Corrupt save file. Much cursing. Restart from Level 0.

[Ripple]

Warning: title is not kidding about much cursing.

I've been a member of NF since April 2014 and I've done nothing but go in circles. Here's how it happens: 

 

I start writing my challenge. Small steps, I tell myself. Except they seem a little too small. Well ok, we can add in a few more things. And why not bump up my goal just a tiny bit. I mean it's a challenge right, it's supposed to be hard. Besides, I am a BADASS and I CAN DO THIS. RAWR. 
 

 

 

For a week or two I strive for PERFECTION. I'm so fucking motivated and I know I am going to 100% nail this shit. Anything less than perfect is unacceptable. 







Eventually I start getting life'd because, yanno, life doesn't stop for fitness goals. My grand plans to fix my shitty eating, complete lack of fitness, and ridiculously awful sleep problems ALL AT ONCE start to fall apart. Sometimes it's a slow decline and I stick around for awhile. Sometimes it's a rapid decent into utter failure. Either way it always ends in pizza. 





In 2006-2007 I lost 75lbs and was at a healthy weight (but not at all in shape) for the first time in my life. That lasted until pregnancy in 2010 in which I gained 60lbs.  Post-pregnancy circa 2011 I found a great workout groove and was really ridiculously in shape for the first time in my life (but still 30-40lbs overweight). In 2012 I gained back everything I had lost and quit working out and thus began this ridiculous cycle of gaining and losing the same 15-20lbs over and over and over and over and over again.

Since 2010 I've done Weight Watchers, Medifast (bad, so bad, do not do this), Whole30, IIFYM, Paleo, IF, and plain old CICO. I bought an elliptical machine, took up yoga, joined a regular gym, joined a small group training gym, bought dip bars to do bodyweight fitness and most recently tried to take up yoga again.  In short, I have been throwing shit against the wall in desperate hope that something would finally stick. Seeing as how I'm crawling back here in worse shape than ever and back at my post-pregnancy high weight... clearly that shit is not working. Once again I'm throwing my controller across the room frustrated that another save game was corrupted and I'm right back to level-fucking-zero. 







So, I'm not exactly sure what my plan is yet, other than to slow the fuck down when it comes to piling on the goals and take this shit one day at a time.

Today I started tracking intake again focusing just on CICO which has seemed to work best for me overall (and is how I lost and kept off 75lbs to begin with before pregnancy). By Monday I hope to assemble those fucking dip bars that have been sitting in the Amazon.com box they came in since last October. That's it. Track my eating. Assemble some shit. No overloading the fucking machine this time with too many mods: just play the vanilla game slow and steady and save often so that fucking up doesn't equal a complete restart. 

[NightWatcher13]

Maybe having set days for allowing pizza in will help? There's no point in splurging on pizza on Thursday when you know Friday or Saturday you're definitely getting a deep dish. Tracking is one of the best things you can do though, both for food and exercise - it keeps you honest and helps you see the truth (I don't know about you, but if I'm not tracking I'll have "just a few" pieces of chocolate or something and not realize how much sugar that actually is)

[Ripple]

Maybe having set days for allowing pizza in will help? There's no point in splurging on pizza on Thursday when you know Friday or Saturday you're definitely getting a deep dish. Tracking is one of the best things you can do though, both for food and exercise - it keeps you honest and helps you see the truth (I don't know about you, but if I'm not tracking I'll have "just a few" pieces of chocolate or something and not realize how much sugar that actually is)

The thing is... I know what to do. I have successfully eaten pizza (and other junk food) that was planned for in the past. The real challenge here is breaking my all or nothing mentality and taking changes one at a time. If I'm tracking I'm golden, it's when I lose the motivation to track because I've taken on too much and it starts falling apart and I get this oh fuck it I'll start over tomorrow/next week/next month mentality going and house an entire pizza to cap the whole thing off that I run into problems. I've been ruminating on this for a few days and I'm crafting a post on it now. 

[Ripple]

Leveling up RPG style... 

Until a couple of months ago it had been years since I picked up an RPG. I've always been a casual gamer and I as such I never play games when they are first released, I much prefer to see what the critics have to say and wait for the numerous needed patches before deciding to dive into a game. 

I'm also a console gamer. My husband, a PC gamer, has been trying to get me to play Skyrim on PC for years. A few months ago after one too many beers he finally convinced me and I became the Dragonborn. Thus it began... 

 

 

Adventure. Epic Quests. Badassery. DRAGONS.

 

 

Woah now. Reality check time. You are here:

 

 

 

Let's try this again...
 

Adventure. Epic Quests. Badassery. MUDCRABS. 

 

 

 

 

And more mudcrabs. And more... and more... and more... 

 

 

 

And now... 

 

Adventure. Epic Quests. Badassery. DRAGONS.

 

 

 

 

 

So as I was thinking about this since my last post it hit me...

 

Leveling up in real life is all about the grind.

 

 

 

Tracking intake. 

 

Completing workouts. 

 

Building better habits. 

 

Practicing that archery pull up skill until you level up. 

 

Getting back up when a mudcrab box of pizza fucks you right up and trying again. 

 

GRIND. DUH. 

 

 

 

The grind-my-way-to-awesomeness plan: Level 0 to Level 1: 

 

Since I was late for this round of challenges I'm just going to hang out here in the respawn area and work on getting myself up to Level 1.

This is the intro cut-scene, character building, basic skill practicing round in my new save file. 


1. Track intake every day. 

Just tracking. No penalties for being over here, just keep grinding until that habit is there. 

 

2. Pick ONE style of movement to start grinding: 

• Strength? (bodyweight)
• Stealth? (yoga)
• Speed? (cardio)

3. Complete 3 workouts in chosen movement style in the next 3 weeks. 

4. No more zero days.

For now, this simply means accomplishing SOMETHING of worth every day in one of the following areas: family, business, home, fitness. 

[Ripple]

Druid or Assassin?
 

I've been ruminating a lot today on choosing a primary movement practice. Specifically, I've been thinking about where I've been in the past, what is important to me right now, and where I would ultimately like to be. 

 

 

Reflection...

 

When I first lost 75lbs I did a lot of hiking which I loved, and I forced my way through C25K, which I hated. Hiking made me feel strong and connected with the earth. Running made me feel out of breath and connected with everything on my body that jiggles. 

 

After my pregnancy I got really into circuit training via a baby boot camp group. I loved this because it was a way for me to get my little one and I out of the house together while also taking care of myself. As my fitness increased I added an early morning class that was more intense and I loved feeling my body get stronger.  As the group size declined my trainer eventually quit training and I fell into another lull before I joined group training gym that offered 50 minute circuit training classes that were more intense than what I was previously doing. While it seemed like a great solution as it was similar to what worked before, I could never quite get into a groove... going to the gym always felt like a chore and the workouts usually wrecked me with soreness the next day beyond what I would consider to reasonable. 

 

 

What is important now... 

I've always looked at movement as a means to an end. Grind out the workouts, see and feel the results.  For the first time I'm figuring out that the feel is way more important to me than the see. 

If I'm being perfectly honest, I'm just not that driven by aesthetics. Yes, I want to be not fat and I want to look better in my clothes, but having a cut body has never been something I envisioned or particularly cared about. Feeling myself getting stronger though: feeling my legs ability to work harder on a hike, cranking out a few more pushups than I thought I could, chasing my daughter in infinite circles around the house without getting winded... that is the way I measure my results. Beyond being a healthy and proportionate size I give zero fucks about how I look and all the fucks about how I feel. 

Even more than that, I realize that it's not just how the results make me feel. I want to feel a connection to the activity I'm doing as I'm doing it. Looking back at what was most successful for me I realize that the activities that were the most successful for me were ones that felt good while doing them. Hiking makes me feel connected and strong. Walking is relaxing and restorative. Yoga makes me feel mindful and aware of my body. In contrast, any workout that felt more about pain now / results later has always been miserable and a fight to stick with. 
 

With spring on the horizon, I have decided that I will start with yoga and give myself the gift of taking walks whenever possible on nice days. 
 

 

 

Where I ultimately want to be... 

 

I need to think on this a bit more, but to put something on the page now I'll say this:

 

I want to be a healthy weight for my height. 

 

I want to FEEL like a healthy, strong, and vibrant being. 

 

I want to be reasonably real world fit... I want to have the strength and endurance to do anything within reason that I might want to do today, tomorrow, or next year. 
 

 

 

 

So... it looks like I'm a Druid after all. I still plan on assembling those fucking dip bars, but where/when/if bodyweight fitness will fit into my plans remains to be seen.

 

One step at a time. 

[Ripple]

Tracking: 

 

1. Track intake every day.  Days Missed: 1 (3/15) 

 

2. Pick ONE style of movement to start grinding. DONE 

• Strength? (bodyweight)
• Stealth? (yoga)
• Speed? (cardio)

3. Complete 3 workouts in chosen movement style in the next 3 weeks. 2/3

4. No more zero days.

For now, this simply means accomplishing SOMETHING of worth every day in one of the following areas: family, business, home, fitness. 

Day 1:
Business: Caught up on a bunch of backlogged reporting grossness. 

Family: Read at mini-me's school, took a walk with mini-me

Fitness: 15 min walk with mini-me, 30 minute walk solo
Home: Dusted office 

Day 2: 
Family: 15 min walk with mini-me

Fitness: 15 min walk with mini-me, 30 min walk solo

Business: Finished TV segment tips, productive meeting

Day 3:

Fitness: Did TDEE calculations, adjusted MFP goal higher. 

Days 4-10:

Mixed bag. Would say I hit 8/10 non zero days, but definitely not 100%. 

 

Day 11:

Fitness: Went to my second yoga class. Returned to NF to update and get back on track. 

 

Day 12:

Zero day, total flop. Emotional things happened that let anger and frustration rule the day. On the upside I had a good cry which seems to be an emotional and productive reset for me while in a funk, so let's hope that's the case. 

 

Day 13:

(Morning) Family: Played several rounds of a game with mini-me. 

Fitness: Trimmed 8lbs of chicken breasts and have them in the crock pot to make shredded chicken - idea here is to freeze in 4oz portions for an easy lunch protein option that isn't processed to death. 

 

[Briniel]

I really like the way you set this up. What you said about perfectionism, save games and grinding makes so much sense. I'll be following along, if that's okay

[Cataleya]

The perfectionism thing rings so true with me. I have had to force myself to be okay with not being perfect. It's... a process. It sounds like you're on a good road though, and I love the introspection.

[Ripple]

I really like the way you set this up. What you said about perfectionism, save games and grinding makes so much sense. I'll be following along, if that's okay

 

Of course, I would love it! I peeked in on your challenge too - we have a lot in common. I am a huge fan of Wait But Why and think the monkey / dark playground thing is the best thing I've ever read on procrastination. That damn monkey!

 

 

The perfectionism thing rings so true with me. I have had to force myself to be okay with not being perfect. It's... a process. It sounds like you're on a good road though, and I love the introspection.

It's definitely a process and I've been on this road now for three years - it was training that I was taking for my career and helping clients with their stuckness & limiting perspectives that made me realize how much of a limiting perspective perfectionism is for me. I've made a lot of progress but I've got a long way to go yet... 

[Ripple]

Death by mudcrab. Shit. 

 

 

What a smug asshole... 
 

 

 

Slain by the failed attempt to do yoga... 
 

I was all set to go to yoga. Realized my feet are looking quite horrible with remnants of my last pedicure (which was months ago) clinging randomly to my ragged looking toenails. Decided not to let that stop me.

Realized since my legs are quite hairy at the moment I'd have to wear pants and my only clean yoga pants have paint stains all over them. Decided not to let that stop me.

Couldn't find my fucking yoga mat and was late getting out the door. Decided not to let that stop me.

Inexplicably took the wrong way to the yoga studio and arrived right at class start time. Decided not to let that stop me. 

Found out I was looking at the wrong day on the studio's website and there is no 7:15pm class on Wednesday. Well fuck me, I'm dead. 

 

 

Twas almost a zero day... 

 

To add insult to injury, I was slightly hungover this morning and almost didn't accomplish anything for my non-zero day goal. Things that I am scheduled to do + beholden to someone else to do don't count as I don't have problems missing client meetings or meetings with my business partners or anything else that I am basically obligated/required to do. 

Today was one of those days were I was meeting my obligations and not doing shit else. 

I did spend some time today comparing TDEE calculations from a few websites and deciding how I wanted my macros to look, which in turn lead me to raise my calorie goal on MFP. I consider this a win and a count toward my non-zero day because this is a pretty significant step for me. Every prior attempt to calorie count has been with the notion that I'll stick to MFP's 1200 calorie recommendation. (I'm 5'7" / Female / 192lbs). 

It is time to start being more realistic. For now I've bumped to 1400 with the notion in my head that anything under 1600 is a win. I like to set the actual goal lower than my target for two reasons:
1. Because otherwise I will eat every. last. calorie. up to my target whether I'm hungry or not just because I can.
2. I like to look at my nutrition in weeks instead of days: it is easier for me to eat a bit under during the week to build in a bit of weekend flexibility when I need it. I really wish MFP had a week view for calories/macros which would solve this problem for me.... 


Bonus win... 

 

I almost used the yoga snafu as an excuse to polish off the rest of my thin mints. There are only 5 left in the box, but those 5 would have put me over my (new, higher) goal and I wasn't hungry... just cranky. 

So... fuck you mudcrab. I'm getting back up and I'm coming for you again. 

[Briniel]

I was all set to go to yoga. Realized my feet are looking quite horrible with remnants of my last pedicure (which was months ago) clinging randomly to my ragged looking toenails. Decided not to let that stop me.

Realized since my legs are quite hairy at the moment I'd have to wear pants and my only clean yoga pants have paint stains all over them. Decided not to let that stop me.

Couldn't find my fucking yoga mat and was late getting out the door. Decided not to let that stop me.

Inexplicably took the wrong way to the yoga studio and arrived right at class start time. Decided not to let that stop me. 

Found out I was looking at the wrong day on the studio's website and there is no 7:15pm class on Wednesday. Well fuck me, I'm dead. 

 

 

So basically, you made 4 great decisions and one mistake. It sucks that you didn't end up in yoga plans despite all your willpower in knocking these obstacles out of the way, but look at how far you've come. You're not someone who's being stopped by their own excuses, that's great. And even when things didn't turn out your way, you didn't succumb to the guilty pleasures of thin mints. That's definitely a win.

Oh, and yes, recalibrating your calorie intake does count as doing something productive for your goals. Why wouldn't it? Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it and have come up with something that will work for you Go get that mudcrab!!!!

[Cataleya]

Oh we're at about the same height and weight and stuff. I'm a little shorter though.

Honeslt kudos to you for not eating all the thin mints. Girl Scout Cookies are the devil. Delicious, but really hard to esist, especially when I'm feeling emotional.

And fuck mud crabs.

[Ripple]

So basically, you made 4 great decisions and one mistake. It sucks that you didn't end up in yoga plans despite all your willpower in knocking these obstacles out of the way, but look at how far you've come. You're not someone who's being stopped by their own excuses, that's great. And even when things didn't turn out your way, you didn't succumb to the guilty pleasures of thin mints. That's definitely a win.

Oh, and yes, recalibrating your calorie intake does count as doing something productive for your goals. Why wouldn't it? Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it and have come up with something that will work for you Go get that mudcrab!!!!

Thanks for the perspective. I was feeling quite defeated and hateful yesterday but I think you're right that overall the experience was a lot of wins and one oops. 

 

 

Oh we're at about the same height and weight and stuff. I'm a little shorter though.

Honeslt kudos to you for not eating all the thin mints. Girl Scout Cookies are the devil. Delicious, but really hard to esist, especially when I'm feeling emotional.

And fuck mud crabs.

Unfortunately, I gave in today. More on that in a bit. 

I followed your challenge - always helpful to have someone else in a similar place for inspiration! ) 

[Raincloak]

I always thought girl scout cookies were vastly overrated.  They're just sugar and hydrogenated oil.  They aren't even baked in the USA.  What's great about that?  (otoh, people get equally excited about Twinkies and Nutella, which are made of the same stuff... pffft.)

 

I hate it when you get all wound up to go to class and then it's not there.  Awwwww.  Keep trying!  Don't give up.

[Cataleya]

They aren't even baked in the USA.  What's great about that?

??? Yeah they are. ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers bake the cookies.

 

Though I agree on Twinkies and Nutella. I have never been huge on Twinkies and Nutella is good but I don't get addicted to it for some reason.

 

I don't really get addicted to GSC either, but if I have them around and I'm feeling emotional, they're a really easy way to binge eat something sweet.

[Ripple]

Obliterated by a Giant. Ouch.

 

 

Fuck man, that is just brutal. 

 

 

 

 

No sleep + hateful mood + forgotten meds = sudden death. 

Oof. So, I had a media appearance this morning and was up far too late last night resulting in about 3.5 hours of sleep. I hit the snooze one too many times and ended up in a frenzy trying to hand off my kiddo to the friend that took her to school today and get all of my shit in the car. Icing on the cake, I forgot to take my ADHD medication (which also helps regulate my mood and anxiety spikes) and I had a terrible drive in the rain and ridiculous traffic downtown complete with my old friend anxiety as a passenger. 

 

The appearance went well. Thank you to whatever thing in my brain magically flips whenever I'm giving a talk or doing media. That, I think, is my character's special ability. 

 

Afterward I'm ravenous. I resist the temptation to hit fast food on the way home and even resist picking up junk at the store when I stop to pick up shampoo. As a reward for my good decision making, I decide I'll treat myself to some tortilla chips and hummus. 

 

I house the rest of the bag... at least 3 servings if not 4 and as many servings of hummus to go with. Follow that up with 5 thin mints and 2 samoas and... well... I'm 1150 calories into a binge. 

 

See, I thought I could walk up and check out the giant without getting killed. Just testing the waters here to see how close I can get before it decides to fuck me right up... and giants are slow so I can run away before I get into too much danger here, right? Surely since I made so many good decisions today  I can eat straight from the bag of tortilla chips without overdoing it. 

 

NOPE. Killed in one swift and brutal movement by falling right back into mindless binge eating. A few chips became the rest of the bag which became oh fuck it I already ruined my day so I might as well finish the girl scout cookies too.


The lesson? Don't poke the fucking giant. 
 

Someday I will be able to take down a giant from a distance via stealth archery. 

 

Someday even farther away, I'll be able to take one down at close range. 

 

Today, however, I got my ass handed to me. 

 

 

 

For now I need to, give that giant a nice wide berth so he doesn't get angry and come after me.

Measure. Track. THEN eat... keep grinding until it sticks.

 

Then... someday... I can go back and poke that giant with a different outcome.  

[Flagwaver]

I’ve never been able to resist those cute, little extortionists.  I always pick up a couple boxes of thin mints when I head to the store (every other week).  An alternative to eating them is to throw a serving into a smoothy before blending.  Same flavor, but you feel better about eating them because they’re part of a healthy meal.

[NightWatcher13]

Death by mudcrab... yup. Those little buggers are sneaky, but at least you've saved and respawned to kick it's shell. Giants on the otherhand... 

That's a nasty combo right there But like you said, until you level, don't poke the giant or mess with its mammoths. Someday you'll be able to just walk up to it, kick it in the shin and it'll fall over crying and the mammoths will run away

[Ripple]

(Mis)Adventures in Distraction...

 

 

...the hell did that come from? 

 

 

 

 

Not paying attention is dangerous. 

 

So I'm living in perpetual overwhelm right now. I have a lot to do in business and feel like I am hopelessly behind. 

 

My brain's response to overwhelm is: SHUT DOWN. DO NOTHING. AVOID THE PROBLEM. READ REDDIT ALL DAY. 

 

The good news is that this is fucking up my business life way more than it's fucking up my respawn. Well, that's not good news overall but it's good news for NF, I suppose. 

 

 

 

There's some good points... 

 

I've tracked my intake every day except for Tuesday 3/15. 

 

I finally made it to my first yoga class on Tuesday 3/15.

 

I joined a 4 week challenge on Diet Bet because I figured for $35 I could use some extra accountability. 

 

Most of the days have been non zero days. 

 

 

 

Some bad points...

 

I have no idea why I did not track on Tuesday 3/15. I have no idea what I even ate that day. What the hell, self?

 

I am pretty sure I forgot to track some things on Sunday 3/13 too. But I'm not 100% sure. Hey brain, you suck at remembering. 

 

Yesterday went really well right up until it ended in a binge of popcorn and fruit snacks to the tune of 500 cals over my TDEE. 

 

I've had several days where I was higher than my intake goal for the day, but still under TDEE. 

 

I know I've had at least one zero day. 

 

 

 

But it all works out... 

 

Overall my weight is still down from the start of the respawn. 

 

I've been playing with ways to get my protein intake up which has been going well. 

 

I'm noticing myself wanting to make better choices overall. 

 

Even my worst nutritional day is miles better than what I was eating prior to relaunch. 

 

 

 

I'm just a little freaked out... 

 

My big challenge with this respawn (and with life right now) is matching intention with action. The WANT to do things is there but shifting from intention to action is not happening.

 

For example: I needed to run an errand yesterday. I mapped the store location and realized it was a mere 1.2 mile walk each direction. I decided that walking there and back would be a great way for me to get my errand done and get some movement in for the day. Instead, I sat here until I was forced to get up and shower for a networking event nearly FIVE HOURS after I first had the intention to go on a walk. I wasn't even able to run the errand itself until after the networking event and I walked into the store 10 minutes from closing which was stressful. 

 

I could list a hundred more examples related to this respawn and business and life in general but the fact is I'm in a rut that I know all too well. I'm going to keep focusing on the no more zero days thing through the end of this respawn but I'm going to try to push myself into action by aiming for no more zero MORNINGS. It seems like once I get into a groove of action I keep going, but I can come up with reasons all day not to start. 

[EllieTheMage]

The thing is... I know what to do. I have successfully eaten pizza (and other junk food) that was planned for in the past. The real challenge here is breaking my all or nothing mentality and taking changes one at a time. If I'm tracking I'm golden, it's when I lose the motivation to track because I've taken on too much and it starts falling apart and I get this oh fuck it I'll start over tomorrow/next week/next month mentality going and house an entire pizza to cap the whole thing off that I run into problems. I've been ruminating on this for a few days and I'm crafting a post on it now. 

 

All I can offer to this thread is that I feel - your - pain - bro.

 

No, seriously. I have an all-or-nothing mentality when it comes to fitness.

I begin my quest. I have my goals in mind. I power through it, filled with enthusiasm, veins rushing with adrenaline, with vigour. I am, quite literally, kicking some real butt.

 

I'm slaying it. *pun intended*

 

Then comes the fall.

Bam. 

Poom.

Pow.

And things don't go... exactly to plan...

 

 

I strive for 100% perfection, slip-up and that's that - gone. Done. Not "successful". Off-the-tracks. Written off. I am in the "nothing" mentality. Swept off my feet.

 

 

 

 

All I can say is best of luck, brethren. 

[Briniel]

re: the freaking out a little

Looks like your monkey gets to you a lot.

no more zero mornings sounds like a good idea. maybe you could identify one important thing that you absolutely want to get done that day and do it first thing in the morning?

[Ripple]

On 3/17/2016 at 5:20 PM, EllieTheMage said:

 

 

Then comes the fall.

Bam. 

Poom.

Pow.

And things don't go... exactly to plan...

 

 

I strive for 100% perfection, slip-up and that's that - gone. Done. Not "successful". Off-the-tracks. Written off. I am in the "nothing" mentality. Swept off my feet.

 

 

 

 

All I can say is best of luck, brethren. 

 

 

Yes, I love your metaphor of the fall - such a perfect... ahem, such an excellent way to look at that damnable all or nothing mentality. 

 

You can do this, and so can I. Just. Keep. Grinding. 

 

 

 

 

 

7 hours ago, Briniel said:

re: the freaking out a little

Looks like your monkey gets to you a lot.

no more zero mornings sounds like a good idea. maybe you could identify one important thing that you absolutely want to get done that day and do it first thing in the morning?

 

 

I have ADHD. Sometimes I can manage it really well, and sometimes my monkey is not only an asshole but he is is the dictator of my brain, ruling with an iron fist and brutal demands that I do absolutely nothing of worth. It seems cyclical for me - sometimes the ruts last a day or two, occasionally I get into one that lasts weeks. This appears to be the latter. 

 

 

 

 

I like the idea of identifying one thing to first thing. I often adhere to the idea of a short daily list anyway - writing down three must-do things and tackling those first. Your idea takes that to even a more simple/achievable place. I think I'll jot it on a sticky note the night before and put it on my monitor. Thanks for the idea! 

[Ripple]

Two weeks down, one to go... 

 

I've got you this time, asshole. 

 

 

 

 

Grinding out small kills.... 
 

So, with two weeks down I must say I'm starting to feel like a bit of a badass. 

 

 

I'm many steps closer to this than I was two weeks ago: 

 

 

 

Let's review how the grind is going, shall we?  

 

Yoga: 3/3 (woot woot) 

 

Tracking: Only missed one day so far. 

 

Non-Zero days: Getting better. The habit is building. I was a super productivity badass today and it felt AH-MAZING. 

 

 

I unlocked some character perks, too. 

 

Weight: Down 6lbs. Even better, I finally quit telling myself that this does not count as REAL weight loss since it's the same fucking numbers I've seen far too many times in this vicious cycle of gaining and losing the same 10-15lbs. Yes, I gained the weight back and yes I need to lose it again. Just because I put it on last month does not make it any less real. 

 

Planning: Bought 8lbs of chicken breast this weekend and dumped those suckers into the crock put with chicken broth to make pulled chicken. I'm going to portion this into 4oz servings and freeze. BAM, there goes my problem with having no easy protein options for my lunches. I'm a simple girl: some of that chucked over lettuce or mixed with rice and veggies is perfectly fine with me for lunch. I'm rather sick of and somewhat grossed out by lunch meat these days so this was a nice fix that didn't involve resorting to canned meat (though Kirkland canned chicken is pretty boss in a pinch I must say). 

 

Willpower: I navigated a family event full of Easter candy and cheesecake and came in just about at TDEE. I don't feel even a little bit guilty about the half slice of cheesecake I had... so worth it and so did not need or want the other half. 

 

Stamina: Something about making the connection in my head that real life leveling up = lots of grind has been a fucking transformative perspective. Whenever I even have the thought of letting a small binge become a big one (that old "fuck it" mentality that I know so well) I just keep reminding myself to KEEP FUCKING GRINDING.  Instead of a small snafu ending in a box of Imo's pizza (I really do love that stuff, oh my god), it ends with me tracking my intake, realizing it wasn't all that bad, and moving on. 

 

 

Now... back to the grind... 

 

 

 

[Briniel]

Awesome work!! I love how sometimes just a different perspectice can change so much. Congrats on the weight loss, too!

Looks like you're moving in the right direction Oh and remember that feeling of awesomeness after a day of productivity! I should definitely take my own advice on this one and make myself feel like that again. So I'm off the computer now and on to the job-hunt. Thanks for the motivation

[Ripple]

On 3/22/2016 at 4:27 AM, Briniel said:

Awesome work!! I love how sometimes just a different perspectice can change so much. Congrats on the weight loss, too!

Looks like you're moving in the right direction Oh and remember that feeling of awesomeness after a day of productivity! I should definitely take my own advice on this one and make myself feel like that again. So I'm off the computer now and on to the job-hunt. Thanks for the motivation

 

Wahoo! Chase that productivity high - I'll check in this weekend (I'm out of town through Friday) to see how it went!