny comments/compliments aren't going to help me. I want the comments to be honest if they happen at all. The truth comes out when they don't even know the "behind the scenes truth".

I've been this way, too. I'm not sure why. I think part of it is the whole "admitting I have a problem" thing...

...it's like I'm always waiting to have some sort of impressive numbers before I tell anyone about the work I've been doing.

HA! I love how sometimes you think you're the only one having certain thoughts, and someone else voices the exact same thought process. The countless times people tried getting me to exercise I avoided the discussions. Admitting to them that I have started (on my own) seems like admitting defeat, even though its a huge win. I also try justifying it by wanting to reach that "number" before I tell anyone the why's and how's.

[WizardTrip]

I tell random people on the internet... the more random the better...

HA! bingo!

Sigh of relief....I am NOT alone!

['Roos]

I tend to go the route of just not talking about it. Partly 'cause my mom wants to know EVERYTHING I'M DOING AND WHAT MY WEIGHT IS AND ON AND ON. (I'm 25 and 6 states away - seriously mom!) Anyway, after that experience I just don't mention it to people, and prefer to not talk about diet or exercise except with... 'exercise friends' - ie, people I met through active hobbies.

[MetalV]

I tend to go the route of just not talking about it. Partly 'cause my mom wants to know EVERYTHING I'M DOING AND WHAT MY WEIGHT IS AND ON AND ON. (I'm 25 and 6 states away - seriously mom!) Anyway' date=' after that experience I just don't mention it to people, and prefer to not talk about diet or exercise except with... 'exercise friends' - ie, people I met through active hobbies.[/quote']

My mom is the same way! I live several states away and when I went to visit her during the summer I told her about my boyfriend and her first response was "And he's okay with your weight?" O_o

[aj_rock]

As funny as ETF was trying to be (well it WAS funny), its a sad-but-true kinda deal.

The thing is, on NF or whatever other forum floats your boat, you'll find like minded people who can give you solid advice, and to whom you can give solid advice without having to train a n00b every god damn time.

I also find that, if you tell someone a little of what you know, they'll jump in feet first and start explaining EVERY LAST myth they've heard and tried to use. A couple days ago I explained to my mom about how I want to get PT certified and she launched into a detail of how 'all it takes is to not eat anything after 7!'

*twitch*

Unless a friend of mine has demonstrated prior knowledge, I just leave it alone. That or if they come to me specifically seeking my help.

[WizardTrip]

Unless a friend of mine has demonstrated prior knowledge, I just leave it alone. That or if they come to me specifically seeking my help.

Agreed. I actually learned something new about a friend that I thought was just an 100% elliptical cardio girl. She's actually started a weight lifting class and wants to learn. Of course, I still didn't care to tell her much about my personal changes simply because I didn't want to hear her go into shock and pound me with the followup questions: "Why?", "How long?", etc.

BTW, aj_rock, love the avatar! Missed out on seeing Deadmau5 the past couple times he's been here in DC, but saw him a couple years back! Awesome show! Oddly, the main memory from that particular show was him starting his set with the "Making of Cyborg" song from the opening scene of Ghost in the Shell!

[Kristian]

I mostly don't talk about it, since I realise most people aren't very interested in weight lifting. If it comes up naturally, and out of genuine interest, then I think it's worth talking about.

I never really liked showing off; nor have I ever really had a need to. That's partly why I get up at 06:00 to go to the gym at 07:30, but also because the squat rack is always available, and because there are no noisy bicep curling hair gel gangs blasting Rihanna while admiring each other in the mirror.

In a sense, getting fit and not showing off is the best way of all to show off. By doing that, I think you're displaying both confidence and modesty. Also, they're your goals, no one else's, so showing off doesn't really make sense.

Interesting thread!

[Shortkaik]

Also, as a side note, there have been some interesting studies done that show that if you tell people your goals/intentions/plans, you will be less likely to actually do them. Telling people can lead to a premature sense of completeness, make the goal no longer "yours", stuff like that.

I've found this to hold true rather often for me although not so much when I'm sharing with you imaginary Internet people, so on important things I really want to achieve, I tend to keep it to myself.

(Here's a source)

[Sloth the Enduring]

I used to be like that. But lately I've found that I don't have enough internal motivation to make it stick. I used to put a big mountain bike race on the calendar and work towards that, but I'm not as competitive as I used to be. This time around I've decided that I would try public accountability. I posted an unflattering before picture on Facebook and described my plan and have posted a monthly update. It's worked well for me and I've gotten a lot of support (mostly female friends) and ribbing (mostly male friends).

Shortkaik, That was an interesting article. Men and women handle motivation differently; I wonder how much of it applies to men.

[aj_rock]

BTW, aj_rock, love the avatar! Missed out on seeing Deadmau5 the past couple times he's been here in DC, but saw him a couple years back! Awesome show! Oddly, the main memory from that particular show was him starting his set with the "Making of Cyborg" song from the opening scene of Ghost in the Shell!

YUSSS I actually got that photo after running into an admittedly more hardcore fan than myself at a bar after the concert. He let me put the head on

He put on a killerrrrrrrr show though! The opening acts blew my socks off too! Crystal castles, MSTRKRFT, and some others too.

[Lachy]

My friends and family know that I'm exercising, they know that I'm watching what I eat, but I haven't shared my goals with them, I haven't made a big deal out of it. I've found in the past when I'd get serious about my fitness and health that I would get some comments from family and co-workers along the lines of gym junkie, health freak, and get crap if I had a beer at night or a sugary snack at work, but I just shrugged it off and now it isn't an issue. I don't make a big deal out of what I'm doing, and so they don't either.

That said, I have friends who talk out their ass about "full body workouts", and they deserve all the crap they get dumped on them.

[NekoLuvr85]

Everyone is different. Some people (me) prefer to tell everyone what they're doing and what their goals are and wants everyone to support and encourage them the whole way through. Then, there are others that want to keep it to themselves, and like to make it mroe a private matter. And there's nothing wrong with that, especially if it helps you stay motivated.

[WizardTrip]

Also, as a side note, there have been some interesting studies done that show that if you tell people your goals/intentions/plans, you will be less likely to actually do them. Telling people can lead to a premature sense of completeness, make the goal no longer "yours", stuff like that.

I've found this to hold true rather often for me although not so much when I'm sharing with you imaginary Internet people, so on important things I really want to achieve, I tend to keep it to myself.

(Here's a source)

Great article! So true for me.

"You feel so satisfied, in fact, that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. Why should you, when you're already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner?" - That line says it all!

Shortkaik, That was an interesting article. Men and women handle motivation differently; I wonder how much of it applies to men.

I would imagine a good bit of it does. Although most of the examples given in the article were about females, I have no reason to believe the study wasn't conducted with a mixed group. I, for one, was able to relate to everything the article said. I do however agree with you, men and women do handle motivation differently.

[Guest Snake McClain]

I am learning NOT to tell anyone about my eating style. i eat probably 90% paleo, but those times i don't (like say i go to arby's and have ONE sandwich *gasp*) they are like, that's not on a wrestlers diet.

My response to this is, and will always be, "Well, guess what I look better than you and i'm a hell of a lot stronger than you so when you do what I can do you then you can tell me what not to eat, okay?"

I am now no longer telling people about my eating habits.

[ETFnerd]

A couple days ago I explained to my mom about how I want to get PT certified and she launched into a detail of how 'all it takes is to not eat anything after 7!'

*twitch*

My mother-in-law used to tell me this all the time. I also enjoy getting financial advice from my auto mechanic and stock tips from my barber...

...the best one though was when a flight attendant I see often on my regular flight kept carping on the amazing benefits of day-trading foreign currencies from home...