Wanna let go of a bad habit

[scott82962]

We are naught but bags of chemicals. All stimuli result in changes to these chemicals.

I agree you cannot get an addict of anything to "quit" by verbal command. I was attempting to point out to linopolus that he (and only he) has the power to quit and/or to control his compulsions. Certainly I took a different tack than others posting here, however I know people who have given up their addictions - cold turkey. Sometimes the "trigger" was someone saying, "knock it off".

For my friends and family who have beaten addictions the key, it seemed, was the making of a deep, personal, honest decision to live differently, i.e. free of alcohol and nicotine. linopolus as a Christian and a man of deep faith, I still believe, has everything he needs to live his life according to his beliefs.

[Pat G]

Mate, try http://www.covenanteyes.com/

It doesn't block sites or images, just watches where you go. You know if you get those cravings bad enough without stopping the triggers you'll find a way around the block anyhow.

What it does is send a list of all the URLs you've visited to an Accountabilabuddy(ies) (someone who you see regularly and look up to and is wanting to help you quit it in order to better yourself) daily or weekly.

[67alecto]

How about just making a rule that every time you do it, you have to call your mom to tell her that you did it?

[pengrok]

How about just making a rule that every time you do it, you have to call your mom to tell her that you did it?

Somehow this reminds me of John Doe from Se7en calling the detectives that he "did it again.."

[lathomas64]

http://www.proginosko.com/leechblock.html is a good plugin to check out.

[solarcoaster]

You need too much confidence to post something like this and i am proud of you that you showed that confidence. Masturbation can be healthy process but excess of it might not be too healthy. Try keeping yourself busy in different errands because more life gets busy, less you think about it. Also, there is another thing that you can do. First get rid of watching porn and then work out on your other problem. Try doing it few times without watching porn, once you get used to it then very soon your habit of doing it while watching porn will decrease. Once you know that you are over porn, then you can start making yourself more and more busy. Eventually you will see that both these things will slowly vanish from your life. You will be left with few times a week which is actually healthy for you.

[Sydnie]

First recommendation would be to find your cause and triggers. WHEN and WHY do you do it? Is it just a physical need, or will things like emotional upset, restlessness or boredom lead you into it? Are some moments of the day harder, say, like when surfing the web at night? Find other ways to cope with the WHY. If it happens when you need to relax from a stressful day, then go do something else relaxing. If it happens when you are upset, then call a friend or whatever else you know will let the emotions out. As for WHEN, try changing habits. Make it harder and less likely for you to do it. Keep busy, have a schedule for websites you are allowed to go to, use the cellphone to set reminders for yourself through out the day. Be creative! Plan ahead, because when the urge comes hard (HAHA!), you won't be thinking straight. At that moment you should know what you have decided to do instead.

In the same lines as what Maria recommended, what if you kept a journal? Either blogging or getting a composition book (though I'd probably go more for blogging and posting it here or something because then it hold you more accountable) and keeping track of everything. What you eat, how you feel, what happened that day, if you had a hard day at work, what you watched, etc. Then write down when you have the urge, especially if you "fail." I don't count it as a failure, just veering from your track. That way you can possibly pinpoint a trigger and avoid it. It may take a while to pinpoint it, but at least then you'll know.

This is just my 2 cents. I've never had an addiction like that but I've helped some other people through it. It's not your fault it's the addiction center in your brain. While you may be able to recover it's a lifelong journey, not just a few months. So find something to get past this that you can maintain lifelong. It's like a drug like someone before me mentioned. An addict is never not an addict, they will ALWAYS be in recovery as unfortunate as that may be.

[AKLulu]

I didn't know they had pornography in biblical times! Also, I've heard masturbation is healthy for the prostate.... thought I wouldn't know from experience.

Sorry, I'm not trying to undo any good that's being done here (it's just that sometimes I think I'm funny). I'm Christian too and can understand your struggle (though I may not have had your exact problem, I've done plenty of things that I don't think I can exactly be proud of). I'm with everyone else here and think you can do whatever you set your mind to. You have my support, and if you ever need someone to talk to, we're here It may be too personal for some, but I think it's very brave of you to ask for advice. Good luck, Lino!

[Loren Wade]

So quit. You've got all the support you need with your faith. Labeling this as an "addiction" is just an excuse to "fall off the wagon". I fear publicly posting your successes/failures just lets you to obsess about it more.

But what are you really trying to quit - the porn or the masturbating? If it's the former, then I'm really, really unsympathetic. Geez man, just stop going to those websites! If it's the latter, you're up against eons of hardwiring and inconvenient design (if your arms were only 6 inches long this wouldn't be an issue).

You need to look yourself in the mirror and say "This is who I am. These are my values." And then remember, if you don't live it, you don't believe it.

This is so fucking insensitive. Absolutely ridiculous of you to say.

[unicornassassin]

So quit. You've got all the support you need with your faith. Labeling this as an "addiction" is just an excuse to "fall off the wagon". I fear publicly posting your successes/failures just lets you to obsess about it more.

But what are you really trying to quit - the porn or the masturbating? If it's the former, then I'm really, really unsympathetic. Geez man, just stop going to those websites! If it's the latter, you're up against eons of hardwiring and inconvenient design (if your arms were only 6 inches long this wouldn't be an issue).

You need to look yourself in the mirror and say "This is who I am. These are my values." And then remember, if you don't live it, you don't believe it.

This is interesting. On the one hand, it's NOT just that easy to quit things. On the other hand, it is.

I quit smoking because I told myself "I'm going to quit on x day" and I did. I quit using drugs and alcohol by telling myself "I'm done. Use is not an option anymore." I think I was able to quit those things absolutely cold turkey (fingers crossed against jinxing myself) because I had really, really good reasons to quit. I'm having a harder time staying away from meat and crap TV, because while I see the reasons against them, I'm not really convinced of how bad they are for me.

So- find your really, really good reasons to quit. And when you're tempted, remind yourself that you don't do it anymore. It's just NOT an option for you. That helps me, that, and having supportive people to talk to . So kudos about being honest about this

[JoeBlade]

The difference between dependency and addiction is that an addiction has a negative impact on your life. Mind you a guilt-spiral could be argued to be a negative effect. Personally I don't see the harm in it, at the very least you're helping fight prostate cancer if you do so. But if you want to stop you could see if you can make it into something regulated at first. say no watching porn and just once every saturday (was going to write sunday but that may be the wrong day for this) As long as you are experiencing it as you being in control rather than "my addiction is making me do it" and keep that up for a few months, you should be able to develop the force of will to change it.

just don't forget, your body will try to trick you and in this particular case it will also try to take care of business itself. Guess it's a way to feel like a teenager again

and as for quitting smoking, I did quit by simply stop smoking cigarettes. You have to get your mind into the right place first and I think posting on here is a good step. I reckon people can achieve anything (there's people living on just nuts and berries for ) but you have to win the internal fight first.

[Guest Eduard]

Holy crap, Eduard. Catspaw isn't acting like a moderator, catspaw is acting like a decent human being.

I, however, am acting like a moderator in that I'm reporting these posts for discrimination on sexual grounds.

Seems right to me. After you're done, feel free to report every other posts you may find that contains the word "gay" or anything related to it.

Oh, and the fact that you said "holy crap" offends my religious beliefs, how is this? I'm so gonna report you!...

[67alecto]

Play nice kids, or we're going to have to close this thread.

[unicornassassin]

and as for quitting smoking, I did quit by simply stop smoking cigarettes. You have to get your mind into the right place first and I think posting on here is a good step. I reckon people can achieve anything (there's people living on just nuts and berries for ) but you have to win the internal fight first.

Someone only skimmed... haha.

[Loren Wade]

Seems right to me. After you're done, feel free to report every other posts you may find that contains the word "gay" or anything related to it.

Oh, and the fact that you said "holy crap" offends my religious beliefs, how is this? I'm so gonna report you!...

Dude. A kid here is looking for help. Please don't derail this thread with this. Someone is in need right now and it would be a shame if this thread was closed over this.

[Thrillho]

This has been something I've been working on, too.

Years and years and years ago, my idol was a young sensei at my dojo. He was (seemingly) effortlessly good at everything, and was the youngest sensei we had, at twenty. He could do handstand pushups without leaning against the wall, and one-handed hand-stand pushing with his toes on the wall. Standing backflips, whatever. He was unbelievably fast, there was only one other sensei who could actually spar him and hope to win. At one point he was dating my sister, so he was over at the house all the time. He was super nice (really, the only sensei we had that wasn't a LITTLE bit of a dick), and he gave me lots of advice over the years.

The one piece of advice that's stuck with me, just because of the awkwardness, was him telling me that everything came down to dedication. Most people split themselves into a dozen different little endeavors, two dozen, three dozen, and they partition off those parts of their lives. They never become good at one thing because they don't think they can, because all these other little parts take up their time, and they're unwilling, NOT unable, to cut them loose. "Instead of watching TV, I do kata. Instead of drinking a beer, I do stretches. Instead of masturbating, I just, grr grr grr, you know, do pushups." He mimed pushups at that point, then said, "I do a lot of pushups."

Strangely enough, since becoming unemployed, I have cut back a lot. I only noticed the other day that it had probably been two weeks, because suddenly my focus was on three things: time with my kids, finding new employment, and writing. I HAD cut out all those other things. I had cut out video games, I had cut out drinking (mostly), I had cut out watching TV (except in the evening with my wife, which is sort of our together time), I had cut out fast food, I had cut out most of my internet hangouts... I had cut all the non-essentials.

Now, the slight drawback is probably half my writing now is erotica (fine, fine, call it porn) because it's actually a source of income for me (no, seriously, don't ask). My mind is on porn a lot because of that, but I've found that the urge to, er, 'take care of it' has almost faded. I thought the two were inextricably linked, but I'm finding out that's not the case.

Right now I'm trying to supplant the porn with working out, and it seems to be coming along nicely (haa haa, little joke there).

Power to ya!

[Guest Eduard]

Dude. A kid here is looking for help. Please don't derail this thread with this. Someone is in need right now and it would be a shame if this thread was closed over this.

Right.

I find this vid useful for quitting bad habits (I personally did so with the addiction to stuff like 9gag 'cause it was my only downside), I'm sure it can help stopping... that, too:

[guest439437484421]

Just for my own curiosity, what religion are you linopolus?

[Loren Wade]

Just for my own curiosity, what religion are you linopolus?

Christian.

[llsoszynski@gmail.com]

if you don't live it, you don't believe it.

This sums this up in its entirety, 100%

[Korosia]

Hey. I just wanted to thank you for bringing up such a socially awkward topic. I became a Christian a few month ago having spent my entire life as an Athiest. In addition, I also spend a lot of time on the interwebs, so I was raised in a world that not only allowed masturbation but actively celebrated it. I've spent most of my life believing that everybody did it every day, and those people who said they didn't were just embarrased. Having become a Christian, its a really hard point to talk about with people.

I decided a while ago that I needed to cut down on the amount that I was doing it; not just for the Christian reasons, but more for productivity reasons. It's taking time out of work that needs to be done, and a I've spent a few nights staying up way later than I should have done because I just wanted to find "one more video". While I haven't exactly made a massive amount of progress kicking the habit, I have learnt a few things which might be useful. First off, I find that I use it as a procrastination tool. I'll get up in the morning, know I've got lots of work that I need to do, but I don't really want to do it so I end up doing 'that' instead. I've also found that there are a few sites I will just 'check' every so often. Nothing massive or anything, I just think "oh, I wonder if there are any new pictures up", thinking that I will just spend a couple of minutes on there and then start my work. But *every* time, it leads to a lot more.

I've found one of the best ways is just to do stuff. If I'm not busy (ie, school holiday or no lectures) I can easily do it everyday. But at the end of last term I didn't do it in a week without even noticing simply because I had lots of things schedualled that meant I wasn't sitting at my computer. Even if its just something as simple as sitting in a cafe while doing work, or a friends house, or the library, all of a sudden I couldn't just 'check' things.

This is a really hard topic for people to talk about, so its good to know that other people are struggling with this too. I was also wondering if any of the Christians could point me towards the relevant passages that talk about - I know there are one's talking about pornography and sex, but I haven't found anything about masturbation as of yet.

[leadchipmunk]

The only verse that I know that is related to masturbation is Genesis 38:6-10 (KJV and NIV) But, one it doesn't say that it is masturbation, that is just general belief, and the most common understanding among theologists is that God didn't punish him for maturbation, but because it went against His will for Onan to bear a child to Tamer.

Sorry if I've been no help, I just wanted to get that out of the way before people suggested that verse. Then again, the Bible is to be personally interpreted, so if you want to believe that verse is against masturbation, then for you it is.

[Maria]

I agree. There is nothing as far as I know about masturbation. Onan's sin was not doing his duty to his brother's widow. And the text suggest withdrawal, not masturbation.

Thinking about women/men in inappropriate ways might be a deal, though. If you fantasize about women/men while doing it, you can find passages that might call it a sin. Matt 5:28 might be the most well known. Yes, there is a lot of "might" in that.

[leadchipmunk]

I've heard it both about withdrawal and masturbation, but the text does better suggest withdrawal. And I hadn't thought of inappropriate thoughts, so there is that. But as Maria said, might is a heavy word. It is ultimately up to you to decide what the bible means. If you are open to other religions' moral views (even if not their religious validity according to your beliefs), then check out this Wikipedia page that has a comparison of 7 different religions' views on masturbation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_on_masturbation

It may help you along your way.

[twist]

I've become a huge fan of a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

You don't really need to read the book to get the key points. He's put out a flowchart which sums up how habits work and how to change them. This is based off of a lot of neuroscience and psychology (and how it ties into neuroscience). Very well written, well sourced book.

The flow chart is here.

http://theleanthinker.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/change-a-habit1.jpg

Its fairly simple. Every habit - good or bad is based around 3 things.

Cue - pattern - reward

You know the pattern. You need to ID the reward (I'm assuming a dopamine rush or something similar in this case) and the cue.

Its far, far easier to overlay a new pattern around the cue/reward than it is to break the physical hard wiring in your brain.

I also have to say that I'm somewhat shocked reading this thread. Based around the introduction texts and code of conduct I just read (being new) I was amazed to find so much anti-help in this thread.

I'm neither Christian nor do I feel masturbation is bad per say. But the guy came looking for help. He didn't come to push his beliefs on others, he came looking for help to support his own.