I have this co-worker... (sorta ranty)

[Minty Keen]

She's noticed I've lost 36lbs. I'm pretty sure she's notice the increase in my energy level... and the fact I don't live on coffee anymore. I'm also tons more happy than I used to be.

 

Any time we get on the topic of "oh what's for lunch" or "Hey you want a donut from the coffee shop, I'm stopping in" it turns into this.. weird situation.

 

Where I politely decline to things that don't fit my diet, and a sometimes tend to brag (and offer to share!) when I bring in a delicious meal... mostly because I'm so impressed that I can actually cook. I used to live on fast food/delivery. I'm still sort of shocked.

 

And it turns into... this thing where from her body language and tone of voice I feel as though I've offended her in some way, and she starts making excuses about why she still eats the way she does, and "I feel fine eating the way I do, and once I'm 40 I'll stop and start caring about my health".

 

Which is faulty logic, but I didn't mention that to her because she also gets annoyed with the nerdy part of me that needs to know... things. And to make sure what I "know" is correct based on demonstrable truth.

 

I don't want to offend her and of course never even wanted the conversation to go that direction in the first place.

 

I usually try to change the subject... or just walk away and pretend to work on something.

 

Anybody else have awkward moments like these?

 

Also it's not just the awkwardness of those moments that gets to me... but I find it's sort of. I dunno. I find her excuses are sad. Is that rude of me?

I just feel like to her, I'm a bitch for not accepting her excuses.. since that's all they are... but I'm not trying to be rude, and she's the one bringing all this stuff up in the first place.

And I don't want to lie and just say "Oh, that's a good idea." because it's not. It's a terrible idea.

 

And it's fine that she's not ready to make any big changes. To each their own. It took me years to finally take charge and actually work towards something positive, instead of accepting things as they were, and who cares if I feel like crap all the time and only ever want to sleep?

 

Jeez, I need more IRL friends that aren't also co-workers. She's not even a NERD. >.<

 

/end rant

 

Anyway, I guess I was just wondering... am I handling the situation alright or should I do something differently?

Or rather... am I doing anything wrong or is she just jealous and trying to justify herself by randomly ranting at me?

I'm just not sure what's going on here. I'm sort of intuitive but inadequate at communication. Especially in person.

[Barfly]

She knows she needs to take better care of herself , but she won't. Your doing so makes her feel guilty so she makes excuses. You won't change her mind, so let it be and just be a good example to her. 

 

Co workers tell me the same sort of thing, variations of "I'd never do that".  My reply (now) is: "I'm not asking you to." I've had to stop giving any kind of health/fitness advice just to preserve my sanity.

 

I also hear excuses like that all the time from my students: "I'll  behave next year", "I'll start studying when I get to High School", "I'll work hard when I get a job". etc. But, they're 13.

[Bubbette]

As my therapist says, you can only continue to model good behavior.  It sounds like that's what you're doing.  How she chooses to react is all her.  Any rudeness she displays is most likely her being stuck in her perception of the situation based on her emotions and feelings about herself. 

 

Keep up the good work!

[Urzie]

I don't think she'll act differently until she decides to take actions about her health herself. She is probably jealous and feeling guilty.. I too have co workers like that.. Saying: "hey, we got to die from something, right?" before they gobble down on sweets and fast food. I don't engage in conversations about food and health any more, simply because of peoples reactions, and I leave their comments on me not eating like them hanging. 

[FalseAesop]

I sympathize. Coworkers often ask me how I lost weight. I used to explain it. That I keep careful track of my diet, count my calories, followed a caloric budget based on my BMR, cut down on processed foods in general, run 3 times a week, do calisthenics three other days of the week...

They always would respond with either a reason they couldn't do it or tell me I'm doing it wrong. So I kinda stopped bothering. I think they wanted a sound byte or magic bullet not "eat right and exercise". So I try not to be rude but I've cut back to just that "eat right and exercise", smile, and try to change the subject as quickly as possible.

So yes you have my sympathy.

[Minty Keen]

"I'm not asking you to."

 

Haha, those exact words have come out of my mouth before as well, now that you mention it. With the same co-worker.

 

I sympathize. Coworkers often ask me how I lost weight. I used to explain it. That I keep careful track of my diet, count my calories, followed a caloric budget based on my BMR, cut down on processed foods in general, run 3 times a week, do calisthenics three other days of the week...

They always would respond with either a reason they couldn't do it or tell me I'm doing it wrong. So I kinda stopped bothering. I think they wanted a sound byte or magic bullet not "eat right and exercise". So I try not to be rude but I've cut back to just that "eat right and exercise", smile, and try to change the subject as quickly as possible.

So yes you have my sympathy.

 

Hehe. Yeah. My co-worker just thinks I'm insanely sick or something, I think (it's really backwards). I told her about all the foods I avoid once, and that some of it really does make me sick when I eat it (because of a real gluten sensitivity, or whatever).

I think she thinks I mostly eat the way I do and lost the weight because I had to. But that's not true at all, since before I started eating Primal, I was living on microwave dinners, pizza pockets, pogos and delivery. I felt horrid but it was cheap and easy so I didn't care.

 

It was my choice to change after getting fed up with feeling tired all the time. My doctor didn't tell me I had to or anything. I did all the research myself. I'm only making informed decisions, now. That's the only difference, really.

 

-shrug-

 

I guess y'all are right, I should just keep it short, simple, polite (basically what I've been doing most of the time).

 

Deflection. Hurray. :/

[Vintage]

Honestly I would never start or take part in any conversation about eating healthy or exercising. If someone offers you food, politely decline without mentioning anything about it being unhealthy or how you don't eat such-and-such. If you want to share food, do so without mentioning it's healthiness or whatnot. If they comment on yours, your only description needs to be what it is and that you're really happy with how it came out. If she complains, give some sort of a short answer that doesn't offer any argument or advice... "yeah, it can be hard" or "I've been in that place" and move on. 

[Rooks]

I've put my healthier life style in with the same part as religion.  If people want to sit down and have an honest, healthy conversation about it, I'm happy to share my stance and what I believe, but I've come to accept that more often than not, people can't have do it so they resort to the excuses policy or the "I've read some study that says Squats are the worst exercise you can do in Cosmo" policy, etc.  Hence why most of the time I give the advice "Here's my take, but by all means do your own research and think what you want to think."  

[I-Jo]

My coworkers are rude as shit about that stuff. My boss actually yelled at me for not wanting some of their pizza... They want to know if it's religious reasons or allergies. It's ridiculous.

I just tell them no I don't eat it. And if they give me shit I just tell them if I wanted to look like you is eat like you.

I'm not asking you to and I don't care what you eat... You're a grown ass woman... Man. Whatever. Eat what you want. If she gets offended. So be it.

Jo is rude as shit.

[wideeyed]

She knows she needs to take better care of herself , but she won't. Your doing so makes her feel guilty so she makes excuses. You won't change her mind, so let it be and just be a good example to her. 

 

Co workers tell me the same sort of thing, variations of "I'd never do that".  My reply (now) is: "I'm not asking you to." I've had to stop giving any kind of health/fitness advice just to preserve my sanity.

 

I also hear excuses like that all the time from my students: "I'll  behave next year", "I'll start studying when I get to High School", "I'll work hard when I get a job". etc. But, they're 13.

It really is easier to deal with bratty adolescents at work than it is to deal with my colleagues most days.  I EXPECT the kids to be brats, but not so much the grown ups

 

You're handling it fine.  Just disengage from discourse about food/exercise.  I'm sort of lucky.  My boss has health issues and is going pretty much vegan.  Another teacher is vegeterian.  Another is Paleo.  The other one doesn't give a shit  about any of it     Besides - I have the fibromyalgia as my excuse.  "Yeah.  Just want to be able to walk, thanks."  THEN we get into the rude conversations about how fibromyalgia isn't real...but that's a different rant for a different thread

[Acryllica]

I'm with Jo. I go all honeybadger on people when they have to get in my business. If she said to me she'd worry about it when she's 40 I'd bluntly point out "When you're diagnosed with cancer because your treated your body like shit for 40 years? Have fun." 

 

You don't have to apologize for anything you are doing to eat healthy and exercise and keep care of yourself. She's just looking for excuses, and I know because I was the same way once except I figured out that I shouldn't wait till I'm 40. If she says she feels bad or anything or tries to make excuses I'd be more like "Don't explain it to me, explain it to yourself. I'm not telling you to eat it or not to eat it, you're telling yourself." That's how I figure my shit out, I talk it out internally. I know better. I don't always initiate actions right away but I know better and I know she does too.

[Jetikus]

My coworkers are rude as shit about that stuff. My boss actually yelled at me for not wanting some of their pizza... They want to know if it's religious reasons or allergies. It's ridiculous.

I just tell them no I don't eat it. And if they give me shit I just tell them if I wanted to look like you is eat like you.

I'm not asking you to and I don't care what you eat... You're a grown ass woman... Man. Whatever. Eat what you want. If she gets offended. So be it.

Jo is rude as shit.

Anyone tell you that you're awesome today? Cuz your bluntness is hilarious.

I have a cousin who tends to act like an ass about this kind of stuff. "Food is not your enemy" "Put a shirt on (when I post transformation pics)" "I feel great and I'm fat, so being buff isn't everything" etc. I don't say anything just because he's my cousin and it really is minor, annoying comments he makes here and there.

Maybe next time I should tell him he's burning calories by talking and should shut up and drink a mountain dew to make up for it. Lol

[Minty Keen]

My coworkers are rude as shit about that stuff. My boss actually yelled at me for not wanting some of their pizza... They want to know if it's religious reasons or allergies. It's ridiculous.

I just tell them no I don't eat it. And if they give me shit I just tell them if I wanted to look like you is eat like you.

I'm not asking you to and I don't care what you eat... You're a grown ass woman... Man. Whatever. Eat what you want. If she gets offended. So be it.

Jo is rude as shit.

And so far you've yet to disappoint me with a post.

[I-Jo]

Anyone tell you that you're awesome today? Cuz your bluntness is hilarious.

I have a cousin who tends to act like an ass about this kind of stuff. "Food is not your enemy" "Put a shirt on (when I post transformation pics)" "I feel great and I'm fat, so being buff isn't everything" etc. I don't say anything just because he's my cousin and it really is minor, annoying comments he makes here and there.

Maybe next time I should tell him he's burning calories by talking and should shut up and drink a mountain dew to make up for it. Lol

LOL thank you.  I dunno- I just don't have time for people who are rude.  really it's NONE of your business what I want to put in my mouth. I LOVE talking to people about food/diet/working out- but on an intellectual level- not the "oh why did you do this shit" or "why aren't you eating that"  X, Y, Z.  So yeah... nope- if I want to look like you- I'd eat like you.

I do have the advantage I'm not trying to lose weight and I'm already pretty fit so right now- all my dietary changes support some goal or another.  So it's much easier for me to say that and I'm super sarcastic so it's again- jsut easy- but I feel like if I was really trying to loose weight... it's still MY business.   One of the girls likes to complain about how she never has time to eat well- and gives meshit about not eating things- one night she was like that's right you're trying to lose weight.  ten minutes later- in front of everyone in the conference room of all our peers- I turned down her chocolate- she goes- that's right you're trying to be a size zero.

 

I fucking flipped out- well as much as I can flip at work. I was like- WAIT.  HOLD UP.  I don't know where you get this impression that I am trying to "lose weight- or be a size zero"  seriously?  I'm eating upwards of 2500 calories a day to bulk- don't project your body issues on me.  I know what I want and I know how to get there- if you are having issues with food- that's your business but do not under any circumstances assume or project YOUR body issues onto me and assume what it is that I'm trying to accomplish with my body.   It got really awkward really fast- but don't put me in that place- I will speak up for myself.   

 

As for your cousin- that's also rude as shit

"food is not your enemy"  > "clearly it's yours- because it's obviously doing you no favors. 

"Put a shirt on"... I'd probably honestly tell him to get fucked- but that's not okay among family.  that's one of those "didn't your mamma teach you if you didn't have anything nice to say- don't say anything at all?" moments

" "I feel great and I'm fat, so being buff isn't everything" etc."  >>"whatever helps you sleep at night buddy"

 

 

 

And so far you've yet to disappoint me with a post.

excellent.  LOL- it's worse in real life.  I'm shameless and wildly outspoken.

[Barfly]

 "I've read some study that says Squats are the worst exercise you can do in Cosmo"

My response to something like this is (usually) "Baaaaa baaaaaa"

[BreadMage]

Is this what I have to look forward to in the civilian world? I won't be forced to be nice to people who say/ask stupid things will I?

 

I try to spend as little time possible with people that question my lifestyle (any part of it) in that "you must be crazy" fashion. I understand you have to spend time/work with some people but my solution is to minimize that time and maximize time spent with like minded individuals. The last thing I need/want in my life is someone bringing me down when I'm sitting at lunch eating my delicious homecooked meal.

[I-Jo]

LMFAO.  

 

Soway back when we had an after hours meeting and they ordered pizza- I declined (I had steak and veggies) and my big boss actually YELLED at me for not eating with everyone- several months ago- I just found out THIS MORNING... that shit trickled down.

 

My immediate boss heard about it... like big boss complained to him is what that meant.

 

SERIOUSLY people- get the fuck over yourselves.  I still have no shame.  I don't want your damn pizza you fat asses.

[5C0T]

I've got a couple of great friends. When I told them that I was "eating more paleo." They said, "we had some acquaintances in California who were Paleo -- those Paleo people are nuts."  And they looked at me trying to see if there were any outward signs of insanity.

 

I said, "cutting back on foods that make me feel bloated and make my blood sugar levels go wonky" (This I directed to the friend with Type II diabetes) "isn't a bad thing.  It's just a choice I'm trying out for myself."

 

We can support people in their good decisions, but we don't need to shoulder everyone's burden.

[Tangeu]

I used to work with this lady who was a 'health nut' so to speak.  Where she saw herself as "enthusiastic" or "loving to share" her new diets, workout routines, etc. everyone else saw her as elitist and condescending (look at how much better I am than you!).  Her idea of a polite decline was a lecture, and even once flipping out and throwing away a cake that the boss brought in for the 15th anniversary of the company (for our own good).

 

This doesn't sound like your case but I can see how thin the line between enthusiastic and condescending is, and sometimes it's a matter of perspective.  My guess is that she picked up a (wrong) signal once and that's now her default assumption of your tone.