Speech Delays

[BarefootDawsy]

Hi all,

My eldest son turned 3 a couple months back and he isn't really speaking yet. He has a bunch of words but for the most part he's not stringing them together.

We've done a bit of speech therapy with him and are always trying to reinforce words, etc, but none of it has really helped.

In Australia where we lived until he was 3, this wasn't seen as a huge issue and that it would likely resolve itself on time. Bit since we moved to Canada recently it seems like all the healthcare and school people we speak to are all in a flap about getting him a 'diagnosis'. Some have even suggested getting help from Autism organisations. (I've worked with autistic kids and he's definitely not got autism). And one on one preschool (ridiculous).

In Australia he was considered a normal kid. Here he's considered a concern.

I suppose my question is where does the truth lie? Should we be laid back or worried? How old were your kids when they started speaking in sentences?

[Maria]

I know that I only spoke a few words until I was almost five. Towards the end I did see a speech therapist for a little while, but I'm not sure there was any real impact from it. If the kid communicates, are able to speak (so it isn't something physically wrong), understand what he hears and overall seems normal and happy, I would for sure not worry in another year or two. But I do not have kids myself or any special education in these matters, so I hope others will contribute more.

[BarefootDawsy]

We've had him checked out and he's physically tip-top. Also his comprehension is quite good. I've heard of a lot of people from our generation being late talkers and no big deal was made of it....these days it seems to be really frowned upon. Thanks for sharing

[WizardTrip]

I can only speak to my personal experience growing up. I didn't start speaking until I was 3 myself (learned to ride a bike without training wheels the same year....was a damn good year for me! ). Apparently when I did start to speak, it was basically in full sentences. Now, at that time, no one could understand me but my brother (gotta love siblings for those unique style connections). I had speech impediments (speech sounds disorders) with ~11 different letters and combinations of letters. I started speech therapy the moment I started school, but nothing at all was ever considered wrong with me and there was a never a concern other than getting the proper therapy to make the proper sounds. I kicked my last problem (that damn "r") in the 4th grade. After that point, you would have never been able to tell I didn't speak till 3 and had speech therapy from 1st-4th grade.

[Fink]

My nephew (almost 3) had trouble for the longest time. He was diagnosed with a mild case of apraxia, started speech therapy (which there are also apps for) and has come a long long way and talking in complete sentences. I'm not saying this is the case, just sharing a different experience. Every child develops differently and I wouldn't stress too much about it

[morethanjustamom]

My middle son (now 9) barely uttered a word until he was around 3, and then he started speaking in complete sentences as well. There's nothing wrong with him, never has been, he's just a quiet child who likes to observe anything new very closely until he's ready to try it himself. Almost like he wants to know that he's got all the details and will succeed before he ever tries something. This has led to a great many things he's done "late" (tying shoes, riding a bike, etc.) but when he actually does take the leap, he usually catches on quickly with little to no help.

His younger brother however (#4, now 8) is more of a "leap, then look" type, the complete opposite of big brother above. He'll jump in and try something with no thought, no preparation, no nothing, and then learn as he goes (he gets that from me). He's quite fearless and confident (gets that from Dad), but it gets him in trouble sometimes.

As a side note, we did hold back the middle son who was a late talker, and started him in school with his brother. Because he was a very shy child, I worried that a large socialized group would be too much for him at 5, so I started him at 6, a year late in our school system. Best decision we ever made. He's never made a B, even on a test, he excels at everything and his teachers say he's very social and has lots of friends, plus he's a little more mature than the other kids his age, so he's better behaved as well. His younger brother (same grade, remember) stays in trouble, but makes good grades. It's a maturity issue for him, plus that impetuosity isn't rewarded in school.

[WizardTrip]

My middle son (now 9) barely uttered a word until he was around 3, and then he started speaking in complete sentences as well. There's nothing wrong with him, never has been, he's just a quiet child who likes to observe anything new very closely until he's ready to try it himself. Almost like he wants to know that he's got all the details and will succeed before he ever tries something. This has led to a great many things he's done "late" (tying shoes, riding a bike, etc.) but when he actually does take the leap, he usually catches on quickly with little to no help.

...

...started him at 6, a year late in our school system. Best decision we ever made. He's never made a B, even on a test, he excels at everything and his teachers say he's very social and has lots of friends, plus he's a little more mature than the other kids his age, so he's better behaved as well. ...

Mom, is that you? *commenting from 1988*

[morethanjustamom]

Mom, is that you? *commenting from 1988*

Bahahaha!! I doubt it...I was 8 years old in 1988.

[BarefootDawsy]

This is making me feel much better He sounds a lot like yours, MTJAM. He was slow to walk but when he started doing it you couldn't tell he was delayed after a week. Interesting about the holding him back...we've talked a lot about that and aren't sure since his brother is a year younger and they'd be in the same class.

Lots of great feedback everyone, thanks

[bigm141414]

I was a very quiet kid growing up. Then I guess I turned 8 and wouldn't shut up until I discovered girls.

[spatzcat]

My son was slow to walk, (18 months) ,and slow to talk (2.5 years).

And now, at 6, he can put together a sentence like this "mommy, did you know that diplodocus is one of the largest dinosaurs, and that even when an ant is cut it half it won't let go of it's prey?" -- this morning at breakfast.

don't sweat it, they all come around! i find that alot of people will try to stress you out when your kid isn't hitting the 'milestones' in a timely fashion. it's annoying as hell. They recommended a speech therapist for us at 2 years old, we refused.

[morethanjustamom]

This is making me feel much better He sounds a lot like yours, MTJAM. He was slow to walk but when he started doing it you couldn't tell he was delayed after a week. Interesting about the holding him back...we've talked a lot about that and aren't sure since his brother is a year younger and they'd be in the same class.

Lots of great feedback everyone, thanks

Mine are in the same grade (14 months apart...it's almost like twins!), but the school has worked with us to keep them in the same rotation (group of 3-4 teachers, kinda like a team), but not the same class. This way they get autonomy, but their homework/tests/field trips/assemblies are all the same, so I don't lose my mind trying to keep up with them. He has never once minded being in the same grade as his brother, and our school actually encourages holding back for maturity situations, so it's not uncommon for a few kids in each grade to be holdbacks.

To be honest with you, I now wish I had held the younger brother back as well. He's quite precocious and energetic, and we have a lot of parent/teacher conferences over his 'behavior issues', which are really just 'wiggly immature boy' issues. He'll grow out of it...his oldest brother did...but if I had held him back he would still make great grades, but less would be expected of him, maturity-wise. It's too late now (he's going into third, he'd be bored out of his mind repeating second and probably get into more trouble), so it's a decision I now have to live with. Thank goodness for gifted/talented programs, we put our oldest son in that and it totally changed his outlook on school.

[Bean]

I think the single biggest problem with the schools etc. is that they want uniformity. The moment a child is not at the same milestones as all the others within the right timeframe, the school gets worried. I have a strong suspicion is because this would mean the child needs more attention and they don't want to give.

My eldest son has verbal diarrhoea and would rather have a conversation with an adult then with kids his own age - he tells me they just don't understand the things he wants to talk about. The youngest is completely the opposite, and has always been the silent observer. He also didn't talk much until he was around 3 and even today, I have to go and check where he is since he is happy to play quietly or read a book and never says much.

I wouldn't worry about it at all. As long as the child can communicate his needs/wants/frustrations etc. he should be allowed to develop in his own time. You have had him tested and they say he is fine, so try not to panic.

Slightly different issue - potty training. My dad always used to say that the child will learn. He would say "Have you ever seen a grown man/woman walking down the aisle at his/her wedding with a nappy on?" I think the same concept applies to just about all childhood milestones and children should be allowed to develop in their own time and in their own way. We are not machines, we are unique individuals.

[dshale]

Hi all,

My eldest son turned 3 a couple months back and he isn't really speaking yet. He has a bunch of words but for the most part he's not stringing them together.

We've done a bit of speech therapy with him and are always trying to reinforce words, etc, but none of it has really helped.

In Australia where we lived until he was 3, this wasn't seen as a huge issue and that it would likely resolve itself on time. Bit since we moved to Canada recently it seems like all the healthcare and school people we speak to are all in a flap about getting him a 'diagnosis'. Some have even suggested getting help from Autism organisations. (I've worked with autistic kids and he's definitely not got autism). And one on one preschool (ridiculous).

In Australia he was considered a normal kid. Here he's considered a concern.

I suppose my question is where does the truth lie? Should we be laid back or worried? How old were your kids when they started speaking in sentences?

We are in a very similar situation. My oldest advanced more quickly than my youngest. My family is concerned about him, but I am not so much. He turned three in March and wasn't talking as well as my oldest at that point. I make an extra effort with him with the alphabet and he is doing much better now. I think concentrating on more than one child makes it hard. I get the one busy with something and work with the other individually or get them both involved with the focus on the development in mind of one of them and let the other kinda play along. Sometimes my wife and I separate them for different things but they prefer to be doing the same thing. Try to find what works best and go with it. On a side note my youngest is more expressive with art and my oldest not so much so you might want to find what activity he shows interest in and get him talking about it.

[BarefootDawsy]

Thanks everyone for your input. We've pulled him from preschool for now and are basically just doing it ourselves now. Already his vocabulary seems to be improving too which is great. We're trying to find a better school for him for next term.

[bgvanbur]

My oldest son was put in speech therapy because he did not meet the 10 spoken words required at the age of 2 (he had around 5 and one of which was "cocktail sauce"). He had a year of speech therapy (1 hour a week and we obviously put more emphasis on working on it with him). After about a year and a half, his speech delay turned into being above average in speech. Now that he is 6 years old, he has a huge vocabulary and he is always talking (or put not so nicely, he never shuts up!).

I think being aware of the delay will help you focus on it more (talk more in front of him such as narrating what you are doing, talk more during playtime, etc).

[LessJos]

Just personal experience: My brother was like that. He didn't talk at all. I am not sure how old he was when he finally started (I can ask my mom) but it was so late they were worried about him. Anyways, his very first word was Mitsubishi and came out of the blue one afternoon walking in the neighbourhood! I remember that like it was yesterday. My mom and I were speechless! And as soon as he started, he was good to go. No typical baby babbel but whole sentences and all kinds of tricky words. And NON STOP! He still is like that btw ;-)

I guess he just figured that he gets what he wants and no need to waste time and effort with talking. Then he figured out he gets even more attention when he talks and that was the end of it!

[Emcognito]

My nephew was a late talker who was misdiagnosed with Autism around age 2 or 3. He's 11 now and a totally rad kid. (He learns in 'tsunamis' as well, pulls back right before he makes a huge leap forward.) My sister has a blog and pretty supportive group of late-talking parents that share their challenges if you're interested (http://writermotherwifeme.blogspot.com/). They've successfully navigated a lot of speed bumps in the last few years and it helped tremendously to have other parents to talk to.

Honestly, it seems like the hardest challenge for my sister and brother-in-law has been dealing with the school systems pushing for the "A-word" diagnosis so they could get extra help in an overcrowded classroom. He's in a great school now with great teachers and it made a huuuuuge difference, mostly on stress levels.

[Haikoo]

I would trust your gut. If you feel he's a "normal" kid and nothing seems to be wrong, I would wait it out. My daughter began talking in sentences during the 2-3 year (she was not exposed to English until she was 12 months old). My boys were more about 2 years old. They were pretty quick talkers. I think the big issue with the magic 3 year old number (at least here) is they are trying to catch kids while they are young, especially at-risk kids, so they end up doing better in school and hopefully in life. There are a lot of birth to 3 programs around here that offer help to kids who may be "behind." They have good intentions but it does sometimes feel like kids are being rushed into things before they are ready.

[IfItPlugsIn]

Slightly different issue - potty training. My dad always used to say that the child will learn. He would say "Have you ever seen a grown man/woman walking down the aisle at his/her wedding with a nappy on?" I think the same concept applies to just about all childhood milestones and children should be allowed to develop in their own time and in their own way. We are not machines, we are unique individuals.

I'm struggling with this with my 4 year old right now. That does put it in perspective a little. Not going to worry so much anymore.

[leadchipmunk]

I cannot comment on my kids, seeing as I'm lacking in the kid department. But I do know that I was a really early talker and reader. I could read the newspaper by preschool. My ex's daughter went from babble to words to full sentences within a year (I started dating her mom right after her first birthday and we broke up right before her second). So, once your son starts connecting the words, it may jump really quick into full sentences and nobody will be able to tell he was a "late bloomer".

I think the single biggest problem with the schools etc. is that they want uniformity. The moment a child is not at the same milestones as all the others within the right timeframe, the school gets worried. I have a strong suspicion is because this would mean the child needs more attention and they don't want to give.

...

I wouldn't worry about it at all. As long as the child can communicate his needs/wants/frustrations etc. he should be allowed to develop in his own time. You have had him tested and they say he is fine, so try not to panic.

That is what the school's problem with it is. They want uniformity and will handicap a child with a mental disorder so they can keep their uniformity. I'm not saying anything against people with actual Autism, but I do see a lot of "normal" kids being given Aspergers Syndrome or Autism when they don't deserve it. I have the same problem with AD(H)D diagnoses, among a few others.

Thanks everyone for your input. We've pulled him from preschool for now and are basically just doing it ourselves now. Already his vocabulary seems to be improving too which is great. We're trying to find a better school for him for next term.

That is probably the best choice for him. It is always better to take the individual time to work with your kid than have the school do it. The school has to keep a set plan and doesn't want to work at an individual's levels (whether advanced or behind the norm), which just leads to troubles for everyone that doesn't fit into the bell curve. Your one year of individual work can vastly improve his vocabulary and sentence structuring/word pairing to the point where he could skip preschool and be back with the same group of kids he was with, if you or he wishes it.

[Librarian of Doom]

Just to add my two cents worth, even though you've had lots of encouragement, research has shown that ON AVERAGE, boys' language skills, and the parts of their brain that handle language, develop slower than girls' do, again, ON AVERAGE. It sounds like you guys are doing all the right things, so I wouldn't worry unless other problems show up/develop.

As far as schools wanting uniformity, that is definitely a motivation at times. However, sometimes it is a real battle with kids who have real problems to get them the diagnosis to get the help they needs, when their parents insist, against all evidence, that nothing is wrong. I'm not saying that's what's going on here; obviously, Dawsy knows his kid and is working to get him what he needs. But some parents are so afraid of their kid being labeled that they shut them off from the help they actually need.

[BarefootDawsy]

I think if anything we've been erring on the side of caution and trying to be honest with ourselves and our appraisal if the situation. Even with this stance it seems unlikely that there's anything beyond a simple delay at play here.

Interesting when our son was part of a 10 kid group speech therapy session, all the other kids were boys too.

[steelhead]

All good parents are worrier's. Sounds to me that your kids is gonna be just fine. I have a son that has had many medical issues during his short life and one thing that makes me crazy in the Canadian school system is labels they try and place on our children.

Your kid is normal! Do not let these teachers or whoever try and diagnose a issue that doesn't exist...can ya tell this kind of thing pisses me off?

[Emcognito]

But some parents are so afraid of their kid being labeled that they shut them off from the help they actually need.

But this was the problem my sister ran into, so it (the extra pushiness) can be a double-edged sword. We even had early childhood educators in our own family that got outright sh*tty with her because she rejected the autism diagnosis. My nephew was a late-talker and diagnosed with MERLD when they finally found the right people (years later) who knew what was going on with him. The therapies for autism are counter-productive for kids with MERLD and set their development back (instead of helping them "catch up") so it was vital that they (my sister and BIL) trusted their gut and kept looking for answers.

You know your kid. Don't let other people shake your confidence in that even if they have a lot of letters after their name. If it's no big deal, then it will work itself out. If it isn't working itself out, keep researching until you find people who can put you on the right path with him.

Ima post this link as an "if you want to know" and step off my 'overly passionate aunt' soap-box. Best of luck to you! (But you won't need it. )