The Taking of Surname

[BadWolf]

This is completely random, but I'm so excited right now and I have to share it with someone. Been married for almost two years and been meaning to get to the social security office, but it was hard without a car. Today my husband texted me a picture of a document from the Social Security office with my surname tacked onto the end of his full name. He walked there before he had work and got his name changed. Woo hoo! Jen is happy!

Could have been worse, it could have been 3 years, right?

Virtual jaffa cakes for all!

[Morrigainz]

I wanted to keep mine when I got married, but my husband is somewhat traditional in that regard

[AKLulu]

Cool! I've yet to get married, but I'm very torn about what I'll do with my name. I'd love to keep mine, but I also really want to take my husbands. And I don't want to hyphenate. Maybe I can make him take mine?

[scarletleavy]

.

[Waldo]

My wife kept hers (as did all 3 of her sisters, no brothers), but our son has my last name.

[oystergirl]

I think that there are so many different cultural traditions that anything really is ok. I took my last name as my middle name and then put my husband's name as my last name. My parents are very traditional but they totally felt honored that I kept my name in some way, and my husband was happy too. I think it is really up to the couple and the woman's values need be honored just as much as the mans. After all, its a union. Cool that your husband took your name!

[Guest Snake McClain]

as a male on this...my perspective on marriage and last names has changed a lot. at this point i just want a sone to have my last name so i'm not the last Inness in the world from my family. I don't care how it happens so much as long as it does. I would hope that more men would wake up and realize that a woman taking their name is sort of silly.

[msuroo]

My wife took mine, but only because she wanted to (she is more traditional than me in a lot of regards). I would have been OK either way.

I took my last name as my middle name and then put my husband's name as my last name.

My mom did this as well - I always thought it was a good solution.

[BadWolf]

I think that there are so many different cultural traditions that anything really is ok. I took my last name as my middle name and then put my husband's name as my last name. My parents are very traditional but they totally felt honored that I kept my name in some way, and my husband was happy too. I think it is really up to the couple and the woman's values need be honored just as much as the mans. After all, its a union. Cool that your husband took your name!

That's what my grandmother did, which was very traditional for her because she was from Spain, so you're definitely spot on that everything is traditional to someone.

The only issue I'm having is that when I was tracking my family tree on a website it wouldn't let me keep my name so I think I had to add an explanation in my listing.

[AKLulu]

My thing is that I've always been a Hill, right? And I have five older brothers... and their wives (four of them are married) all took the name Hill. So since I'm the only TRUE Hill woman, I want to still be a Hill. But I still like the idea of taking the man's name. You are supposed to "become as one." So that leaves my options at marrying some non-related person with the same last name, having my hubby change his name, or giving it up and just putting my last name in place of my middle name But I love my middle name too.... I just make life complicated *shakes head sadly*

['Roos]

Given that my career is based on publishing (and I'm published under my name) and that I find the tradition a bit... one sided, I've always said no. That said, if I was married and someone called me Mrs. Significantother, I wouldn't begin beating them about the head and shoulders. I think the son taking the father's name, daughter taking the mother's might be a cool way to split it.

[Hermione Gainser]

Yay! That's really awesome!

Like others said, I'm not sure what I'll do. I don't like my last name so much, nor the family it still connects me to, but I also don't want to take some other name..that's not me! I guess it depends on who I marry. I'd like to stay with the same initials, at least. My current bf's name starts with W.. it's an okay name. And now I'm just rambling... anyhow..

Yay for your awesome hubs!

[BadWolf]

as a male on this...my perspective on marriage and last names has changed a lot. at this point i just want a sone to have my last name so i'm not the last Inness in the world from my family. I don't care how it happens so much as long as it does. I would hope that more men would wake up and realize that a woman taking their name is sort of silly.

Honoring your family is awesome My husband kept his family name as a second middle I believe, to honor his dad who passed away the year before we got married. It's important to remember where you came from as well as knowing where you're going!

In regard to it being silly, I think it's silly to expect someone to do that, it should be a matter of choice. Oh, expectations...

[Morrigainz]

Also, not meant to rain on your parade, so congrats!!

[shutterpillar]

Congrats, Badwolf!

I always knew I would take my husband's last name, but a part of me was sad about it because my dad passed away when I was 13 and I felt like that was the last thing I had left of him... his last name. Then I got to thinking about it and I realized my dad left me so much more behind when he died (his smile, for example) and while it was certainly bittersweet, taking my husbands last name was what I wanted to do.

[LRB]

I'm assuming you, BadWolf, are female as the federal government (Social Security administration) doesn't yet recognize same-sex marriages, and that your husband took your name. That's awesome!

As for me, I was born Liz Rover, married Mr. Bailey, and became Liz Rover Bailey. Kept my middle name, just no longer use it on legal documents. I don't hyphenate, but don't object if other people do (some computer systems can't handle a space in the middle of a last name). My kids' last name is Bailey, and we are known mostly as the Bailey Family, although there's a large contingent of our friends who refer to us as the Rover Bailey family, which is fine with all of us.

When asked for my last name, I simply say, "I have two of them; the first one is Rover, like the dog; the second one is Bailey, like the Irish cream." People usually get it.

I also answer to Mrs. Bailey, as I am a stickler for grammar, and the "Mrs." is short for "mistress of . . ." so rather than indicating that Bailey is my last name, it just indicates that I am the person who is married to Bailey. But unless I'm being addressed in the context of my family, I strongly prefer "Ms. Rover Bailey." And I correct people who get that wrong and call me Ms. Bailey or Ms. Rover.

[Arashi]

Hmm. Never quite understood this whole replacing the name thing. I mean, as a colony of Portugal, Brazil has the same naming traditions, which means kids usually get both parents' names. For example, I am a journalist, I am published with my mother's surname (which is not my last name, as it's usually name + mother's surname + father's surname). I have been know by this name since middle school. The only time I use my last name is in the library, LOL.

So people usually already have two surnames, and are free to use any of those in their lives. You sign your full name in credit card receipts and library cards, but that's it. When women marry, most just attach the husband's last name to their names, so it gets name + mother's surname + father's surname + husband's surname. They don't replace anything - well, my grandmother did that, but it's not a common practice anymore.

Anyway, my mother got married in the 1980s, never changed a single document, and no one ever gave her any trouble because her credit card had an extra surname than her ID. It's just not a big thing, you know.

[BadWolf]

I'm assuming you, BadWolf, are female as the federal government (Social Security administration) doesn't yet recognize same-sex marriages, and that your husband took your name. That's awesome!

Yup, I'm female Major tomboy, but female.

Oh, and I got a piece of mail that was addressed to "Mrs. Jennifer BadWolf" (not my last name obviously) and it looked REALLY weird to me because I use "Ms.". Just outside of my normal I guess.

[Thrillho]

ThrillWife: "I'll just take your name."

Thrillho: "Why?"

ThrillWife: "My last name is boring, it's four letters. EVERYONE mis-spells yours. Think of the arguments I can have!"

Thrillho: "You make a logical point. Kiss me."

[BadWolf]

ThrillWife: "I'll just take your name."

Thrillho: "Why?"

ThrillWife: "My last name is boring, it's four letters. EVERYONE mis-spells yours. Think of the arguments I can have!"

Thrillho: "You make a logical point. Kiss me."

Yes!

Husband went from Miller to my difficult-for-others-to-spell Polish last name. I mean, I spent 25 years getting people to say and spell it correctly, I'm not giving it up now!

[morethanjustamom]

I also took my maiden last name as my middle name, and my husband's last name as my married last name.

[Thrillho]

Difficult-for-others-to-spell Swedish last name, here

[AKLulu]

ThrillWife: "I'll just take your name."

Thrillho: "Why?"

ThrillWife: "My last name is boring, it's four letters. EVERYONE mis-spells yours. Think of the arguments I can have!"

Thrillho: "You make a logical point. Kiss me."

Love it! People already have enough trouble with my first name (Laurinda, you wouldn't think it would be so hard), so I don't need a long, difficult last name. My sister-in-law was tired of her name too though, Smith, so she was ecstatic to change hers to Hill

[ZenGwen]

Awesome, congrats!

I'm definitely keeping my name when I get married, somehow or other. My mom kept hers too. I have her name as my middle name. Boyfriend wants to hyphenate, I'm not so sure. I love my name as it is.

When my ex and I were very serious, I was doing my absolute best to get him to consider taking my name. He's an academic with a very unfortunate last name. (Well, I think it's unfortunate. "Hogg". It's common-ish here in the UK, but unfortunately, he and most people in his family were also quite overweight, which... just made it much worse.) When a female academic gets married, the advice is - take his name only if it is before yours in the alphabet, because that moves you up the authors list on joint papers. And mine was ahead of his! Still wouldn't go for it though. Very traditional family.

Pretty glad I got out of that.

[Rosie]

Congrats, Badwolf!

I always knew I would take my husband's last name, but a part of me was sad about it because my dad passed away when I was 13 and I felt like that was the last thing I had left of him... his last name. Then I got to thinking about it and I realized my dad left me so much more behind when he died (his smile, for example) and while it was certainly bittersweet, taking my husbands last name was what I wanted to do.

Gosh i can relate so much to this. I lost my dad when I was 22 and seeing as he had three girls I realised he had no boys to carry on his name but I still think i would take my husbands surname when it happens. And I did also inherite a feature from my dad - effing eyebrows. Thank god for tweezers!!

I should add that I got endless teasing in primary school for my surname which is Dye. Rosie Dye, rosie dead for example. kids can be mean.