How to you know when you're ready for something?

[EchoWolf]

Some of you know I suffer from agoraphobia and social anxiety, I've been getting better and leaving the house but its still not easy. But tomorrow I have an interview for college (which I didn't think I'd get) I have the grades etc but they want me to convince them I'm well enough to go.. And I don't honestly know if I am.

I want this.. But if I go for a month and aren't ready, then wind up dropping out I might get worse or wind up back where I started, that's if I can go at all. The work will be hard and there will be lots of assignments and what if I can't cope and break down? I don't want to give another year of my life to this illness but even my family seem to think I'm not ready. And proving them right would be pretty heartbreaking. Another worry is if I dropped out this year the college might not want me to reapply next year, I'd miss my chance. Have I gotten ahead of myself by trying to jump into something too fast? Should I jump anyway? I wanna say "fuck it, lets do this" but I'm not sure that I'm being sensible anymore. Seriously the look of concern and fear on my mums face could kill a panda. But I don't want to waste anymore of my life.

Any thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

[Evicious]

How Comfortable Are You With This? Your Success Depends On It

 

Great article Steve wrote a few weeks back, and I think it may help you on your decision.

[EchoWolf]

Great article but not sure how do apply it to my situation.. On the one hand your supposed to slowly build up the difficulty (and level) instead of jumping straight in.. On the other hand it says to seek out a challenge with the "scared of travelling? Book a ticket" attitude. So still lost. Thanks though

[Veralis]

If you decide that you are going to go, get involved with the mental health services on campus.  Join group therapy.  I did.  It will help you to know that other people are going through the same or similar things and their insight is often really helpful.  Being proactive about it will also help ease the worries your parents have as well as being upfront about it with the recruiters will help allay their concerns about you staying in the program.  They've seen hundreds of students with your same issues, and if you go to them saying, "I know I have some hurdles, but this is my game plan and I'm willing to work to be successful" will show them that you can make it through.

 

I battled some major depression in grad school and cried in every meeting with my advisors - it is not new to them.  Professors routinely see students losing their shit.  They care though, and want to see you be successful, but they need to see you working towards that end.  Perfection doesn't count. Effort is what counts.

 

You can't just go to college without a game plan, especially in your situation.  Make a game plan.  Reevaluate it each month, b/c you know what, things are never as you expect them to be.  Be honest with yourself about how things are working and if you come up at the end of the month and you say to yourself "I failed, I just wasn't trying hard enough, I'll try the same thing again, but I'll just try harder" you will FAIL again.  You need to change something b/c that arrangement just didn't work, it was not something you could do. Try an easier step, or attack it from a different angle.  This is where the Group could really help out.  

[Gobnait]

Are you able to go half-time at a local commuter college?  Basically pick up a math or english credit and then go to the big scary place in the spring.

[Veralis]

I also didn't see how that article related straight off, but I did get one thing from it

 

 

slowly build up the difficulty (and level) 

 

Figure out something you can do.  Make it a habit, then find something just a tiny bit more challenging.

 

Walk to the mailbox every day - guess what you just got out of the house! VICTORY!

Go to the grocery store to buy some of those veggies you should be eating every day or every other day, let yourself use the self checkers. less scary than having to talk to a cashier right? You are in the same place as other PEOPLE! WIN!

Next level? - Start going in the cashier line.  You said "Here's my bonus card". - you talked to a person and the world didn't end! w00t!

 

gradually take more and bigger steps, up the difficulty when something gets to be routine.

[EchoWolf]

Are you able to go half-time at a local commuter college?  Basically pick up a math or english credit and then go to the big scary place in the spring.

I'm in the uk, doesn't really work like that here, the course starts once a year in September and you have to be on it when it starts (or start very shortly after) so if I don't go this year ill have to wait until next September to reapply and get on the course.

(Veralis) This is my concern with the levelling up aswell as I've already made some great progress but I'd have to skip a couple of steps (a risk) for this, Or keep working at the same pace and be ready to start a course at the beginning of the new year but will have to wait until September making me feel like I've essentially wasted another year of my life. Plus I'm worried having another year of basically doing nothing/not being able to get on the path I want may cause me to become lazy and procrastinate/backtrack.

[Veralis]

You are 19, you are not missing that much of your life, a ton of people don't get a degree until they are 25 (and many of those spend all 7 years since HS paying tuition and spinning their wheels while paying out the ass for it).  I'd probably skip this year and get yourself in a good place first.  You have a goal to work for.  In the mean time I'd try to get a job.  If you have never had a job this is very important, or else you will go to college, get a degree and then not be able to get any kind of job because you have absolutely no experience.  Even if your job has nothing to do with your ultimate career choice, having that exp on your resume shows your future employer that you have experience in showing up to a job on time and following through and working with people and all.  Seriously it's important. I have a friend in this situation (who also has social anxiety). Get a job as part of working towards going to college. You'll get experience, and be able to save some much needed money for college expenses.

 

But ultimately it is your choice.

but seriously, you are not behind on the game.

[EchoWolf]

Might be worth pointing out that college in England is NOT university, college is the bit between high school and uni. We finish high school at age 16 and then go to college until we're 18 approx (to get a levels/equivalent) and then uni at 18 and up. So I'm technically 3 years behind, and the older I get the more concerned I am that i will be walking through the college halls at 20 surrounded by 16 year olds... I want to be able to go to uni but I can't go to uni until I've done this college course. All my school friends have been at uni for a while now and I still don't even have a college education. This is the basis for me feeling behind. Yes I could be further behind, but the years I've spent trapped in the house have essentially been a complete waste of life for me. And the more time wasted the more disheartened I get and the more I dwell on it.

[Veralis]

People in the US say the same thing about wasting their life and being stuck with people many years younger it really isn't very much different.  Is college or university required to get a job? And there are likely several different way to accomplish the same thing, I'd investigate that some more - Online courses?  You are not the first person in this situation, guaranteed.  So there are some people out ther who have found or created other routes.  

 

You are not all of those other people. You are you and your path might be "the one less traveled by".  So stop worrying about them and worry about being better than you were yesterday.  You are fighting against yourself, not other people.  And with mental health concerns, you really are fighting yourself for yourself.  And if you are working on that and making progress, then you are not just sitting on your butt doing nothing, you are gearing up for the battle.  It would be foolish to go fight the bugbear without being the appropriate rank/level, so you have to spend some time knocking goblins heads together so you can get some EXP points and level up so you can go attack the bugbear.

 

 

Have you had a job before?

[EchoWolf]

People in the US say the same thing about wasting their life and being stuck with people many years younger it really isn't very much different.  Is college or university required to get a job? And there are likely several different way to accomplish the same thing, I'd investigate that some more - Online courses?  You are not the first person in this situation, guaranteed.  So there are some people out ther who have found or created other routes.  

 

You are not all of those other people. You are you and your path might be "the one less traveled by".  So stop worrying about them and worry about being better than you were yesterday.  You are fighting against yourself, not other people.  And with mental health concerns, you really are fighting yourself for yourself.  And if you are working on that and making progress, then you are not just sitting on your butt doing nothing, you are gearing up for the battle.  It would be foolish to go fight the bugbear without being the appropriate rank/level, so you have to spend some time knocking goblins heads together so you can get some EXP points and level up so you can go attack the bugbear.

 

 

Have you had a job before?

That's some great advice thank you, gave it to me straight right now I'm thinking about going to the interview tomorrow just to see what they have to say and what they recommend is best and will then decide.

In terms of other routes I want a career in wildlife biology, as its science based there isn't another route (that I can find) that allows you to work without a degree.

I had a small job back when I was in high school and some work experience working at some stables but other than that nothing really.

[Veralis]

Even those small jobs are great to have under your belt. Seriously that is SOMETHING!  Good work!

 

Because if you can hold down a normal easy peasy job, university won't help you.  I meant other routes to get the degree, not other routes that don't involve a degree.  Talk to other people who had to take alternative measures.  I did and found out that there is a whole series of books called CLEP in which you just read the book and take the test and you get college/university credit. Or online classes.  I mean this stuff exists for regular old High School stuff too, just that most people don't know about it.  These are all USA resources, but I'd bet there are equivalent things in the UK.

 

Good luck on your interview tomorrow.  Ask about what options they have to offer.  These places advertise one straight and narrow path, but there is usually a TON of other ways to get through.  Remember, you are interviewing them as well as them interviewing you.

[Gobnait]

Is there a matching process that might give you a roommate who is "good for you?"

 

I went away to college and its affect on my isolation was neutral if not enhanced.  I went to classes and had better bike paths to explore and be aloof of everyone.  I'm not sure if you'd be in more crowded housing.

 

I'm assuming that you can be agoraphobic, save for attending classes, and just shut yourself away as long as you do your homework.

[EchoWolf]

We don't usually live in housing for college in the uk, unless you're from abroad we generally live at home and travel in (just like high school except we don't have to wear uniforms anymore)

And thanks Veralis, I will grill the info out of them

[MissMormie]

Is there a home study alternative available? What do working people trying to get there levels do?

I would love to recommend you to go out and try college, but it really depends on where you are mentally. Consider this however: Will you feel worse for trying something and maybe failing or just never trying at all?

Something you might want to consider is a middle ground solution. Suppose that doing college fulltime really is too much for you at the moment (or you're afraid you'll fall back due to the stress). Discuss if you can do less classes, or do one or two courses through self study. It sounds like going to class and having interaction with other students would be really good practice for you. Even if it takes you a year longer this way it'll give you the best chance to get slowly back into normal life.

Best of luck!

[Huntress]

Might be worth pointing out that college in England is NOT university, college is the bit between high school and uni. We finish high school at age 16 and then go to college until we're 18 approx (to get a levels/equivalent) and then uni at 18 and up. So I'm technically 3 years behind, and the older I get the more concerned I am that i will be walking through the college halls at 20 surrounded by 16 year olds... I want to be able to go to uni but I can't go to uni until I've done this college course. All my school friends have been at uni for a while now and I still don't even have a college education. This is the basis for me feeling behind. Yes I could be further behind, but the years I've spent trapped in the house have essentially been a complete waste of life for me. And the more time wasted the more disheartened I get and the more I dwell on it.

 

Honestly don't worry about this. There are so many mature age university students and they go on to do wonderful things. I know that it's impossible not to compare - I do it too - but you're running your own race and you are still young with so many opportunities ahead of you. And I know it feels like the years have been wasted because you see all the things your illness has kept you from but at the same time one day when this is all far far behind you you're gonna look back and see lessons learned and insights gained that others don't have because they don't have the experience of agoraphobia and social anxiety. 

When I was younger I developed serious anxiety and depression during my university years and nearly dropped out as a result. In the end I made it through but it was such a struggle and I didn't get to savour the experience the way I would have liked to because my energies were so wrapped up in not letting the anxiety defeat my academic progress. I'd take the time to look after yourself and make sure you don't just jump in all at once. It sounds like it's time for you to extend yourself a little bit though, so is there anything else you could do that would help you achieve that?

 

That said anxiety and agoraphobia are disabilities and you are entitled to expect your college will make adjustments for you that will enable you to complete study, same as any other student with a visible disability like being in a wheelchair. You don't *have* to be 'cured' of your illness to go back, although jumping straight into full-time study with no extra support from the college may be a bit much for you. Feel free to ask them about their disability support policies and what sort of adjustments they could make to help you complete your studies. If they're a bunch of d-bags who don't care about supporting students with disabilities and sadly there are plenty out there, consider other options where there is more support for you. 

[Veralis]

How did the interview go?

[Random Forum Guy]

Is there a university counseling service that could work with you on your anxiety? 

[Zorch]

The most critical thing for you when you attend college, will be to have a support network in place.  I can say from my personal experience struggling with depression and anxiety during my undergraduate years, that the thing I needed(and didn't have) was a group of friends/support network that could pick me up when I was struggling.

 

If you want to go to college, I'd make sure in advance that you can set up a support plan with campus health/welness services.  Someone on the other end who will be proactive and pick you up when you need it.  I think if you have this in place, you can succeed - but it would be risky to proceed without it.

 

Oh, and I'm a 31-year-old doing graduate school now.  Going to class with students 9 years younger than you is odd at first, but you get used to it. 

[EchoWolf]

Thanks for all your responses

So I went to the interview and had a chat, Apparently I can't learn from home as the course requires 100% attendance, and the learning support department didn't feel I was ready to go back to college full time. So we came to the agreement that I wouldn't do the course i want to do this year. However she gave me the option of coming in part time to retake my high school maths in order to get a better grade, so I said yes and had to go and do two entry exams, one English and one maths. Unfortunately I didn't do very well in the maths (no shit that's why I need to retake it lol) so they invited me back yesterday to take another maths exam, but I didn't do well in that either so they couldn't instantly accept me into college, instead they had to pass it to the maths teacher and ask him if he's willing to let me retake my maths there. So now I'm just waiting for the phone call and I'm pretty convinced that I'm not going to be able to learn the maths I missed in high school and retake a maths exam... Because I'm bad at maths.... (Seriously wtf)

Lol not feeling great but if I wind up not getting in then this year will be me focusing on getting healthy and fit and finding some friends I guess.

Thanks for all the intelligent advice, you definitely helped me realise it isn't a bad thing if I'm not ready for my science course yet, and that I have time!

[Gobnait]

Is there a such thing as being able to sit in classes without officially taking the course for credit?

 

Basically, you go to math, try to learn something, and acclimate yourself to the environment.

[Minty Keen]

My more recently acquired attitude is that I will never really KNOW whether or not I'm ready. So I just tell myself I am (if it's unclear). It hasn't turned out terrible yet (although I can think of a million situations where it probably could be terrible).