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What? Two challenges in a row? Jeez. I realize I didn't do a lot of updating over the last challenge, and really no visiting of anyone else's threads. For me, NF is a very all-or-nothing thing. I used to spend all day on here, updating, reading, encouraging, playing in chat, etc. And then it got to be too much (well, Mr Mir felt it was too much because I wasn't spending any time with him). So, in my way of doing things, the NF switch got flipped to Off. I'm still not sure what an appropriate amount of time looks like. I miss interacting with nerds; I miss talking to the people that have encouraged and loved me through some of the hardest times in my (recent) life. So I'm trying. This is me, trying. I still don't have any clear goals for this challenge, other than continuing my am/pm routine and trying to turn it into a habit. Not doing so great so far - from Jan 11 to 31 I only did my am/pm stuff 6 times. It's easy stuff, but I just wait until too late and then I'm tired and say, "whatever, I can just do it in the morning". As far as the morning stuff...I'm usually running behind during the week, and I guess I'm just lazy on the weekend - I'll get up, put on some pjs, and go downstairs instead of cleaning my guard, which would take all of 2 minutes. Sometimes I take a step back and analyze the reason for putting these things into place to begin with. I don't want to get stuck back in a place where I feel guilty because I'm not doing the things I said I would, but the only reason I said I would do them was so I could accomplish some other goal, and I'm accomplishing the other goal without doing the things. (That seems rambly; does it make sense?) So like prepping my coffee the night before - is it necessary? Not really. I can do coffee in the morning. But it IS kind of nice (especially during the week) to be able to stumble downstairs and basically just hit "brew". Eliminating steps in the morning is good. And cleaning my occlusal guard isn't to accomplish something else but should be done for its own sake - because ew. And meds - goes without saying, really. So, yes, back to the goals. I don't know what to set. There are too many things and I can't decide what's most important. Is it important to do my physical therapy exercises? Is it important to set up a launch pad? Is it important to make sure the dishes are done every day? Is it important to keep laundry off the floor? There are too many options, and then I get overwhelmed and think maybe I should just keep trying the am/pm thing until it's a habit and then add things slowly. But then I think maybe I should discard the am/pm idea because it's not working. Too much stress. Very overwhelm. In other news, which I don't think I talked about last challenge, I got dumped by my therapist. (Bolding bc important thing in the middle of word vomit.) Being dumped sucks. Being dumped by a therapist REALLY sucks. Being dumped by a therapist via no contact/response really, really, really, REALLY sucks. I will admit that I was not great at keeping appointments. But I never no call/no showed. I always let her know. And really...last summer was tough. Some days I didn't have enough spoons to even get dressed. One day I emailed her (yes, we primarily communicated via email) to cancel/reschedule...and I never heard back from her. Ever. To this day. It was just a couple weeks before I was planning to go back to work, and I thought it was probably a good idea to see her. But yeah, no response. I tried not to judge; I figured maybe she was sick or wasn't practicing anymore or whatever. However, I heard through the grapevine that she is, indeed, still practicing. So I vagged up one day and called her. Got her voicemail stating she would return my call within 24 hours. Never heard back. Ever. To this day. It was fairly recent - about 2 weeks ago. Definitely informed my depressive episode. So now here I am, without a therapist, and still in that place of "omg, I'm going to have to find someone new and spend all that time and energy and effort AGAIN" - those of you who are/have been in therapy know exactly what I'm talking about. Rehashing everything all over again...it gets so old. Anyway...other than that, feeling generally sad and weepy today. And frustrated. Frustrated by many things. I'm trying to just sit with it and not judge or be mad at myself that I've basically gotten no work done yet today. Especially since I might start crying at any moment! But! There's a ray of sunshine in the darkness! His name is Benson; I've nicknamed him Bun Bun. He is adorable and soft and cute and sweet...but, in true guinea pig fashion, still very skittish and frightened. Hopefully he will warm up to me in time.

So umm.....hi. Let me explain....no, is too much. Let me sum up: I'm just coming out of the worst year of my life, complete with mental breakdown and taking a medical leave of absence from work, almost getting divorced, and all that good stuff. I've taken a LONG break from NF, for lots of reasons, but I miss my nerds TERRIBLY and I've decided it's time to come back. Plus, I'm trying something different this time. I've spent most of my adult life feeling like a failure, a fuckup, a worthless piece of sludge. I suffer from depression and ADHD, and so things that are simple for others are nearly impossible for me. While I don't necessarily compare myself to other people, I have in my mind this Ideal Person, and the kind of things this person does. I have wasted so much time comparing myself to this Person, falling short, and beating myself up for it. I've decided that it ends, NOW. I've decided to be the best Mir I can be, and that means embracing all the awesome things that make me Mir, while acknowledging my weaknesses but not hating myself for them. I'm not sure exactly how things work around here these days, and also I only decided yesterday to make a challenge, so here are my thoughts thus far: Main Quest: Love Thyself How am I going to accomplish this? I, errr....don't really know. What I've come up with so far is to ask myself two questions: Does this make my life easier? / What will make my life easier? Does this make me happier? / What will make me happier? The non easy/happy things are going out the window. I'm going to look at my life differently. I'm going to look at my SELF differently. I am simply not wired to be the Super Organizer that for some reason I've felt I should be. Instead, I'm wired to be fun, crazy, wild, creative, zany, loud, outgoing, etc etc etc. It's time to embrace me. It's time to be authentically Mir. Other things I'd like to accomplish, but I haven't decided the order/priority in which they fall (and certainly some of them are more than 4 week goals): start doing PT againgo back to gymmake good food choices/cook yummy food at hometake care of myself while at work (this includes things like actually taking a lunch, bringing food to eat instead of drinking coffee and eating candy all day, getting up from my desk once in a while, etc)get Etsy shop off the groundstart doing home improvement stuff again (painting, ugh)

Hokay, so. Here's Mir. Not round. But damn, sweet Mir. Anyway. Here is my word vomit: Background I've struggled with depression and ADHD for pretty much my entire adult life. In particular, I have traditionally had enormous trouble maintaining a job of any kind. Part time, full time, retail, office, professional, etc., it doesn't matter. After a while, I just can't make it to work every day. I have struggled. I have tried. I have set goals, rewards, budgets, etc etc etc...nothing works. I'm sure that I've talked about this extensively in older posts; if you have questions, feel free to ask, but I don't want to get into the details here. To show how bad it really is, I've been with my current employer since January 2013. I earn 4 hours of sick time every pay period (2 weeks). I have no accumulated sick time. Current Situation I had something of a mental breakdown in May (a lot of things came to a head all at once and I just couldn't handle it); thus I have been off work since around Mother's Day. I have exhausted my FMLA credits, although I do get another 3 months or so of unpaid medical leave. This gives me until Nov 20. I had a meeting with work people recently to talk about going back, and I'm just...not ready. I feel as though I only have one chance to go back and make it work, because if I fail again, even if I have leave time left, who is going to feel they can rely on me? Talking with my therapist, I have come to the conclusion that maybe the traditional work environment/schedule just doesn't work for me. I have spent my entire life trying to fit my square self into the round world, and it's impossible; so now it's time to see if I can make my world square. I know I am smart. I am ambitious, dedicated, enthusiastic, outgoing, friendly, and all-around awesome. When I become interested in something, I can (and often do) focus nearly all my attention to it until I have a handle on it. Trouble is, I seem to get bored easily, and the combination of boredom plus a work environment in which I don't thrive have created the perfect storm. I frequently wonder if I really am just lazy or stupid. Which makes me mad. Okay, that was a tangent. Anyway. What I Need I need a job/career that is a better fit for me than what I've been doing. Some of the things I believe I need/value in a job are as follows: autonomyflexibility re: schedulingability to try new things (even if they fail)/be creativechallengesuhh, I can't brain - something that is able to capture and keep my interest, OR something that changes frequentlyThose are all the things I can think of for now. So, considering something like contract or freelance work. I'm interested in EVERYTHING. My degree is a BBA in Information Technology Management, and I enjoy technical details as well as the overall picture. For the past couple of years, I've worked as an IT programmer/analyst using SAP Business Objects. SQL appeals to me because it's logical but also because it's like a puzzle to figure out...although I will also admit that I'm not always 100% awesome with all the details (missing commas, what?). I also have an interest in project management; specifically requirements gathering (probably). I've billed myself as a bridge between people and technology, because I can walk the walk and I can also talk the talk. I tend to be pretty good at putting technical concepts in layman's terms. Plus, I think that's really something that is lacking in the tech world. SO. I never had enough self-confidence to think I could be an entrepreneur or do anything like contract/freelance...but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm excited. However....I have no idea where to start. I have a couple of people I can contact, and I will, but I have NO idea if they will be able to help me. Any advice/suggestions/leads? My deadline looms large in my face.

Hokay. So. Here's Mir. Background: Near the end of last challenge, suddenly we decided to talk to a realtor. So now our house is going up on the market THIS WEEK and we are beginning to look at houses closer to where we work (right now is about a 40 min commute and we are sick of it). It's all happening way too fast, and I've never bought a house or sold a house before so I'm in completely uncharted territory. This past weekend was spent getting the house in show-ready condition. If I'm not lazy, I'll take some pics of our immaculate house for y'all. If I am, maybe I'll just link to the MLS. Only then you'll all know where I live. And there are probably stalkers on the internet. So maybe not. ANYWAY, other things that are going well: weight loss. I didn't have it as a goal last challenge, but it IS a goal. Since the beginning of the year-ish, I've lost 15 lbs-ish. I'm hoping for another 5 or so and then I plan to reevaluate and see if I want to lose 5-10 lbs more. I'm getting close! Hooray! work. Still a struggle, but I've been doing MUCH, MUCH better about being focused while I am here. Yes, here. I am typing this at work because I need a small mental break. And I keep getting harassed about making a challenge *cough*Raev and Chairbrokey*cough*. And it's good that I've been more focused because HOLY HELL AM I BUSY. Between work and house stuff, I haven't been to the gym on lunch. In like three weeks. Seriously. And I'm considering taking my PC home tonight and/or this weekend because I have a LOT to do. And I haven't been having too much trouble getting to work on Mondays. I did miss Tuesday, July 8, because I don't know why, but at least I went into work on Friday to make up for it so I didn't use as much sick time. I also used sick leave on Monday, June 23, but again I made up for some of it later that week. Before that, it was May 27. And again I made up some time. So yeah, I mean that's a lot, but not nearly as much as it was. And I have almost 20 hours of sick time banked (wooo). Seriously, huge accomplishment. Things that aren't going well: workouts. I've been too busy at work and with the house search, as stated above, but I've also been making excuses. I want to step it up, but at this point I'm unwilling to make it a challenge goal. I just want to keep it in the back of my head. planning for Japan. Eek. That is all. WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID. Challenge goal #1: JUST DON'T DIE. (with apologies/thanks to Blueberries) I can't believe how stressed I am about selling the house. For serious. So this will be about managing my stress levels. I'm not good at that. In a crisis (or other stressful situation), I'm a whiz. Until I get overloaded, and then I shut completely down. Like, can't get out of bed completely. I don't want that to happen. Hence the goal. Challenge goal #2: KEEP THE HOUSE SHINY. Seriously, this is THE WORST goal for me. I am not good about keeping on top of household things. Now all of a sudden not only do I have to do things like wash the dishes and put away laundry DAILY (when I'm normally a once a week kinda gal), I have to remember to do stupid shit like keeping the toilet lids down, making the bed EVERY DAY (I never ever make the bed), probably emptying our trash daily and vacuuming on the regular because you never know when someone is going to request a showing. I cannot overstate how horrible this goal is going to be for me. No I'm not being overdramatic. Challenge goal #3: DON'T EAT LIKE AN ASSHOLE. I'm usually good on this front. I haven't been tracking calories lately because with all the med stuff, I just haven't been hungry. So many days I'm only eating one meal a day. NOTE: Please no one yell at me about this. My energy levels have been fine (actually GREAT, to be honest) and I'm not wasting away or anything. I'm assuming at some point the side effects will wear off to the point that I have an appetite again. In the meantime, I'm riding the coaster. Or whatever. Uh. And then hopefully I can get back to the gym on the regular. That's pretty much it. I'm ready to go home and have a bottle of wine now.

Hokay. So. Here's Mir (round) . Damn, that's a sweet Mir. So, quick backstory that most of you already know. Suffer from depression, and working on getting an official diagnosis of ADHD. I am in counseling and also on meds. Currently I am taking 40mg of Prozac a day. ---- Quick update from between challenges: OHMYGOD. SOMETHING HAPPENED. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. One day I was a miserable pile of sludge and the next I was just happy. Just...happy. Even being bored and annoyed at work hasn't been enough to keep me down. I've been making social commitments and keeping them, getting along well with Mr Mir, and just generally being ok. This started 4 days after I increased my dosage of Prozac to 40mg. I am skeptical that it is the medication for many reasons, chief among them that I NEVER felt like this because of Prozac before. I don't remember the last time I was just happy to be. I am working with my therapist on preventing a horrible spiraling relapse, and that's what this challenge is going to be about. Because as glad as I am to be feeling this good, I'm absolutely terrified that it will go away just as suddenly, and with just as little explanation. So here's where it starts. No Zero Days. If you want to read the Reddit post that inspired this theme, you can find it here. Otherwise, I will sum up. 1. No zero days. This means do SOMETHING every. single. day. that will help to improve my life. I spent a long time trying to think of how I was going to narrow down the list of things I wanted to accomplish for myself this challenge, and the simplest way is to put it all in one bucket and pick the thing(s) that need to be done the most, or that will help me feel the best. Because I know myself. And although it may not be lupus, depression is still a real illness, and I've found that spoon theory does a great job of explaining my energy level variation. So some days I may be able to do all the things. Others, it may be a struggle to get out of bed. 2. The Three Mes (Me's? Debate.). I have two best friends in the world: past me and future me. We are BFFFL. So every day, I will thank past me for something I did that has improved present me's situation. And every day I will do future me a favor. Even if I wouldn't do it for me, I would do it for my BFFFL. *Note: I think this is an especially important goal. Specifically the thanking. I definitely have trouble with dysfunctional thought patterns, and I am trying to combat that but it's hard because I'm not always aware of it. So by instead focusing on positives....I think this will help. 3. Forgiveness. This is also huge. I am very hard on myself. I will find a quote from Strawberry Squatcake in a minute if I remember. But yes. If I try, really try, to have a nonzero day and I still fail? Practice grace. Forgive my past self. Forgive myself for the mistakes I make. And move on. 4. (hey! this is where it actually gets challenge-y!) Exercise and books. Exercise, duh. And obvs since I am a warrior I will be lifting the heavy things. But also still doing my physical therapy. I still have trouble doing things where I only have to bend over slightly, like putting on my underwear or spitting into the sink after brushing my teeth. And books. Read books that will help me be a better me. I already have a bit of a list, but I'm always open to suggestions. I think for this challenge I am going to focus on ADHD books and Japanese books. ADHD because I want to learn as much about it and coping mechanisms as possible, and Japan because I'm fucking going to Japan this fall!!! And I took a couple Nihongo classes many years ago, but not much has stuck with me, and I'm definitely concerned not only about the speaking barrier but the reading/writing barrier. I bought an awesome book called Remembering the Kanji and, as is typical for me, devoured the first 3 sections in about an hour and I haven't looked at it since. No more of that. Alright, so that's enough. I did want to put down a list of things that would count for nonzero days, because I am typically so hard on myself. So here it is. Not inclusive, just representative. And if you have ideas or feedback, let me know! Go to work (even if I am not productive) Be productive at home (even if I don't go to work - so errands, housework, yardwork, etc) Journaling Planning for Japan trip Planning for moving (eventually) Scrapbooking Calling a friend (texting/online will not count for this unless I'm in a REALLY bad place, so it's subjective) Being social outside the home Having friends over Cooking dinner NST Taking meds (this will only count on a really bad day) Counting calories Things that will NOT count: sleeping video games reading fiction books playing on Facebook playing stupid games on phone I'm ready! But nervous.

Okay. So. I can feel my right leg caving in when it gets hard, and I can manage to push it back out but I can't stop it from happening. Also pretty sure something wonky is going on with my back because it feels a little owie. Although these were MUCH improved from 2 weeks ago. Not sure how much the video shows. (This was set 2 of 3).

Hi guys. I've missed you. I've missed having support. So I decided to make a (late) challenge thread. Not for goal-making, but for support-getting, and accountability-keeping. So i've been trying to lose some weight, and am in the midst of a cutting challenge with some other nerds, but I really haven't made any progress. I've noticed on days I track my food, I tend to be under my calories. Which means on days I don't track (most days), I must be eating too much. Or drinking too much (booze). Or both. So Imma try this tracking thing again. Also I just got back in the gym this week after my SI joint issues. I'm still trying to find a program I can follow. I'm trying to do my PT stuff while I'm at the gym because it's far more likely that I'll get them done than if I wait until I get home. So that cuts my already-short gym time by at least 15 minutes. I already take long lunches; I hate to stretch that out even more. I've been lucky that my boss hasn't said anything. I also want to start running a mile every day. Or most days. So far I've gone twice this week, which is a vast improvement over the nothing that I was doing Right now mile time is just over 13 minutes. Whew. Cardiovascular endurance has gone down the tubes. Re: other stuff, I've started seeing a therapist for ADHD (and possibly depression), mostly to get my shit in order and address my dysfunctional thought patterns. I've come to realize that every time I do something wrong, or not exactly right, or even if someone disagrees with me, it becomes "I am a failure at life." So, working to turn that around. I have a psych eval on May 10 which I am both anticipating and dreading. I've never seen a psychiatrist before (I've always gotten my antidepressants from my PCP) so I have no idea what to expect. That's it in a nutshell. Hopefully I'll keep with the tracking. And I'll try to follow some peeps but I get awfully overwhelmed. Especially coming back in the middle of a challenge like this and I see some people already have 7 pages (I'm looking at you, Catspaw). So my attendance may be spotty at best. But I miss my nerds. Badly. TL;DR: Hi!

Hokay, so. No but seriously. I have a lot going on in my personal life right now, and it's not really good. It's not end-of-the-world stuff, but I'm having enough trouble with my everyday activities that the added stress is not helpful. Mr. Mir and I returned from Jamaica on Thursday, we had a great time, and I am not ready to be back at work (even though I am at work). I didn't really do any of the stuff I had written down in my planner, partly due to laziness and partly due to aforementioned life stuff. I have only been scheduling activities (like housecleaning) a week or two out, and so I haven't written anything for this week yet. I would do it now, but I don't have a pencil. I know that is a lame excuse, but as soon as I write something in my planner in pen, I have to cross it out. I haven't made the decision to find another therapist yet, although I think I need to. My current guy is on vacation right now, and so I won't see him for another month. This seems almost like an ideal time to make the jump. I went to the dr for my back when we returned and he diagnosed me with a muscle strain. I was super paranoid that it was a bulging disc or something, but he told me I would have shooting pains down my leg, which I don't. He was concerned that I haven't gotten better (it's been two weeks) so he referred me to a PT. I'm planning to call and schedule something with them this morning so I can get started. As for goals, I actually do have a few in mind. I am somewhat limited at the moment with the fitness stuff since I don't know how much I should be doing, if anything, but hopefully I will know more soon. Goal 1: Lose the non-baby belly. I need to get serious about this because frankly, it's ridiculous. I don't know if it's fat or what, but I'm tired of bitching about it and not buckling down and really making an effort. Since my blood tests and ultrasound were normal, that indicates (sort of) that it's just fat, right? So I'd best hop to it. Even though it doesn't look like a typical fat belly. It looks like an old man fat belly, very taut and not saggy. Anyway. I'm starting at 1700 kcal/day and will adjust based on exercise and results (or lack thereof). Goal 2: Drink moar water. I suck at drinking enough water. I have no doubt that I'm quite dehydrated. And hopefully the water drinking will help with the weight loss. I have a 16 oz (I think) water bottle at my desk. I want 4 of those a day. So 64 oz. Same on weekends, although I leave my water bottle here so I'll have to figure something else out. Like, maybe a glass! What a novel thought. Goal 3: Complete this list of tasks. Make (and commit to) a large personal decision and follow through. Make dr appt to talk about belly (since we never finished that discussion) and ADD and meds Make PT appointment - COMPLETED! 2/24/14 Find new therapist Get my bedroom cleaned up (again) Get on psychiatrist waiting list Goal 4: Do the things I say I am going to do in my planner. I was really good at this for the first few weeks of last challenge, and it really helped me keep things together. I've been thinking about establishing some kind of routine because I've found it helps me. But then if one thing goes awry, the whole deck of cards collapses. Pics:

Okay guys. I have to do something. And my last challenge petered out, so...here I am again. I'm putting the backstory/what I've been up to behind a spoiler tag because there's been a lot going on and I don't want everyone to have to read it if they don't want to. To put it simply: I'm a mess. However, I have a Plan. Sort of. I have an appt tomorrow with a psychologist who was recommended to me by the Employee Service department here at work. The place doesn't have a psychiatrist available, but apparently they work closely with PCP so hopefully I can get on some new meds. And figure out what the hell to do with myself. Frankly, right now I don't even know what my challenge goals are. I bought a planner hoping that it will help me stay organized this year. Mr. Mir has been doing the bulk of the housework, and I figured that if I wrote down things to do every day, I might actually do them (I love lists). But besides that, I don't know. The gym? I don't know. This next week it's supposed to be so cold - below zero. No way am I running outside in that. Food? I don't know either. Booze? That has got to stop. But how many things should I be doing at once? Anyway. There's my update

Okay so I wasn't sure I was going to do one again, but I miss the community and the accountability. I don't know if I'll be great at posting on other people's stuff because I kind of feel like my life is a clusterfuck right now. Some of that is due to me being really good at beating myself up, but some of it is shit I need to get in order. Because I'm an adult, dammit. I gotta vag up at some point. However, this challenge is not going to be my typical balls-to-the-wall, do everything challenge. Before I get my shit together, I need to get my mental health in order. So, I'm working on healing myself this challenge. Main mission: Get to a place where I am happy and (mentally) healthy (or at least well-adjusted). Make decisions I can be proud of every day (thanks for that, Mom). Become the kind of person I want to be - the kind of person I know I am inside. I am intelligent, funny, fun to be with, driven, ambitious, and intuitive. I am social, empathetic, and I like to help people. I'm sure there are a lot of other awesome things I could say about myself, but those are what come to mind at the moment. Goal #1: Do at least one thing every week to combat depression. This could be doing an activity even though I don't feel like it (going for a walk, a run, something to get me out of my head - reading, sleeping, playing video games, watching tv/movies, and being on the computer don't count), going to a therapy session (although I have yet to actually get anything set up - not my fault, I'm waiting for callbacks), pretty much anything that might help. Suggestions welcome! Goal #2: Take my meds. Every day. I have gotten better at this but I am not perfect. I need to set up a system where I can take them every day and it does not rely being at work. Goal #3: Do something every week to destress. Again, no video games here. This is more of an organization/to-do/planning kind of thing. Can also be replaced by once-a-week journaling. And that's it.

My Mission is simple: LIVE AND ENJOY a HAPPY LIFE How the hell do I do that?!?!?! 1. Eat clean -when I eat right, my body is happy. My tummy isn't bloaty and if I lose a few inches: woohoo The budget has been tighter than I like and we've resorted to some less than amazing choices in order to stretch pennies. Preparation is key. It's far too easy to make bad choices when you've failed to plan. I need to make sure that I have healthy clean foods to bring with me to work and I also need to re-learn to stop eating when I'm not hungry rather than cleaning my plate and feeling stuffed. 2. Follow Training plan-keep running and getting stronger. Running releases endorphins that make me a pleasant pixie. DOMs make me happy! Use the limited weights that I have to increase strength. Spartan Beast requires full body strength- incorporate hanging skills for grip- For this mission to be successful I will have 2 life quests 3. Prepare myself and home for temporary single parent life (this means decluttering, simplifying and organizing my home) Have a "trunk sale" since I don't have a garage to have a sale in and what doesn't sell gets donated. If it isn't used, needed or loved it needs to GTFO of my apartment. Waiting on results from several disputes on my credit. (carryover from last challenge- home ownership prep) 4. Do the necessary things to maintain a peaceful spirit. Keep up with Housework Get caught up on work things Aim to write one blog post per week. Take time to be thankful for my blessings No attribute points will be assigned. No tracking document will be created-I will make notes in my daily notebook and share - these things have a tendency to stress me out & that defeats the purpose of this mission The Most Important part of this challenge is to remember to BE HAPPY Happy Pixie = Happy J and Happy Family!

So! It's that time again, already. I was going to name this challenge "Mir gets jacked and swole" but Bigm came up with this in chat and I thought it sounded more awesomer. Goals! 1. Eat to perform (I think) - doing some research on this now and this weekend. No more cutting. I realized that it will be easier for me to cut and actually have some success if I build MOAR muscles. So, that's the plan. Grading scheme and stats to come. (+2 CHA for dem gunz and dat ass) 2. Pick that shit up, dammit - I want a 200# deadlift. I've been wanting it for over a year, and I think I'm getting close. At SSS, I *almost* had 185, and yesterday I did 145 for 10. According to ExRx, my current 1RM is 193. If I'm eating right, I think this should be doable. (+4 STR) 200+ = A195+ = B190+ = C185+ = Dless than 185 = F(side note: does this sound reasonable?) Get that goddamned pullup - yep. Bringing this one back. I'm so close. And I'm doing a LOT more pulling work (and just ordered a pullup bar to grease the groove at home) so I really think this is possible. I just remembered that I have some resistance bands at home, and I was able to do 3 pullups (2 with black band, 1 with blue band, not consecutive, on I-bar which OW! hurt my hands). So let's shoot for the stars, shall we? 2+ consecutive pullups = A2 non-consecutive (but within a short span) = B1 pullup = Cnose to bar = Dno progress = F 3. Booze goal. Same as last challenge. None during the week. BUT! This time. I'm making it a goal I'm almost certain to fail - because I'm adding the caveat that I do not drink more than my husband. I believe this will be graded subjectively. (+5 CON) 4. Gah life goal. Gah why do I suck at life. I have so many things I need to work on, I can't decide. I have options of showering every morning before work, spending time with Mr. MirGSS, remembering to take meds every day, cleaning house, doing yardwork...ugh. I will decide later. Need MOAR coffee. UPDATED 4. GO TO WORK EVERY DAY. Every day. I mean, every day that I'm scheduled to. Yup. This one is going to suck and probably be a large fail. Graded on percentage of days I make it to work. (+4 WIS) EDIT! Changed up life goal because this is what I said I was going to do for this challenge like a week ago and I kind of forgot until just now. Also made pullup and DL one goal because I wanted to add in something else which I forget what that is right now. I may make it either water or running. EDIT #2! I remembered I wanted a booze goal redux. Sigh. Why do I do these things that make me cry.

Muhahaha. xoxoxo

Main quest: Get big and strong. How to get there: Eat stuff. - I need to eat the food to fuel my gains. I still don't want to track because what a pain in the ass, but I'm going to focus on eating lots of protein and good carbs. And yummy veggies. And not so much cake and ice cream and things. Lift stuff. - Continue my workout plan. Because I lurves it. But lift stuff wisely. - I'm really getting to the point where I need to be doing stretching, foam rolling, etc. So I want to do this at least 3x a week. Life side quest: Don't suck at life. So...here's my plan. -build up 12 hours of sick time at work (I think). I get 4 hrs per pay period (2 weeks). So, yeah, 12 should be doable- as long as I don't call in sick. Haha. -take my meds. Every day. This is also going to require a dr appt because I am almost out. Sigh. -spend 15 minutes a night cleaning/decluttering/doing dishes/something. This is going to be challenging but seriously. I'm an adult. I need to learn to not suck at life. Fitness side quest: Complete the exercise physiology course I signed up for on Coursera. Even though I'm totally overwhelmed by it right now. If I can't complete the course due to not having enough basic knowledge (sarcoplasmic reticulum, wtf is that?!?!) I want to get through Hank Green's biology crash course (thanx Catspaw!).

Howdy nerds! Man, not having internet at home sucks. Thanks AT&T! Hopefully we will have things back up and running soon. Until then, I'm being a typical state employee. Hooray. I have some pretty basic goals this go-round, but it's really gonna be challenging for me. 1. Don't eat ALL the things! (+3 STA, +2 CHA) While I'm not unhappy with how I look most days, I would really like to get a bit leaner. According to some online calculators, I'm hovering between 25-27% bodyfat. I'd like to get that closer to 20. So, here's to the beginning of a cut! Make a plan: 1350 kcals M-F, 145 g PRO, 50 g fat, 85 g CHO* 2000 kcals S-Su, 145 g PRO, 80 g fat, 170 g CHO (yes, this only adds up to 1960. leaves me room to play)* 2. Don't drink ALL the alcohol! (+3 CON, +2 WIS) So, this could really be considered part of the first goal, because if there's anyone who can have a decent diet on 1350 cals and still drink alcohol is a hero in my book, but I wanted to underscore the importance of it. Make a plan: No alcohol during the week. Yes, that's right, no alcohol. None. Not one drop. And I'd like to limit my alcohol intake on the weekends...I haven't come up with a specific goal for that yet. This challenge is all about fat loss, and those liquid calories are really holding me back. 3. DO keep on keeping on! (+2 STR) So while I'm restricting calories, I want to keep up the same activity level. This should be fun. Make a plan: Keep doing what I'm doing. Weight training during the week when my schedule allows (hoping to get to a consistent 4 days a week here, but we'll see), running 1-2 times a week (including a conditioning/interval run), kickboxing once a week, and maybe some yoga when I feel up to it. 4. Get my shit together already. (+3 DEX) Okay, so maybe this isn't really dexterity, but it's juggling multiple things so it's mental dexterity! That's what I'm saying. I'm tired of rushing around in the morning trying to get everything ready for the day, especially since I'm really not very good with mornings. Make a plan: Get my food (+1), work clothes (+1), and workout clothes (+1) ready the night before work. I can't math right now (morning, remember?) but this will be based on a percentage of total possible points. So. Let's do this. *I may change this to be Su-Th, and then F-S. I don't know yet. P.S. I'm starting tomorrow with the calories. Because today we are celebrating 3 (!) birthdays at work, and there's going to be pizza. I can't resist pizza. But, I will still try to be mindful the rest of the day.

I can has form check plz?