From a Child of the Kindly West

[Shakespeare]

Well, I suppose I ought to introduce myself and tell you a little about me. I'm a writer, primarily, and do a fair amount of theatre stuff as well. I suppose that makes me a writer/bard. Currently, I'm working as a stage manager for a group of playwrights (which is something like herding cats if cats could talk and make rude comments). I'm also looking into graduate schools since I just graduated from college last May. I'm taking a gap year to write and generally get my life together.

 

But that's scarcely enough information for a good story. You're going to need some background. If you want to skip the backstory, much like you'd skip the introduction to a novel (a crime I certainly am guilty of more often than not), I'd suggest skimming down and looking for the words "hero journey."

 

I am currently 220 lbs and 5"1'. I've already done one weight loss journey. When I was a sophomore in high school, I was 200 lbs and I started doing Weight Watchers. By the end of my freshman year of college, I was 130 lbs. Then I started traveling for school. A small stipend to live on and peer pressure helped me gain 20 of those pounds back. Another trip helped me gain another 20. And another. Lastly, emotional abuse on the part of my professors helped me gain the last 30. That and being in a very high pressure environment led me to try to commit suicide last November.

 

Which brings me to my next bit of background information. I have an anxiety/depression disorder. I've been in and out of therapy for the past 12 years. Currently, I'm in a borderline personality disorder behavioral therapy group, which is odd since I'm not actually borderline. If anything, I'm avoidant. However, certain parties were insistent that I go to behavioral therapy and the borderline group was the closest we could get. 

 

Now I know what you're thinking. Behavioral therapy? Does that mean you kill people and do drugs and your parents are desperately trying to reform you? The answer is no. I am, and always have been, that kid that you take home to your parents to show them that you do, in fact, have nice, authority respecting friends who brush their teeth and do their homework. The behavioral therapy is largely to keep me from hurting myself. I'm the kind of person who would rather take a bullet themselves than see someone else get hurt. In fact, that's how a lot of people in my behavioral therapy group are. 

 

Now you know, behavioral therapy does not mean psychopath.

 

So, now that you've heard my depressing back story, let's talk about what I'm trying to do to change things. 

 

I see this as a hero's journey. More specifically, I relate this to the Hobbit. I'm hobbit-like in nature (short, fat, peace loving, fond of good waistcoats) and I know that nature isn't really going to change. I don't want it to. I'm happy being a hobbit. What I want to do is become more Tookish, more like Bilbo once he's on his adventure than when he's at home in his hobbit hole. I figure that means slimming down, becoming more agile, learning to be brave in the face of dragons, and learning to be quick on my feet (both mentally and physically). I'm not trying to become a ranger or a warrior. Leave that business to Strider or Gandalf. I'm trying to become a useful hobbit. One you'd invite on adventures because you know they're going to be helpful in a pinch. One that can help save everyone's lives by being quick enough to start an argument among the ogres about how to cook dwarf properly.* One that can be as silent as night when the occasion calls for it and can also speak her mind when that's called for as well. A good, solid, comfortable, useful hobbit.

 

And to complete this introduction, I'd like to share two quotes that I think is inspiring for this journey:

 

"There is a lot more to him than you guess, and a deal more than he has any idea himself." --Gandalf; the Hobbit

 

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West. Some courage and some wisdom blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." --Thorin; the Hobbit

 

*Yes, I know this is just in the movie, but I found it very inspiring so I'm using it.

 

(Also, I'm not trying to insult the ranger or warrior guilds. I just don't think being a "tank" is really possible for someone like me and I don't see myself going on the Paleo diet and trying to be a master of all physical things.)

[Jakkals]

Very nice introduction, I wish you good luck on your journey.

[Gobnait]

I like the concept of the useful hobbit.  Have you ever watched Dragonheart? That monk was still a poet to the core.

 

Some of us weren't meant to devote our lives to the adventure, just to be ready when it does call.

[Jay87]

Hi there!

 

Ah - a writer! Glad you're here and this is so interesting. The useful hobbit concept actually makes a lot of sense and I think a lot of people on NF aren't actually interested in becoming a tank or getting Arnold Schwarzenegger's arms etc. You're in the right place! These guys want to be able to do stuff. The focus is on strength and agility, not aesthetics. If you read some of the personal goals floating around here, there's plenty about e.g. moving onto knee push ups rather than wall push ups and being able to cycle further or run further, or even just walk further. I think there's a good healthy dose of 'I want to live my life better by being stronger' round here rather than 'dammit why can't I get rid of these last 10lbs?'

 

My heart goes out to you if you've had a bit of a rough time lately - particularly the incident last November. Will you msg me personally if you're ever in need of any 1:1 support? 

 

Very best and let us know how you get on.

 

PS. There's a post on one of the NF forums called 'One does not simply walk into Mordor...' I think that might be right up your alley if you've not seen it yet...